Authors: Chanel Cleeton
Luke takes another sip from his glass.
My gaze is focused on the point where his Adam’s apple bobs up and down, to that smooth expanse of skin, as I attempt to discern his tell.
We didn’t have a relationship before. Not even close. We had one night. One night when I gave him my virginity and the heart I didn’t even know I had. My knowledge of his body was confined to a few hours of exploration, and still, the sight of him sends a hum of recognition through me and a sharp pulse between my thighs. There are flashes when I think I can read him, and then he rips those away, the wall slamming between us.
I look away for a beat, concentrating on his voice instead, on the answers I desperately need.
“I was on assignment. It was supposed to be a standard job. A government official they needed taken out.” He takes a final swig of the liquid, draining the glass dry. It hits the wood table with a clunk, but I doubt he even notices. He’s somewhere else as he continues his story with a battered voice and tired eyes. “They wanted me to take him out in his office. I went in like I was a cleaner. That was the plan, at least. They wanted him shot.”
It likely wasn’t in the U.K., then. In a country that banned guns, a shooting death would have made the news.
“When I pulled the gun on him, there was this moment before I pulled the trigger.” Luke’s voice is ragged now. “I don’t know why I hesitated, but for an instant I looked away from his face and I saw a picture on his desk. He had his arm around a woman. Two kids sat next to them, a Christmas tree in the background.”
Never get close to targets.
This is why they drill it into us. It’s a lot easier to kill a stranger—especially a stranger who has committed prior evil deeds—than to kill someone who becomes more than a name on a file. It’s a rookie mistake. I’m surprised Luke fell for it.
The Academy does the best they can to train our humanity out of us.
“In the moment I hesitated, he talked to me. He knew who I was. Not my name, of course, but he knew who sent me.”
“That’s impossible.” We don’t exist. “What did he say? Exactly.”
“He didn’t call them the Academy. He called them Ares.”
“Ares?”
“Greek god of war.”
My knowledge of mythology is a few steps below my history knowledge.
“Ever since I heard that name, I started investigating. I think Ares is the organization behind the Academy, pulling the strings.”
For a moment I can’t speak, the words trapped in my throat. A secret organization behind the Academy? It had occurred to me that there was likely some infrastructure in place, some authority beyond the Director. But what purpose do they serve? And how has word of their existence gotten out? And why am I learning about this from Luke?
“I think he was one of us,” Luke adds. “I think he was an asset.”
No way.
“What did he say about this organization?”
“That they’d been lying to us all along. That we’re basically mercenaries, our missions farmed out to the highest bidder. That all the bullshit they’ve told us about writing wrongs and dispensing justice is crap. That we’re killers. Killing the innocent and guilty alike for their agenda.”
Anger bleeds through his words. Luke was never the type to be happy as a pawn, and his disgust is even clearer now that he’s older and had a taste of life out on his own.
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I’ve had my doubts about the Academy. It’s why I go to the church in Knightsbridge; it’s that voice that lingers in the back of my mind. This isn’t a good life, but it’s the only one I have. The only one I’ve ever known. I can look myself in the mirror everyday because despite the things I’ve done, I’ve always thought I was doing good—acting for a cause greater than myself.
What if I was wrong?
“Did you kill him?” I ask.
“No. I wanted answers and I wasn’t going to kill him until he told me what I needed to hear.”
“Did he?”
“No.” Another dark look flashes across Luke’s face, and the pain there nearly steals the breath from my body. “He swallowed a pill and took his own life. It happened so fast—hell, it was so unexpected—I didn’t get a chance to stop him.”
“Why wouldn’t he try to bargain with you? Why wouldn’t he want you to spare his life?”
“I don’t know.” Luke leans forward, lacing his fingers together, his shoulders hunched. “I think he was more afraid of something else. Something worse than me. And maybe he thought this way he could keep his family safe.”
“Have you checked on them?”
“They’re gone. All of them. Like they never existed.” He sighs, meeting my gaze. “I’m not lying to you.”
It’s not that I don’t believe him. Not exactly. But if he’s right, everything I’ve believed about my life up until this point is a lie. I trusted them with the most important thing I have; I gave up everything to keep my sister safe. And now with a few words, Luke has shattered the only security we’ve ever known.
“What information did you find on Ares?”
“Hardly anything, which tells me enough. I started trolling the Internet—anonymously, of course—for anyone who’d heard of them. I got a few hits from assets all over the world. They said they’d heard of Ares, but no one was willing to talk beyond that.”
“That’s not proof. For all you know, Ares is a completely separate entity from the Academy. You don’t know that they’re even connected. What you’re doing right now is enough to get you killed. And for what? You could be wrong about all of this.”
“I’m not wrong. You know I’m not. Haven’t you felt it?”
“We kill people, Luke, so whatever the reason, yeah I pretty much figured that wasn’t standard behavior. We’re not normal. We’re pawns to them; I’ve always known that. I’m not stupid.”
“I never said you were.” The look in his eyes changes to something speculative that sends a wave of fear through me. “Is that why you changed your name? Because you aren’t a person anymore?”
I freeze, whatever compassion I had for him quickly evaporating. He always was a calculating boy. Now he’s a dangerous man.
“I don’t want to talk about my name,” I bite out.
His voice is silk, curling through my insides, leaving a shudder in its wake.
“Why not, Alexandra?”
###
I had a different life once. I may only remember pieces, but I remember enough. I remember Sunday mornings with animal-shaped pancakes. I remember lying in bed with my sister, telling stories and making funny faces with a flashlight. Pieces—stray images that hit me at random times. Sometimes it’s as though those pieces belong to someone else, as if I am watching a movie of my own life.
I suppose in some ways they do. I can never be Alexandra again. Because I also remember other things—
Darkness. Pain. Fear.
I was already broken before I came to the Academy. I just don’t remember it. Correction—I don’t remember
most
of it.
Everyone knows better than to call me that. Even my sister has taken to calling me X. Though to be fair, she was too young to remember me as anything else. As bad as my life may be as X, life as Alexandra, what I remember of it, at least—was far worse.
“How do you know that name?”
He just stares at me.
My heart pounds, anger building. “Did you look at my file? Is that what this is about? You trying to take me down?”
I was such an idiot for letting my guard down with him. For helping him. He’s used my two biggest weaknesses against me—my past and my sister. I only hope he doesn’t realize my third weakness.
I stand, fury coursing through my body. I grab my bag and Luke tugs on my elbow, pulling me down against him, my hip brushing against his.
“Let me go.”
“Not yet.” It’s as if he’s immune to the rage radiating off of me, his voice perfectly calm. “You still don’t remember, do you?”
“Leave it alone.” I struggle, trying to pull my arm away from him. He doesn’t even budge. He’s like a rock—hard, unmovable.
“You’re scared.” This time there’s no taunt, no challenge, just an almost gentle curiosity that takes me back.
“I’m not the one babbling about conspiracy theories,” I snap.
“It’s not a conspiracy theory.”
“Prove it.”
“I’m trying to. That’s why I came back. If there really is something going on at the Academy, if information on this Ares organization exists, the best place for me to find it is inside the school. It’ll give me a chance to get a look at the Director’s files. I came back because I’m sick of living my life with a noose around my neck. I need answers, and if they won’t give them to me, I’m going to take them.”
This isn’t just risky—it’s suicide.
“You’re using this assignment to get dirt on the Academy. I was just a way to get close to the Director.”
He doesn’t even bother looking guilty. “You owe me.”
“Not that much.”
“You killed me.”
“Attempted to kill you. And I just saved your life.” I gesture toward his bandaged stomach. “We’re even.”
“Like hell we are.”
“I’m not helping you.”
“Too scared?”
“I have too much to lose.”
“You’re almost out.”
Her name hangs between us, and I watch the moment Luke realizes he failed to account for the most important person in my life.
His voice gentles. “Is this the life you want for her?”
“Don’t try to use my sister against me.”
“Isn’t that what they’re going to do? Isn’t that what they’re doing?”
I flash back to the Director’s questions about my sister. “You heard her.”
“Yeah, I did. It’s not just your sister. You have no idea of what it’s like out there. Assets disappear all the time. Why do you think they encourage us to keep from forming bonds with each other?”
It’s not enough to risk everything. I need more.
“What’s your endgame in all of this? You want to make plans? What’s your plan? You can’t just storm the Academy and call it a day.”
He just stares back at me, his eyes unflinching. In some fucked up way, his arrogance is both his biggest weakness and his greatest strength. He thinks he’s invincible, and at times I can almost believe that he is, but then I remember he’s
not
, no one is, and more than anything I’m worried it’s going to get us both killed.
I’m angry—angry he’s pushing me, angry at them for the life we lead, angry at myself for not knowing what to do next. But most of all I’m angry because I’m scared and I’ve never been able to conquer my fears.
“You expect me to follow you blindly, and what, get myself killed? I’m not the same stupid girl who used to follow you around, letting you take the lead. I can’t risk this shit anymore. This isn’t stealing a motorcycle or sneaking out at night. This is the difference between the Academy letting us live some semblance of a life and them killing us. And they will kill us if you do this.”
I’m not sure if I believe what he’s saying or not, but I have to get back to my sister. Now.
“I have to go.”
Luke stares at me in disbelief. “You can’t seriously be going back there? Not after what I told you.”
“Grace is there.”
“We can get her out.”
“Are you crazy? You want me to break my little sister out of the Academy and go on the run. With what money? How the hell are we supposed to survive? We have no friends, no family. We have nothing. We don’t fucking exist beyond what they control.”
Just like they want.
“You have me.”
“Right. Until you decide to get your revenge. That is, if this isn’t your revenge after all. I’m leaving.”
“Don’t be stupid, X.”
“I’m not being stupid. The only stupid thing I’ve done so far is falling for your bullshit. I can’t afford this. It’s too risky. You’re too risky.”
“This is dangerous. Beyond anything you’re used to. Don’t jeopardize everything because you hate me.” Luke reaches out, his hand gripping my arm.
“I trusted you,” Luke continues, his gaze boring into mine. “I told you about this because I trusted you. Are you going to choose them again?”
I hesitate, pulling my arm out of his grasp. He releases me without a fight.
“I won’t say a word. We’re even now.”
###