As You Like It (5 page)

CELIA
    No? When Nature hath made a fair creature, may

she not by Fortune
fall into the fire
⁴⁰
? Though Nature hath

given us
wit
to
flout at
⁴¹
Fortune, hath not Fortune sent in this

fool
⁴²
to cut off the argument?

ROSALIND
    Indeed, there is Fortune too hard for Nature, when

Fortune makes Nature’s
natural
⁴⁴
the cutter-off of Nature’s

wit.

CELIA
    
Peradventure
⁴⁶
this is not Fortune’s work neither, but

Nature’s, who perceiveth our natural wits too dull to reason

of such goddesses, hath sent this natural for our
whetstone
⁴⁸
,

for always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the

wits.— How now,
wit? Whither wander you
⁵⁰
?

TOUCHSTONE
    Mistress, you must come away to your father.

CELIA
    Were you made the
messenger
⁵²
?

TOUCHSTONE
    No, by mine honour, but I was bid to come for you.

ROSALIND
    Where learned you that oath, fool?

TOUCHSTONE
    Of a certain knight that swore by his honour they

were good
pancakes
⁵⁶
, and swore by his honour the mustard

was
naught
: now I’ll
stand to
⁵⁷
it, the pancakes were naught,

and the mustard was good, and yet was not the knight

forsworn
⁵⁹
.

CELIA
    How prove you that in the great heap of your

knowledge?

ROSALIND
    Ay, marry, now unmuzzle your wisdom.

TOUCHSTONE
    Stand you both forth now: stroke your chins, and

swear by your beards that I am a knave.

CELIA
    By our beards, if we had them, thou art.

TOUCHSTONE
    By my knavery, if I had it, then I were, but if you

swear by that that is not, you are not forsworn. No more was

this knight swearing by his honour, for he never had any; or

if he had, he had sworn it away before ever he saw those

pancakes or that mustard.

CELIA
    Prithee, who is’t that thou meanest?

TOUCHSTONE
    One that old Frederick, your father, loves.

CELIA
    My father’s love is enough to honour him enough;

speak no more of him, you’ll be whipped for
taxation
⁷⁴
one of

these days.

TOUCHSTONE
    The more pity that fools may not speak wisely

what wise men do foolishly.

CELIA
    By my
troth
⁷⁸
, thou sayest true, for since the little wit

that fools have was silenced, the little foolery that wise men

have makes a great show. Here comes Monsieur the Beau.

ROSALIND
    With his mouth full of news.

CELIA
    Which he will
put
⁸²
on us, as pigeons feed their

young.

ROSALIND
    Then shall we be news-crammed.

CELIA
    All the better: we shall be the more
marketable
⁸⁵
.—

Bonjour
, Monsieur Le Beau, what’s the news?

LE BEAU
    Fair princess, you have
lost
⁸⁷
much good sport.

CELIA
    Sport? Of what
colour
⁸⁸
?

LE BEAU
    What colour, madam? How shall I answer you?

ROSALIND
    As wit and fortune will.

TOUCHSTONE
    Or as the destinies decrees.

Imitates Le Beau

CELIA
    Well said, that was
laid on with a trowel
⁹²
.

TOUCHSTONE
    Nay, if I keep not my
rank
⁹³
—

ROSALIND
    Thou
losest
thy
old
⁹⁴
smell.

LE BEAU
    You
amaze
⁹⁵
me, ladies. I would have told you of good

wrestling, which you have lost the sight of.

ROSALIND
    Yet tell us the manner of the wrestling.

LE BEAU
    I will tell you the beginning, and if it please your

ladyships, you may see the end, for the best is yet to
do
⁹⁹
: and

here, where you are, they are coming to perform it.

CELIA
    Well, the beginning that is dead and buried.

LE BEAU
    There comes an old man and his three sons—

CELIA
    I could match this beginning with an old
tale
¹⁰³
.

LE BEAU
    Three
proper
¹⁰⁴
young men, of excellent growth and

presence.

ROSALIND
    With
bills
¹⁰⁶
on their necks, ‘Be it known unto all men

by these
presents
¹⁰⁷
.’

LE BEAU
    The eldest of the three wrestled with Charles, the

duke’s wrestler, which Charles in a moment threw him and

broke three of his ribs,
that
¹¹⁰
there is little hope of life in him.

So
¹¹¹
he served the second, and so the third. Yonder they lie, the

poor old man, their father, making such pitiful
dole
¹¹²
over

them that all the beholders take his part with weeping.

ROSALIND
    Alas!

TOUCHSTONE
    But what is the sport, monsieur, that the ladies

have lost?

LE BEAU
    Why, this that I speak of.

TOUCHSTONE
    Thus men may grow wiser every day. It is the first

time that ever I heard breaking of ribs was sport for ladies.

CELIA
    Or I, I promise thee.

ROSALIND
    But is there
any
else longs to see this
broken
¹²¹
music

in his sides? Is there yet another dotes upon rib-breaking?

Shall we see this wrestling, cousin?

LE BEAU
    You must if you stay here, for here is the place

appointed for the wrestling, and they are ready to perform it.

CELIA
    Yonder, sure they are coming. Let us now stay and

see it.

DUKE FREDERICK
    Come on. Since the youth will not be

entreated,
his own peril on his forwardness
¹²⁹
.

ROSALIND
    Is yonder the man?

LE BEAU
    Even he, madam.

CELIA
    Alas, he is too young, yet he
looks successfully
¹³²
.

DUKE FREDERICK
    How now, daughter and
cousin
¹³³
! Are you crept

hither to see the wrestling?

ROSALIND
    Ay, my liege, so please you give us
leave
¹³⁵
.

DUKE FREDERICK
    You will take little delight in it, I can tell you,

there is such
odds
in the
man
¹³⁷
. In pity of the challenger’s

youth, I would
fain
¹³⁸
dissuade him, but he will not be

entreated. Speak to him, ladies, see if you can move him.

CELIA
    Call him hither, good Monsieur Le Beau.

DUKE FREDERICK
    Do so. I’ll not be by.

LE BEAU
    Monsieur the challenger, the princess

calls for you.

ORLANDO
    I attend them with all respect and duty.

ROSALIND
    Young man, have you challenged Charles the

wrestler?

ORLANDO
    No, fair princess, he is the general challenger: I

come but in
, as others do, to
try
¹⁴⁸
with him the strength of my

youth.

CELIA
    Young gentleman, your spirits are too bold for your

years. You have seen cruel proof of this man’s strength: if

you saw yourself with your eyes or knew yourself with your

judgement, the fear of your
adventure
¹⁵³
would counsel you to

a more
equal
¹⁵⁴
enterprise. We pray you for your own sake to

embrace your own safety and give over this attempt.

ROSALIND
    Do, young sir: your reputation shall not therefore be

misprized
. We will make it our
suit
¹⁵⁷
to the duke that the

wrestling might not go forward.

ORLANDO
    I beseech you, punish me not with your hard

thoughts, wherein I confess me much guilty, to deny so fair

and excellent ladies anything. But let your fair eyes and

gentle wishes go with me to my trial; wherein if I be
foiled
¹⁶²
,

there is but one shamed that was never
gracious
¹⁶³
, if killed,

but one dead that is willing to be so. I shall do my
friends
¹⁶⁴
no

wrong, for I have none to lament me, the world no injury, for

in it I have nothing. Only in the world I fill up a place, which

may be better supplied when I have made it empty.

ROSALIND
    The little strength that I have, I would it were with

you.

CELIA
    And mine, to
eke out
¹⁷⁰
hers.

ROSALIND
    Fare you well: pray heaven I be
deceived
¹⁷¹
in you!

CELIA
    Your heart’s desires be with you!

CHARLES
    Come, where is this young gallant that is so desirous

to
lie with his mother earth
¹⁷⁴
?

ORLANDO
    Ready, sir, but his
will
¹⁷⁵
hath in it a more modest

working
¹⁷⁶
.

DUKE FREDERICK
    You shall try but one
fall
¹⁷⁷
.

CHARLES
    No, I
warrant
¹⁷⁸
your grace you shall not entreat him

to a second, that have so mightily persuaded him from a first.

ORLANDO
    You mean to mock me after, you should not have

mocked me before. But
come your ways
¹⁸¹
.

ROSALIND
    Now
Hercules
be thy
speed
¹⁸²
, young man!

CELIA
    I would I were invisible, to catch the strong fellow by

the leg.

ROSALIND
    O excellent young man!

CELIA
    If I had a thunderbolt in mine eye,

I can tell who should
down
¹⁸⁷
.

DUKE FREDERICK
    No more, no more.

ORLANDO
    Yes, I beseech your grace:

I am not yet well
breathed
¹⁹⁰
.

DUKE FREDERICK
    How dost thou, Charles?

LE BEAU
    He cannot speak, my lord.

DUKE FREDERICK
    Bear him away.—What is thy name,

young man?

ORLANDO
    Orlando, my liege, the youngest son of Sir Rowland

de Bois.

DUKE FREDERICK
    I would thou hadst been son to some man else:

The world esteemed thy father honourable,

But I did find him
still
¹⁹⁹
mine enemy.

Thou shouldst have better pleased me with this deed

Hadst thou descended from another house.

But fare thee well, thou art a gallant youth.

I would thou hadst told me of another father.