Alice Close Your Eyes (22 page)
Read Alice Close Your Eyes Online
Authors: Averil Dean
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I discovered early on that writing is best undertaken in the company of fellow sufferers. It didn’t take me long to find them; we gravitated to Betsy Lerner’s blog like moths to a streetlamp, with occasional burns ensuing that never deterred us for long. Through Betsy I acquired a circle of fascinating though somewhat imaginary friends who beguile me every day in our online conversations, who have allowed me into their minds and whom I accept with deepest gratitude into mine.
Of all these, it’s the man behind the curtain who has helped me the most. More than the scads of practical advice—and actually, this book was his idea in the first place—August has given me something I never dreamed I could possess: confidence. What he’s done for me and for so many others is beyond my ability to articulate. I can only give thanks for a life transformed, possibly saved. You’re a good, kind man, you are.
Thanks as well to my agent, Jeff Kleinman, for his commitment, his skill and his great speedy-speed. The grass doesn’t grow under your feet, my friend.
My undying appreciation goes out to Erin Craig and Tara Scarcello, who designed a cover I’d like to paper my walls with, and to the marketing, public relations and sales teams for their enthusiasm and all-around badassery.
Thanks especially to my lovely editor, Michelle Meade, whose wisdom and guidance have helped me understand what I was trying to say and decide how to say it.
And how to finish when I’ve said enough.
Questions for Discussion
- Discuss the recurring theme of mistaken assumptions, the idea of each
character’s tragic misreading of the people around them. How is Molly’s
blindness relevant to this theme? - What’s the significance of the character of Lyle? Why do you think the
author chose to give him a disability? Why does Molly taunt him, and what
does she mean when she says to Alice, “
I’m
the
kid.” - What do you think of Alice’s mother? Grandmother? What do you imagine their
lives were like before Nana died? And after? - Upon hearing that Alice is being taunted at school, her grandmother says,
“Learn to use what you have.” How did you feel about what Alice did with
that advice? What did her actions reveal about her character? About the
person she would grow up to be? - Alice spent a major part of her childhood in foster care. Have you, or
anyone you’ve known, been in the foster system? Can you relate to any of the
experiences or relationships that Alice had while moving from home to
home? - What was your initial reaction to Jack’s character? Did your impression of
him change as the novel progressed? - Discuss the intersection of pain and pleasure throughout the novel, both in
the physical and emotional sense. How do these two conflicting sensations
play off each other throughout the story? How do they work against each
other? - If Jack had caught Alice before she got on the ferry, what do you think
would have happened between them? What do you suppose Jack meant to do when
he followed her there? - Where do you think Alice will go when the ferry lands in Seattle? What do
you think the future holds for her? Do you think leaving silently was the
right decision, or should she have stayed to confront Jack or report
him?
Q&A with Averil Dean
What was your inspiration for
Alice Close Your Eyes?
Did the story end
up the way you first imagined it or did it evolve along the way?
When I was brainstorming ideas for
this book, I happened upon a low-budget neo-noir film called Following,
directed by Christopher Nolan. In the film, two men break into a London flat
for no particular reason other than curiosity, a voyeurism of objects. This
idea hooked me immediately, and I began to imagine the erotic possibilities
and play with some ideas for how to incorporate this strange habit into a
psychological thriller.
In some ways, though eccentric, this
seemed like a playful, relatively innocuous activity. But as I revised, the
story got progressively darker, more claustrophobic, and the break-ins began
to take on a sinister significance even as they moved slightly off-center
from the main story line. Instead of being instigated by Alice, as I had
planned, they became Jack’s idea—a clue more to his character than Alice’s.
This change shifted the balance of power in their relationship, and infused
the story with a sense of danger and deviance beyond what I originally
envisioned.
Can you describe your writing
process? Do you create an outline or dive right in? Do you write
consecutively or jump around? Do you let anyone read early drafts or do you
keep the story private until it’s finished?
Most stories begin for me with other
works of fiction. When I’m starting work on a new story, I spend a good
amount of time watching movies, reading and listening to music. I’m looking
for something that generates a particular reaction in me, something that
evokes a mood or sparks an interesting line of thought.
From there, I decide where the story
begins and jot down some ideas for where it might go. It’s all rather
nebulous at this point, and utterly disorganized. I actually prefer it that
way. Writing can be intimidating, so when I’m starting a new project, I make
a concerted effort to take the pressure off. I write the raw stuff longhand,
with a cheap pen in a fat spiral notebook. My handwriting is awful, and the
pages are covered with angry scratch-outs and incomprehensible notes up the
margins, but beginning this way keeps me from having to face a blank
computer screen unarmed.
My thought processes are equally
messy. I hop from scene to scene, trying not to deny myself any wild idea at
this stage, whether or not I understand how it relates to the story. I carry
on this way until I’ve assembled quite a scrapalanche—maybe 30,000-40,000
words. Then I go through the scenes one by one and organize them into a new
document, using only the ones that seem to matter to the story.
Beyond this point, it’s rare for me
to write anything extraneous. I’ve figured out what the story is about and
have developed an understanding of the characters. All that remains is to
keep adding material until the book is complete.
I don’t share my work until it’s as
good as I can get it—and even then, only with one or two people I really
trust. I’m terribly suggestible, and would head off on any number of
tangents if too many people were involved in the revision
process.
Alice’s dark and damaged life
clearly shaped her adult personality and the relationships she becomes
involved in. How do you develop your characters and what is it like to write
about people with such intense, painful stories?
I think characters come to life
through a process of refinement, especially refinement of their outlook—the
things they notice in the world around them, their reaction to what they
see. Alice is essentially a beautiful soul repeatedly confronted by
ugliness. She has a wistful outlook, which shows itself particularly in her
interactions with children and in some of her early encounters with Jack.
Her dialogue serves as counterpoint to this outlook and underlines the
dichotomy between her inner life and the distance she maintains between
herself and the other characters.
Though I’ll admit the story took a
bit of a toll, I’m not sure a writer has much choice when it comes to
subject matter. Joyce Carol Oates has said that we tend to write what
surprises us. I think that’s true. I prefer to write about people and
situations I don’t understand very well, because those are the stories that
hold my interest during the long and sometimes tedious process of writing a
book. Emotional pain can be overcome. Boredom, for me, cannot.
What kind of research, if any,
went in to the writing of
Alice Close Your
Eyes?
I’m not big into research. I
probably should spend more time at it than I do. But I’ve found that
concrete knowledge tends to dim the mental images I form about the setting
or situation, and often creates problems I would much prefer to avoid. For
instance, I discovered that the ferry schedule to and from Vashon Island
does not include night runs. But I needed them! It was painful to ignore
that bit of knowledge, so for a time I gave Vashon a fictional name and
considered the problem solved. It was my editor who convinced me that
readers would probably forgive my lapses in verisimilitude as long as the
flavor of the place was intact.
I hope she’s right about
that.
You’ve written erotic fiction
before, and this novel also incorporates erotic elements in a complex and
crucial way. Can you talk about how erotic scenes can be used in service to
the larger story?
I’m fascinated by the psychological
dynamic between sexual partners. Most people hold their fantasies and
predilections secret, often with some element of shame attached to the
secrecy. But in a sexual relationship, one either comes to trust another
person with those secrets, or—more interestingly from a story point of
view—is driven by need to reveal them to an untrustworthy
partner.
These psychological plums are too
juicy to resist. I love to find out what will happen between the characters
when they’re alone in the bedroom: what kind of power struggle will ensue,
how each person will decide which secrets to reveal and which to withhold,
how the characters’ insecurities will manifest physically during the scene.
A person’s sexuality exposes his or her character in a unique way, from a
different angle as it were. It adds another layer to the story.
This is the first time I’ve tried to
incorporate fully developed sex scenes into a novel of a different genre. As
I wrote, I began to think of the erotic elements as character development; I
wanted the reader to be right there with Alice as she experiences first the
pleasure, then the intoxicating pain and fear that lead her to realize what
kind of man she’s dealing with. Hopefully, each scene provides a new insight
into one or both of the characters.
The novel is set mostly on
Vashon Island in Puget Sound. What made you choose a small, rural setting
for this story? How do you feel the setting enhances the story?
First, let me apologize to anyone
who lives on Vashon Island. I wrote this story from my home in Las Vegas,
and though I did my best to understand the geography, I’m sure there are
plenty of discrepancies. To some extent, the setting is fictionalized—a
desert rat’s romantic notion of what the Pacific Northwest would be like for
the residents. I was looking for a dark, slightly claustrophobic setting,
definitely rural, in which Alice’s isolation would be literal. An island in
Puget Sound seemed like the perfect choice.
What drew me to Vashon particularly
was the little Red Ranger bike in the tree. I loved the strangeness of that
image and thought it was something young Alice would be drawn to. It wasn’t
until much later in the revision process that I understood the metaphor and
was able to work it into the story.
What was your greatest
challenge writing
Alice Close Your Eyes?
Your
greatest pleasure?
At the beginning of every new piece
of work, I go through an extended period of what feels like shyness, as at
the start of a new romance, or the first hour of a party where you don’t
know any of the guests. This is a tough thing to power through. The
temptation is to leave this awful situation and go back to daydreaming
quietly in an armchair. I haven’t found a way to make the beginnings easier.
It seems to be a matter of perseverance and caffeine-fueled jags of free
writing. Anything to get something on the page.
My happiest moment came at the end
of the first draft. I have a writing mentor whose opinion I respect more
than anyone I know. He had offered to read my manuscript. I was terrified to
send it, and avoided it for a few weeks—moving the mashed potatoes around on
the plate, as he would say. Eventually, with the help of a couple of strong
margaritas, I worked up the courage.
His response was almost immediate.
He said he’d read it in one sitting, at the computer, and he was so warm and
generous in his praise that I sank to the floor next to my bed and cried for
an hour. Big, ugly, messy sobs, followed by an outbreak of joyful hives. It
was a hideous, wonderful night.
How did you know you wanted to
be a writer? Can you describe your first piece of writing and the journey to
publishing your first print book?
I started writing on my father’s
birthday in 2010. He had always talked about how much he wanted to write,
but he passed away without ever having given it a try. I found myself in a
similar state of inertia. I have always been an avid reader, a collector of
words and phrases. I enjoy the beauty of language. But writing a novel—or
even a short story, for that matter—was something that had never occurred to
me. I’m a high school dropout, and that fact has always been a source of
shame for me, and a barrier to my aspirations.
However, a story idea had been
tugging at my mind, and on that day I remembered my dad and decided to write
a paragraph. Just to get it out of my system, really. I liked the paragraph,
so I wrote a page. The page expanded to a scene, then a chapter, then a
book. Followed by a second book. I sold those novels for the princely sum of
$100 apiece to an independent e-publisher.
They did not earn out.
By this time, I had become involved
with an online circle of writer-friends, most of whom were blogging or
commenting on writing blogs. They encouraged me to start a new book and keep
at it, and when I’d finished
Alice Close Your Eyes,
they gave me practical
advice on things like pitch lines and query letters. The quick response I
received from Jeff Kleinman, the wonderful man who would become my agent, is
due almost entirely to the help they gave me. I wouldn’t be writing without
them.
Can you tell us something about
your next novel?
My next book is a psychological
suspense novel called Blackbird. It’s the story of a triple murder told in
reverse, beginning with the crime and working back through the characters’
tangled relationships to discover where it all went wrong. Like
Alice Close
Your Eyes,
it’s sexy and intense and very dark.