Consumed (Addicted to You Book 1) (17 page)

“You invited me to join you tonight,” she smirked. “Did you mean in that?”

My heart leaped at the idea that maybe Colby was going to compromise. If she was willing to spend the evening with us, she might be willing to be a friend again and stop trying to make me choose.

“No,” I laughed. “are you really going to join us?”

“Only if there’s enough Chinese for me,” she laughed, grabbing the bags and plopping on the side of me that Spencer wasn’t on.

For the next two hours I felt like I had my best friend back. She was laughing, smiling and even being friendly to Spencer. I hadn’t seen her like that in a very long time and it made me happy. We watched the movie and ate dinner, all three of us, as friends.

I’d catch Spencer looking at me and he’d smile and squeeze my hand. He knew. After all I’d shared with him, he was aware that seeing her enjoying time with both of us was my dream come true. For once I could feel good, believing that everything was going to be okay.

“I’m going to go to bed,” she stood up and smiled at both of us. “I had fun. See you soon Spencer,” she grinned and turned to walk away.

“Wow,” I heard myself say quietly.

“That was a surprise,” he agreed. “Bad timing, but good thing.”

“It was the worst timing,” I laughed. “But, we could always go in my room and finish discussing that idea.”

“Much as I’d love to babe,” he stood up and began to get his things together. “I have work tomorrow and I need to get some rest.”

“Oh,” I was disappointed. I’d thought that he was staying, at least for a while. “Okay then.”

“Don’t,” he urged. “Don’t guilt me.”

“I’m not,” I lied, knowing damn well I was hoping it’d work.

“Yes you are,” he argued. “Stop that.”

“Are you angry?” his tone took me by surprise. “I was just teasing.”

“Well, you are just teasing a lot,” he snapped.

“Spencer,” I felt tears in my eyes. “It isn’t a big deal.”

“Apparently it is,” he was still angry. I could see it on his face.

“No,” I argued. “It’s really not. I promise.”

“Maybe we need a break,” I felt the breath catch in my throat once again.

“Wh..wha…what?” I stammered.

“A break. Maybe we need some time apart,” he was calming down, but his words didn’t change. “This is too much pressure.”

“Pressure? Spencer,” I reached for him and he backed away. “I was joking. We were just sitting here watching a movie and holding hands. How did we go from that to this?”

“Because it wasn’t enough. It never is. You always want more Avery,” he looked at me. “I think we should have some space and see how we feel.”

“But…”

“Don’t argue it. Instead, think. Decide if you are happy with me or if you just want me to change to be what will make you happy,” he turned as if he was walking out.

“Spencer,” I cried out, watching him stop walking. “You make me happy. I love you.”

“I love you too Avery,” he said softly. “That’s why I’m doing this. Goodbye.”

And once more my entire world walked out the door and I felt my body collapse onto the floor. He was gone. Everything had been fine and he was gone.

“What was that noise….” I heard Colby come out of the room. “Avery! What’s wrong? Ave? Are you okay? Talk!” her words were coming in, but it was taking me time to process them. “Avery?”

“He wants space,” it was all I could get out before the sobs took over. I didn’t say anything else. Colby slid into the floor with me, wrapping her arms around me and just held me as I cried. She wasn’t aware that I heard the words she mumbled under her breath as she did.

“Son of a bitch,” her voice was barely audible. “I’ll fucking kill you.”

Chapter 19

For a moment Luke stared at me as if he were trying to decide if I was for real. Could it be possible that he’d stumbled upon a woman that was hell bent on hating most men and wanting them dead? Deciding that I’d been teasing, he stepped a bit closer.

“Not a party person, I see?” the statement ended up sounding more like a question.

“Not particularly,” I shrugged.

“Then why come?”

“Mainly for my friend. She wanted to come,” I pointed to Colby’s mess of blonde hair. “But I thought it’d be something to check out before we leave. Once in a lifetime kind of stuff.”

“I know,” he nodded. “I wish I had the chance to stand in a corner, drowning my sorrows in booze, and pretending I didn’t exist. But those moments are so hard to come by.”

If I’d been in a normal frame of mind, I’d have found his sarcasm amusing. But in my state of mind, it was offensive. I knew that I was a letdown at being human, I didn’t need to be reminded.

“And what do you propose I do, Luke?” turning the question on him saved me from acknowledging what he’d said to me, but came out sounding on the edge of foul and bitchy.

He was correct. I was hiding in a corner, drowning my life away in booze. I was almost certainly the most wretched party guest.

Waiting on a reply, I tried to figure the guy out. He seemed genuinely interested in talking with me, but I didn’t know why. All I was convinced of was that he wasn’t good at taking hints. Mainly the ones that said I wanted to be alone.

I really had no interest in chatting with everyone. That was what led me to the corner. But I was particularly lacking an interest in the male populace. Nothing about me was ready to meet up and mingle with new men. People that would want things from me. Love. Trust. Affection. Sex.

Luke didn’t seem to be trying for that. He hadn’t said or done anything to make me believe that was hitting on me or expecting anything really. It seemed his goal was more along the lines of friendship and leisure. The kind of person you hang with at the party and then never see again.

It would have been nice of me to just tell him upfront that I wasn’t interested. Not just in men, but in chatter. I wanted to sit alone and drink and try to force myself to feel human. But I never said it. Probably because he had started off with pointing out my loner status and I didn’t want to feed into that any more.

So I responded and forced myself to appear somewhat sociable. All the while I knew that I wasn’t doing a very good job of it.

“You could start by telling me your name,” It was easy to see that Luke was as excellent at deflecting as I was.

“Avery,” I admitted. “That was hard. What is next?”

“Well, Avery,” he began. “What do you find enjoyable?”

“Not much lately,” it sounded like a serious buzz kill, but it was the reality.

“That sounds very, um, dull,” he’d struggled to comment without insulting me.

“Boring. Mopey. Sad. Depressed. hopeless.” I started ticking off the way I felt and the things I’d heard. “Take your pick.”

“I’d prefer to see a smile,” the comment, meant to be polite and thoughtful, actually infuriated me to some extent.

“Well, I doubt I’ll be smiling anytime soon Luke,” my eyes dropped. “Sorry to disappoint you.”

“I bet I can change that,” he teased.

“I like confidence,” my head shook from side to side, “but that might be overreaching.”

“I told you,” he continued. “I’m the life of the party.”

A smile played at the corner of Luke’s lips and it reminded me of Spencer. They looked nothing alike. Spencer was the hot guy that everyone wanted. Everyone. I still wasn’t sure how I’d landed him. But Luke…he wasn’t.

Still, the way he cocked his head to the side, creased his brow and turned up one side of his mouth to smile- it was just like Spencer. With a simple motion, my wall buckled and I felt my body nearly collapse in the floor.

I doubled over to try and stop the ache from tearing me apart. silently I reminded myself to inhale and exhale until I calmed down. I didn’t need to end up a frantic mess at the party.

Is this ever going to stop? I asked myself as I took in yet another breath. I was pretty sure that I was going to be half-alive for as long as I lived.

“You okay?” Luke stepped forward and placed a hand on my back in comfort and alarm; but the gesture made me irate.

“Get the hell off of me!” I shouted, unfairly, to the guy I’d just met.

“I’m sorry,” the regret was genuine, but I couldn’t seem to calm my disposition.

I half anticipated Luke to take off. The fanatical loner drunk chick at the bar couldn’t have been much enjoyment. Besides, I’d screamed at him for absolutely no reason. But he stayed. He just decided to get quiet.

Chapter 20

“So, what are you planning to wear?” Colby was munching on pizza as we discussed our evening plans. “I wish you’d eat some of this. It’s fabulous.”

“I’m not really hungry,” my appetite had left when Spencer did. His break had wound up being long term. He’d been gone for over a month.

Some of my life had slipped back to normal. I no longer sat curled up in the corner of the couch crying, or shut down and refused to talk to anyone, but I still wasn’t quite myself.

The thought of him would bring tears to my eyes whether I wanted them there or not. So I did the only thing I could do. I avoided the subject. Even with Colby. Whenever she brought up his name, which happened a lot, I’d shut down and change the subject. Eventually I’d learned to just fake my way through the things I didn’t really want to do so that she never realized how badly the situation was affecting me.

That night, I was going to a party she’d been invited to. It was the last place that I wanted to be at, but it was important to Colby. If I refused, she’d just start talking about how horrible Spencer was and all the reasons she’d never liked him. It was easier to get dressed, smile and pretend.

“You’ve lost a lot of weight Ave,” she shook her head. “I worry about you not eating.”

“I’m fine,” I lied. “I ate a big lunch.”

Colby didn’t know what I’d eaten that day. She didn’t work in my office and hadn’t seen me spend my lunch break alone, head lying on my desk, sobbing.

“What did you eat?”

“I had a cheeseburger and fries,” I continued with the lie. “Trust me, I’m good.”

“I don’t believe you,” she looked at me skeptically. “But I can’t do anything about it. So, what are you wearing?” her eyes lit up with excitement. “Can you imagine the guys that will be there?”

“I was going to ask you what you think I should wear,” the best way to distract Colby was to put her to work helping me prepare for a social engagement. She loved it.

“Oh my God,” she screamed. “I have the perfect thing! Hold up,” she practically ran out of the room and I had a moment of peace. It was funny how close we’d become again. She was there and enjoying life with me, only she didn’t realize I wasn’t enjoying much of anything. “Look at this!”

I turned and saw the outfit that she’d picked out. It was from her closet and not mine. The skirt was cute, but a little shorter than I typically wore. The light shade of coral would actually compliment the tan she’d forced me to work on and it wasn’t her typical tight, body clinging style. . She had paired it with a white, spaghetti strap tank that flaunted more than I would ordinarily choose. But I had to admit it was a cute outfit. I just happen to think it’d look better on her.

“And these shoes make it even more fabulous,” she held up a pair of white heels with a dash of coral that matched the outfit perfectly.

“I swear,” I shook my head. “Having you is like having my very own clothing boutique. I’ve never seen that outfit before,” I mentioned, taking the skirt in my hands and feeling the soft silky material.

“I know,” she shrugged. “I bought it for you.”

“What? Why?” I couldn’t believe that. It looked nothing like anything I’d ever choose.

“Because I knew it’d make you look fabulous,” she smiled. “But I had to wait until you were receptive to me choosing your clothes. Which never fucking happens.”

“Well, guess it was your lucky day,” I faked a laugh and took the clothes from her. “I will go try them on.”

It took me about twenty minutes after getting the outfit on to be okay with how it looked on me. I decided that it definitely needed more and I sat in my room applying makeup and searching for some jewelry that would compliment it. Every so often Colby would yell and ask if I was ever going to show her, which I’d always answer with maybe.

Finally I walked into the living room and the expression on her face was enough to make me certain I’d keep the outfit forever.

“Jesus,” she exclaimed. “You look amazing,” her eyes were still wide with surprise. “Even your hair looks perfect. I’m great at this if I do say so myself.”

“You should get a job doing this Colb,” I flattered her. “You’d have a waiting list.”

“I know,” she beamed. “Wow.”

“So now here I sit, all decked out and ready to go, and you are still in your pajamas,” I laughed, pointing at her sweats and tank.

“Hey, give a girl a break,” she joked. “I haven’t had a day to lay in my pajamas in months.”

“Well go get ready before I decide mine look comfy,” I sat on the sofa and waited, hoping she’d take forever and I could somehow manage to get out of the majority of the party.