“I was never comfortable with it.” I peered from beneath my lashes at both Slater and his mother. “After telling my parents—and the way they reacted—I just…I kept it to myself a lot. It wasn’t as if they screamed at me and called me an abomination, they just didn’t speak to me.”
Raquel put her hand on top of mine. “I’m so sorry, that must have been awful.”
“It was.” I nodded. “I moved to New York and that’s when I met Mason. He was Army infantry and we just clicked right away. Of course, he irritated me until I finally said yes to a date.”
Slater coughed and looked at the ceiling. I smiled and kept on.
“That’s why I was there this morning at the cemetery; I always go visit him on Memorial Day and Veterans Day. I try to go on his birthday, too, but I meet with resistance if I get there at the wrong time on any of those days.”
“Oh no.” Raquel took my hands.
“I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.”
“Because you’ve bottled it up for so long, I would imagine.” Raquel caressed my cheek.
I sighed.
“I didn’t even know he’d died until a few days later. I saw it on the news after they’d informed the families. They released the names of the dead, and that’s how I found out Mason was gone. I had missed the wake and was turned away from the funeral.” I choked back a sob as the memories came back. “They wouldn’t let me say goodbye.”
“Son of a bitch,” Raquel hissed.
I looked up in surprise. I always got the sad look; Raquel was angry.
“How could they?” she raged.
“They didn’t want people to know their son was gay.”
“Who cares?” Raquel stood up and paced.
“Some parents aren’t like you, Mom,” Slater said quietly.
“Well, they should be!” Raquel stopped pacing and looked at me. “And your parents don’t speak to you?”
“I haven’t heard from them since I left. I tried e-mailing them to let them know I’d found a job and was doing well, but I never got an answer.”
“Well, you’re welcome here any time, okay?” Raquel sat down and took me into her arms.
I hugged her back and peered over her shoulder to see Slater smiling. I really liked his smile.
After promising Raquel I’d come visit again, Slater walked me out to my car. He leaned against it as I unlocked it.
“Casper?”
“Yes?”
“I’ll understand if you don’t want to go out with me again. I didn’t know before—”
I stopped him by placing my hand over his mouth.
“Do you like me?” I asked.
Slater nodded.
“Then I would love to go out with you again.”
I stood in front of Slater and removed my hand slowly. He pulled me into his arms and held me close. God, I had missed this. Being in someone’s arms. Well, a man’s.
“I am going to kiss you, Casper, but not today. Today belongs to Mason.”
I nodded in his chest and he released me.
“I’ll see you soon,” he said.
* * * *
Soon wasn’t soon enough for me. I worked on Tuesday until my eyes crossed and Wednesday I went to the gym to work off my frustrations. I’d heard from Slater via text and the occasional quick phone call. Seemed Pritchard was kicking off the campaign with a bang and hoarding Slater.
There was talk of an unveiling, and Slater said he’d tell me more when he got some time off from Pritchard’s grueling schedule.
Drakon was spotting me this morning as I pumped the weights fast and hard.
“Wow, got some pent-up energy or what?”
I stopped mid-pump and eyed him. “Want to get some coffee?”
“Sure.” Drakon nodded.
We hit Joe’s Café around the corner and I spilled my guts. I found that after telling Raquel my story, I wanted to release some more. The more I talked, the better I felt. It was as if this huge weight was lifted off of me. I was talking about Mason again, laughing and retelling the stories of his theatrics to get me to date him.
It felt good.
Mason had been my height, with reddish hair and crystal blue eyes. Slater Cassidy was the opposite, with raven hair and beautiful grey eyes. He was also six- foot-four to my five-foot-ten. Slater had also gone to greater, more extreme lengths to get me to go out with him. Mason had sung badly to me until I finally caved. I laughed out loud thinking about his rendition of Boy George’s “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?”
Drakon tilted his head, smiling at me.
“You’ve gotten to the smiling and laughing part.”
“What?”
“You’re ready to move on, Casper.”
“Am I?” I sighed.
Drakon took my hands.
“Yes, you are. I don’t think Mason wanted you to sit alone for the rest of your life. It sounds to me like he was full of life.”
“He really was.” I smiled.
“I think he would approve, Casper,” Drakon said softly. “Besides, what happened with Mason won’t happen with Slater. His mom knows he’s out and she likes you. She would never keep you away.”
My gut sank at that. Because that was one of the reasons I’d fought Slater so hard. What if something happened to him?
“I know what you’re thinking, and stop it.” Drakon frowned at me. “God, love doesn’t come around often, Casper. You’ll be lucky if you find it twice. Do you know how many people wish they had what you had with Mason? Now you have a second chance at love.”
“But what if—”
“Life is full of what ifs, don’t be the ‘I should have.’ Be the ‘I did.’”
I smiled at Drakon. “How old are you again?”
“Shut up.”
* * * *
I slithered into my apartment half dead. I was so worn out from the gym I could barely lift my arms. I crawled into the kitchen and eyed the contents of my freezer. God, it was so pathetic. Frozen meals were piled on top of each other and I didn’t have the heart or the energy to even throw one in the microwave. I powered up my laptop and then stood in the hot shower for a half hour. I got out a bit more refreshed and threw on some sweats then padded into the kitchen in my slipper socks.
I sat down at the kitchen table and stared at my laptop. My eyes landed on a folder in the corner and I clicked on it. I had a collection of videos that Mason had sent me. I clicked on the one I got two days before he died. Mason was sitting on his bed smiling. I couldn’t listen to the words he said, because I knew they never came true. He was making plans to be with me when he got back. We were going to be married.
My computer dinged at me and I almost flew off the chair.
Slater was online. His green dot gave me a feeling of euphoria.
Captain America: Hey, are you on?
CK: I am. I miss you.
Captain America: I never thought I’d see those words typed by you.
CK: Well never is here. I really do miss you. When can I see you?
Captain America: how about now?
The knock on my door scared the shit out of me and I ran to it. I checked the peephole and threw open the door. Slater Cassidy stood there in jeans and a T-shirt holding a pizza.
“Hungry?” he asked.
I flew at him. I hadn’t realized exactly how much I missed him until he was standing right in front of me. God, he smelled good, too. Slater’s free arm came around me and he returned my hug.
“I didn’t realize you loved pizza so much,” he chuckled.
“Get in here!” I yanked him in by his T-shirt.
I took the pizza from him and placed it on my kitchen table. Turning to look at him, I stopped and studied his face. He looked so tired and worn out. I palmed his cheek.
“God, you look awful.”
“Thanks?” Slater smiled and took my hand.
“You just look so tired.”
“Well, I missed you too, so I really wanted to see you.”
“Have a seat,” I said, as I grabbed some plates from the cabinet.
“How have you been? I’m sorry I couldn’t come see you and my phone calls were short, but by the end of the day I was so exhausted I just wanted to sleep.”
“Well, you’re probably still all messed up by the time difference, too.”
I handed him the plate and a napkin.
Slater nodded as he took a bite. “I really am. Between the photo shoots and commercials, I’m exhausted.”
“How’s Juan-Carlos?” I asked in my best foreign accent. I didn’t know which accent it was, but it was the only one I knew.
Slater chuckled. “He’s doing well. I avoid spending alone time with him. I think he may have his eye on Pritchard.”
“Well, thank God for that,” I sighed and bit into my own slice.
“I was told there would be a huge to-do at the strip club down on Eighth.”
I furrowed my brows. “Eighth? That’s the Manhattan Men club.”
“I see you know it well.” Slater smiled at me with a wink.
“The guys and I go now and then. It’s mostly for women, but we go anyway. So, what? It’s some kind of party?”
“Something like that. I guess Pritchard rented the club out for the night. A huge party to celebrate Rush.” Slater set his pizza down on the plate and wiped his mouth. “I want you to go as my date.”
I choked.
“Your…date?”
“Yes, my date.” Slater took my hand. “I want you there by my side.”
“Okay.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.” I squeezed Slater’s hand. “I really did miss you.”
Slater backed away from the table and stood up, pulling me with him. My hands immediately began sweating as he pulled me closer. He cupped my face with his hands and searched my eyes.
“I’m going to kiss you now.”
“Okay.”
Slater leaned in and my pulse raced the closer he got to my lips. I closed my eyes at the last second as Slater’s warm lips touched mine. He didn’t push, he didn’t use his tongue either, he just brushed against my lips softly and my damn toes curled. Slater backed away slowly, caressing my cheek as he did.
“I’m not going to push you, Casper. When you’re ready for more, you let me know. You call all the shots here.”
I stepped up to him and touched his face. I lifted my face to his and kissed him slowly. He responded tentatively and when I licked his bottom lip, he opened to me fully. A low moan escaped me as Slater’s tongue wrapped around mine. Warm, strong hands slid up my spine as I pulled Slater closer, exploring his mouth fully. God, the man could kiss. I knew right then that I wanted him. I hadn’t been this turned on in years. Slater’s erection bumped mine and I gasped at the sensation in my dick. My hands slipped into his hair as I pulled my body up his. Slater had one hand in my hair, the other on my ass. God I wanted him. I hadn’t had sex in forever.
“Casper,” Slater moaned in my mouth.
God that was hot.
“Slater,” I gasped as his hand squeezed my ass cheek.
“I’m going to lose it in my damn jeans.”
“So am I.”
“You’re not wearing jeans,” he pointed out.
“Shut up,” I growled, taking his mouth.
Somehow, I got him to my bed and began undressing him. His shirt came off and I stopped to look at the perfection in front of me. A solid wall of muscle was at my fingertips and I explored him eagerly, kissing and licking his chest. Slater was busy removing my sweatpants as I was unbuttoning his pants.
“Wait, wait,” Slater panted, pulling away.
“What?”
“I need to know that you’re ready for this.”
“I am so ready for this.” I yanked him down on top of me on the bed.
Slater went straight for my dick and I cried out at the warm sensation of his mouth on my flesh. The tight suction on my dick was driving me insane. Slater played with my sac as he swallowed me whole and I came with a loud shout. Slater kept at my cock, sucking and swallowing greedily. I closed my eyes and tried to regulate my breathing. Jesus I hadn’t come like that—or that fast—in years.
Slater was over me, rutting against me as I opened my eyes. His eyes searched mine as if he was looking to see if I was ready.
God, yes I was ready.
I pulled him down and kissed him as he continued to rub his cock against mine. To my surprise, I was getting hard again. Slater wrapped his hand around both cocks and began a nice slow stroke. I arched against him, loving the feel of his flesh against mine. I tasted myself on his tongue and sucked it slowly, eliciting a groan from Slater. Hot semen coated my abs as Slater came unglued on top of me. A finger massaged my asshole and I was gone again. I came spurting like a hydrant. Slater collapsed by my side and I soaked in his body heat.
“Wow!”
I chuckled. “I know. I’m exhausted now.”
“Me, too,” Slater yawned.
I pulled back the comforter and rolled him under the blankets. I grabbed my baby wipes from the side drawer and cleaned us both up. I cleaned the kitchen up and put the pizza away, powered down my laptop and shut off all the lights. Locking the front door, I made my way back to the bedroom to find Slater passed out. For the first time in over three years, there was a man in my bed. Damn, he looked good in it, too. I got in bed and snuggled against him. It felt good.
“Goodnight, Slater,” I whispered.
“Casper,” he mumbled.
I smiled.
Slater
I woke up slowly and, for a second, didn’t know where I was. I lifted one lid and smiled at the head of dark hair on my chest.
Casper.
It had taken everything I had last night not to make love to him. Although he said he was ready, I wasn’t. I knew once I slipped inside Casper’s body, that would be it for me. He was the one for me and it scared the shit out of me. I craved him, and I had never craved anyone. I threaded my fingers in his hair and a soft sigh escaped his lips.
He was so…perfect.
His lips were just shy of Cupid’s bows; they were plump and made for kissing. His long black lashes rested on his skin, and I knew the most gorgeous eyes hid beneath those lids. I traced his button nose and smiled when it twitched. I eyed his chest. It was sculpted and devoid of any hair. The man obviously worked out.
I thought about what had happened at the cemetery and fought the urge to ball my fists. I had gotten there early in the morning and as I was walking, I’d heard the loud voices quite a few rows away. When I’d walked up on Casper on the ground and two men standing above him calling him a faggot, I wanted to go all ‘Ranger’ on them. I’d heard some of the conversation, but not all.