Authors: Christin Lovell
Kalel and Gabi gazed at me across the table. Kalel had brown eyes of steel today. I could tell he was still holding everything in. It wasn’t right, but it wasn’t my place to govern anyone’s grieving process.
“Auggy is out looking for Javier with his team, so I wanted to pull you two together to see if one of you would send a Bladang representative with me.”
“Where?” Kalel angled his head, observing me.
“I know where Cecilia is.”
He bristled, his eyes narrowing on me. “And you’re going alone?”
“No, well yes, but no.” I fidgeted with my hands in my lap. “I’m taking Drex as the representative of the vamp army, I’ll represent the vampeen army and I wanted one Bladang soldier to represent you. I’m going to try to talk to her.”
“You see exactly where talking got Kellan and you want to take the same path, the path that killed my brother?” he snarled, his eyes changing to black. The vein at his neck bulging out.
I tried to fight the onslaught of memories, but they were relentless. I slipped beneath the weight of Kai’s death too fast. Tears welled before I could brace myself against them. I took several deep breaths before meeting his gaze. “It’s because of Kai that I’m doing this Kalel. No one else can die. We can’t let this continue.”
Gabi sat primly at the table. She hadn't spoken. She’d been watching me the entire time though.
“You’re not a miracle worker, Leka.”
I glanced down at the table. “I know.” Had I been a miracle worker, Kai would still be alive and I’d still be with Kellan.
“We’ll send Christian with you. But Lex…” I lifted my eyes to meet her gaze. She frowned as she stood up, apparently ready for the meeting to end. “Be careful. I can’t handle another major loss. I don’t think anyone is prepared for that.”
“You can’t be serious,” Kalel snapped as Gabi headed for the door.
“
Dead
serious.” She walked out the door.
“He wouldn’t have allowed this. You know that.” He looked down at me.
“Yeah, well, I’m single now, so I don’t have to answer to anyone.”
Kalel froze. His focus immediately went to my left hand. He closed his eyes, sighing as he leaned back. “I’m sorry,” he said. As he opened his eyes, there was genuine, empathetic sorrow.
“Don’t be. I’m better off alone than with someone who makes me out to be a dramatic diva.”
“I doubt he meant to, Leka.” His voice was soft, careful.
I smiled wistfully. “It seems I don’t know him at all anymore. At times I get a glimpse of a level-headed, loving fiancé who would do anything to protect me and our son, but at other times, the darkness in him surfaces and I don’t know who I’m with anymore or how he will react. I can’t walk around on eggshells forever. I don’t want my baby growing up in that kind of household.”
“I didn’t realize it was that bad.”
“It’d gotten better after…” I stopped, unable to say it aloud. “But about a week later, he sort of snapped at me at an emotional point and I finally snapped back. I gave him back the ring and he took it and ran off.”
He scrutinized me for a minute. “Are you sure you’re up for this mission? She’s going to sense your weakness the moment you walk in the door.”
“I’m hoping to reason with her, not fight with her. I’m taking Kalia with me.”
A single brow rose. “Why?”
“At worst, we can use her as leverage. At best, we've made a good faith gesture.”
He shook his head in understanding. “How are you getting there?”
“Plane and then on foot.”
“Do you need me to come back you up?”
I gazed at him for a while. He reminded me of Kai sometimes. He didn’t have long hair, but they had the same brown eyes, the same tan hue to their skin, the same gentle gaze at times when they looked at me. “No, thanks. You need to work on yourself right now.”
His features twisted slightly before he got a grip on his emotions. “Call me if you need anything.” He stood to leave.
I nodded. “I will, thanks.” I glanced at my hands still fidgeting in my lap. As Kalel headed for the door, I whispered, “I miss him, you know.”
He paused in front of the door, his head bowed in remembrance. “I know,” he conceded before he walked out.
As the door closed, my emotions choked me. Tears stung my eyes, nausea rolling my stomach. I blinked repetitively, refusing to cry again. I couldn’t keep crying. It wasn’t going to bring either of them back. It did nothing but drain me. I knew it was ridding me of the emotions I no longer needed to hold onto, but it was too much for me. Maybe I wasn’t ready to let go.
A knock sounded on the door before Derek walked in. “Hey,
primo
.”
I plastered a smile on my face, as I turned towards him. “Hi.”
He frowned immediately. “Don’t pull that fake crap with me.”
I stiffened. Maybe taking him wasn’t a good idea. I could probably find the property without him. I’d thought about calling Al, but with Kellan and me no longer together, I didn’t feel right asking him.
He studied me until I squirmed in my seat. “Listen, I don’t want to talk about it, but I don’t do fake. Be straight with me or we’re done.”
“Fine, I’ll put on my sad face and offend you with my general moodiness.”
“You can try.” He shrugged, collapsing in a chair.
“You’ve had a rough past, haven’t you?”
His expression hardened. He clenched his jaw. “Like I said, I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Alright, then I don’t want to talk about my own reasons.”
“I’m good with that.”
My expression turned sullen. “Is this how it’s always going to be with us? Related, but never close?”
He leaned onto the table, his black t-shirt falling away from his body a bit. “Listen, Lex, I don’t bond with people, I don’t do relationships, I don’t do feelings. It’s nothing personal; it’s just me.”
“Alright.” I guess I had to accept the fact that my aspirations weren’t always going to match up with everybody else's.
“Now, I’m assuming you brought me here for more than a meet and greet, though that was sweet.”
My brows furrowed. “What are you talking about?”
“When they found out I was your cousin, they started introducing themselves like mad. Seems you’re a golden ticket in this place,
primo.
”
His connotation didn’t sit well with me. “Please don’t use me like that. I’ll never deny our relation, but don’t use it in a negative way.”
His gaze dropped down to my baby bump. “Are all pregnant women as sensitive as you?”
“I resent that, mister,” I growled.
He snickered. “I’ll take that as a yes. Before you get your nursing bra in a bunch though, I meant it as a compliment. They wouldn’t regard me the same without your name, which means you’ve earned their respect.”
“Apology accepted. Now can we focus on why I did bring you here? I need a favor.”
He arched his brow, an amused smirk on his face. “You’re giving me shit and all the while you want something from me? Ironic, isn’t it.”
I glared at him, pinching my lips together.
He held up his hands. “Alright. I’ll hear you out.”
I took a deep breath, steeling myself. Derek was clearly a big question mark; he was unpredictable thus far. “I need you to take me - or at least give me directions - to Cecilia’s.”
He pursed his lips, mulling for a while. His gaze had hardened, but the smirk was still firmly in place, as if he was teasing me. “Alright. But if I get darted one more time, I’m never speaking to you again.”
It was my turn to laugh. I was finally beginning to understand Derek. He put up massive walls around himself for protection. He’d clearly been hurt, and if I had to guess, it was by someone close to him. “You like me. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here and you certainly wouldn’t consider helping me.”
“I admit nothing.” His eyes sparkled with humor. And like that, one of his barriers seemed to crumble in front of me. “When are we leaving?”
“Tomorrow.”
His expression grew solemn. “I expect a private jet and five-star accommodations.”
“That’ll happen the day hell freezes over.”
There was a dark glint in his eyes. “I’m a dangerous man; I never back down from a challenge. I also have a way of making the impossible happen.”
“No private planes unless it’s necessary and
I
don’t even stay at five-star hotels so you can get over that one,” I firmly stated.
“I’m definitely chalking that one up to the preggo hormones.”
What was up with everyone making me out to be this emotional basket case of a pregnant woman who goes from one extreme to the next? Sure, I’d cried a lot lately, but I had a reason to. “You’re on thin ice, buddy.” I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Alright. I’ll lay off." He sat up in his seat. “What time tomorrow and where?”
“Where are you staying?”
He shrugged. “Around.”
I frowned. How crappy would I feel if I found out that he’d been on the streets…?
“I’m not slumming it, alright. I’m not hurting financially, but I’m not loaded either. I can afford a few nights in a room, no problem.” His saucy attitude was back. It was definitely a defense mechanism.
“I could use some company aside from Drex.” I decided to throw it out there.
“Where’s your boy toy?”
“Boy toy?” My face twisted in reaction to the humor of his wording.
“Boy toy. Fiancé. Whatever.” He shrugged.
I grew solemn, averting my gaze. My gut twisted as I thought of Kellan. “We broke up.”
“Oh shit.” His response was a surprised gasp.
“Yeah, so, if you want to come around, come around. If not, I’ll see you tomorrow morning at 7am at Charleston International Airport.”
I stood, grabbing my purse out of the chair beside me. The baby decided to move at that very moment. I glanced downwards. I couldn’t help but smile at seeing his strong movements rippling my dress. I didn’t have Kellan or Kai, but I had my baby boy. That’s all that mattered.
“I’ll see you later tonight,
primo.
”
I looked at him. His features had softened. He didn’t exactly exude compassion, but there was something in the depths of his eyes that had wilted the hardness of him.
I flashed a reserved smile. “See you later.”
Chapter 35
Kellan
I knocked on their door rather than barging in. I knew I was welcome, but I was coming to them for something. I didn’t feel right walking in and asking them for help as if I expected it.
Her ring burned a hole in my pocket. Its weight seemed to tug every part of me down; it was an anchor pulling my spirit, a chain squeezing my heart.
“Kellan?” My mother frowned as she looked at me. “Why didn’t you just come in?”
I shrugged.
She cocked her head, her keen eyes seeing what no one else would. “What happened?” She grabbed my arm and pulled me inside, closing the door behind me.
“Is Dad here?” I didn’t hear him.
“In here, son,” he called out.
We moved into the kitchen, surrounding the island, just as we had the night Lexi told us she was pregnant. The memory was so vivid. I could still picture her fidgeting; I could still hear her heart pounding in fear, fear that I’d leave her or screw it up somehow…which I did.
I pulled the ring out of my pocket and set it on the island between us all. It said what I hadn’t been able to tell anyone.
“Oh, sweetie.” She yanked me into her arms, hugging me. Even though I towered above her, even though I was technically an adult, she somehow knew how to bring me to a child’s level and comfort me. Her warmth surrounded me.
When she finally released me, I felt marginally better… until I saw the ring. It reminded me of all I’d lost. I didn’t just lose Lexi; I’d lost my son too. I frowned. I hadn’t even told them.
I swallowed hard, meeting their concerned faces. “It’s a boy.”
My dad smiled cheerlessly. “Congratulations.”
Tears welled in my mother’s eyes. “What happened, Kellan?”
My chest tightened. Somehow telling them the truth seemed like the hardest thing. I’d disappointed them so many times; I knew I was doing it again. “I messed up.”
“Talk to us, son.” Al placed an arm around my mom's shoulders.
I turned away from them, unable to look at their faces as I confessed my sins to the angels. “I have anger issues. I don’t deal with things. I’m impulsive. Those three things collide sometimes. I’ve lashed out at her.”
My mother gasped.
My throat seemed to swell as my gut twisted. “I swear I’m bi-polar sometimes. I can’t seem to control it. I’ve done it in front of others; I have no filter.” I shoved my hands in my jean pockets. “The final straw wasn’t that bad compared to other times before. I guess it’d been building inside her too.”
“What happened?” My mother pressed.
“She was crying over Kai,
again
. She’d been crying all week. I’d been good with her, patient for once. We’d all been sensitive to her feelings. But she just seemed like a zombie. She wasn’t herself. I wanted the old Lexi back. I snapped, sort of.” I shifted, knowing I needed to face them. I took a moment to gather my courage before turning back to them. I couldn't look directly into their eyes, not brave enough to face the disappointment I knew I would find there. “I told her she needed to pull herself together for me and the baby; that she couldn’t cry forever. I guess I made it sound like she was milking it because she went off, lighting up and giving me back the ring. This time I didn’t stick around to make it right. She went to the room and I went to Craig’s.”