Dirty Little Secret: New Adult Rock Star Romance (Not Exactly A Stepbrother Romance Book 1) (10 page)

Chapter Twelve

 

“So you and Bret aren’t really related,” Nikki said the next day at work.

I knew she was going to ask, and all day I’d danced around saying something first. When the subject came up, there was no way to avoid the impact of the explosion. A bomb that cracked the façade that this could ever be okay.

What the hell was I going to say? It looked bad, it was bad, and I couldn’t think of any explanation that made it less bad. Ignoring it seemed like a good strategy. Until I couldn’t anymore.

She’d been moving slowly and painfully, dark circles holding up her puffy eyes. For her it was still yesterday; she and Matt had stayed out all night. I wasn’t in much better shape. I tossed and turned all night, anticipating this very moment, too knotted up to relax.

“We are. My mom married his dad.” Simple. Clean. Yeah, right. “Just not blood related.” Shit, was that an admission of guilt?

“Oh, well that’s good.” She giggled.

I kept working, loading feed into the giraffe troughs and ignoring the sweat trickling down my spine.

“Have you two always been close?”

“No, we hated each other when we were younger.” I hoped Nikki was too hungover to pick up on my voice shaking. “We still don’t really get along, but we’ve been closer this summer, since our dad died.” Or something like that.

“You act more like boyfriend and girlfriend than brother and sister.” Nikki kept working as she spoke. Her words sent shockwaves through my body. She trained the hose on the waterhole but raised her eyebrows when my mouth dropped. “Not that I can blame you. If I lived under the same roof with that hot piece of ass, I don’t know how I’d keep my hands to myself.”

I dropped the feed bag. “There’s nothing going on.” I hoped that sounded convincing. “What you saw last night on the boat—”

“I’m not talking about the boat. I’m talking about all day, Gemma. He couldn’t take his eyes off you. Especially when we played volleyball. It was like the rest of us weren’t even there. I can’t believe no one said anything to you. I was going to make a play for him, but seriously, why bother? He’s all about you. Not that I’m selling myself short with Matt.” She flashed a knowing smile. “The two of you disappeared for an awfully long time yesterday.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Shit. Shit. Shit.
Fuck
. “I went upstairs to change my bathing suit. I wanted to hang out by myself for a couple minutes. You drank a lot yesterday. It might have seemed longer to you.”

“Whatever.” Nikki laughed. “What did you do when you went home last night? If there’s nothing going on, why didn’t Bret come out with us? You both missed a good time, by the way. I’d invite you out another time, but you know, if there’s nothing going on…”

“I went to bed.”

Nikki raised an eyebrow.

“Alone,” I said. “I don’t know what Bret did. Yesterday wasn’t easy for either of us. Our dad died less than two months ago.” I knew I shouldn’t have invited her to the party, but I thought we’d keep it together a little bit better than this. Our behavior on the boat had to be pretty good proof if she had any suspicions. “We had the party in his honor. Yesterday was a rough day.” My eyes burned with emotion. Grief. Frustration. Shame.

Most of all, stupidity. What the hell had I been thinking? That we’d get away with this? Nikki was loaded yesterday, but what about my relatives, who weren’t? My mother? All these little things happening had to be adding up to her. It was a matter of time before she figured it out—or even worse, caught us in the act.

Again.

This had to stop. We played with something worse than fire. A burn would scar. Hurt. But it was possible to recover. We’d never be the same, but we’d adjust to the new normal. There was no adjusting to this. There could never be normal after it. The burn would never go away. I knew it, because the feel of Bret’s arms around me on the boat, holding me, comforting me, still smoldered against my skin almost a day later. He’d touched me in every way conceivable, but never like that before. I couldn’t stop thinking about how good it felt to be in his embrace. But it left me with an ache, like something had broken. And I didn’t know how I was going to recover.

“Did you have fun?” I asked, trying to shake the conversation off, like my boss didn’t accuse me of trying to hide an affair with my stepbrother. My boss, whose boss happened to be my mother. If I had balls, Nikki would have them in the palm of her hand. All I had going for me was that Nikki seemed to know her way around a sack, and she’d probably be nice to me.

“I had a blast. Matt’s amazing. I know you didn’t get a chance to talk to him much, because you were… um, hosting the party, but—like—if I were to write a list of all the things I wanted in a man, it would be him. I only hope it’s still the same after we’ve been apart and the initial impact wears off. We’re going out again tomorrow. He wanted to go tonight, but I need to crash.” She laughed. “You and Bret could come with us.”

“No,” I said too quickly. “I don’t think it’s a great idea.”

Nikki didn’t bother to hide her surprise. “So you’re not a couple. Whatever. You’re my friend, and Bret is Matt’s friend. I’m hoping Matt and I are a couple. Eventually we’re all going to get together.”

I swept up spilled food and put it in the trough. The giraffes didn’t care about the five-second rule. “I can’t go out anywhere, because I don’t have any money. I don’t know if you realize I’m not getting paid this summer.”

“Oh.” Yep, Nikki, it sucked. “I forgot. We don’t have to do anything that costs a lot of money. And I’d be willing to pay your way if you were my wing woman.”

“You already have the guy.” I laughed. “That’s not how it works.”

“I know.” Nikki locked the gate behind us as we left the giraffe area. We didn’t need any patrons getting into places they didn’t belong. “But you’re always so serious here. It was good to see you having fun.”

A little pseudo incest would loosen up almost anyone. “I’ll think about it.”

**

We were so screwed. Nikki was the same drunk and sober. Just a little more intense when she was drunk. She was forward, direct, and got what she wanted. She wanted to get me and Bret to go out, even if it was just to get us in captivity and tease us with a stick until we snapped, and she’d keep at it until she wore us down. It couldn’t end in anything but disaster.

I needed to steer this back to what it was. A battle. A hate fuck. Most importantly, a secret. I had to push aside any respect or feelings I had for Bret and figure out how to top the bastard. He’d worn me down, and I needed to get my eyes back on the prize.

Five million dollars or bust. Stepbrothers be damned. I didn’t have any room for emotion. I had a stack of fucking bills, and the collection agencies had found my number. I’d be damned if I was going to waste my precious cell phone minutes explaining my sorry self to them.

No more emotion. I needed to shove that shit way to the back of the bus.

Bret wasn’t home when I got back from work. Too tired to play games—well, the childish kind, where I avoided him until I came up with my next move in our bigger game—I was glad I didn’t see him. Neither of us had said much on the way home from the marina.

We needed to talk? Yeah right. More like open up a vein, splatter all over the surface of our universe, and leave a bloody, cum-stained handprint as we slid down into the rabbit hole.

It was my turn again, after yesterday’s bottle fucking and public hand holding. Bret had promised he was going to push me to the point where my limits blurred.
Check.
I’d told him my fantasy of being watched.
Check.
There was no way we could ever go out with Nikki and Matt, because he’d have my skirt up around my waist in the middle of the dancefloor and…

I was wet just thinking about it.

He hadn’t told me his fantasy, but if I was willing to bet, it would have to do with giving up total control. Or maybe getting him to completely submit to me had become my new fantasy. The bastard wouldn’t do it for the sake of being polite. Yes. That was what I wanted. The thought of the way his body reacted, like it didn’t even belong to him when there was a chance he could slip through the cracks and fall into another realm, was enough to send me over the edge, too. If I was wet before, I was dripping now. Short of breath, writhing on my bed.

Don’t get me wrong, I wanted the five million. But this wasn’t even about the money anymore. I’d tried to let myself be okay with the fact I couldn’t get him to that place, but the reality of it sat in my stomach like sour milk. It was becoming a borderline obsession, because it was the one thing he wanted and I couldn’t do. I always believed I could do anything if I put my mind to it. It got me in this mess in the first place. After five years in college, and almost a quarter of a million dollars in debt, I was going to do whatever I had to do to succeed. I had to get Bret in my thrall.

 

Chapter Thirteen

 

“Have you talked to Bret since the party?” Mom asked while we had lunch together at work.

We didn’t have a chance to do this often. Working with live animals, we couldn’t always plan our lunch times. Today I was helping her out with some research data—a choice I was sure raised a few eyebrows throughout the zoo, but whatever. Maybe it meant I was going to be hired as a regular employee at the end of the summer. Or I could put it on my grad-school application. And it got me away from Nikki and her never-ending questions about Bret.

“Not really.” I choked on my tuna sandwich, trying to discreetly wash it down with my Diet Coke. I hoped the look she gave me was of concern and not suspicion. “I think he’s been busy with the boat.”

It was her turn to choke on her sandwich. “Really?” She took long sip of lemonade to make the coughing stop. Even better, I was off the hook. “What’s he doing to that boat? If he makes it so I can’t sell it—”

“Ma, he’s been taking sailing lessons.” I put down my sandwich and watched her mouth drop. “I was shocked too. He suggested we all go down to the marina, to watch the fireworks. I figured we’d get kicked out immediately, between him and Matt. They don’t exactly look like the boating type. But he’s got all these old man yacht-owning friends and he fessed up to what he’s been doing.”

“I would’ve loved to see that.” Mom looked close to tears. “Did he take you out in the harbor?”

“No. He said he wasn’t ready for that yet.” Shit. “I don’t know if it was supposed to be a surprise or not, so I guess I’ll ask him, and act surprised if he says yes? But it was nice being out there. Have him take you.” I almost said,
you won’t miss Dad so much when you’re there
, but every once in a while, my teeth caught the thoughts that shot out of my brain at warp speed.

Mom took a deep breath. “Everyone was really happy to see the two of you getting along at the party.”

I could only imagine what they all had to say. If Nikki was right that we sucked at keeping a secret, and they could tell. If they saw us through his bedroom window,
really
getting along. I braced myself for the
but
.

“Thank you for that, Gemma. That party could’ve been really difficult, but I had a wonderful day.”

“I did, too.” The usual road bumps were there, but I couldn’t say any of it was bad. Except for the getting caught part.

“Did the two of you have a chance to talk about the will?” she asked.

More choking on my tuna. Crap.

“You still have a couple weeks to make a decision, but don’t let it go down to the wire. If the two of you can work with each other to put together that party, you can work this out.”

“Sort of.” My heart was frigging pounding. “We’re not really getting anywhere with it. It’s a life changing decision, and I’m not going to concede to him, just to play nice. I’ve been doing that my whole life, and I can’t do it this time. I have to stand my ground.”

Mom sighed and wiped her mouth. “Has he said what he’d do with the money? I know what you’d do with it. But when I ask him about it, he won’t give me a straight answer.”

“I’m sure he’d put it into the band.” Interesting. He didn’t tell me exactly what he’d do, either. Not seriously, anyway. He’d given me a bunch of flip answers. I could tell anyone who asked what I’d do with each one of the five million dollars.

Mom drew her eyebrows together. “You can still split it. I honestly think that’s the best option.”

I shook my head. “Bret won’t do it. Says that’s not what Dad wanted.”

“Whatever you do, don’t tear the family apart. We all need each other, now more than ever.”

It was too late for that. What Bret and I had done, we could never fix. And I liked it that way.

**

“So Nikki and Matt are like a thing,” I said to Bret after dinner a couple nights later.

He hadn’t been home much since the Fourth. I tried not to take it personally, but my, how the tables had turned. Now I knew how it felt, and I didn’t like it. I was on the prowl for him like a rutting beast, and he retreated. Maybe he just didn’t want me anymore. Maybe it had nothing to do with me.

Yeah, right.

He was under my skin, and I couldn’t scratch the itch.

“Yeah.” Bret chuckled. “Matt said. It’s funny, because he’s a real laid back guy, and Nikki’s so in your face. I think that’s what he likes about her.” So they’d talked. I was dying to know about that conversation, but we’d get to it.

“Nikki invited us out with them.” I leaned against the deck railing, as Bret cleaned the grill after tonight’s dinner. His triceps tensed with every stroke of the brush that dislodged the grizzle and cooled fat from the metal. “You know, like a double date.”

The brush stopped. The muscles froze, save for a tick under his skin.

He only turned his head, eyes heavy lidded and obscured by the shadow of his lashes in the waning light. “What do you think about that?” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he waited for my answer.

“I think it sounds like a fucking disaster.” Did his body actually just deflate when I said that? “We should’ve never been so cozy in front of them. It was too dangerous. Nikki keeps asking me questions about you, like she’s going to make me trip up and admit something I shouldn’t. The problem is, it’s not that hard for me to do it.”

“Not going with them is just as bad.” He closed the lid of the grill and turned toward me. “It looks like we’re hiding. We don’t have anything to hide.”

“We have everything to hide,” I said too loudly. Shit. Mom moved around in the kitchen, her silhouette busy against the lights of the house. “Focus. We need to steer this back to what it is. This is why I didn’t want to get anyone else involved. We can’t
hang out
with other people. They know.”

“What is
it
, Gemma?” Bret stepped closer, his voice low and husky. It was the tone that made my nerve endings dance like prima ballerinas. If he told me to take off my clothes right now, I’d do it, with my mother on the other side of the sliding glass door. His gaze fell to the thin white rope in my hand, and his body tensed, but he didn’t ask more questions. The one that lingered between us was already enormous.

“So I’m Gemma now?” I rubbed my thumb against the rope, knowing I had his full attention. Tremors ran through my body, and I didn’t know why. It wasn’t anger or excitement. Maybe it was fear.

“I don’t know who the hell you are sometimes.” Bret sighed. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“What this is?” I asked.

Bret nodded.

“It’s about five million dollars. And the clock is ticking.”

“Like a fucking time bomb.” One side of his mouth lifted in a smile, but it wasn’t sexy. It was feral. Okay, maybe it was a little sexy. He tilted his head in the direction of the rope in my hand. “So what do you plan on doing with that? Do you want me to shove it up your cunt and fuck your ass while I slowly pull it out? Then I’ll tie it around your throat like a collar and parade you through town at the end of it, so everyone will know what a filthy little slut you are. Is that why you’re afraid to go out with Nikki and Matt?”

Holy fuck. The ballerinas jumped in time to the fireworks exploding in the corners of my vision.

“No. You said my secret was safe with you.” And it was a lie, apparently. I pulled the rope taut between my hands, tangling my fingers in the folds.

“It is.” Bret folded his arms across his chest. “But I also told you I was going to push you as far I as could make you go. I’m a lot of things, Gemma, but a liar isn’t one of them.”

I sucked in a sharp breath.
Get out of my head, you bastard.
“I was going to invite you upstairs.” My legs shook under my dress. I’d have to crawl back up to my bedroom. “If you want to find out what the rope is for, I suggest you follow me.”

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