Easy Silence (5 page)

I threw a rock into the creek and focused deeply on the rippling water. “Do you care if I sit here?” I startled at the sound of Jaxson’s voice.

“Oh, no. I was actually getting ready to leave, so it’s all yours.” I started to get up, and he grabbed my arm. I remained seated and looked down at his hand still on my arm.

“Why were you crying?”

“Huh?” I was hoping that he didn’t see. “Just…no reason.”

We both silently stared down at the water. “Thank you for the gift. You didn’t have to do that.”

“It’s fine. Besides, I owed you a new shirt anyway after getting yours all bloody.”

I watched as he dug up a rock in the dirt and flung it into the water. “So, how old are you, Samantha?”

“Eighteen.” He nodded and threw another rock.

“And, where do you live?”

“Maryland.”

“So, what made you decide to come to boring land to spend your summer?”

“My grandmother lives here. She’s not very well, so I wanted to spend some time with her.” I couldn’t believe we were actually talking without jumping down each other’s throats.

“Can I ask you something now?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “You can ask. I don’t know if I’ll answer.”

“Why did you jump into that water to save someone you didn’t even know?”

He ran his hand through his hair. “Because I’m not afraid of dying. Maybe, I even wanted to…I don’t know.”

My heart sank. Was he really that depressed with his life that he wanted to die? “I’m sorry.” It was the only thing I could think of to say at the moment.

“For what?”

“That you’re so unhappy.”

“Not your fault.”

The silence that loomed between us would normally make me uncomfortable with anyone else, but with him it was welcoming and put me somewhat at ease. “Do you want to go for a walk?” he asked finally breaking the quiet.

“Umm, yeah, I guess.” I stood up and wiped the dirt from the back of my shorts. We went unnoticed, walking past the other guests and out to the road with neither of us having much to say but still maintaining that comfort level from before. We finally reached the bay beach and walked along the water.

“So, I take it you always lived here,” I said.

“Yeah, unfortunately.”

“How long have you lived with Pete?”

“A few years.”

“He’s really nice.”

“Yeah, he’s cool.” Silence fell between us once again before he asked, “Do you go to college?”

“I’ll be starting Georgetown University in the fall.” I hated hearing myself say it.

“Wow, don’t sound so excited.” He must have picked up on my apprehension right away.

“Well, I’m not.”

“Why is that?” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette, fighting with the breeze to light it up.

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. I’m not sure if that’s what I really want to do with my life.”

“Well, what is it that you want to do?”

“I want to be an actress.” He let out a loud chuckle, and I immediately regretted telling him. “Go ahead and laugh. Everyone else does.” I looked away in embarrassment.

“Sorry, I just never knew of anyone who had dreams that big.”

“Well, it doesn’t hurt to dream, and if you want something bad enough, it doesn’t hurt to chase that dream either.” He stared at me intently as he took a drag from his cigarette. “I’m sure you already know this, but smoking is really bad for you.”

“Yeah, and so are a million other things. Who’s to say I’m gonna live to be an old man. I may get hit by a bus tomorrow or die saving some stupid girl who decides to go for a swim in the ocean during a storm.” His half smile inadvertently made me smile back. It was the nicest one I had seen since I met him, and he wore it well. “My motto is to live for today and don’t worry about tomorrow because we’re not guaranteed it.”

I nodded, not wanting to believe his adage but knowing there was some truth behind it. “Well, I guess we just got to have faith and hope for the best.”

“Who says that dying young isn’t for the best?”

My eyes widened. “I don’t know? I mean, I certainly don’t want to die before I’ve even begun to really live.”

“You’re living now, aren’t you?”

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. “Yeah…but I mean, before I get to experience things that I have yet to experience.”

“Such as?”

“I don’t know…just things!” I wasn’t willing to divulge my bucket list to him, especially after he laughed at my aspirations to become an actress.

“Why can’t you do these
things
now? Why do you have to wait?”

“Umm…I don’t know. Because some of them require money, some of them require guts and some of them require falling in love.” I shouldn’t have said it, and I should have definitely left out that last part.

“Well, judging by the car you drive, I’m sure your family has lots of money. And guts…” He waved his hand in a dismissive manner. “Guts are easy to have…just revert back to my motto.” He raised his eyebrow at me. “The falling in love part…don’t know much about that, so you’ll have to figure out that one on your own.”

I shook my head and laughed. “Boy, you’re just a walking angel of death, aren’t you?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Not really, I just never understood why people are so afraid to live. Like, why does everyone always say
someday
, I’m gonna do this or
someday
I’m gonna go there? Don’t they realize that someday may never come? Me, I’m an adrenaline junkie. I live for the here and now.”

“Really, I would have never gotten that vibe from you,” I teased. After walking along the bay for quite some time, we finally exited the beach onto a small boardwalk containing an arcade, a candy shop, and an ice cream stand.

“Oh, my god! Bubble gum ice cream!” I couldn’t contain my excitement, remembering this place clearly now from when I was a little girl and coming here with my dad. It was the first and only time that I ever had pink bubble gum ice cream. I could still remember my father finding so much amusement as I ate around the chunks of bubble gum inside the ice cream. It didn’t take much to please him back then and make him laugh. Why couldn’t he be the same way now?

“That just sounds nasty,” Jaxson said.

“Oh, no! It’s awesome.” I walked over to the window and placed an order for two.

“I’m not eating that crap,” Jaxson scoffed.

“Now, Jaxson. You might get hit by a bus tomorrow, and I will not let you leave this earth without trying bubble gum ice cream.” I bit my lip and smiled, ignoring his eye roll.

“Six twenty-five,” the girl behind the window said as she placed down the cups of ice cream. I reached inside my pocket to get my money just as Jaxson cut in front of me and handed her a twenty.

“I got this,” I said.

He totally ignored me and put his change in his pocket.

We took a seat at an empty bench, and I waited to watch him eat his first spoonful. “What are you looking at?” he asked.

“I want to see what you think.”

“I can already tell you…I’m not going to like it.”

“And how would you know that? You haven’t even tried it!”

“It just looks disgusting.”

“Well, Jaxson sometimes things aren’t always as they appear. You need to learn to be more open-minded and allow new things into your life without pre-judging them.” He raised his eyebrow at me before finally relenting and bringing the spoon up to his mouth.

“Well?” I asked.

“It’s not that bad,” he admitted, immediately taking a second spoonful, which led me to believe that he really did like it.

“See that. You never know what you’re missing if you don’t take a chance.”

He shrugged his shoulders, settling his eyes on me. I hated that I was so attracted to him, and part of me wondered if he picked up on that. I finally snapped out of it, tapping my ice cream cup against his. “Happy birthday, Jaxson, and here’s to many, many more years of bubble gum ice cream in your future.”

“Sam, there’s someone here to see you.” Hadley shouted down the hallway. When I reached the kitchen and saw her standing with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face, I knew exactly who that
someone
was. My stomach fluttered with excitement, and my legs began to shake.

“Where is he?” I beamed.

She let out an exasperated breath and pointed toward the front porch. When I stepped outside I didn’t see him, and I was hoping that Hadley didn’t scare him away. Relief swept over me when I saw him coming from behind his truck with my bike, wearing the shirt I had given him for his birthday.

“Hey,” I smiled as he came closer, wheeling the bike along.

“It’s all fixed.”

“What is?” I asked, stepping down from the porch.

“Your bike.”

“Didn’t it just need air in the tire?”

“Nah, you needed a new tube.”

“Well, thank you. Let me pay you for—”

“Nah, it’s all good,” he interrupted.

I chewed the inside of my cheek and began to look him over. God, he was so beautiful. “I like your shirt,” I joked. “So, did you want something to drink?”

“Uh, no. I really should get going.”

“Why?”

“Why, what?”

“Why should you get going? Do you have somewhere you need to be?”

“Well, not at the moment…but—”

“Well then, I will be insulted if you don’t sit and have some lemonade with me.”

He eyed me up strangely. “Okay, fine.” He finally relented.

I led him up on the porch and had him take a seat. “I’ll be right back,” I said as I went inside planning to prepare a pitcher of lemonade, only to find it already made and on the tray with two glasses and some homemade muffins.

“Hadley…” I smiled.

She shook her head, trying to remain stone-faced. “Well, I was always taught to be hospitable no matter who the guest is.”

“You are such a sweetie, even when you try to be tough.” I gave her a peck on the cheek.

“That doesn’t mean I approve of it,” she muttered, turning back around to tend to the carrots she was peeling.

I walked back outside, placed down the tray, and poured us each a glass of lemonade. I almost remarked about how hot it was but thought better of it. Jaxson and I didn’t need small talk to feel comfortable. In fact, I think we both felt more at ease not saying anything at all.

“So, did you have a good birthday?” I asked.

“It’s just another day. Nothing special about it. I’d just as soon forget the day I was born.”

“Why are you so hard on yourself?” I second guessed myself for asking as the words spewed from my mouth.

“You just wouldn’t understand, Samantha.”

My whole life I hated being called that name, but hearing him say it was kind of nice. It was as if it was
his
and
his
name only for me. I was
his
Samantha, and he was
my
Jaxson.

“Maybe I could try. I’m a pretty good listener.”

He took another sip of his lemonade and placed it on the table. “I really have to go.” He stood up and looked down at the ground.

“I’m sorry. I—I didn’t’ mean to pry,” I said, standing up beside him. “It’s just, sometimes it helps to express how you’re feeling, and I’m—” He took me completely off guard when he grabbed my face in his hands, pulled me toward him, and placed a warm gentle kiss on my lips before smoothly slipping his tongue into my mouth. I was speechless as I pulled in my bottom lip still wanting to taste more of him when the kiss was over.

“You wanted me to express myself,” he whispered. “Well, that’s what I’ve been feeling from the time I walked up on this porch. I wanted to see if your lips felt as soft as they look. I wanted to get as close to you as I possibly could and breathe in your perfume that drives me crazy. And, maybe for one second of my life, I wanted to feel like I was worthy of someone like you. That’s how I was feeling, Samantha.”

I was wanting so badly to hug him and let him know that he was more than worthy, but I knew I needed to tread lightly with him for fear of scaring him away. So, instead, I stood there silently and watched him drive away, hoping that one day he would learn to trust me completely with his feelings and realize that I was no different than he was. In fact, maybe I was the one who wasn’t worthy of him.

* * *

Two days had passed and I hadn’t seen or heard from Jaxson, and part of me wondered if he had exited my life just as mysteriously as he entered it. I hadn’t been able to get his kiss off my mind and found myself yearning for more. I had spent the morning accompanying my Grammy and Doreen to her weekly beauty parlor appointment and decided to get a pedicure while I was there. After listening to way too much gossip about everyone in town for the hour I was there, I decided to spend my afternoon on the beach, in hopes of clearing my head of all their jabbering. As I looked down at my toes in the sand, I was wishing that I had gone with red instead of the shade of coral that I was sporting. I looked out at the ocean, wondering where my parents were right now and if I had even crossed their minds at all today. I rummaged through my beach bag for more sunblock and grabbed my phone instead, only to find a text message from Geoffrey, the boy I had dated throughout my senior year, the boy my father would marry me off to if he could, and the boy I had broken up with right after graduation.