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Authors: Kevin Sampsell

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Creamy Bullets

Creamy Bullets

FICTION

by

kevin sampsell

chiasmus press

PORTLAND

Chiasmus Press

www.chiasmusmedia.net

Copyright ©2008 chiasmus press and Kevin Sampsell

All rights reserved

PRODUCED AND PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

0-9815027-3-3

978-0-98150-273-1

cover design: Pete McCracken

interior design: Matthew Warren

ebook design: The People’s Press

www.pdxpeoplespress.wordpress.com

Praise for

Kevin Sampsell’s Previous Works:

 

“Not only do Kevin Sampsell’s short stories have some of the most lively opening lines I’ve read since Donald Barthelme’s; not only do they combine surreality with pathos; his stories also non-didactically offer important lessons for the attentive reader:
1.
On a first date with Satan, don’t open your mouth too wide;
2.
Don’t throw a sunflower at your girlfriend’s head;
3.
Don’t introduce your mother to the guy who’s stalking you;
4.
Lost glove collecting is a hobby that leads to melancholy and vice versa. For a strange but somehow also incredibly useful education in contemporary American life, read his work.”

—MATTHEW SHARPE,

author of
The Sleeping Father
and
Jamestown

Beautiful Blemish :

 

“Sampsell’s prose ranges from taut to indifferent, bearing occasional whiffs of Charles Bukowski and Richard Brautigan, as well as Chris Ware and Dan Clowes, and his stories are full of horniness and wonder, morbid speculation and strange coincidence. For readers with tastes that range outside the mainstream, this is a gem of warmhearted idiosyncrasy and oddball observation.”


Publishers Weekly

 

“Sampsell is a master of the deadpan outrageous. His best stories hit two notes at once: funny and gross, creepy and sad, pathetic yet noble.”


Willamette Week

 

“So, I’m sitting here today. Kind of putting off writing again, and I’m reading Kevin Sampsell’s new book called
Beautiful Blemish
and making all of these sounds out loud and alone. Loud laughing, but also those sort of shakes of the head where you just say, “Man…” and you sort of soak in exactly what it is Kevin Sampsell can do with words and, more amazingly, how he always seems to do it.”

—DAN KENNEDY,

author of
Rock On
and
Loser Goes First

A Common Pornography :

 

“Kevin Sampsell’s stories are brief incantations, uppercuts to the gut, prose poems given over to the bloodiest realms of the self. It’s all here: the emotional squalor, the sweet bite of loneliness. Make no mistake: Sampsell can write like hell.”

—STEVEN ALMOND,

author of
Not That You Asked

 

“Beautiful and strange.”


Geist Magazine

Acknowledgements:

 

Fresh Salmon in
Opium

Girl Drummer (originally titled Drums) on
Minima

Bubbles in
Stray Dog
and on
Sniffy Linings

You and They on
Elimae

This Old House on
Elimae

What Great Tragedies in
LIT

Stomach in
LIT

Cold Cream on
Juked

She Whispers, Nudges, Mumbles Something on
Word Riot

Where Goal Posts Go to Die on
Monkeybycicle
(one sentence stories)

Ice Cream Bars on
Sniffy Linings

Thirteen Mundane Dreams in
Mountain Man Dance Moves
(Vintage Books)

Trails in
Mitochondria
(Bullfight Media)

Don’t Eat Paper in
Quick Fiction

The Takeoff on
Pindeldyboz

Big Cheese was written for a Family Dinner event at PICA’s TBA festival in 2005 and was later published on
Pequin

Sharon Calls in
LIT
, and on
Failbetter

Not a Mermaid in
The Organ Review of Arts
, and on
Bullfight Review

Writer’s Block Theme Song in
The Penny Dreadful Review

Jailbreaker in
Eye-Rhyme

Monogamy on
5 Trope

Fur Coat in
Fish Piss
(was originally written for a Lenny Bruce tribute night)

Flying Horses in
3rd Bed

I Rest Between Them in
Yeti

Headache in
Northwest Edge III: The End of Reality
(Chiasmus Press)

Outside of This Place on
Smokebox

The Show in
2 girls review

Swimsuit Issue in
The Empty Page: Stories Inspired by Sonic Youth
(Serpent’s Tail)

Homewreckers in
Homewreckers: An Adultery Reader
(Soft Skull Press)

Krystal in J
&L Illustrated

Layover (originally titled When He Found Me) in
The Unmade Bed
(Masquerade Books)

Today’s Events on
Mud Luscious

Reunion in
Night Train

Jealousy is Policy in
Sniffy Linings 3
and on
Slouch

Close Your Eyes on
Identity Theory
and in
Barcalounge

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: I would like to thank all the editors who have helped shape these stories as well as my dear friends: Stephen Kurowski, Erika Geris, Jon Raymond, Barb Klansnic, Jackie Corley, Jen Joseph, Magdalen Powers, Mike Daily, Frank D’Andrea, Elizabeth Miller, Elizabeth Ellen, Melissa Lion, Gary Lutz, Michael Murphy, Andrew Monko, and so many others that would take up too many pages.

A special thanks to Pete McCracken (for the awesome cover), Jami Attenberg, Sam Lipsyte, Davy Rothbart, all the chiasmus crew (especially Lidia and Trevor), and my son Zach, who should wait at least five more years before reading some of these stories.

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