Authors: Jarod Davis
It was waiting, waiting for inspiration, waiting for some understanding of what she was supposed to do. That whole day felt like sitting through a test where she didn’t know any of the answers. The same question stared at her, but she didn’t know what she was supposed to say. She didn’t know what would happen, and she hated herself for it.
The final bell rang. That meant a ride home, she’d meet her parents, and they’d drive to whichever office or courthouse dealt with disintegrating families. Kayla was pushed out of her last class with the rush of teenagers. The normal jostle to get away from school was more frenzied and frantic and people ran home to get ready for dates or rushed to meet up with friends for some fun.
Kayla sat on one of the benches outside the attendance office. She watched people move past her without looking at her watch, because she didn’t want to know what time it was. She didn’t want to know if she was going to be late. In one motion, she turned off her phone. She didn’t need anyone poking her to go faster either.
“Didn’t anyone tell you? You’re free.” Isaac hopped up onto the bench. Perched on the bench’s back, he braced his elbows against his knees. It made him look like some Renaissance statue. When Kayla just gave a weak smile, he asked, “Are you okay?”
“Nothing new.” Part of her wished she would just get numb to all of this.
“Is there anything I can do for you?” He glanced around, nervous. “If you’re going to cry or something, I could get Erin. I think she’d be better at something like that.”
“No. I’m fine. Really.”
Isaac hopped off the bench. “You know, if you ever want to talk. I’m here for you. And if I’m not, Erin definitely would be. You know, the whole girl thing.”
“Thanks Isaac. I’m fine. You should go enjoy your date.”
“How’d you know what’s where I’m going?”
“That’s where you’re always going.”
“Huh. I guess you’re right.” He didn’t sound like he minded.
Kayla thought she’d be alone. She thought everyone would’ve disappeared from campus like tumble weeds blown off a desert. A couple groups still hung around. There were some tennis players off to practice, a few skaters rolling on the school’s front steps, and a couple stragglers who had to meet teachers or hit detention. Kayla watched them and wondered what struggles they went through. Everyone had some pain, she guessed, some big problem that eat at them. She didn’t know if anyone had it easy. She doubted. She thought she’d like to meet that person.
She leaned down, her head against her knees, and she felt her mouth start to move. There wasn’t any sound. There didn’t need to be. “Please, God, I don’t know what I’m supposed to . I love both of my parents. But I don’t’ know them. I don’t know what happened.” She smirked. That probably wasn’t appropriate, but it fit.
“Really,” she said. “I’m the teen. Right? I’m supposed to go insane and get in trouble. They’re supposed to be the ones all worried and freaked out I’ll do something stupid. I’m supposed to make them go through impossible choices. What happened?” She felt her eyes water, but she clenched her lids shut. “It’s not fair. It’s not fair.”
She didn’t want to complain. “Please. Give me the strength and the wisdom to do the right thing. Please Lord, help me get through this. Help my family get through this. I know they don’t want to do it. I know it’s hard on them, so please help my parents too. Help them find some love, something good. I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say or hope happens. Just help us. Please Lord, forgive us. Save us.”
Without opening her eyes, Kayla sat back up, put her hands on her lap, and waited. She breathed. She didn’t think or speak. She didn’t let anything go. In the silence and dark, she felt the absence of anxiety. Her favorite gift of faith, she knew everything else could fade away. It didn’t have to matter. It was still important, but it didn’t have to eat at her. She didn’t have to lose herself to those worries.
“Do you want to be alone?”
Kayla opened one eye to see Seth standing a few feet away, his hands at his side. Another ten feet back, his two friends scanned the halls like bodyguards. A smile tugged at her mouth as she wondered why no one noticed how freaky that looked.
“I should be.”
“Do you mean that?”
“No,” she said. “Not really.”
Seth sat next to her and put out his hand, but it hovered over her like he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with it. He tried to put his arm around her and touched her shoulder then pulled it away. Kayla shook her head, took his wrist, and pulled his arm around her. In one motion, she put her head against his chest and felt his breath, the beat of his heart.
“I have to make a choice today. I have to decide where I want to live.”
“If it helps, you’re almost eighteen. You’ll hit college in another year and a half. That’s not that long,” he didn’t sound like he believed it.
“Skyler and Everett will probably end up wherever I go. My parents are getting the divorce, but I’ll be the one to tear our family apart.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I know.” She didn’t believe it.
“I wish I could do something for you.”
“You can,” she told him. “You are.”
“Something better than sitting here.”
“Sometimes that’s all it takes.”
“Right,” it still didn’t sound like he believed her, but he didn’t argue. “What would you do?” she asked. It was easier as she watched one of the skaters jump the steps and flip his board. That was probably impressive.
“I don’t think you’d want to hear it.”
“Tell me.”
“It wouldn’t work for you.”
“I don’t care. Tell me anyway. Give me something else to think about.”
“I’d pick whoever I liked more. Sorry. I know that doesn’t help you.”
“They’re my family.”
“Exactly,” he said, “You’re still wrapped up in all of the love and hope you had before the fighting started. I don’t. I would look at whoever I got along better with and go with that parent. Like I said, I don’t think it’ll work for you.”
“That’s very logical.”
“That’s from someone who hasn’t had a family in a very long time.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” She squeezed his hand because it didn’t click. She couldn’t imagine something like that. Even past her brother, sister, and parents, Kayla saw her grandparents and cousins, the uncles and aunts who populated the holidays and those random occasions when they stopped by. So many people were there for her. They’d probably still be around, at least a little, when the divorce was done. She hoped so, anyway.
“I don’t remember anything else. It’s been a long time.”
“Is that true?”
“No,” he said, “I remember.”
“You don’t have to lie with me.”
“I know,” he said, “But I don’t want to think about me. I’d rather help you.”
“I’m not sure if that’s possible.”
“Whatever it takes, I’m here for you. No matter what.”
“Even if I’m a demon.”
“You’re not.”
“You can’t know that,” she said.
“Yeah, I really can. You’re not evil. You’re not selfish. You’re the kind of person that would make the rest of the world pretty freaking perfect if anyone cared a tenth as much as you do. And if the Alliance comes after you, I’ll kill them. All of them.”
“Don’t.”
“There’s no debate on this one,” he said. Tentatively, he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “The world’s dark enough. Anyone who makes it even darker is going down. It’ll be bloody and it’ll be painful.”
“Don’t talk like that. Please.”
“It upsets you. Alright. I won’t talk like that.” She still heard that protective fury in his tone. It scared her even as it made her think that he really cared about her. Yes, it wasn’t healthy, but it was the best he could offer, and she’d accept that, the same way she’d accept the rest of him. He wouldn’t have done that for anyone else. He wouldn’t have risked his cover or his survival.
“Thank you,” she told him. Knowing he cared about her always fluttered warmth through her, a nervous and excited and happy little rush every time.
After a while, he asked, “Did you plan on sitting here for a long time?”
“I didn’t really think about it.”
“Do you want to not really think about it somewhere else?”
“Sure.”
Seth took her hand and they headed back to his car. She had some time, and going home to sit through extra hours of fighting didn’t sound like a good idea anyway. “Is there anywhere you want to go?” he asked as they got in.
Kayla pulled her seatbelt on, “Not really.”
“Somewhere to distract you?”
“I’m not sure if that’s going to happen, but sure.”
“How do you feel about arcades?”
“As long as they don’t get too messy,” she said. Kayla didn’t know how Everett could go through the bloody games he played. At first, their parents said no to the game with the chainsaw that hacked off people’s heads, but enough pleading, prodding, and diligent arguing meant they said yes eventually. That didn’t mean she didn’t think that game, those games, were creepy.
“Got it,” he said, “No zombie hunting.”
Seth drove them over to an arcade a couple miles from the school. Kayla knew the area. There was a little bookstore she went to sometimes, but she didn’t realize there was an arcade a few shops down. The windows were tinted black with just the name, Shadow Games, written over the door in block text.
Seth opened the door for her. Instead, it was dark and colorful at the same time. Screens lined the room at both sides. Despite being Friday, the place wasn’t crowded yet. There were a few boys at some of the games. A couple of them glanced up, surprised to see a girl there. When they saw her with Seth, they returned their attention to their games. Across the different monitors, ninjas fought demons, cartoon characters raced in their cars, digitized dancers hopped around, and musicians wailed on their guitars.
“A good place to distract yourself,” he said. He left her there at the entrance while he went to the front counter. Seth gave the guy at the counter a couple bills and the clerk handed off two cards. Apparently coins weren’t used at arcades anymore. Each game took points.
When he came back, “So what’s your game? Racing? Dancing.”
“No. I don’t do those games.”
“Afraid you’d fall?”
“Afraid I’d fall and somehow cause a fire that got everyone hurt.”
“C’mon, you can’t be that bad.”
“I sprained someone’s ankle the last time I tried.”
“Okay, no dance games then.”
“Air hockey? A classic, but always fun,” she said.
“Okay, but I’m going to win.”
“You think so?” she grinned. “What? Just because you’re the guy and have probably played this a thousand times? Well, guess what, I’ve played a thousand and one.”
“Says the girl who’s scared of a dance game.”
“Says the girl who’s about to beat you,” she promised.
They started through their games. The thwak of the puck against the table’s sides and their paddles burst with each strike. At first, she didn’t know if she could win. Seth’s strikes were strong and random. No, they just looked random. He had a pattern there. He swung straight and to the side even two or three times. It made him harder to predict, but she got it pretty quickly. That’s when the scores shifted and her numbers went up.
“I thought you were going to beat me,” she teased.
“Maybe I’m letting you win.”
“Nope. That’s not it.”
“How can you tell?”
“I see the desperation in your eyes. You want to win, but you can’t, because I’m awesome,” she said, her tone almost a song. She almost felt like she was ten or eleven again, playing with a boy for the first time.
After their first match, Seth shook his head like he wasn’t quite sure how that happened. The score was easy enough to read at nine to seven, Kayla’s win. “See,” she said. He swiped his card again and promised to win this time.