Fashionably Dead Down Under (34 page)

A huge pole appeared in the middle of the
room. It went from the floor to the ceiling and at the top was
Gigi.

“Astrid,” she shrieked. “Look at me! I’m a
pole dancer!”

“What did she say?” God asked his
brother.

“I believe she said she was a pole dancer,”
Satan replied, completely baffled.

“That can’t be right,” God muttered.

“Oh, yes it can,” I said, grinning from ear
to ear.

Mother Nature slid down the pole . . . kind
of. It wasn’t graceful. It wasn’t pretty. It was difficult to
watch, especially when she got stuck, hung upside down and cussed
like a sailor for five minutes.

After three more stalled attempts she made it
to the floor, and under the covert direction of Grandpa, the crowd
went wild. She took eight bows and then did an abrupt about-face
and narrowed her gaze on her sons.

“Hello boys,” she purred. I even felt bad for
them.

“Hi Mom,” Satan squeaked. God couldn’t even
get his voice box to work.

As she moved toward them her skimpy pole
dancer outfit was replaced by flowing robes. She was exquisite. Her
hair blew wildly around her head and her animals darted around
her.

“So what brings you here, Mom?” Satan
whispered.

“I heard there was a party. My invitation
must have gotten lost in the mail.”

“Oh,” he croaked. “I think God was supposed
to tell you about it.”

God shot Satan a look that was covered in
‘I’ll smite your ass later.’ “No,” he said in a voice that wasn’t
nearly as melodic as it had been. “It was all Satan’s fault. He
said he didn’t want you here.”

Satan tackled God and they began to pummel
each other and roll all over the stage. Thankfully I had use of my
feet again and was able to jump out of the way, or they’d have
taken me down with them.

“Enough,” she bellowed. They froze. The
entire room froze. “So, Astrid darling. Was I amazing or what?” she
asked, referring to her pole debacle.

“Gigi, it was okay. You need to practice more
and I think you need to cut the cussing part back by a minute or
so.”

I’m sure I heard Satan and God whimper. Gigi
considered me for a long moment and I wondered if my uncles knew
something I didn’t . . .

“Brilliant,” she shouted and the walls
rumbled. “I shall take those notes and incorporate them into my new
routine. Do you see why I like her?” she demanded of her boys.

“Yes,” they muttered meekly.

“She tells me the truth. Which is more than I
can say for the rest of my family.” She stomped her foot and the
back wall of the dining room collapsed.

“Gigi,” I admonished. “Chill out. If you want
to be invited, you can’t destroy your son’s house every time you
show up. Deal?”

“Deal,” she said and pursed her pretty lips.
“Would you people have me over more often if I didn’t leave such a
mess?”

“Um . . . sure,” Satan said, looking to me
for guidance. Even though he had fucked with me, I gave him a nod.
He was a bastard, but I liked him.

“I’d be willing to host a family dinner every
now and then,” God offered in a shaky voice.

“Will you come visit me in Nirvana every
Tuesday?” she inquired. “I’ll cook.”

Both men sucked in a quick breath and
shuddered. “Can we bring take out?” Satan asked.

She gave him the evil eye and then laughed.
“Of course. I can’t cook for shit.”

“Mom, Astrid is the next True Immortal,” God
told her. Satan flipped him the finger. Apparently he had wanted to
spring the news.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” she cooed,
letting them know that nothing got by Mother Nature. “I’ve known
that since the minute the child was born. It was difficult to let
her grow up the way she did, but that’s what the Fates demanded.
Those gals are bitches,” she muttered and wandered over the cage.
“Why are three of my granddaughters caged like animals?”

“We had some issues. They’ll be living in
Purgatory for the next few years,” Satan explained.

Gigi circled the cage and the Sins trembled.
“I have a better idea,” she crowed with excitement. Her robes
billowed around her and her beautiful eyes lit up. “I shall take
them home with me and teach them manners! Plus I need some new
people to clean the monkey shit off of the furniture.”

“Um . . . ” Satan waffled.

“Excellent,” she squealed. “We shall leave
immediately. Bill, are you ready?”

Grandpa ran forward and blew me a kiss as he
took his true love’s arm.

“See ya, boys.” He grinned and winked and
they disappeared. Within seconds the room was restored to its
former glory and the cage was gone.

“Did that just really happen?” God asked,
dazed.

“It did,” Satan said and ran his hands
through his hair.

I felt Ethan’s presence beside me and all was
right with my world. He kissed my temple and wrapped his arms
around me.

“I must take my leave,” God said. “Astrid, it
was lovely to meet you. I will assume this is your Ethan. You two
have a very important job ahead.” He touched my stomach and a warm
burst of loving magic spilled into me. “A very important job.” He
turned to his brother and they embraced. The crowd was awed. I was
awed.

God clapped his hands three times and he
disappeared along with his entourage.

“Wow, people come and go so quickly here.” I
giggled at my
Wizard of Oz
reference, but nobody got it so I
shut my mouth.

“Everyone clear the room. You are dismissed,”
Satan said. “Now.” The room emptied quickly except for Ethan,
myself, Dixie and the Devil.

“Goodbye, Astrid,” Dixie said. Her eyes were
full of tears and her hands shook. “I’ll miss you.”

She threw her arms around me and buried her
face in my neck. I squeezed her and rocked her like a child. She
longed for a mother like I did. It made my heart hurt. “Dixie.” I
lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. “I’ll see you in six
months. It’s not that far away.”

“You’re right,” she said and forced a smile
to her lips. “Six months.”

She hugged Ethan and her father and
disappeared in a cloud of pink glitter.

“I have one thing left to do before I go
home,” I told Satan. He nodded his head and bowed to me. I turned
to the man that made living for eternity worth it. “I don’t want to
do this alone. Will you come with me?”

Ethan brushed his lips against mine and
whispered, “Always.”

I took a deep breath, touched the amulet on
my neck and turned back to Satan . . . but he was gone. In his
place sat the General.

“
George
?”

“I answer to that.” He chuckled and loped
closer. “I also answer to Satan, Lucifer and the Prince of Darkness
in a pinch.”

I was speechless . . . almost. “You’re a
motherfucker,” I gasped. “Does anyone else know?”

“No—well, Bambi does.” He gave me a grin. I
shook my head and tried to clear it.

“Does she shift to a Demon too?” I asked. I
hoped with all my heart that Bambi wasn’t Amanda.

“No. She’s my Hell Hound lover.”

“Of course.” I rolled my eyes and
laughed.

“Put your hand on my back, children and I’ll
take you where you want to go.”

***

It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t dramatic. It was
simply sad. I called her name and she came to me. Her beauty was
still there, but her mind was gone. She thought she was supposed to
lead. The amulet could kill one—the one who was meant to lead.

I told her I loved her and she just looked
confused. She was broken beyond repair and I had one last gift to
give her. The gift of mercy. I was Compassion and it was my gift to
give.

I touched the amulet and it turned to dust in
my hand. Her end wasn’t brutal like her life had been. It was quiet
and peaceful. She looked in my eyes and for the first time in my
life I think she really saw me. She smiled and then . . . she was
gone.

I turned to Ethan and I fell into his arms.
“I will love you till the end of time.”

“And I you,” he replied and held me
tight.

I pulled myself together and turned to Satan.
He had transformed back to his breathtaking self. “I want to go
home.”

He held his hand out to me and I went to him
without hesitation. He held me like a father holds his daughter and
kissed me on my head. “Would you mind if the Babies stayed for a
while? I find them quite amusing.”

I looked up at the Devil and narrowed my
eyes. “No strip clubs?”

“I promise.”

I didn’t believe him for a second, but I knew
he’d take care of my little monsters. “One week and then you will
send them home.”

“Yes, one week. This promise I shall keep.”
He grinned and I giggled. “Are you ready?”

I glanced around the Basement one last time.
I took Ethan’s hand in mine and I nodded to my uncle. “Yes. I want
to go home.”

“As you wish.”

THE END (for now)

###

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KEEP READING in this ebook to read
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in the THREE SOUTHERN BEACHES anthology and an excerpt from “The
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Forced To
Serve
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How Hard Can It Be?

Size Matters

Cop A Feel (Coming June 2014)

and unfortunately

Pirate Dave and His Randy Adventure

(Career ending spoofy novella based on HHCIB)

Fashionably Dead

Fashionably Dead Down Under

(Coming Spring 2014)

Hell on Heels

(Coming Fall 2014)

For more information about her books, visit

www.robynpeterman.com

“You’re joking.”

“No, actually I’m not,” my boss said and
slapped the folder into my hands. “You leave tomorrow morning and I
don’t want to see your hairy ass till this is solved.”

I looked wildly around her office for
something to lob at her head. It occurred to me that might not be
the best of ideas, but desperate times led to stupid measures. She
could not do this to me. I’d worked too hard and I wasn’t going
back. Ever.

“First of all, my ass is not hairy except on
a full moon and you’re smoking crack if you think I’m going back to
Georgia.”

Angela crossed her arms over her ample chest
and narrowed her eyes at me. “Am I your boss?” she asked.

“Is this a trick question?”

She huffed out an exasperated sigh and ran
her hands through her spiked do making her look like she’d been
electrocuted. “I am cognizant of how you feel about Hung Island,
Georgia, but there is a disaster of major proportions on the
horizon and I have no choice.”

“Where are you sending Clark and Jones?” I
demanded.

“New York and Miami.”

“Oh my god,” I shrieked. “Who did I screw
over in a former life that those douches get to go to cool cities
and I have to go home to an island called Hung?”

“Those douches
do
have hairy asses and
not just on a full moon. You’re the only agent I have that can pass
as a model so you’re going to Georgia. Period.”

“Fine. I’ll quit. I’ll open a bakery.”

Angela smiled and an icky feeling skittered
down my spine. “Excellent, I’ll let you tell the Council that all
the money they invested in your training is going to be flushed
down the toilet because you want to bake cookies.”

The Council consisted of supernaturals from
all sorts of species. The branch that currently had me by the
metaphoric balls was WTF, Werewolf Treaty Federation. They were the
worst as far as stringent rules and consequences went. The Vampyres
were loosey goosey and the freakin’ Fairies were downright
pushovers, but not the Weres. Nope, if you enlisted you were in for
life. It had sounded so good when the insanely sexy recruiting
officer had come to our local Care For Your Inner-Were meeting.

Training with the best of the best. Great
salary with benefits. Apartment and company car. But the kicker for
me was that it was fifteen hours away from the hell I grew up in.
No longer was I Essie from Hung Island, Georgia—
and who in their
right mind would name an island Hung
—I was Agent Essie McGee of
the Chicago WTF. The irony of the initials was a source of pain to
most Werewolves, but went right over the Councils heads due to the
simple fact they were older than dirt and oblivious to pop
culture.