Board Stiff (Xanth) (18 page)

He lifted the board, clearly intrigued by more than punishment. “Well, if you insist.”

“Oh, yes! Lay one on me, delightful man.”

Ease swung the board tentatively. But Kandy enhanced its authority considerably, and she felt the magic of the three princesses magnifying the effect. The board accelerated savagely, striking the bare flesh with a flash like lightning and a clap like thunder. Smoke roiled out from the contact, and when it cleared there was a board-shaped scorch mark across the bottom.

Well, now! Kandy was thrilled to have delivered such a blow to her own seeming body. It served the Demoness right for her identity theft.

“Whoo!” Fornax exclaimed, pleased. “You’ll make some lover!”

The Demoness liked it! That made Kandy wonder just what sort of a lover she was. Did she go for sado-masochism? That was interesting but scary. Ease could not afford to get involved with her.

Then Fornax returned to business. “But before we take it to the next level, signal your ship. It’s wrong to deny your shipmates the pleasure of the planet.”

DON’T SIGNAL Kandy thought. Because the ship would be vulnerable the moment it touched this enchanted world.

“I don’t think I should do that,” Ease said doubtfully.

“Pretty please with sugar on it? I’ll even throw in information relating to your Quest: about the five maidens with the wonderful hair.”

“Five maidens?”

“The Magician’s grandchildren you’re searching for. I will tell you where to find them, and how to invoke the merging spell.”

“Oh, yes!” Ease agreed.

Then the woman’s expression changed. “It’s down! On the far side! While you distracted me. I will make you pay, traitor!” Her lovely features began to change alarmingly. Fangs sprouted, and claws, and dragon-like wings. Those were the nicer features.

“But isn’t that what you wanted?” Ease asked. “For the ship to land?”

The Demoness considered for three fifths of a millisecond. “Yes! Now we’ll deal with it.” She reached out and hooked his arm with a talon.

Then they were on the far side of the planet. It looked hideous, with barren craters and lava flows. There was the ship, with the crew talking with haggard centaurs. It was obvious that the centaurs had not been well treated, and needed to be rescued.

“Gotcha!” Fornax cried. “You’re in my power at last. I’ll torture all of you until the ransom comes.”

“Ransom?” Ease asked.

“A Demon Point. You wouldn’t understand, lout.”

Arnolde Centaur, the Magic Officer, gazed at her. “What is this? We merely came to rescue the centaur colonists. Who are you?”

“I am Demoness Fornax, mistress of this sorry planet, you doddering fool. I set this trap so that I could gain a point on the Demon Xanth, who has interfered with me too often. Now join the chained creatures, since you are now of their number.”

“I think not,” Arnolde said.

“Are you completely senile, you ancient gelding? Move or be moved.”

“Don’t aggravate her, Arnolde,” one of the chained centaurs said. “She’s merciless when provoked. We learned the hard way.”

“She does not have the authority to do this,” Arnolde said. “This is not her planet or her galaxy.”

“Listen, you flea-bitten nag,” Fornax said. “By the time any Demon of this galaxy catches on, I’ll have the bunch of you in my home galaxy where they have no power. Then you had better hope that Xanth ransoms you back promptly, because you will not be enjoying your stay with me.”

“I think not,” Arnolde repeated.

Kandy almost had to admire the old fool’s stance. He was not so old that he did not recognize the threat, yet he persisted.

“That does it,” Fornax said. “I have lost my patience with your folly, cretin. Take that.” She raised her claws. Lightning magic streamed from them to strike the old centaur. Kandy winced as well as her wood allowed.

The lighting surrounded Arnolde, illuminating him in silhouette. But he did not seem to be in pain. “Is that all you have, Demoness?” he asked.

The others were astonished. So was Fornax. “You can’t be resisting my magic! You’re an inferior mortal!”

“I am neither,” Arnolde said. “Now try this.” He gestured, and the lightning curled back on itself, reoriented, and shot back to surround Fornax, little bolts eagerly seeking her flesh.

“This is impossible!” she protested, fending it off with her claws. “You can’t have Demon magic! Who are you?”

“I’m so glad you finally asked,” the centaur said. Then he changed form, becoming a donkey-headed dragon. “I am Demon Xanth, and you are now in my power, Fornax. I have caught you messing with my creatures in my home galaxy, where my power is greater than yours.”

Kandy and the others were awed. They were witnessing a Demon encounter! None of them had known that the Demon Xanth was hiding among them. His counter-trap had just worked, nabbing Fornax.

“Oh bleep!” Fornax swore. “Now I’ll have to pay a Demon Point!”

“At least,” Xanth said. “That will be negotiated by the Council of Demons, since there was no preliminary agreement on the terms of this encounter. Until then you will be remanded to your galaxy under supervised house arrest.”

“What supervision?” she demanded. “The lout? I will corrupt him in seconds.” She resumed the form of the dream girl, complete with the welt on her lovely backside. Kandy had to admit it was a very shapely welt.

“Not exactly,” Xanth said. “Princesses?”

The three buttons on Ease’s jacket expanded rapidly, becoming the three princesses, fully clothed.

“Yes, Demon Xanth, Melody said.

“We volunteer,” Harmony added.

“We always wanted to see the CT galaxy,” Rhythm concluded.

“These three Sorceresses are under my protection, to be treated as honored guests for the duration,” Xanth said. “You will not soon be seducing or corrupting them, I think.”

“She sure won’t,” Melody said grimly.

“We’re not into dream girls,” Harmony agreed disgustedly.

“But spanking her again might be fun,” Rhythm concluded zestfully.

“Curses, foiled again,” Fornax muttered darkly.

Then the Demoness and the three princesses disappeared. So did the donkey-headed dragon. Xanth had accomplished his purpose and moved on to other Demon business, such as negotiating Fornax’s penalty.

“Well, now,” Captain Grey said. “It seems we can rescue you centaurs after all. I admit it was uncertain going there for a bit.”

“If you please, Captain,” a centaur said. He was no longer in chains; they had vanished with the Demons. But he remained haggard. “We no longer need to be rescued. We prefer to remain here and make of this planet the paradise we had planned. It will be hard work, but we can do it.”

“But it’s a desolate wasteland!” Grey protested. “You’re in no condition!”

“Exactly,” the centaur replied. “But in time, with our attention, it will become a perfect centaur residence, and we shall be healthy again. We will enjoy the challenge, now that there is no malign Demon interference.”

Grey was moved. “If that’s the way you want it, you shall have it. We’ll spend the night, then take off for home.”

That was the way it was. The members of the Quest borrowed a vacant stall and settled down for the night. Soon Ease was asleep, and Kandy appeared, ready to compare notes with the others, play chess with Pewter, and maybe tease Ease a bit more as his elusive dream girl.

“What is that?” Astrid asked.

That was when Kandy discovered the formidable shapely welt across her backside. It seemed the Demoness had left her a parting gift. “That bleep!” she swore.

Chapter 8:

Fornax

In the morning they had come to an agreement: they would not make the tedious space journey back to Xanth, but jump to the new Event from here. It did not seem to make a difference where they were when they evoked a sequin, so why wait?

Mitch approached Captain Grey to explain that they would be leaving. “But you’re part of this mission!” Grey protested. “We can’t strand you here with the centaurs!”

The three princesses approached them. “They have special magic, Father,” Melody said. “They’re on their own Quest.”

“That’s how they joined us,” Harmony added. “They weren’t part of this mission originally. They invoked a Sequin Event.”

“And they can move on as readily,” Rhythm concluded. “They won’t be stranded here, and the original members they replaced will return to take their places with the mission.”

Grey shook his head, bemused. “In that case, Daughters, I’ll let them be.” Then he did a double-take. “But aren’t you three in Fornax, supervising the Demoness while she’s under house arrest? What are you doing here?”

“We are there,” Melody agreed.

“But also here,” Harmony added. “To explain.”

“We’re ad-hoc illusions,” Rhythm concluded.

Then the three princesses vanished.

Grey sighed. “I fear I’ll never truly understand teenagers.” He glanced at the Quest members. “I wish you the best in your next Event. I do appreciate your assistance here. If your Quest should ever take you to Castle Roogna, be sure to say hello. I’m sure King Ivy would love to hear your story.”

“We will,” Mitch said. “Thank you for a most interesting Event.”

Then they returned to the stall, where Tiara removed a sequin from Astrid’s dress, both men goggled at the resulting exposure and even Pewter seemed mildly interested, and replaced it.

They were in a pleasant suite of a grandiose stone house. There were five well-appointed bedrooms, each with its own bathroom complete with shower, toilet, basin, closets, and wall-sized mirrors, a living room with elegant pictures on the walls and couches that looked soft enough to bounce on, a kitchen with phenomenal stores of food and drink, and anything else anyone might have thought to imagine.

“Whose royal suite are we intruding on?” Tiara asked.

Then Ease spied a plaque by the door. WELCOME HONORED MEMBERS OF THE QUEST.

A glance fairly banged their faces as it careened around them. “We were expected!” Pewter said.

“But I thought the Events were random,” Astrid said.

“Apparently not entirely,” Pewter said.

“Where
are
we?” Ease asked.

That was the question of the hour.

“Let’s explore,” Tiara suggested. “Just to be sure we’re not locked in a tower.”

They went to a window and looked out. Beyond was cloud-studded open air. The ground was far, far below. “We
are
in a tower,” Astrid said grimly.

“But what a tower!” Ease said. He went out the door, and the others followed. There was a grand hall extending until it curved out of sight.

“I will wait,” Pewter said, remaining at the door to their suite.

They followed the hall past door after door, intersection after intersection, discovering bays and stairways without seeming end. Finally they came back to Pewter without turning around; they had completed a large circle. Pewter had known. It was just as well that he had stayed, because they could have missed their suite and gotten lost otherwise. As if they weren’t already lost.

“Are we alone here?” Mitch asked.

“Maybe we have this floor,” Tiara said. “We haven’t checked the others.”

So they descended to the floor below. It was much like the other, only with a different wall color.

“Shall we make another circuit?” Mitch asked.

“Why don’t the two of you circle,” Astrid suggested. “While Ease and I mark the place.”

That seemed to make sense, so they did it. Astrid sat on the lower steps while Ease looked around the immediate vicinity, peering into rooms. “Empty,” he reported as he returned. Then he froze in place.

“Ease!” Astrid said, alarmed. “Are you all right?”

Then Kandy caught on. PULL YOUR SKIRT DOWN she thought to the woman.

“Oh.” Astrid’s skirt had ridden up over her knees so that Ease had seen under it. “I’m still not quite used to clothing. Or to male’s reactions to it.”

THAT’S WHY I’M HERE. I’M YOUR FRIEND. Which made Kandy wonder: had she been transformed only to serve this purpose, guiding the basilisk in human conventions? No, there had to be more to it than that. She had to believe that.

Astrid covered her thighs, then snapped her fingers.

Ease resumed walking, unaware he had ever stopped. “Nothing there,” he reported.

Astrid smiled, knowing that he meant the rooms. “So it seems that we have at least two floors to ourselves, and perhaps others. But this is curious. Why should there be so huge a tower, so well appointed, with no occupants? And how does it relate to our Quest? I am not making much sense of this.”

Ease opened his mouth to answer, and paused, listening. There was a sound.

“Oh—Mitch and Tiara completing the circuit,” Astrid said.

But then they saw the figures coming around the curve. Not two, but three. Three women. Wearing little crowns.

“The princesses!” Ease said. “What are they doing here?”

The three saw the two. “Ease!” Melody exclaimed.

“Astrid!” Harmony added.

“Why are you here?” Rhythm concluded.

“Oh, my!” Astrid said. “This must be Fornax Galaxy!”

“Of course it is,” Melody said.

“We’re here to watch the Demoness,” Harmony added.

“For the Demon Xanth,” Rhythm concluded.

“We’re on our next Event,” Ease said, covertly eying the three pretty girls. Kandy was getting used to it, similarly covertly tuning into his mind, and even was beginning to appreciate their points as he did. It was simply the way men were hard wired. “We turned up in a huge suite upstairs.”

“We were exploring,” Astrid said. “Trying to make sense of it.”

“The Demoness calls this her cottage by the sea,” Melody said.

“Her incidental lodging,” Harmony agreed.

“One of hundreds or thousands,” Rhythm concluded.

“There’s a sign, by our suite,” Astrid said. “Welcoming us. So someone knew we were coming. That must be Fornax.”

“Where did you use the sequin?” Melody asked.

“On the centaur planet?” Harmony added.

“Where Fornax’s influence may remain strong?” Rhythm concluded.

“That’s where,” Ease agreed.

“But assuming she could hijack our Events,” Astrid said, “Why would she want to? We’re of no use to her.”