Fertility: A Novel (40 page)

Joseph was impressed. Perhaps Rick would turn out to be a
mensch
after all. “Very well, then. I see we understand one another.”

“Yes, I think we do.”

“Good. I’m glad we had this talk.”

“Me, too. But if it’s all right with you, Mr. Abadhi, I think I’ll get back to my run.”

“Of course, Rick. I look forward to seeing you back at the apartment.”

The two men shook hands and Rick took off, going north along the river. He was relieved that things had finally come to a head. Maybe now he’d be more comfortable around Joseph. For his part, Joseph walked back to the apartment congratulating himself on having had the man-to-man talk he’d rehearsed in his head for weeks. It elicited the best reaction he’d had any reason to hope for.

* * *

The following Saturday, Joseph and Eva dropped Bubbe Rivka off at Sarah’s before taking in a matinee in celebration of their wedding anniversary. Sarah chatted with her grandmother for a while but, about an hour into her visit, Sarah excused herself for a nap.

“So Rick, are you in de mood for a cup of tea and some of de
mandelbrot
I brought?” Rivka asked as she sat on the sofa cradling Anna in her arms.

“Sounds like a good plan,” Rick said, eager for a way to pass the time. He took Anna from Rivka as they went into the kitchen to boil the water for tea.

Rick had no memory of his own grandmothers. By the time he’d moved to Michigan, his mother’s mother had been dead for a couple of years. He had no recollection of anyone in his father’s family, most of whom lived in Greece. So as he sat across from Rivka at the kitchen table, he thought that might be a conversation starter.

“Sarah and Anna are so lucky to have you. I never knew either of my grandmothers.”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. A little boy — ant a big vun too — shoult know de love ov a grandmudder,” Rivka said. “Der’s notink like it.”

“I’m sure you’re right,” Rick said. “But I did have a great relationship with my grandfather — my mother’s father. I spent just about every weekend with him. He taught me how to fix cars and play every sport you can imagine,” Rick offered, happy just to remember those visits to his grandfather’s house. “He died a number of years ago. I miss him a lot.”

This made Rivka brighten. “You know, Rick, your grandpa is livink on tru you.”

“You think so?”

“Of course! Everytink he taught you, all your memories of beink vit him, dat’s how he lives on. You’re who you are because of him. Your whole life voult be different vitout him. Am I right?”

“You
are
right,” Rick conceded.

“Have you ever hert of Abraham Sutzkever?”

“No, I’m afraid I haven’t.”

“Ach, it’s a pity. He vas a great poet, but also a partisan in de var. He, too, vas from Vilna — vere I come from. He vas a brilliant man, very brilliant. Ant gutsy, too. He testifiet at de Nuremberk trials. He wrote many, many poems. My favorite is about his momma, who vas kilt by de Nazis. At da ent of da poem she talks to him from da grave.  She says that if he survives, den she lives on, too, like da pit of da plum
has vitin it da tree dat
created it; not only da tree but
everytink dat vas in dat tree — da nest, da baby birt, da chirps and da coos.

“Dat’s de Got’s honest troot, Rick. Tru you, your grandpa lives on. I’m tellink you. I know vat I’m saying.”

For a man who had until only recently expected to be the last of his genetic line, the poem gave Rick something to mull over. It was true. He was, in a sense, the living embodiment of all the people who had preceded him, including the grandfather he’d idolized. Anna’s very existence was a continuation of that heritage. That Anna wasn’t just his and Sarah’s, but also part of a legacy going back through time, was an idea he was beginning to warm to.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

The rough terrain of rehabilitation was both humbling and revelatory for Sarah. At some point along the path of healing, she realized it was not bringing her to the place she had been before the accident. She was heading toward higher ground. And, though disabled to the casual observer, she felt fully alive for the first time in her life.

Setting aside her driving ambition, Sarah focused all her attention on both the pedestrian and the sublime elements of getting well. At the very same time she was becoming expert at cleaning the pin sites of her external fixator, she was plumbing the depths of the bond between a mother and her infant. As she put her walker aside and mastered the use of crutches, she gave herself permission to fall in love.

She waded carefully into the river of emotions she had avoided for so long, going deeper and deeper, until she found herself at the point where, if she took one more step, she would be in over her head. With Rick leading the way, she found the courage to enter the current. Together, the two novices swam in the river about which they knew little, trusting and depending on one another as they explored the unknown waters.

* * *

One early spring evening, after putting Anna down for the night, Rick joined Sarah on the sofa. They played with the idea of a movie, but realized neither could promise to stay awake long enough to read the credits. The truth was, just being with one another was entertainment enough. Sarah stretched out and put her head in Rick’s lap. As he stroked her hair, she decided to broach a delicate subject.

“Rick?”

“Yes, my Venus de Milo, my Marilyn Monroe, my Lady Gaga? Your wish is my command.”

“Lady Gaga? I didn’t know you liked her.”

“I do. I like how she’s marketed herself right to the top of the charts. She’s one clever girl. Her voice ain’t too shabby, either.”

“Well, I have trouble keeping a tune. If you want to back out, now’s the time.”

“Nah, I’ll stick around. No one’s perfect, though I’d say you come damn close….” His voice trailed off as he started nibbling on her fingertips.

“Rick, could we be serious for a minute? I want to talk to you about something important.”

“Uh-oh, to the best of my recollection it was on this very sofa that you got serious about a year ago and then all hell broke loose.”

“Well, this is nothing like that.”

“Promise?” he asked warily.

“Cross my heart,” she said, and she did. “I’m just wondering if it would be all right if I amended Anna’s birth certificate. When she was born I was listed as the only parent. I want you to be on her birth certificate as well.”

“Is that all?” he asked with relief. “Of course.”

“Well, there’s also the question of her surname. Would you like Smith to be part of her last name — or the whole thing?”

“No, no. Abadhi’s fine. I like your name. It’s got character. Plus we’ll be continuing the tradition: I have my mother’s surname.”

“That’s true. What do you think about Anna Smith Abadhi?” Sarah asked, motioning as though she could envision her daughter’s name up in lights.

“Sure. That would be fine — and another palindrome: ASA.”

She sat up and drew him toward her for a kiss. “Okay then. I’ll see what I can accomplish on the phone or online to make that happen.” Then Sarah took a chance and ventured further.

“Rick?”

“Yes.”

“There’s something else I’d like to talk over with you.”

“Here it comes.” He put his arms over his face.

“Oh, stop. It’s nothing bad.”

“Promise?”

“I do promise.”

He put down his arms and looked at her with feigned suspicion. “Dare I ask what it’s about?”

“It’s about Anna’s religion. Technically, she’s a Jew — I mean according to Jewish law. A child borne of a Jewish woman is automatically a Jew. I would like to follow the Jewish ritual for naming a child. But I know that’s something we have to decide together.”

He replied without hesitation, “You can do whatever you want. I’m an atheist, but if you find comfort in the ritual, sure. We can do it.”

“You’re an atheist?”

“Does that bother you?”

“No. Not at all. I became an agnostic at thirteen. After learning the extent of the savagery let loose on people like my grandparents during World War II, I withdrew my support for the notion of an all-powerful god.” She looked at Rick expectantly, hoping he’d share how he’d arrived at his atheism.

He didn’t disappoint.

“If you saw what I see on a daily basis — the diseases, the injuries, the abuse that kids suffer — you’d be hard-pressed to believe in a merciful god overseeing his flock. As far as I’m concerned, our fate is in our own hands, and it’s up to us to make the best of the hand we’re dealt.”

Of course, Sarah had come to the identical conclusion while lying in her hospital bed. Still, Rick voicing it so starkly triggered something. Maybe it was her legal training, or perhaps it was the doubt that had lately sprung up, undermining her case for the absence of any god. As soon as Rick staked out his position, she took the opposing side.

“I can understand that. I think about what happened to Anna and me, and how we were nearly killed. But then I think about the miracle of Anna — how she defied the odds on the night she was conceived and how she defied the odds on the day of her birth. When I look at her, it’s not hard to believe some divine intervention allowed this child to come to be.”

Rick focused his gaze on Sarah, who seemed almost transported by the thought that she’d given birth to a miracle.

“Obviously I’m happy — no, let me amend that, I’m deliriously happy — that you and Anna survived the accident. But what about the two kids who were DOA when they got to the ER after being pulled from the rubble? They were on their way home from school. If there was some type of omnipotent being making miracles, why weren’t those innocent kids the beneficiaries?” Rick didn’t give Sarah a chance to answer. “No, I think we’re all subject to random luck, and all we can depend on is ourselves and each other.”

Sarah had had no idea that children had been killed in the accident. That made it hard to claim that a miracle had allowed her child to live. She got quiet as she thought of the two dead children and their parents’ agony. Rick immediately sensed his mistake; he wanted to kick himself for being so brutally honest.

“Hey, Sarah. I have no corner on wisdom and you’re entitled to your beliefs. They have as much validity as mine. Who knows? Maybe more. And if you want to do the baby-naming thing, it’s fine with me.”

Sarah knew he was trying to make her happy — but she couldn’t get what he’d said out of her mind: All we can depend on is ourselves and each other.

“Rick?”

“Yeah?”

“I was just thinking,” she began.

“A dangerous pastime, Sarah,” he warned, stroking her hair.

“Yeah, I know. But here’s the thing. You say all we have is ourselves and each other. Okay. If that’s so — and I’ll grant that the evidence is leaning heavily that way — what of all the good works that people do? I’m thinking about all the bravery and extraordinary efforts to save Anna and me, and all the other survivors, from the first responders to Jeff and the other doctors, the nurses and my parents…and you. All that help, all that kindness — couldn’t they be expressions of a god? A god who acts through people?”

Rick smiled at Sarah’s attempt to keep alive the possibility of cosmic coherence and goodness. “If it makes you feel better to think that way, go with it. You might be right for all I know. People can be kind and generous. Perhaps that urge springs from some deity working behind the scenes. I just don’t know.” But what he didn’t say was that the only things he would put his chips on were himself and the people he trusted.

“Well, I can’t say as I know either. Being laid up, well, maybe it’s given me a little too much time to think.”

“Nah, it makes you deep. A woman with deep convictions is my favorite kind of woman,” Rick said as he kissed her. “Still, if you think you have a little too much time on your hands, I can help you out with a little more sex. It might be just what the doctor ordered.” He kissed her again and started caressing her breasts.

But Sarah wasn’t done. “I have to admit that coming nose-to-nose with your own mortality tends to focus your attention on the big questions.”

“Ah, yes. A by-product of the near-death experience. It’s a common response, actually,” he murmured as he became aroused.

“Rick? Hold on a minute.”

“Yes?” he asked, disappointed. “Is there something else we need to discuss beyond the existence of God? I thought this serious talk was going to be different. You even crossed your heart. I see you’re just one of those bait-and-switch girls. Start with something light and go straight to theology,” he said, only half kidding.

“Really, this is something more mundane,” Sarah responded, a bit defensively. “If you’re all right with the baby-naming ceremony, I was wondering if we could choose Jeff and Devorah as Anna’s godparents. It’s not exactly required in the Jewish tradition, but the parents can select godparents as a way of honoring them.”

Through his frustration, he could see the wisdom of Sarah’s idea. “Count me in. Jeff’s been a great friend. After all, he was the first person to hold Anna when she was born. I think he’ll be into it.”

“So will Devorah. Her religion is a big part of her life. Of course, she’ll have to come back to New York for the ceremony. As far as I’m concerned, anything that encourages another visit is a good thing.”

“I’m sure Jeff would second that thought,” Rick said.

“Wouldn’t it be something if the two of them got together?” Sarah asked.

“Couldn’t happen to two nicer people — except for us, that is,” Rick said.

“Well, if you’re right that all we have is each other, it would be great if those two had one other.”

“On that point, dear Sarah, you’ll get no argument from me,” he said as he kissed her again. This time, he found a willing partner.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

When Anna was four months old she learned to giggle. Her mother traded her external fixator and crutches for a walking cast and cane. And, having used up his childcare leave, her father returned to work.