Beneath It All (Beneath #1) (11 page)

Noah opted not to be present in the room for my injection. It was rather simple but hurt like hell. They brought me back to the ultrasound room that I so enjoyed on my last visit and had me lie down like before. In walked Dr. Frank.

“Good morning, Victoria. How are you doing this morning?” he asked out of common courtesy. We both knew how I was actually doing, so I responded with, “I’m doing fine.”

“Great,” he said. “I’m going to have a nurse help me with the ultrasound picture so that I can place the needle in the right area for the injection. It will burn a little, but it’s a quick injection.”

The nurse started pressing the ultrasound wand under my arm to locate my lymph nodes.

Bingo!
She found the strike zone, and Dr. Frank quickly injected the dye.

Damn
 . . . I could still feel the burning sensation where the injection had been as I walked back out to the reception area to find Noah. I wondered if I was glowing from the radioactive dye, but I didn’t bother to ask. He wasn’t in a joking mood today, even though I needed it for my sanity.

We walked hand-in-hand back to the surgical waiting area, and they got me comfortable in a little curtained-off room with a warm blanket. Noah sat next to me with his elbows propped up on his knees and his fingers in a steeple under his bottom lip. He was deep in thought when we heard a tap on the wall just outside the curtain.

“Hello, Victoria and Noah,” said a familiar voice, as the curtain slid to the side, and Dr. Forrester appeared with a smile on his face. “How are you doing today?”

“Good, I guess. Just a bit nervous, but that’s to be expected, I assume.” I smiled weakly at him. Noah just nodded and stayed silent.

“I’d be concerned if you weren’t nervous,” he said while he flipped through my chart. “I got a call from Dr. Lauren, and he’s on his way, but the slick roads from the snowfall are slowing him down a bit. We’ll start the surgery as soon as he arrives and scrubs in.” He placed the chart back down at the end of my bed. “I’ll be the one to mark you for surgery anyway, so we’ll get started. It shouldn’t be too long once he gets here.”

He walked over to the side of my bed and asked me to scoot to the edge, facing him with my legs hanging over the edge.

“Great, now I need you to drop the top of your gown, please,” he said as he pulled out a purple Sharpie marker.

I raised my eyebrow at him. “A Sharpie marker? Really?! I thought you would have some high-tech medical marker and not a regular old Sharpie,” I joked.

That brought on a laugh from the good doctor. “Still witty under pressure, I see. Believe it or not, a Sharpie is my marker of choice as it doesn’t rub off easily, and I want to make sure that Dr. Lauren follows my markings for the mastectomy.”

I dropped the top of my gown as he knelt down in front of me. “Okay. Please rest your hands at your side.” He started to draw lines and make little markings like I was a piece of construction paper and he was a scribbling preschooler. “Can you stand up, please?”

Trying hard not to lose my cool with this gorgeous man on his knees in front of me, I stood up and left my arms at my side. A little bit of nudging, readjusting my breasts, a few more purple sharpie marks and he was done. He signed his name on the top of my right breast. I looked up, questioning: “What are you, a rock star or something? I didn’t realize I was getting your autograph, too.”

“Very funny. It’s actually required by law that I initial my markings for surgery. It’s a security and safety precaution for you and for me,” he explained as he put the cap on his marker. “I’m all done. Do you have any more questions for me before surgery?”

I shook my head no, but Noah spoke up.

“Do you know if Dr. Lauren will come out once he’s done with the mastectomy to let us know how things went?”

“Yes, he will come out after he’s done and I’ve started the reconstruction. The pathology report on the sentinel node dissection will be back from the lab, and he’ll share the results with you at that time.” He grabbed the pen on the clipboard and scribbled something on my chart before hooking it back on the bed. “You can also expect me to come out after I’m done with the reconstruction portion of the surgery when Victoria is in recovery.”

“Okay. Thank you, Dr. Forrester.” Noah stood to shake his hand. “Please take care of her in there.”

“I’ll do my best—Victoria is in excellent hands today.” He turned to me and patted my shoulder. “As soon as Dr. Lauren arrives, we will get you back into the operating room. I promise to take great care of you.” With a reassuring smile and extra squeeze to my shoulder, he left the room.

The anesthesiologist arrived next to review my chart and inquire about any known allergies to medications. Because I was adopted and this was my first major surgery, I didn’t have any that I was aware of. He reassured me that I was in good hands and that his assistant would stop in prior to surgery to give me something to help me relax.
I was ready for that right about now!

The wait for Dr. Lauren to arrive didn’t take long, and he stopped by for a quick hello and to see if we had any questions. At this point, Noah and I were both in a fog and didn’t need to ask any more questions; we just wanted this over. The last few weeks had been building up to this moment, and the anxiety was starting to kick in.

My sarcastic humor had vanished, and my nerves were making my insides tremble while we waited for the surgical team to arrive to cart me off. The anesthesiology assistant stopped in to introduce herself before preparing to inject something into my IV line. “I’m giving you a light sedative to take the edge off. This will help you relax a bit. You’ll start to feel its effects pretty quickly.”

She wasn’t kidding. I felt like I was flying over Disneyland and my body took on the feeling of a bowl of pudding. I smiled over at Noah and told him just that. He just shook his head and couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto his face as he leaned down over me.

He placed a soft kiss on my lips and then my temple before whispering, “I love you Victoria, and I’ll be holding your hand in my heart the entire time. I’ll see you after surgery.”

“I love you too, and everything will be fine, I promise,” I said as two other people from my surgical team arrived and started moving stuff around on my bed. I heard a loud click and was moving. “Let the ride begin . . . this is fun!” I yelled and turned to look at Noah and blew him a kiss with a smile. He stood and waved, and I noticed his eyes filling with moisture as the doors closed behind me, but I was so loopy it didn’t hit me until later . . . much later.

*

I heard mumbling as I tried opening my eyes. Someone was talking to me, but I had no clue where I was.

“Victoria, can you hear me? How are you feeling? Do you feel any discomfort?”

I tried to move my arm, but it wasn’t budging. Next, I tried to open my eyes, figuring that would be easier. Everything was fuzzy and dim as I squinted and tried to focus on the movement next to me; it wasn’t successful, so I just shut them.

“Victoria, I’m Cara, your post-op nurse. Your surgery is over, and you’re in recovery. How are you feeling?” she asked.

“The sentinel node? Was it positive?” I somehow managed to mumble, though my mouth felt thick and dry.

I think I heard her say “negative,” but I wasn’t sure.

“What?”

“It was negative,” she whispered before sleep took over me again.

Time passed. I’m not sure how much to be exact, but the next thing I knew I was ready to be moved out of recovery. “We’re going to move you up to your room now. I’ve given you another dose of morphine for the transfer. Best of luck, Victoria.”

Closing my eyes on the journey up to my room was easy, the lights whizzing by were making me nauseated. When I sensed that I was close to my room, I opened them when I felt the presence of Noah and my parents nearby. Noah reached out to touch my head and kissed me. “May I come in with her?” he asked as they opened the door to my room.

“We need to get her settled first and then you can come in.”

Noah nodded and stepped back, making room for them to maneuver my bed into the room.

Once inside, they parked me next to another bed and started moving cords around and untucking and tugging on the edges of the blanket I was lying on.

“I need you to lie still and take a few breaths. We’re going to transfer you to the bed now, and you may feel a few moments of discomfort. You need to remember to breathe out the pain,” I heard one of the transfer nurses tell me. I nodded my understanding, not really know what to expect until . . .

Aaaaahhhhhhhgggggghhhhh!
Came screaming out of my mouth, and the most horrific pain imaginable hit my chest like an elephant was stomping on me. The pain was severe and was felt by every nerve in my body, and I continued to scream. Tears instantly filled in my eyes as I screwed them shut tightly while gasping for air to fill my lungs. At that moment, I wanted to stop breathing altogether because—to be completely honest with you—breathing hurt like hell!

I didn’t want to be moved ever again, but, to my displeasure, they weren’t done with me, not even close!

They rolled me to my left side while rolling the blanket under me and then “gently” shifted me to my right side and removed it completely. Now when I say “gently,” I mean they attempted to be gentle . . . but when your chest wall has just been scrapped out like a pumpkin for Halloween, there is nothing gentle about any type of movement. A few more screams of pain, and a much-needed hit of morphine finally made its way into my veins.

When only one nurse was left in the room, I heard the door open, and Noah appeared with a look of distress on his face. He walked up to my bed slowly and looked at me with a look of dread. “Are you okay? I’ve never heard you scream like that in my life, and it took your father physically restraining me not to come in here.” He lifted his right hand to my face and wiped away my tears with his thumb. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Mr. Madison, I need to finish up her vitals and get her settled a bit. I just gave her another dose of morphine, so she will likely doze on and off for a while. You’re welcome to stay if you’d like or go grab something to eat with your family. You look exhausted and need to take care of yourself. Victoria is in my hands, and I’ll take good care of her.”

“Thank you, but I would like to sit with her for a bit and will go grab something to eat shortly,” Noah said abruptly. I heard him pull a chair over to the side of my bed. “Her parents just went down to grab something with her friends, and I’ll go when they return. I don’t want to leave her alone right now.”

The nurse nodded her head in understanding and continued to complete her paperwork and check me over while I drifted in and out of consciousness.

I awoke to whispers in my dimmed room. Opening my eyes, I found my mom and dad standing in the corner talking with Noah. My mom was keeping a close eye on me and glanced over and noticed that I started to wake up.

“Hello there, sleeping beauty,” she said as she walked over to me. “How was your nap?”

My throat was still dry and sore, I assume from the ventilator tube they had inserted during surgery. “Good. Still tired,” I tried to say with a smile, but failed.

My mom pulled my hand into hers and gently rubbed the top in a soothing way only a mom can. “You did an amazing job in surgery. I’m so proud of you, my brave girl.”

“You sure did!” my dad chimed in, standing next to my mom. “You look stunning, by the way, who knew hospital blue was your color?” he joked. Even at the ripe young age of seventy, my dad was still the best at making me laugh. A true master of humor—thankfully I learned from the best!

I tried to giggle, but the pain stopped me dead in my tracks as I winced. A look of concern appeared on my mom’s face. “Karl, don’t make her laugh. Can’t you be serious for a change?” she scoffed.

He gave me a wink and leaned in to my ear: “I’m sorry, honey, but I know you needed a good laugh. I’m proud of you and know you need your rest.” He moved back and kissed my head. “Mary, I think we better get going so they can get some sleep. We’ll be back tomorrow when Victoria has had time to sleep off the meds.”

My mother gave me another kiss and wished me sweet dreams before walking out of my room, holding my dad’s hand. After all these years, they still shared a love that every girl dreams of.

Noah sat back down in the chair next to me. “You’ve been sleeping for about two hours. Jen and Bobbie Jo knew you needed your rest and will be back tomorrow to visit. They said to wish you hot and steamy dreams,” he said with a roll of his eyes and a hint of a smile.

“Thank you. I love you, Noah,” I whispered. “How are you? You look terrible.”

“I look terrible?!?” he questioned in disbelief. “I didn’t go through what you did, and you look amazing.”

“Always the charmer, Noah Madison. Always.”

“Your surgery went very well, and both doctors were pleased with your outcome. The report came back, and your nodes were clear. They removed three nodes total, but there was no sign of cancer in any of them.”

“I asked my nurse in recovery, and I think she told me it was negative, but I don’t totally remember. They had me doped up on some serious meds,” I confessed as my eyes started to get heavy again.