Authors: Kay Hooper
"Yes." Robyn tried a smile and knew from Marty's expression that it hadn't come off. "He won't be back, though."
"Why not?"
Almost whispering, Robyn replied, "Because I sent him away, Marty. I sent him away hating me."
Despite the fact that Marty knew who-and what- Shane Justice was, and that she probably had a good idea why Robyn had "sent him away," she asked the question anyway. In the quiet, motherly tone that had pulled Robyn through both childhood disasters and adult tragedies, she urged, "Why, honey?"
Robyn felt fresh tears spill from her eyes; it was beyond her ability to halt them. "Because I'm a coward," she said starkly.
Robyn went to work the next morning at her normal time, and, between the heavier-than-usual makeup and her rigid control, neither Janie nor any of the customers noticed anything out of the ordinary.
Her night had been tormented and sleepless, filled with painful thoughts on the ironies of love. What punishing Fate had decreed that she was to fall in love with two men in her life-both of them obsessed with a dangerous sport that terrified her?
Kris had been right in her speculation, and Robyn no longer fought the knowledge that she had fallen in love with Shane that first night. With that first glance, in fact.
She should have realized from the very beginning. Her own response to Shane should have told her the truth. Sex and love had always been inextricably tied together in her mind. If she didn't feel love, she didn't make love... and she had made love with Shane.
It had taken months for her to be certain of her love for Brian. And even then she had hesitated, torn by her fear of his racing. But her feelings for Shane had overpowered hesitation. She had loved him, and, loving him, had wanted only to be with him.
But Shane raced, and it would have torn her apart to watch him risk his life over and over again.
With Brian, she had been able to stand it for nearly a year. But, although it shocked her to admit it even silently, her love for her husband had been tame compared to the wild, desperate yearning of her love for Shane. What would it have done to her to love him with her entire being-perhaps even to be loved in return-and then lose him?
It would kill her, her heart answered.
So she had driven him away.
Before she could commit herself to that love.
Before she could-
"Excuse me?"
Robyn looked up hastily, the familiar surroundings of her store-and the red-haired, blue-eyed man staring at her across the desk-coming into focus.
Shane's friend.
Eric?
"Excuse me, Mrs. Lee-"
"Ms.," she corrected calmly, not wanting to explain that Lee was her maiden name.
"Ms. Lee." He looked a bit uncertain. "I'm looking for Shane. I was wondering if you might know where he is."
Robyn frowned at him, pushing her disturbed thoughts away. "No. Why would I know?"
"He was with you last night..."
She stiffened and then relaxed suddenly, telling herself wryly that she was going to explode one day if she kept letting tension get to her this way. "He left my place sometime around midnight," she told Shane's friend quietly. "I haven't seen him since."
It was Eric's turn to frown. "He hasn't been back to his hotel. It isn't like him to just disappear-"
"I told you years ago not to worry about me, friend."
It was Shane, and Robyn didn't know whether to kiss him or throw a book at him. She did neither. What she did do was stare at him with wide eyes.
Eric, too, turned to stare at his friend, one rusty eyebrow rising. "Well, you're certainly looking chipper," he grumbled in mock disgust.
Not having given Robyn a single direct look, Shane responded calmly. "Why shouldn't I? I had a shave and a shower-at the hotel, by the way. The desk clerk told me I'd just missed you."
Robyn searched his appearance guardedly, noting the still-damp hair, the casual slacks, and the fresh pullover knit shirt. He didn't look as if
his
night had been filled with violent emotions, but something in his eyes told Robyn that he had slept no better than she. Why was he here?
Eric was speaking in a faintly harassed tone. "Well, next time, how about giving me notice if you plan to stay out all night? I got a call late last night from Sonny. He said the truck broke down in some little town in Georgia, and it'll take a couple of days to find the parts they need. The car won't be in Daytona until the weekend."
Shane frowned and then shrugged.
"Soon enough.
That'll give me a week before the trials.
How about the pit crew?"
"On their way."
Eric grinned. "Sonny had to bail three of them out of jail in South Carolina. A brawl in a bar, I think he said."
Shane laughed, but before he could respond, Robyn, tired of being virtually ignored, broke in irritably, "If you gentlemen wouldn't mind very much, I'd appreciate it if you took your business somewhere else. This is a bookstore, not a racetrack!"
As if he hadn't heard her, Shane said calmly, "Robyn, this is the friend I was telling you about. You two haven't been properly introduced. Robyn Lee- Eric Michaels."
"Ms. Lee." Eric was smiling in a friendly manner.
Inwardly sighing, she murmured, "Robyn-
please
." She leaned an elbow on the high counter and propped her chin in her hand, one part of her ruefully appreciative of the moment. Each time she'd thought herself free of Shane's presence, he'd somehow reappeared. Worse than a boomerang, she silently groused, wishing that her eyes would quit sneaking glances at his face.
Incredibly, her sense of humor had reasserted itself, and she didn't bother to wonder why. She was tired of brooding, tired of worrying about things that hadn't happened yet. One day at a time-that was the ticket. For now, she was just glad that Shane had come back-for whatever reason.
"Robyn it is, then." His smile turning into a cheerful grin, Eric added conversationally, "You know, I meant to tell you yesterday how glad I am that Shane met you. I've been warning him for years that one day he'd join the human race and take his fall just like the rest of us poor mortals. Trouble was
,
he never believed me. I'm sure he does now, though."
"That's enough, Eric," Shane said mildly.
Robyn looked from one to the other of them, more than a little puzzled. "Clue me in?" she requested politely.
"Eric never makes sense," Shane told her easily, casting a sidelong glance at his friend.
As if that look had been a signal, Eric immediately began making getting-ready-to-leave noises. "Yes. Well. It was nice seeing you again, Robyn. I, uh, I'm having a little party at my place tomorrow night; I'd like for you to come."
"She'll be there," Shane responded before Robyn could even open her mouth. "And, if you ask her nicely, she might even bring her cousin along."
Eric cocked a quizzical brow at his friend. "You mean the leggy blonde I somehow missed at the party Friday night? The one you said was a knockout?"
"The very same."
With a purely masculine gleam in his blue eyes, Eric smiled charmingly at Robyn. "By all means, bring her along!"
"I'll pass along the invitation," Robyn replied, not committing herself one way or the other. No matter what Shane
said.
"Good enough." Eric waved cheerfully at them both and left the store.
Robyn watched him go, avoiding Shane's gaze as long as possible. Tuesday was a slow day for the store; at the moment, the place was empty. Janie had gone to lunch, so they were alone.
She finally looked at Shane as he leaned against the counter, very much aware of their solitude. Trying to think of something casual to say, she murmured, "He's more than a friend, isn't he? He has something to do with your...hobby."
Shane nodded, watching her with curious, inscrutable intensity. "He generally takes care of details for me. Deals with the sponsors, makes sure the car and the pit crew are where they're supposed to be. Since I travel so much, Mother saddles me with the family business, and it's a little hectic to take care of both. Eric has a house here in Florida, though. North Miami."
Suddenly determined, Robyn met his gaze squarely. "I didn't expect to see you again."
He shook his head slowly, still watching her intently. "After what happened last night, I'm not surprised."
Robyn made a vague gesture with one hand. "Then why are you here, Shane? Last night-"
"Last night I was
upset,
and not thinking too clearly," he interrupted flatly. "You threw me a curve, and it wasn't the easiest thing in the world to accept." He sighed softly. "I spent most of the night walking along the beach and thinking. Somewhere around dawn, I finally realized that there was something off-center about your explanation."
"Off-center?"
Surely he hadn't discovered the truth!
"Yes. You might very well have... pretended that I was your husband on Friday night." His face tightened on the last words, and there was a brief flash of something uncomfortably grim in his eyes, then he went on softly. "But you weren't pretending last night. You knew damn well who was making love to you. There was no ghost between us. And you wanted me.
Me,
Robyn."
Robyn hastily picked up a pencil on the desk and began toying with it, watching her fingers. "So?"
"So... despite whatever you still feel for your husband, you want me. You feel the same desire that I feel for you."
"Desire isn't exactly uncommon." She forced an uncaring lightness into her voice. "If you believe movies and television, it's practically epidemic."
"Not the kind we have." He leaned forward slightly, his green eyes darkening. "I'm thirty-four years old, Robyn. I've felt desire for a woman. I've felt desire
in
a woman. But not like what we have. And I'm not willing to throw that away."
She watched one of his hands reach out to cover her restless ones, and she instinctively looked up to meet his intent gaze. "What are you saying, Shane?" she whispered, her heart clenching in a sudden combination of pain and hope.
Slowly, as if he were uncertain about how to word it, Shane answered, "We owe each other something. We owe each other an opportunity to find out if this desire we feel is real, if it can grow into something more. Our first night together, you may or may not have thought of me as someone else. Last night, I walked out on you. We haven't given ourselves a chance, Robyn."
She felt the hand covering hers tighten, and she sensed a strange tension in him as he waited for her response. Did it matter so much to him, she wondered dimly. "Are you suggesting an affair?" she asked slowly.
Immediately, he shook his head. "No.
The opposite of an affair, Robyn.
I'm suggesting a friendship."
"Do you think that's possible, Shane?" she murmured.
"Yes," he responded firmly. "It's possible. We started out all wrong. Instead of first becoming friends, we became lovers
..
.for whatever reasons."
A hint of grimness crept into his tone and then disappeared as he went on. "We broke all the rules by starting out that way-and probably short-circuited all our instincts as well. What we need is a little time to get to know each other, uncomplicated by a physical relationship."
"And-and if we find that we can't be friends?"
"Then we won't have lost anything, will we?" He sighed, the emerald eyes rueful. "I don't expect it to be easy, Robyn-for me, at least. I expect a lot of sleepless nights and more than one cold shower." Robyn felt herself flush at his bluntness, and his voice was amused when he continued, "But I'm willing to try."
Robyn told herself that she'd be an idiot to agree to anything this man asked of her. She told herself that familiarity would only deepen the emotions that already had the power to make her doubt her own sanity. And then where would she be? But she wasn't very surprised to hear herself agreeing
to
his suggestion.
"All right, Shane."
His hand tightened almost painfully over hers for a moment and then relaxed. "Terrific. Now, I have a question
..
.friend."
Robyn felt a smile tugging at her lips as she stared into the laughing emerald eyes. "And what's that... friend?"
"Do you think your assistant could run the store for you for a few days?"
"Why?"
"Because, in the interest of getting to know one another, I propose that we spend some time alone together. I have a little trip in mind."
Robyn thought of Daytona and felt her face stiffen. "A trip?" she asked unevenly.
"That's right. Eric has a sailboat he's offered to lend me. I thought we could take a few days and sail down along the keys." He grinned. "Swim, fish, cultivate an indecent tan. What do you think?"
Robyn was so relieved to avoid the possibility of going near a racetrack that for a moment she couldn't say anything. Shane obviously misunderstood her silence.
"Robyn? Will you trust me to keep to our bargain? We'll have separate cabins on the boat."
"It's not that, Shane. It's just..."
"Just what?"
She paused, uncertain how to object. Suddenly laughing, she challenged: "Who's going to do the cooking?"
With a startled chuckle, he responded, "We'll share the galley duty-how's that?"
"Well, all right. But I have to warn you; the only thing I know about sailboats is to duck when the boom swings across!" She stared at him with mock sternness. "I hope you know more than that, or heaven only knows where we'll end up."
"I know enough to keep us off reefs and sandbars, and to get us there and back in one piece," he said huffily. "It's been a few years, but I've sailed the keys."
Robyn glanced at the door as a customer came in,
then
looked back at Shane. "Can you afford to take the time? I mean, with the race coming up
... ?"
"We should be back by Monday, which will give me plenty of time." He smiled at her. "We'll start out early tomorrow morning, okay? I'll check out the boat and stock the galley this afternoon."