Burden (15 page)

I’d never told
anyone I’d loved them—no one. And I’d never been told by someone that they loved me. I wouldn’t know love if it slammed into me like an eighteen wheeler.

But if there was such a thing as love, it was oozing from Hawke.
The sincerity in his deep brown eyes was unparalleled. And there’d always been the hope of more—of a mate who was not only told by nature to be with me, but for a male who loved me—but until the night before, it remained just that—a simple hope.

I wanted to say it, I did. And I felt it. I knew I was a goner when he read to me. But I’d hesitated too long
, and now if I said it back he’d think it was artificial.

But it wasn’t, my love for Hawke was as real as anything I’d ever felt.

As the sun rose, I turned around in his hold just to look at him. We’d been through so much in a short week, and I just wanted to be still and look at my mate. He had a perfect widow’s peak at the top of his forehead. There was one scar, thin and straight that went right through his right eyebrow under the hair. The bridge of his nose was narrow, and the line of his jaw defined and square. When he smiled, a deep dimple appeared on his left cheek, and it almost balanced out the scar. There was a freckle on the inside of his top lip, and it could be seen sometimes when he spoke. I never needed a blanket when we slept and now I thought it kinda pointless making a blanket for our ceremony, but it was too late.

I
leaned on my elbow looking down on him.

I loved him.

Not being able to withstand the curiosity, I touched his abs and watched as the muscles quivered with my touch.

“Careful, mate. My bear and I are liking that a little too much. Wait until after the ceremony for the love of God.”

I didn’t laugh. I needed to tell him now.

“Now you have to promise me something.”

“Anything,” he said as his hands tangled in my hair.

“Promise me that every morning you’ll say good morning and you love me.”

He smiled, “Ok, lay back down, you cheated.”

“Fine,” I threw my head back down on the pillow.

“Good morning, Mate. I love you.”

I inhaled a tremendous breath, “I love you too.”

In an instant, he was hovering above me, in much the same position I had been in before, “Don’t say it just to say it. And don’t say it to placate me.”

“Are you doubting my love?”

“Never. Tell me again.”

“I love you
, Hawke. I was just surprised last night.”

He kissed me then like he was sating an appetite
.

A simultaneous knock on the door and his phone ringing stopped us dead.

He growled and punched the mattress beside him, “I’ll get the door if you can get my phone, please.”

“Sure.”

I answered the phone. It was Martha. She had Elliot and Evan at her house and they’d missed the bus, but she was busy and asked if I could bring them. I quickly threw on some clothes, brushed my teeth and ran downstairs. The Betas were in the living room, very seriously discussing something with Hawke. They were going to be late for work. I grabbed my little coin purse Martha had made for me, attached to my copies of the truck and house keys Hawke had made for me and bolted.

“What’s up?” Hawke asked, while the
Betas bared their necks.

“Evan and Elliot missed the bus again
, and Martha is busy. I’m going to bring them to school.”

“I have to go to work.”

“I know, I’m sorry, no breakfast for you.”

“No sweat. Thank you.”

“Ok, I have to go. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

There was some jeering from the Beta Comedy Quartet, but Rev just smiled. Hawke hadn’t told them of the new Beta arrangements, so he showed up just in case he was needed.

He pulled me in for one, two, three kisses before I finally made a run for it. I walked over to Martha’s house, put the boys in the truck and then took off towards the school. The kids had to point, givi
ng me directions to get there—and then I heard one of their stomachs rumble.

“Didn’t you eat breakfast?”

“We ran out of milk-- and we’re not supposed to cook when Mom’s not home.”

I looked at the clock and saw they boys still had forty minutes before the tardy bell rang. The times of the bells were typed in bold
at the top of the list of students who’d been truant.

“Let’s go get some food.”

I drove them to the first place I saw, a Jack In The Box drive thru. The boys could eat, I’d give them that. They each ate huge breakfast sandwiches, hash browns and each drank two orange juices and two milks. I’d parked in the parking lot and waited until they were done before continuing on. We arrived at school ten minutes before the tardy bell and they didn’t hesitate to remind me about our fire making pact.

I drove home, but Hawke was already gone, leaving a note telling me that it wasn’t nice of me to leave that early in the morning. I cleaned the house quickly, two people didn’t really make a big mess and did all of the laundry.
I knew Martha was busy and I’d woken up early, so I decided to curl up with the quilt that always rested on the couch and decide exactly what kind of feast I’d make on Sunday. I grinned at myself as I planned the meal. It was the first time I’d planned a meal which would feed those I loved.

Sometime later,
I heard and smelled him, I must’ve dozed off somewhere in planning. He was heating up food in the kitchen. Either I’d slept a long time or he was home early. Walking into the kitchen, I noticed he looked so serious.

“Why so serious?”

“Hi, did I wake you?”

“No.”

“Do you mind running with the clan tomorrow night? And did you know clan is not really the word we should be using?”

“Running with the clan is fine. And what word are we supposed to use?

“Rev says the official word for a group of bears is a sleuth. He said one of the Alphas changed it hundreds of years ago and it stuck. Weird.”

“Yeah. So, you avoided my question.”

“I was thinking about taking my mate on a date.”

“That’s all?”

“Yes.”

I looked over at the clock
, and it was only noon.

“You’re home early?”

“Half days on Fridays. Where do you want to go?”

He walked over to me, kissed me once, short but very sweet and I wrapped my arms around his waist.

“Somewhere quiet.”

“Quiet? I can do that.
Monday, I’ve hired some people to come in and do some repairs around the lands. It’s been needed for a while. I called that doctor for Clarissa this morning and she will be here this afternoon. Clarissa doesn’t know it, but she doesn’t have a choice. It’s not healthy for her children. And I had the van towed to Ernest’s repair shop.”

“Wow, all I did was bring some kids to school, make a menu and take a nap. You were industrious today.”

“I did have one more job I thought we could do together after we eat.”

“What’s that?”

“Moving all your stuff into our bedroom.”

I looked up at him, his jaw was taking responsibility for the stress by ticking back and forth.

“That sounds like a fantastic idea.”

We ate together and for the rest of the day we changed the bedroom from his to ours
, which didn’t take long considering I had very few possessions.

He turned to me suddenly as I was hanging up the last shirt, “I have an idea.”

“Tell me.”

“There’s a cabin. I don’t think anyone’s been up there in years. It’s an hour drive. We can spend the night and be back here for the meeting in the morning. But I don’t know what kind of condition it’s in. We might be disappointed.”

“Why didn’t anyone go up there?”

“I don’t know. Can you pack us a bag while I tell the
Betas we’re leaving the lands?”

“Of course.”

He talked on the phone while I packed a small bag full of things we might need and before I knew it, we were on our way. We stopped at a small grocery store, the last one, Hawke said, we would hit before the cabin. He laughed at my junk food and I made a face at his non junk food. It was already getting dark when he veered onto a tiny dirt road. We drove further and further on the darkened path with water to one side and Cypress trees to the other. If there was a cabin out here, I was sure it’d been swallowed up by an alligator.

And then he turned left through an opening of trees
and I saw it.

It was a tiny cabin, couldn’t have been more than
four hundred square feet—made entirely of wood, it showed no signs of wear on the outside despite its surroundings.

“You look scared. It’s just a cabin,” he smiled at me
, grabbed a flashlight and then got out, coming around to open my door. We went to the back where he pulled our bag, and another I hadn’t packed out of the back of his truck.

We went inside
, and the place looked clean, even though Hawke had said it wasn’t used.

“Maybe someone keeps it clean for the clan?” He asked himself.

A double bed, made of logs took up the center of the room, a makeshift bathroom was in the corner with its own log door and walls and two simple rocking chairs and a one legged table filled the other.

The striking of a match startled me as Hawke turned off his flashlight and lit an older looking oil lamp. It gave the whole place a glow that no light fixture could compare with.
A shiver vibrated through me. It could never be as cold down here as it had been at the grizzly lands, but I was freezing just the same.

“You’ve got your own personal heater, you know.”

“I do know. Thank you.” He’d bundled me in a hug.

“I don’t have my books,” I pouted.

“That’s why tonight, I thought I’d tell you all the stories my mom would tell me, since you were denied those.”

“Only if they have a happy ending. I hate tragedies.”

Ten childhood stories
and thirteen seriously adorable fits of laughter later, we lay together, contented in the silence.

“I can hear everything out here.”

“Mmmmmhmmm, like what?”

“Like the splashes of the fish or alligators, s
omething scurrying in the mud—and the screech owls—I have to admit those kinda creep me out.”

And then, as if the Creator Himself heard her hidden plea, ticks and plops of rain pummeled onto the tin roof of our cabin
, covering all other unwanted sounds. The first rumble of thunder startled Echo and she hid her face against my neck.

“Two things, screech owls and thunder.”

She nodded, her nose pressed against my chest as it moved up and down with her confirmation. The big bear female was scared of two things that no bear should ever be scared of.

The only thing I knew to do about it was hold her and create another sound she could take comfort in. But I’d forgotten my iPod—all I had was me. I began to hum
Northern Wind by City and Colour. I knew she didn’t know the words but I reverberated the sounds like words from my heart to hers. Hooking her leg around my hip, she nestled in closer, turning to press her ear against my chest. And then she sighed again, the contented sigh of my joyful female.

This was more than the mate-claim.

It was more than love.

More than a fluttering of our hearts, or a tingle when she entered a room.

My mate owned me. And I was happy to be her property.

By the time I’d hummed the song twice over, she was fast asleep. And in case we did have the Creator’s ear that night, I sent him a simple plea. Long gone were my whines for myself and my failures in running
the clan, formed just for me, I whispered, “All I want is for my mate and my clan to be happy.”

I woke her up early the next morning so she co
uld see the swamp in the beauty of the dawn, the mist that danced on the top of the water, the dew clinging to the nests of Spanish Moss hanging from the trees.

After stopping for breakfast in town, we got back to clan lands in time to shower and get dressed before the meeting. I’d procrastinated telling Flint and Tarrow they’d been relieved of their Beta duties. I hated to hurt them or make them think they’d done an insufficient job.

We gathered around my desk after the formalities were out of the way.

“First things first. Tarrow, you’ve done the best you could given the screwed up finances of the clan you were left with. We appreciate your commitment and dedication
to the clan, but Rev is going to handle the finances from now on.”

Tarrow sat back in his chair and I tried to think of the many ways I could apologize to him, “Thank you Alpha. Not only w
as I ill equipped for the job—I just kinda suck at it. I’m no longer a Beta, right?”

The room chuckled at his great and apparent relief, “No, you are excused from this meeting.”

“I’m going back to bed then. Have fun.”

He was gone before we could even say goodbye. So I turned my gaze to Flint.

“I love you like a brother, Flint, and you’ve served me well. But you have two sons and twins on the way. You are so busy with clan business, you’re stretched thin. Go home. When all your cubs are grown, come back and help me, my friend.”

There was a clear mix of disappointment and a lift
ed weight removed in his face—but he bared his neck and left without a word.

I only
had Aspen, River and Rev now as my Betas. The meeting was conducted with a different air. No longer was it a pseudo-frat meeting in which we pretended to really do business; Rev and I kept the itinerary running—always on task. We updated Aspen and River on the state of the finances and informed the two of the announcement to the clan the next night. We would tell the entire clan that their electricity bills, property taxes, and other utilities would now be taken care of by the clan. That was the positive. The negative was that the clan would begin to give five percent of their pay to a clan fund to take care of insurance, property taxes, security and maintenance of clan lands. I wasn’t sure if that little rule was going to cause an upheaval, but it had to be done to ensure we never got back in the hole my father had left me in.

Echo and Martha were taking care of the dinner the next day and we expressed our desire for every clan member to feel comfortable in our home—and to come to us directly with any concerns or problems.

We also informed them that Echo and I would be shifting with the clan that night. Just the mention of it caused a blush to roar on her face and warranted chuckles from my Betas.

“Any other business?”

River looked at me, wanting to say something. But I knew my best friend—it wasn’t good news.

“River?”

He cleared his throat, “There has been talk of the grizzly clan where our Coeur came from in talks with the Lafourche Alpha, to take his place. They want to take over the lands and then challenge you for our lands. That’s their plan. We got that news from the wolf pack Alpha, Schuylar. His wolves have continued surveillance on the grizzlies for us.”

A tremble passed through my female as she heard those words.

“I know that before I encouraged you not to join our packs, but things are certainly different now. Everything has changed with the Coeur’s presence. I think it would be best for you to take over the lands now.”

I rubbed at my temples. Did the ebb and flow of stress never cease?

“I need to speak with the Coeur about it in private. I will give you my answer tonight before the run.”

They all left after showing their submission, “Rev, stay a minute.”

I caught him before he left, “What do you think?”

He cracked his neck, “I disagree with River, no disrespect. If you move now, and take the lands just because of some gossip, it will look like you’re afraid of the challenge, afraid of them taking the LaFourche lands. However, if you wait until more concrete news comes through, then taking over the lands will show them the true strength of your po
wer. Call the LaFourche Alpha—and listen to his attitude. He and your grandfather were best friends at one time. I can’t imagine him handing over the Alpha position to a grizzly. It would drive all of the black bears out.”

“But he and my grandfather no longer spoke after the mating ceremony to my grandmother.”

“That’s because originally she was his mate.”

Echo sprang to life, “What? How can that be?”

He turned to address her question, “There are things that can break the mate bond if the proper ceremony is not completed. That’s what Cannus did. He broke the mate bond and then took her for himself. She was not his created mate. His created mate denied him.”

I never knew that, one more thing that was hidden from me. “It always confounds me how you know more about my family than I do, Rev. But, I am grateful for it.”

“And I am grateful to the Alpha and his Coeur for bringing the scribe out of hiding.”

He bared his neck again and left the room.

I dropped my head to the desk, letting my forehead thump on the beveled edge.

“I think Rev’s right. Acting too hastily will look like fear.”

“Me too. I don’t like the chance of those grizzlies being so close to you.”

“I’m not
afraid anymore. You’d tear them all to shreds.”

My bear glowed under the weight of her praise but I ticked my jaw, even the thought of something happening to her was unimaginable.

“I forgot to tell you something this morning,” She got up from her seat and perched on the edge of the desk in front of me.

“Did you?”

I laid my forehead against her knees, and she wound her hands through my hair, her nails scratching my scalp.

“Yes. I forgot to tell you that last
night was amazing—and we should go there after the mating ceremony. It would be perfect.”

In seconds I’d dragged her off the desk and onto my lap. “What did you say,” the voice that rumbled out of me was
all animal. He took over as soon as she said mating.

With both of my hands tangled in her hair, I pulled her face to mine, crashing our mouths together.
Her hands splayed over my stomach, making every cell in my body flare to life. Her hips and torso swayed into mine. I felt her lips curve into a smile, breaking from mine and I groaned, not yet ready to release her mouth.

“I can’t believe you’re mine,” she breathed, placing innocent pecks on my neck.

“I am. And as much as I am enjoying you on my lap, if we don’t get out of this position, I’m afraid waiting for the mating ceremony won’t be an option.”

She giggled and stood, “You wanna come with me and Martha to the grocery store?”

I crinkled my nose, “I think I’ll pass. You girls have fun, though. And be careful.”

“
I love you, Hawke.”

“I love you, Echo.”

It hadn’t gone without notice that it was the first time she’d said it first. She grabbed her wallet, attached to her keys. I’d stashed five hundred dollars in cash in it just in case she ever needed it, along with her new debit card. Shortly after she left, I received a call from Ernest, and with a change of tires, a paint job, and a tune-up, the previously unused van was now properly equipped to bring all of the clan’s kids to school every day. I would call Principal Landry Monday to let her know the bus would no longer have to make a stop here. Maybe that would relieve some of the bus driver’s burden as well. A knock on the door brought Adam inside, thanking me for the help, in the form of the psychologist, who’d arrived at his wife’s home earlier. I offered him the full support of the clan in cleaning out the house and getting it back to normal living conditions.  He thanked me again, and before he left he hesitated, clearly wanting to say or do—something. Then he turned and threw his arms around me in nothing less than a bear’s hug.

“Thank you. And please thank the Coeur.”

“I will. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you.”

“They’re right. You two will be the ones to bring this clan to its full potential.”

“I hope so.”

He left and for the first time I breathed
a sigh of accomplishment as an Alpha. Things were turning around, and it was all because of Echo.

I sent another quick prayer to t
he Creator to let me keep her—because I didn’t honestly think I could live without her anymore.