3 Sides to a Circle (16 page)

Without thinking, I wrap my leg more tightly around him and pull
him on top of me as I roll onto my back.

What am I doing?

“I’m sorry.” I’m not breathing right. “I’ve never… I mean, I’m never not in control, or feeling like I need…”

“But you’ve had sex before?”
His breath hits my ear as he places kisses across my jawline.

“Yeah, but it wasn’t
so intense…”
that it took my self-control
.

“It should have been. Yo
u should be dizzy with need before you have sex.” He’s breathless but manages to chuckle before he kisses me again.

“M
aybe blood doesn’t rush to that part of my anatomy like it does to yours,” I tease as I nip his lip again.

“Then someone wasn’t touching you right.” His breath and his words
fly through me, and I lean in for another kiss, never wanting to come up for air.

His hand slides down my stomach and between my legs
. Every touch rockets through me and I’m biting my lip to make sure I don’t whimper or do something equally embarrassing when a loud banging echoes through his apartment.

We both freeze, and now my heart’s pounding for a completely different reason.
They wouldn’t come here… Would they?

He slides his hands around my back, and I arch up to make sure we stay pressed together
really wishing we hadn’t just been interrupted. “Let’s ignore it,” I say.

“
Agreed.” Sawyer smirks and covers my mouth with his, slowing sliding his hands lower on my waist and starting down over the top of my jeans again, making my body ache with anticipation. The banging echoes through his apartment again, and I know it’s Libby’s fist. No one else could knock with that kind of determination.

“It’s Libby. I’m sure.” I
roll to my side and sigh. Does she have any idea what she’s doing? Sawyer leans back so I can stand, but I rest my arm across my eyes. I can’t look at him. I’m once again torn between wanting to continue what we’re doing and knowing it’s too soon for where we were just headed. But now I’m frustrated enough that I’m feeling a little bad for how Toby’s tortured once in a while over being friends with two girls.

I stay still for too long.
Sawyer doesn’t speak, just stands up and steps across the room to jerk open the front door.

Libby stands with a huge grin and Toby’s behind her, hands stuffed in his pocket
s, and his knit hat pulled low on his head.

“We’re here for Honor, who promised she’d
come home. Because we need to plan a few things. We have a date with golf carts.” Libby’s whole body moves as she speaks, her face light and bright, and even Toby’s smiling a little, which surprises me. I figured with his first trip off campus that he’d be freaking out.

“It’s freezing,”
Sawyer says. He hasn’t invited them in, but his door’s open wide.

“You ready?” Libby asks me.
“If Sawyer’ll let you go?”

I cringe
at her pointed statement but Sawyer keeps silent, pressing his lips together in what I’m sure is annoyance.

Even though I promised
I’d go with them and Sawyer knows this, I can see his face fall, and I know again that banging on the door of someone’s house and half-dragging their guest out is probably a little strange. I wish there was a way to make him understand Libby.

Sawyer
gives me this odd look that I can’t read, and I don’t know whether to assure him about Toby or Libby, or if he wants an invite.

I know he can’t come because it would be horrible and awkward, and Libby would make sure it would be that way and then all of his concerns about how crazy she is, and about how Toby and I just follow her
would be confirmed, and I don’t want…

I don’t want
Sawyer angry and I don’t want Libby angry and I don’t want Toby to have to deal with a broken Libby if I don’t go, and it’s all too much to talk about or to explain.

“I
need to go.” My eyes search Sawyer’s face for some understanding. “We can finish next time?”

He nods but backs
a few steps away from the door, and I follow. Libby is miraculously silent, and all I can think is that Toby’s a miracle worker.

“I do not want to be the guy who doesn’t want you to go out with your friends, but I just don’t have a good feeling about this. I’m all for the next fun prank, but this could
be really bad, Honor,” he whispers. “There’s nowhere you can rent a golf cart at this time of year. I just… I don’t want you in trouble. I don’t want for it to go wrong.”

“It won’t.” I shake my head. “Not for Libby.”

“Okay, then.” He kisses my forehead, and a million parts of me knows he’s still waiting for an invite that I can’t give. “Be safe.”

The second we’re in Toby’s
old Honda, Libby starts in. “So, I’m not even going to give you a hard time about how you were practically waiting for permission back there, and—”

“Libby, cut it out.” Toby chuckles a little, maybe to see
m less harsh, but I shoot him a smile of gratitude. “Anyway, tonight is just our planning night. Not the actual deed.”

“Keep your panties on!” She cackles as she turns up the
volume on her music. “I made a playlist starting with
American Pie
because even if you don’t know the words, the chorus repeats so many times, we can all sing along!” This is Libby at her best. Smiling, and anticipating, and having a plan. I’m starting to relax into the craziness of her, and I’m glad to have another night to maybe talk her out of her scheme. I mean, I’m supposed to have balance so as much as I hated leaving Sawyer, it’s probably best because I’m not sure how much longer my clothes would have stayed on and really, I barely know him.

By the third chorus, there’s nothing left in her car but
three friends screaming an old song at the top of our lungs, and I’m having so much fun that I’ve almost forgotten what we’re planning to do tomorrow night.

Toby

Libby makes fondue in the room for dinner. She’s buzzing with so much energy, it’s hard to keep track of her. Talking a mile a minute about how epic the golf course run is going to be. Honor is nervous and checks her phone too many times
, and I’m wondering why she doesn’t just bow out of this evening “planning” session and go back to Sawyer.

Her face when he opened the door glowed so much it almost took my breath away. Whatever she may feel about me, I don’t make her look like that. And I’m strangely okay with it because there’s always been a side of me that realized that Honor was out of my league. That she’s biding her time with us until she goes off to be great. Libby is the Falstaff to her Henry
IV. And I’m apparently one of the unnamed sidekicks.

But when we’re in a room with
Libby and she’s like this, it’s hard to see us any other way than what we are. Like the sheer force of Libby fuses us together, even though it’s obvious that Honor won’t be on this ship for much longer.

I pull Libby next to me and take the chopping knife out of her hands. She’s moving around too fast for this to be safe.

“You work on melting the chocolate,” I tell her and Honor flashes me a look of gratitude.

“So did you fuck him then?” Libby says, dropping chunks of chocolate into the electric fondue maker.

Honor blushes. “What? No. No.”

Libby laughs. “You didn’t? Oh my God, that’s so cute. Are you saving yourself for the wedding?”

“Libby…” Honor starts as her face falls, but Libby holds up a hand.

“Do not get involved with this guy without fucking hi
m first. Seriously. What if he’s terrible in bed? You don’t want to have wasted all this energy on someone who isn’t going to deliver.” Libby’s eyes are darting all over the room, like she can’t focus on anything, and I start to wonder if she’s on something.

Honor looks down, but I see a small smile creep on her face as she says, “I’m pretty sure he can deliver.”

Libby jumps around and drops a piece of chocolate on the floor. She picks it up and pops it in her mouth like it isn’t a big deal. Honor registers shock for a second, but it doesn’t last. It’s Libby.

“So you didn’t fuck him, but you’ve been with him enough to see his boy parts and maybe have an orgasm? Outstanding. It’s been too long since I’ve had the big O. I mean, no offense, Toby, but you are seriously crimping my style on that front.”

I blink. “Oh. Did you have someone…?” My heart has left my chest and is now on the floor in front of me. Honor’s glow didn’t feel anything like this. And I’m not sure what to make of that, just that I hate the idea of Libby with someone else. Not that I actually can wrap my head around the idea of Libby with me either.

Libby giggles and climbs on top of me. She’s literally straddling my lap as if she’s about to kiss me, but she’s also so wiggly that I know she isn’t. “Don’t look so crestfallen, T. I’m not talking about messing around with someone else. I’m talking about my pocket rocket.”

I shake my head. “Do I want to know?”

She bounces up and it’s like her legs weren’t just pressed around mine. Like she isn’t affected by touch at all. She digs through the giant box in the corner with the words “LIBBY’S STUFF” written on the side. Her head goes so far into the box that I feel like she could disappear.

“Jesus. It’s obviously been forever since I used this. I can’t even fucking find it,” she mumbles. “Aha!”

She emerges with a small vibrator in her hand. All the blood rushes to my face. This is so much worse than the thong.

“Behold the pocket rocket!”

Honor flies across the room and grabs it, tossing it back into the box. “Libby. What the hell? Seriously, do you have no sense of privacy at all?”

Libby grins. “Obviously I do. That’s why I haven’t been able to get off since Toby moved in with us. Now, if he’d agree to a little mutual masturbation session, I could probably get on board with that. I’ve never tried that before.” She waggles her eyebrows.

I’ve seriously dropped into
The Twilight Zone
. I am speechless. In the space of three minutes, my best friend has shown me her vibrator and suggested a mutual masturbation session.

Honor is shaking her head. “Libby. He’s from
a small town. Seriously. You need to stop flustering him.”

Libby claps her hands. “Ha. You mean flustering you? You’re as red as he is. And honestly, you both need to get out of your comfort zones more. I mean
, really.”

I finally find my voice. “I’m out of my comfort zone. I’m living with two girls. I’m going to college out of state.”

Libby howls. “Oh Toby. Going to college out of state? Really? That’s the best you’ve got? People do that
all the time
. And you’ve barely left the room since you got out of the hospital. You’re hardly pushing boundaries here. Even for Nebraska. And add to that, you’re a fricking business major. If that’s not firmly in your comfort zone, I don’t know what is.”

I open my mouth, but then snap it shut. The energy in the room has changed again.
So fast. I feel like I’ve just been smacked upside the head.

Honor comes over to sit next to me. She rests her head on my shoulder and the comfort of it helps me breathe again. She shakes her head at Libby. “Not everyone has to take up all the space in the room to be outside of their comfort zone.”

Libby crosses her arms and glares daggers at us. “You all have no fucking idea.” Then she stomps out of the room, leaving a large clump of chocolate burning in the fondue pot.

Honor

My whole body is tense
and still and in shock. I wrap my arms around Toby from the side because she gut him in the worst possible way.

“I think you’re so brave, Toby. I would have gone home.”

He gives me a peck on the head. “Thanks.” Only his words are so low and mumbled that I feel like I need to do something else.

“I just…” My teeth are clenched
in anger at what Libby just did to our friend. “I love her, but I…just…”

Toby’s hand touches my arm. “I know.
It’s fine, Honor. Really.”

I want to tell him that Libby loves him in her own way, but after her words tonight, I don’t know what to think. This isn’t the Libby we love. This is… I’m not sure what.

“And her…” I gesture in front of me, but I can’t even say the words. “Her
thing
. Rocket. Who talks about stuff like that? No wonder Sawyer is freaked out about her. I can hardly blame him. I’m freaked out about her half the time.”

“And the other half?” Toby asks quietly.

“I’m…I’m different after knowing her, and in a good way. I really like Sawyer. Like,
really
like him. And I don’t know if I would have had the courage to move forward with him without her.” As I tell Toby this, I know it’s okay that I’m talking about my painter because Toby and I are friends. Nothing more. It’s not there, and that’s such a good thing and a wonderful relief that there’s really no weirdness between us. “And my mom. I swear Libby checks over all my emails, and it’s like my mom’s leaving me alone for the first time ever, and she feels like it’s her idea. That’s some kind of genius.”