Cowboy on the Run (10 page)

Once outside, she embraced the night, welcoming the way darkness never judged. If this was so wrong, why did it feel so right? Inhaling a shaky breath of air, she scanned the parking lot for Nate.

She heard the rumble of a motorcycles engine and her head spun in the direction of the sound. As soon as she saw him, she waved her hand in the air. “Nate. Wait, Nate,” she screamed over the motor’s steady purr.

He shot a glance over his shoulder and revved the engine. Accepting the invitation, she jumped on the back. Throwing her arms around him, she consoled herself in the scent of worn leather. He shifted the bike into gear.

For miles, the steady vibration of the motor eased her anxiety. How could this not be right? So what if he was going to break her heart again? It didn’t matter...not tonight. She would pick up the pieces tomorrow. Tonight, she was going to find herself in his arms again. No remorse. No regrets. No guilt.

Swerving onto the long dirt road leading toward her house, the fairy tale came to an abrupt end, until he turned into his driveway instead. Relieved, Jessie relaxed again, her body molding into his back.

“I’ve got something to show you,” Nate shouted over the low purr.

When stopped, she jumped off, waiting for him to kick down the kickstand and turn off the motor before replying, “I’ve already seen it.”
And I’m not against seeing it again
. Her thoughts flirted with danger. In an instant, she’d been transformed back into the old Jessie, and she welcomed the unguarded girl with open arms. She didn’t need to protect her heart from him. Not tonight.

He smiled and headed toward the barn.

Her lungs refused to hold air. Entering the barn, she gasped for breath as images of their time together replayed in her head...his touch on her bare skin...promises he would love her forever.

“Can you see the progress I’ve made?” he asked, interrupting her thoughts.

“Huh? Progress?” Confused, she wondered what he was talking about. Why wasn’t he tearing her clothes off? She was ready, and so tired of the game they’d been playing. This longing, the consistent need, reaching a boiling point.

“Yeah, Jessie, progress. I told you I had plans. The barn is just the start of them.”

J.W. neighed for attention, and Nate dropped her hand, walking over to the horse. He reached in his jacket and pulled out a sugar cube. “Here you go, boy.”

She glanced at him, confused as he shrugged sheepishly.

“I keep a couple in my pocket. J.W. loves them. He’s got a real sweet tooth. Don’t you boy?” He rubbed the flanks of the large stallion. “It’s not so weird.” He turned back to her, a boyish grin gracing his features.

“Who is it you’re trying to convince, me or you?” She giggled as her desire shifted to a low boil. There was something endearing about a man who harbored sugar in his pocket for his horse.

“Me, I guess. Then again, maybe I was trying to impress you. You know, make you love me like you used to.”

J.W. nudged him with his nose, and he turned his attention back to the horse, retrieving another cube.

Jessie sighed, knowing she should come to her senses. But she didn’t want to. Couldn’t. Not now. Besides, it was too late. She walked the length of the barn, diverting her attention up to the rafters.

“I put a new roof on the barn.”

She nodded, drawn to the loft. Her body quivered in response, recalling the first time they had made love had been there.

“My dad wants to re-roof our barn,” she commented, changing the path her mind was headed. “He can’t do that kind of stuff anymore. He can’t even climb a ladder for Pete’s sake,” Jessie snapped, more out of concern than frustration.

“Because of the stroke?”

She cast a glance in his direction. “You know about his stroke?” Of course he knew. It was obvious to anyone who spent a little time with her father. But when had he spent any time with her dad? Startled by his searching blue eyes, she changed the subject. “So, what is the big plan?”

“I’m going to turn this place into a boy’s ranch. You know, for kids who need something positive in their lives?”

Nodding her head, she knew he was speaking about himself, from experience. “A boys ranch, huh? Who would have ever guessed you would do something of the sort, Nate Walker?” Jessie poked him playfully in the ribs with her index finger, despite the doubts swirling in her head.

Same old Nate
. She sighed. Not much had changed about the person who stood in front of her. He was still the troubled man from her past, rarely finishing what he started. She continued to play along, certain the idea would never amount to more than anything beyond the conversation they were sharing.

“And what about these boys? Are they law abiding citizens or criminals?”

“I wouldn’t say they were criminals,” he returned with a grin. “Law benders.”

“Uh...huh. I see.” She nodded her head.

“Small stuff.” He grinned. “Candy bars, fights, that kind of thing.”

“So, you’re telling me these...ah...law benders won’t sneak over to my house in the middle of the night and kill me in my sleep?”

“Oh, I doubt they’d kill anything. Unless you’re a candy bar.” He chuckled. “They’re just boys, wards of the state. Since most of them were already in the system, they got sent to the Corral. Now, I’m taking some on.”

Nate shrugged his shoulders, and she found herself locked in his determined stare. He spoke with such conviction, and she wanted to believe him.

“I’m not promising these boys won’t end up at your house in the middle of the night, staring up at your window all starry eyed, trying to catch a peek of the hot Jessie Calhoun. Hell, I can’t count on both hands how many times I did just that.”

Her face warmed from the compliment. She couldn’t remember how often he had showed up at her bedroom window and talked her into sneaking out. Most of her summer nights had been spent escaping with him to the river.

He stepped closer, surrounding her in his dizzying scent. The distinct incense of male and leather emanated off him. His fingers skimmed her face, the caress soft, yet strong at the same time. In an instant, her low simmering desire returned to a full boil.

“Remember? I would wait for you to climb out of your window, and we would head to the creek?”

The heat of his hand grazed her jaw line, tilting her chin upward.

“I couldn’t wait to hold you in my arms again. There were nights I thought I would die if I didn’t see you.”

The pad of his thumb stroked over her bottom lip causing a slight tingle from the feather-light touch. He was so intoxicating she couldn’t breathe, her lungs once again refusing to inhale air. She needed a little distance.

“I remember,” she said, stepping back.

How could she forget? Jessie tried to diffuse the longing spreading like wildfire through her limbs. Then why the sudden desire to run?

She didn’t think she could go through with this after all, wanting more than just a roll in the hay. She needed him to love her.

This hadn’t been part of her plan
, she rationalized her retreat, irritated at herself. So much for just satisfying her needs, putting a stop to this raging carnal hunger scratching at her insides. The last thing she wanted was to complicate things with her emotions...with love.

“Yeah, I remember, too.”

He took one step forward, breaching the slim gap between them, pulling her to him. “There were nights I thought I would die if I didn’t see you,” he repeated, allowing the words to sink in. “Worse after I left.”

The candidness of his last statement left her speechless. Jessie tore her view away from the heart-wrenching honesty she saw in his gaze. His confession swept her off her feet, knocking down the protective wall which had taken years to build. And when his lips brushed against hers, she had no reservations left. She drank him in, opening up to the tenderness of his kiss.

As if she’d been hit by a locomotive, she’d forgotten how potent a kiss from Nate could be. She surrendered to this need, wanting more.

The kiss deepened, his mouth no longer gentle but demanding. Searching...needful...hungry. His hand, hot like a flame, scorched the naked flesh of her lower back, reminding her of how much she wanted him...all of him.

His manhood, hard and insistent, pressed against her, reawakening memories of the uncontrolled passion they’d shared. As if her skin were on fire, her body sizzled, melting into him.

Without a word, he stepped back, and cool air divided their bodies.

“I, ah...I should get you home,” he said, offering no explanation as he reached for her hand.

Numb, she accepted his lead, following him out of the barn, confused by what just happened. It didn’t make sense. What had made him pull away? Hadn’t he felt the same surge of desire? Or had it been just her?

“Do you mind if I walk you home? There’s a storm headed our way.”

She agreed with a slight nod of her head, even though the sky looked anything but stormy. A full moon illuminated their path, and she focused on the trail. Staring at the ground, she imagined this was what it was like to wade through quicksand, and it described her relationship with Nate to a T. Treading in constant motion, but never getting anywhere until there was nowhere left to go.

The first mile they walked in silence, both trapped in their own thoughts, hers a confused collection of why’s and what happened.

“Where did you go?” Jessie asked, breaking the silence. She chose her words with care, hiding her emotions. On the inside, she was defeated, her thoughts a frenzied turmoil of unanswered questions.
Why wasn’t this enough for you? Why wasn’t
I
enough?

“Just about everywhere.” He released a heavy sigh. “I envied that about you. Even as a kid, you knew exactly where you wanted to be—here. Me, I wanted something else. I wanted to be anywhere
but
here.”

His confession hit hard, the jab ripping apart her already tattered heart.

“You were always content knowing this was your home. I never felt the same way. I never felt like this was home.”

She hadn’t been enough for him then...or now. His brutal honesty broke her heart into thousands of shattered pieces. Hadn’t she wanted to hear the truth? Well, she got what she asked for.

Thankfully, the glow of her porch light in the distance appeared. Never had she been happier to see the light, like a beacon, welcoming her home.

“Yeah, I guess I liked knowing what to expect,” she admitted, angry at herself for not being adventurous enough to want to venture past the world she was so comfortable in, even if the sacrifice would’ve been made only to keep him close.

“I was always so...restless, so discontent with my life.”

There it was again, salt poured onto the open wound, the pain fresh and new again. Her love hadn’t been enough to keep him.

Jessie swallowed hard against the lump forming in her throat, remembering his angst, always trying so hard to fix him.

She bit back the sting of threatening tears as he continued.

“I guess I felt kind of unfulfilled, you know?”

Jessie nodded. She knew what he wanted. He needed her to tell him it was okay. That his desire to see the world, to see what was beyond the life which restricted him was normal, accepted by her. So, she did, swallowing her pain, although it was killing her inside. Her thoughts screaming,
how could you?

“Yeah, I get it. I understand.” Her words came out full of compassion, understanding. Lies. But she said them willingly, unable to cope with the truth. She didn’t understand. The one thing she did grasp...her love hadn’t been enough then, and neither would it be now. Nor would the love of her children.

Finally, he had admitted what she had needed to hear so many years ago.

She stopped and faced him. Gripping both of his hands in hers, she lost herself in his stare. Despite loving him just as much now as she had then, she had to let him go, again. She deserved this closure, not just for herself, but for her children.

Rising on her tiptoes, she kissed him goodbye...for the very last time.

Chapter 11

Alan closed and locked the door of the Lucky Horseshoe. It had been a long but gratifying evening. Inhaling the fresh air, he double checked the lock and welcomed the night. The dark quiet was appreciated after the loud evening of eighties music.

Other than a nagging headache, he was rather pleased with the night’s events, replaying the scenario in his head as he whistled a joyful little tune. Jessie had seen with her own eyes the father of her bastards hadn’t changed. A smug smile spread across his face. No, tonight couldn’t have gone any better if he had planned it himself.

“What are you so friggin’ happy about?”

He heard the angry shout from the west end of the parking lot, alerting him to the vague form of a man.

The face was hidden in the dark shadows, but he knew who the voice belonged to having listened to the nasally whine with its tell-tale drunken slur at least once a day for the past year.

Jimmy Greenwood.

“You know she left with him. Saw it with my own two eyes.”

Confused, Alan walked across the way to confront the man who lay in wait, enveloped by the blackness like a coiled serpent.

“Saw what, you stupid drunk?” He scowled, his mood mutated darker than the blackest black. How fast the man changed from being a hero. Now, he was just a drunk fool needing the aid of a car to stand upright.

“See? Isn’t this her car?” Jimmy peeled himself off the hood of Jessie’s Ford Escort, stumbling as he tried to find his balance.

Alan recognized the small, compact car, his focus drawn to the clear prism heart hanging from the rear view mirror, a token door prize at last year’s Christmas party. Every employee, including himself, had received one. Charming, his father had called them. Cheap was more like it. Ed, known as a miser, saved money by buying the prisms by the dozen.

“Who’s stupid now?”

Jimmy’s whiny voice filtered into his thoughts, reinforcing the obvious fact. He was an idiot, believing Jessie’s lies as she raced out of the bar. She’d had no intention of going home. She was with
him
.