Dizzy Dilemmas (16 page)

“Why the bloody hell did you have to wear white
? It is the worst colour when trying to remain unseen in the dark,” he grumbled as he pulled her around the corner of the building and pushing her up against the wall, shielding her as much as possible with his dark clad body.

“I sincerely beg your pardon for my blunder. Had I known I was going to
be skulking around in the dark, hoping not to be seen, I would have dressed more accordingly,” she replied sarcastically.

“Let this be a lesson to you then Gherkin. Always be prepared even for the unexpected.
” he quipped.

“Are you always
prepared for the unexpected?” she asked him.

“I’m wearing black aren’t I?” h
e replied spreading his arms to show his finely cut evening clothes.

The next thing he staggered back as her left hook connected squarely with his chin.

“Not quite as prepared as you thought for you didn’t see that coming! Just in case you are unsure, that was for slapping my behind!” she announced and turning on her heel, marched off.

             
By the time Glenmore caught up with her, Dizzy had found access to the house via a French door that led into a dimly lit sitting room. She was marching purposely along the room heading for the door when a familiar voice made her steps falter. Going onto tiptoe she edged closer to the back of the elegant couch with its delicately carved lion feet and scrolled arms that stood proudly near the middle of the room and from whence the voice had come, but before she had taken more than a step or two she was spun around by the strong, lean hand that grabbed her arm and hauled against the hard torso of an annoyed Duke who locked her in place simply by wrapping his arms around her and holding fast.

Ignoring all the signs that told her he was about to launch into a tirade probably lasting several minutes, Dizzy whispered, “Shush Glenmore. Listen.”

As much as he wanted to, Marcus could not pretend he did not hear the sounds emanating from the couch; the odd sniffle interspersed with grunts. The initial thought that they were about to interrupt a tryst was short-lived for the grunts were definitely not ones of pleasure and there was a distinct touch of distress in the sniffles. Sighing in frustration he released her and together they edged forward.

Although Dizzy had expected to see her Grandmother, what she saw when she peered around the sofa was most assuredly not expected. The Dowager was lying beneath the rotund form of Colonel Thwaites whom she was attempting albeit unsuccessfully, to push off. 

“Oh thank God, can you help?” cried the Dowager, but before she had finished speaking, the arrivals were already heaving the Colonel into a sitting position.

“Grandmamma, what is the matter? Are you not well Colonel? Why are
his trousers undone?” she asked in a puzzled tone and then as the implications dawned on her she said, “Oh Grandmother!

“Do not ‘Oh Grandmother!’ me, my girl and do not say trousers it is not seemly for a young gel
. They are unmentionables to you!” she said getting back to her normal self now that the weighty form of the colonel was not squashing her.

“I am shocked!” Dizzy announced.

“Don’t pretend to be all simpering and missish now!” she said.

“But you’re a Grandmother!” Dizzy informed her, rather unnecessarily or so Marcus thought.

“So! I am in my sixties, I am not dead!”

“No but
I am afraid Colonel Thwaites is,” Marcus announced before either lady could say any more.

“Are you sure? Perhaps a
nice cup of tea will revive him,”  Dizzy stated.

Marcus glanced quizzically at her but decided now was not the time to tease her about the ridiculousness of her statement so instead told her;
“No Gherkin, he is most emphatically dead. He is as dead as Mustapha. No amount of tea is going to revive him.”

“He was told by his physician six months ago th
at he did not have long to live,” The Dowager explained. “So he decided to live his last months to the fullest. He did not want to lie in bed and wait for death to come, becoming more morose. He wanted to bow out happy and enjoying himself.”

“Well he has certainly done that!” remarked Marcus with a smirk that had Dizzy giggling despite trying to keep suitably solemn, as tradition dictated, the occasion warranted.

“We have been entertaining each other at every party we have attended since the beginning of the season.” The Dowager explained.

“I
really do not need to know that,” Dizzy informed her with a shudder. “There are some things grandchildren really do not need to hear and this is definitely one of them. Next you will be telling me the riskier the assignation the better!”

“Why yes actually
...”

“Stop! Enough I beg!” Dizzy raised
her hands to ward off any more.

“Well you brought it up otherwise
I would never have mentioned it,” her grandmother said then remembering she was the grandmother and therefore the chaperone asked, “Why are you sneaking around with Glenmore here? It is not at all acceptable in a young, unmarried girl.”

“Your Granddaughter had a mishap with the flower arrangements in the ballroom and being a gentleman I was rescuing her befor
e her guilt could be discovered,” Glenmore explained, making it seem so normal and everyday and, as accidents were the norm of Dizzy’s life, the Dowager accepted his explanation without question.

“Then I must thank you for acting so promptly and saving Dizzy from what would have been an embarrassing situation.”

“I was delighted to be of assistance and can only hope it will raise me in her regard!” Glenmore informed her, ignoring the glare being directed at him.

“Dizzy are you growling again? “ The Dowager asked turning to the scowling young woman, who stood looking menacingly. “You should be thanking hi
s Grace for coming to your aid not looking like you want to murder him!” And then in a whisper that was meant to be just for Dizzy’s ears but was actually loud enough that Glenmore did not even need to strain to hear it. “Be nice. He is a potential suitor who is obviously showing an interest.”

“Your whispering is loud enough to waken Colonel Thwaites from his eternal slumbers!” Dizzy informed her crossly. “And no he is not a potential suitor, believe me!”

“Can’t you recognise good husband material when you see it?” The Dowager continued ignoring her granddaughter’s comments about the volume of her whisper and continuing at the same level so that Glenmore actually caught himself glancing at the Colonel to see if he was beginning to stir.

“
Obviously you can’t if you think he qualifies,” Dizzy retorted, not bothering to moderate her voice at all and thereby making the whole conversation, whispered on one side and normal tones on the other rather peculiar to say the least.

“He is rich, handsome, charming and a Duke! What more do you want?”

“Do not be fooled Grandmamma. He is conceited, arrogant, annoying and threatens young women with physical violence.” When her Grandmother looked confused she clarified her statement. “He threatened to spank me!”

“But
I would have made it a pleasurable experience,” Glenmore told her, causing the Dowager to choke on a laugh.

             
How long their bickering would have continued had a sudden noise not stopped them was anyone’s guess. They stood still and listened as a group of people; gentlemen going by their voices, made their way along the corridor. Their conversation became louder as they approached the door and Dizzy held her breath fearing discovery and rapidly trying to concoct a tale that would explain away the tableau they presented with her Grandmother looking dishevelled and the dead Colonel with his trousers around his ankles. Nothing she thought of could make it seem in anyway normal however, and therefore it was with profound relief that she realized the voices had passed the door and were continuing along the corridor.

“What are we going to do?” she turned instinctively to Marcus for an answer.

“Give the Colonel his dignity back by getting his clothing in order and then we will place a drink in his hand so when he is discovered it looked like he passed away whilst enjoying a glass of fine brandy. I shall arrange for him to be discovered by our host just as soon as you two are well out of the way.”

“
Thank you Glenmore,” Dizzy said in formal tones though her next comment rather ruined the effect, “My Grandmother; who is seventy by the way and not in her sixties as she professes, and I are most grateful for your assistance.”

“I am not seventy…” The Dowager blustered indignantly and then recalling that she had indeed celebrated her seventieth birthday, continued. “It is not significant anyway. One is as old as one feels and a lady is entitled to keep her age a private matter.”

“Dizzy you must be dancing with the fairies if you think for one minute I would believe your Grandmother was seventy. When I first met her I mistook her for your mother,” Glenmore said, believing it to be a good opportunity to win over the Dowager even more though from her not so whispered comments he knew she was already a staunch ally.

“Flattery
my boy will get you everywhere,” The Dowager informed him whilst patting his arm and then in the same whisper that all could hear turned to Dizzy saying. “And you must be dancing with fairies if you let this one get away.”

“Grandmother, he has no more desire to marry me than I him. This is all a front to try and keep the vultures; namely matchmaking matrons such as yourself, away from him.”

“I am wounded that you can say such a thing and am likely to succumb as the poor Colonel has!” Glenmore laid his hand over his heart.

“Help us with his trousers before you do!” was Dizzy’s quick response. “Then you can make yourself comfortable next to him.”

“Heartless girl,
” muttered the Dowager while Glenmore laughed.

             
The Colonel, being a large gentleman and very dead, was incredibly heavy and it took a great deal of effort and manoeuvring to get him presentable again but eventually all three of them stood back, somewhat breathlessly, and surveyed their efforts. Satisfied that the scene gave every indication that the Colonel had indeed passed away whilst enjoying a drink, they made their way to the door.

“Come riding with me tomorrow morning. I shall call
for you at eight,” Marcus said just as they were about to part ways.

Although Dizzy thought it would be prudent to say no, she found herself nodding much to the approval of her Grandmother. “Then you can give us a full account of the rest of tonight’s proceedings. I have no wish to linger now and so I intend to call my carriage and go home. Dizzy will be delighted as she dislikes these affairs anyway.”

Dizzy awoke the following morning to bright sunshine and a symphony of birdsong. The light seeping through the drapes and dancing across the ceiling teased her as she slumped on the pillows and berated God for not answering her prayers yet again.

“It would not have hurt you to send a deluge of r
ain this morning would it? I would lay odds that all his prayers are being answered,” she muttered.

“Did you say something, My Lady?
” asked Sarah, her lady’s maid, who having entered with a tray of tea and toast was just setting it down on the table.

“No. I was hoping for rain today, or this morning anyway
,” Dizzy explained.

“I am afraid you are going to be disappointed for it is a glorious day
and really warm outside already,” she informed her cheerfully whilst pulling back the curtains.  “Unless you have another excuse to get out of riding with his Grace this morning, I shall get out your riding habit.”

“
No excuses come to mind that he will believe. Why I had to agree to it I do not know! Can you think of anything?”

“Other than saying you ar
e indisposed but then you would have to keep to your room for a couple of days and that would drive you insane,” Sarah replied. “I expect you will enjoy it once you get going for from what you have said he seems a nice enough gentleman.”

“
I heard him telling his friend last night that he finds it amusing to annoy me and I him, which is true I suppose but if he goes through with his idea of pretending a courtship for the rest of the season just to keep the matchmakers at bay, life will be insufferable. Grandmamma and Gideon have false expectations already.”

“Perhaps they are not false, My Lady, and his Grace may be serious in his attentions to you.”

“Oh no, do not seek to see this in any other way than what it is; a game to wile away a tedious season. Glenmore has no more wish for a wife than I do for a husband; far too restricting! We argued on our first meeting and have fallen into the way of aggravating each other every time we meet and that is all; nothing will come of it,” Dizzy stated forcefully.

“If you say so,
” said Sarah with a smile.

“I do say so,
” replied Dizzy “So do not, I beg, turn all romantic and see things that are not there. You are as bad as the Dowager! Tell me instead how you go along with Gideon’s new valet.”