Baby Makes Six (7 page)

Whether it was Tricia’s stern advice or the fact that she knew she wasn’t going to be able to sleep until the deed was done, Shawn decided to tell Eddie the news the next time they saw each other. It just happened to be the following day, when he stopped by to pick up the girls.

Though she dreaded the look of recrimination that was sure to appear, Shawn prepared herself to deal with his reaction the best she could. Anything was better than the anger she imagined was in store.

Shawn met him at the kitchen door and started speaking before she lost her nerve. “Eddie, I’ve got something I need to talk to you about. Would you mind coming in for a few minutes?”

Frowning, Eddie gripped the doorjamb like he needed support or a barrier or something. “I’m exhausted. I worked twelve hours and haven’t eaten since I scarfed down a power bar at ten this morning. Can’t it wait?”

“No. No, I don’t think so.” Stepping back, Shawn opened the door wider. The movement caused his hand to fall. His stumbling for balance illustrated just how exhausted he really was.

She almost decided to reschedule.

Almost.

“This won’t take long, I promise. Please. It’s important.”

“Fine.” Eddie followed her through the entry into the cheery white-and-blue kitchen they’d painted together. Every time she sneaked a peek his way, his face was filled with worry and impatience. He ignored the chair across from her, choosing, instead, to lean against one of the big picture windows that surrounded the seating area. Arms tightly crossed over his chest, Eddie looked completely put out. Again. “So what’s up, Shawn? Do you have another scheduling problem?”

“No, I do not.” Unnerved by the snipe, she glared at him. “Eddie, was that really necessary? Honestly, when did you get so mean?”

For a moment he looked shamefaced. “Sorry. Shawn, I wasn’t exaggerating—I really am exhausted.” After taking a deep breath, he gave her his complete attention. “Now, what did you want to tell me?”

“I’ll speak when you sit down.” No way did she want to talk to him with him hovering over her like a bird of prey.

He wrapped a leg around the back of a kitchen chair without another word. For a moment, memories blasted her. He used to sit that way when they’d first had Kit. He’d sit there, his arms folded over the back of the chair, watching her feed their firstborn a bottle.

Just to keep her company.

What had happened to them? Now he simply looked pained, like even being in his old house was too much for him to deal with.

His fingers drummed the top of the ladderback chair. “So…what’s up?”

Oh, this was tough! “Quite a lot, actually,” she hedged.

“Such as?”

When she still tried to find the words, he shifted,
sitting up a bit straighter, staring her way with concern. “Shawn? Is everything okay?”

Now this was the Eddie she’d fallen in love with. Reliable. Calm. Caring. It was why he’d been such a good MP and why he made an even better police officer. “Everything’s fine. I mean, the girls are okay.”

He blinked. “The girls? What, Shawn? Spit it out. You’ve got me imagining the worst here.”

She would’ve bet money he wasn’t. Sitting down, she ignored all her trial runs in front of the mirror and went for it. “I’m pregnant.” Before that could sink in, she rushed on with details and explanations. “Almost five months. It’s yours of course.”

Eddie Wagner, the tough cop, the invincible MP, the guy who always had an answer and a solution for everything, actually paled. “What? How?”

“Remember that night when Elsie had that fever?”

His jaw tightened. “I remember. Jeez.” For a split second he glanced at her mouth.

And that made her think about kissing him, about how they’d kissed, which made her think completely inappropriate thoughts. And of course made her wonder what exactly he was thinking.

Seeking refuge, she left the table and strode to the kitchen stove and put the kettle on. Determined to do something, anything, so she wouldn’t have to look at him. Eddie had always been able to render her speechless with one look.

She decided to go on the offensive. “I know you’re feeling angry.”

One of the hands that had been cupping his forehead dropped as he met her eyes. “Angry? Is that how I’m feeling, Shawn?”

Her hand shook as she turned on the burner. There
was something different about Eddie’s voice. It was softer than she expected. Were his feelings that hurt? Was he just surprised?

Or was he just so darn mad that he didn’t trust his voice? Rather than guess, she spoke for him. “I know what you’re going to say. I should have told you the news long ago.”

“But you didn’t.”

Finally she faced him. Gone was the caring look of the terrific police officer. In its place was another look she knew so very well. Disdain. Disapproval. Impatience. “No, I didn’t,” she replied quietly.

And then she sat and waited. Waited for the accusations to fly, fast and furious.

E
DDIE WISHED
he had something to do with his hands. In his office he fussed with paperwork. On patrol there were a million things he could do to occupy himself in order not to give any hint of his thoughts.

But here, sitting across from Shawn, bare-handed, he felt completely torn apart. Bare. Vulnerable. And idiotic.

Why had he never even considered that their night could have ramifications? Back in the Army, he’d often found himself warning new recruits about the need for protection. “You’ve got to think about the worst-case scenario, because anything can happen,” he liked to say. “And something always happens.”

Too bad he’d conveniently forgotten that bit of advice. He clasped his hands together, realized they were sweaty, so he unfolded them and shifted.

A baby? Another baby?

Shawn looked to be on the verge of tears. “Eddie, I want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you right now. I know you need time to sort things out.”

“To sort what out? Shawn, we’re having another baby.”

Another baby. Again.

Memories of their last pregnancy flooded him. Almost floored him. The mixture of emotions—elation, stark fear, anger at being kept in the dark—all swirled in his insides. Who did she think she was talking to?

“That’s right, we are. And just to let you know, I take full responsibility for this one.”

“This one? How would things be different than with the other pregnancies?”

“Honestly, Eddie! We were
married
for the others. We were a couple. This time…you didn’t know what could happen.”

“I’m pretty sure I did.”

“But—”

He knew she was riled up. But he was, too. She was treating him like some ridiculous hormonal boy. “Stop. Just stop.” When Shawn—for like the first time ever—actually listened to him and did what he asked, he looked at her a little more carefully.

He was amazed that he hadn’t seen the signs earlier. Shawn’s breasts looked fuller. So did her cheeks. For some reason, her cheeks always filled out when she was pregnant. Pretty. And that dress—he knew that dress. She’d practically lived in it when she was pregnant with Elsie. Now she was staring at him with those brown eyes he used to dream about.

He didn’t know what to think. Because he felt stunned and confused and freakishly like he was on
Punked
or
Candid Camera
or something crazy, he fired off a question. Questioning Shawn was so much easier than questioning himself. “You weren’t on the pill?”

“I went off birth control when we separated.”

That told him a million things. She hadn’t been with other men. She hadn’t planned to be with anyone, either.

The revelation humbled him. And brought forth an unwelcome bit of male pride. Shawn was his. Still.

Not that he was proud of that feeling.

Swallowing, he tried to act like the man he’d always tried to be. Tried to think logically, about reasons and consequences. “Shawn, I thought…I thought you took those pills for your periods, too.” He tried to remember all those little explanations for things that he’d tried never to think about. “So they wouldn’t be as heavy. I mean, wasn’t that what you said?” How weird was it to be talking about such personal things still? After they’d both supposedly moved on.

But as he recalled how much he hadn’t felt in Jayne’s presence, he realized that maybe things weren’t quite so strange, after all.

She blinked. “I did. I was, um, I was planning to get a procedure done to help with my periods. So I got off the pill.” She leaned forward. “I’m sorry, Eddie. I never meant…” Her voice drifted off. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I know I should have told you about this earlier, but all of it has really thrown me for a loop.”

Shawn was a lot of things. Impulsive. Smart as a whip. Funny. But never devious. And, well, he hadn’t thought about the possibility of her getting pregnant, either. “I imagine it has.”

She looked at him in surprise. Once again their eyes met. For a moment faint humor lit hers. He almost smiled. After everything they’d been through, a small part of him really could see the humor in their situation. Rarely had things ever been typical with them.

Suddenly it was like old times again. Back when they’d been dating, Shawn had been able to coax him
to do just about anything. All it would take was for her to scoot up next to him on the couch and slip her hand in his. She’d look at him with those big brown eyes and his heart would melt.

Just like it was now.

Oh, there were too many feelings warring inside. He stood and paced. Seeing that the sink was filled to the brim—as usual—he turned on the faucet and pulled out the dish soap. It was almost empty. It was always almost empty. Grabbing a sponge, he washed off the remains of their dinner last night.

At least his back was to her. At least it would give him a moment to gather his thoughts.

Grabbing a towel, she walked to his side. “Eddie—”

“You sit down and put your feet up.”

“My feet are fine.”

Suddenly recalling Kit’s statement about swollen ankles, he said, “I heard your ankles aren’t.”

“What?”

“Kit told everyone about your ankles.” Recalling Jayne’s words of wisdom, he said, “Are you eating too much salt?”

“No. It’s because I’m pregnant, Eddie. My ankles swell. They always have.”

“Are you taking care of yourself? Have you been sick? Nauseous?”

“Why do you want to know?”

That caught him off guard. Who knew why? Maybe it was just that old habits died hard. Though she’d never had difficult pregnancies, he’d always been aware that it had taken a toll on her body. “I want to know because I care.”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake. Ed, I’m almost five months along. This time everything’s okay.” There. She said it.

Slowly he exhaled, then nodded. When he found his voice, he murmured, “Sit, then. Please.”

“You’re being ridiculous.” But she did sit back down. “But if I’m sitting, you need to stop cleaning. You know I’m done trying to have everything perfect around you.”

He was glad his back was to her. Her remark stung. “I didn’t always do the dishes to make you feel bad. Sometimes I was trying to help.”

“After a while it didn’t feel like that. After a while it felt like it was just one more area where I wasn’t good enough.”

Unspoken was the comment he’d made that he’d already wished a hundred times that he could take back. The comment about how maybe she should have taken better care of herself…

So many memories. So many missed opportunities to clarify things. To say what he really meant. “I can’t sit still. You know that.”

“I do know.” After a moment she whispered, “So are you mad?”

“No.” To his surprise, he wasn’t. “I’m just shocked.” Quickly he turned the water on full force, almost welcoming the scalding spray on his forearms. “Why didn’t you tell me? Earlier? When you first found out? Did you really think I’d freak out or something?”

“No. I knew you wouldn’t do that.” As if she, too, was attempting to speak as thoughtfully as possible, she said, “Believe it or not, I didn’t realize I was pregnant at first. At first, I just thought I was tired. And then, oh, I don’t know, I was sure I was coming down with the flu. I guess I should have known better. Babies have always come so easily to us.”

“I didn’t think about it, either.” Actually all he’d been
trying to think about was how he was going to tell himself that sex with Shawn wasn’t still amazing.

She got up, crossed the room and finally stopped to lean against the white-tiled countertop. “I never imagined I’d be in this condition again. Especially after last time.”

“I know what you mean.” To his dismay, he’d never even imagined the possibility, either. Diving his hands into the hot water, he retrieved a fork.

Just like old times, she picked up a towel and started drying the dishes as he handed them to her. “Don’t ask me to sit down again. My ankles are fine.”

“I won’t say a word.”

Her working next to him at the simple task of cleaning the dishes made him remember their first apartment on base. They’d had an old two-burner stove, a tiny fridge, a stained sink and about three drawers.

“So the baby will be born when?”

“September. She’ll be born around Labor Day.”

“That’s a good month.”

Her lips curved. “I said the same thing. We don’t have any birthdays in September.”

Perhaps this was all meant to be. Perhaps they were meant to be together, for whatever reason. “Shawn, do you think we should get married again?”

Taking a cereal bowl from him, her eyes sparkled. “I can’t believe you’re asking me.”

“Why? You don’t think I’d want to?”

“I thought you’d
tell
me.” She gave him a mock salute. “Order me, like one of your men.”

“You were never that.” With a glare, he handed her a mixing bowl. “I’m asking now. Will you, Shawn? It would be the right thing to do.”

“I’m going to have to say no.”

His hands stilled in the soapy water. The instantaneous relief he expected didn’t come. Neither did sadness. “Shawn, think.”

“Eddie, believe me, that’s what I’ve been doing. All that getting married again is going to do is give us one more reason to argue.”