Finding the Way Back (Book 1 in the Forgiving Hearts Trilogy) (14 page)

Looking back on the months since it happened, was she happier as a result of forcing Colton out of her life? Had she gained any gratification from refusing to listen to him and denying him the forgiveness he sought? Her method of punishment hadn’t eased the ache in her heart, and worse than that, it had pushed her further away from God.

As if her eyes had suddenly gained sight after being blinded, Laurel perceived her actions with renewed clarity. She’d ignored Colton’s pleas because she didn’t believe him truly penitent. She judged him unworthy of forgiveness, but that wasn’t her call to make. How could she justify ignoring the words of Jesus when the Pharisees sought to stone the adulteress? “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” To forgive wasn’t a suggestion – it was an obligation.

Patty’s recent comments only affirmed this. Jesus didn’t say to forgive only when it’s convenient or when the wrong against you is of little significance. He said, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you”. Was her failure to forgive Colton the reason she was so miserable? She’d been quick to blame him for her unhappiness, but weren’t her own choices the more likely culprit? She alone had allowed the knot of resentment and pain to lodge deep in her soul. The solution to her continued discontent lay within
her
, not Colton.

For the rest of the day, only part of Laurel’s attention was on her students. She had a feverish impatience to be alone where she could examine these new thoughts. By the time she reached her apartment in the late afternoon, she was awash with confusion. She could feel the old doubts and fears creeping back in. Dropping down on the couch, Laurel made no effort to stop the sobs wracking her body. She was so tired of fighting a battle she couldn’t win. When the tremors subsided, she slipped off the couch to her knees.

“Father, please help me forgive Colton,” she whispered. “I don’t want to live the rest of my life this way. I need your help to let go of my bitterness and anger. Release me from the painful memories that cloud my thoughts and keep me from moving forward. Give me eyes to see Colton as You do. Most importantly, forgive me for thinking his sins were any worse than mine. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.”

Coming to her feet, she felt a lightening of the pressure that had taken hold of her all those months ago. Was it possible she could remove it completely?

* * * *

Laurel was in the kitchen fixing a salad when the phone rang. A quick glance at the screen had her smiling. “Hello, Rose. I wondered if you’d left the country. I haven’t heard from you in forty-eight hours.”

Her sister ignored this. “How was Jekyll Island, Part 2?”

“Well, I didn’t end up in the ER so I suppose we could rate it a success. How’s the beauty consultant business?”

Rose laughed. “I haven’t earned the pink car yet, but I’m pleased with what I’ve accomplished so far. I was late for a meeting with a client this morning because of a big pile-up on the interstate. Her complaints disappeared when I offered a twenty-five percent discount.”

“One of my students told me about that accident. Was it bad?”

“Bad enough; from what I could see there were four vehicles involved. One car went over the embankment and another one caught on fire.”

“That doesn’t sound good.”

“You’d think those expensive cars would do better in crashes.” Rose stopped for a minute. “Laurel, does Colton still have his BMW?”

“Yeah, why?”

“The car they were pulling out of the ditch looked a little like the one I remember him driving.”

“Are you sure?” Laurel asked unsteadily, her heart plummeting.

“I’m pretty sure, but it was difficult to see clearly with all the emergency vehicles. That doesn’t mean it was his car. He’s not the only person around here driving a gray BMW.”

Laurel felt as if she’d been punched in the stomach. “Oh, Rose, what if it was him?”

“I wish I hadn’t said anything. Now you’re going to worry yourself to death. Chances are it wasn’t him.”

“But it could be. I’ve got to find out. I’m going to call him – right now.”

“Okay; call me back as soon as you know anything.”

“I will.”

As she slid her fumbling fingers over the recent calls list, she whispered, “Please, God; let Colton be all right.” Touching his number, she tried to control the panic sweeping through her. Rose could easily be mistaken. People were always reporting things that weren’t accurate. They thought they saw something that turned out to be totally wrong. It happened all the time.

As she silently counted the rings, Laurel’s fear threatened to choke her. What should she do? She couldn’t just sit there calling his phone all night. When they’d been together, Colton had told her that if she had an emergency and needed him, to call his answering service. What good would that do her now? She didn’t even know where he worked. With a rush of frustration, she ended the call and tossed the phone down on the counter. It rang almost immediately. Laurel grabbed it and groaned. She loved her sister, but she didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. She needed to think.

“Have you heard anything?” Rose asked anxiously.

“No, he’s not answering. I’m going to the hospital. Maybe someone there can tell me what’s going on.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“No, it’s going to look strange enough as it is. I mean, how many wives don’t know where their husbands are?”

* * * *

The trip to the hospital seemed endless; Laurel spent it praying for strength to handle whatever awaited her. After hurriedly parking the car, she ran inside and approached the uniformed woman seated behind the information desk.

“I’m trying to find out if my husband, Colton Samuels, was admitted to the hospital today. I think he may have been involved in an accident.”

“Just a moment, please, while I check on that for you.” The woman’s eyes went to the screen beside her. After a few seconds, she shook her head. “I don’t see him on the list. He could still be in the ER.”

“I should have thought of that. Thanks.”

Without waiting for a reply, she flew down the long hallway leading to the emergency department uncaring of the strange glances she received. As she turned the corner, she recognized the curtained-off cubicles from her previous trips there. Walking up to yet another desk, she found Amber talking to a doctor. Here was someone who should be able to tell her about Colton.

When the man moved away, Amber noticed Laurel waiting nearby. “Don’t tell me you’ve hurt yourself again.”

“No, I’m fine. I’m looking for Dr. Samuels. Someone told me he might have been involved in that accident on I-95.”

“We treated the victims from that accident, and none were Dr. Samuels. He mentioned going out of town today. His secretary would know more, but since it’s after seven, the clinic is closed.”

As Amber’s words soaked into her agitated brain, Laurel’s legs almost gave way in sheer relief.
Colton hadn’t been brought to the ER!
Thank you, God.
“It sounds like I’ve been on a wild goose chase. I sort of panicked when I couldn’t reach him by phone.”

Amber nodded. “I’m sure he’ll call you back as soon as he can.”

Laurel wondered what she would say when he did. “Thanks for relieving my mind.”

“No problem, Mrs. Samuels.”

“I need to let you get back to your real work.”

“I’ve only got a few more minutes left in my shift. Would you like to go with me to get something to eat? My boyfriend has to work until eleven, and I hate eating alone.”

“That would be great. In my rush to find out about Colton, I missed dinner.”

“Now that all the worry is over, you’re probably starved. That’s how I am.”

“Where should I wait for you?”

“You can sit in cubicle one.”

Laurel chuckled. “I’ve already been in the bed; it will be a nice change to sit in the chair.”

Another man in scrubs appeared. “Amber, I need you to take these reports to pathology.”

As she watched Amber walk away, Laurel suddenly remembered Rose. Her phone had managed to work its way to the bottom of her purse. No matter what she did with it, that’s where it usually ended up. Rose answered immediately.

“Any news?”

“He wasn’t brought to the hospital. Amber, the nursing aide that helped me when I fell down the stairs, told me Colton is out of town today. That’s probably why I can’t reach him.”

“I’ve never been happier to be wrong. Are you back home?”

“No, I’m going out to eat with Amber.”

“Really? Well, don’t stay out too late; you’ve got school tomorrow.”

“Like I’m going to forget that? Goodnight, Rose.” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Amber skipping toward her.

“I’m free to go.”

“Where do you want to eat?” Laurel asked.

“Have you been to the new barbeque place on 2
nd
Avenue?”

“No, but I’d love to try it.”

“Dr. Samuels treated the entire ER staff to their sandwiches the other day. He’s always doing things like that.” Amber hesitated and glanced at Laurel. “Of course, you know that already.”

Laurel smiled faintly as she held the door open for Amber to walk through. She could fill a book with all the thoughtful, caring things Colton had done for her in the years she’d known him. It was sad that all his good deeds had been so easily overshadowed by his one mistake.

“I’m parked in the front lot,” she told Amber.

“I’ll meet you there in five minutes. I’ll be in a yellow Volkswagen Beetle so you can’t miss me.”

* * * *

Laurel’s phone rang just as she came to a stop behind Amber at a traffic light. It was probably Rose again. Grabbing it off the seat, she put it up to her ear.

“Hello.”

“Hey, Laurel. I’m sorry it took me so long to get back with you. I’ve been at a baby shower for Simone. I’m heading back to Brunswick now. What’s up?”

Her heart nearly stopped at the sound of Colton’s voice. Even though she knew he hadn’t been involved in the accident, there was a part of her that needed to hear from him. “It’s nothing really. Simone is having a baby? I bet your parents are thrilled.”

“They can’t stop smiling and neither can Josh. I would have called sooner, but I accidentally left my phone in the car.”

“That’s all right. I found out what I needed to know from Amber.”

“From
Amber
? I’m really confused now.”

“I’ll try to explain without sounding ridiculous. There was an accident on I-95 today. Rose thought she saw a car like yours in the ditch. I got worried, especially when you didn’t answer your phone.”

“That doesn’t explain how Amber got involved.”

“Oh, well, I sort of went to the hospital. I figured if you were in the accident, that’s where you’d be. I ran into Amber, and she set me straight.” When he didn’t say anything, she asked, “Are you still there?”

“Yes, I’m here.” A different note entered his voice. “I can’t believe you went to all that trouble for me.”

“It wasn’t any trouble. I wouldn’t have been able to sleep tonight without knowing if you were okay,” she admitted slowly.

“That’s the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time.”

“You’re going to be late getting home.”

Colton smiled at her obvious change of subject. “Would you like me to call you when I get in?”

“That won’t be necessary. Besides, I may be out late myself. Amber and I are on our way to eat at Ed’s Barbeque.”

“Get ready to have your ear talked off.”

“I don’t mind; but is there a way to get her to talk about someone other than you? Every other sentence starts with ‘Dr. Samuels did this’.”

He laughed. “Ask her about Tony and try to eat fast.”

“Thanks for the advice. We’re pulling into the parking lot so I need to go.”

“I’m sorry you wasted your evening trying to track me down.”

“You’d have done the same for me. Don’t drive too fast, Colton.”

“I won’t; there’s no reason to hurry home anymore. Goodnight, Laurel.”

* * * *

As Laurel ate her meal and listened to Amber extol Tony’s many virtues, she thought back over the short phone conversation with Colton.
Did he really believe she didn’t care what happened to him? How had she let things get to such a state?
No matter how far apart they were as a couple, he was still her husband. Her actions should never have included anything that would make him think his well-being wasn’t important to her.

Another thing that had struck her was his admission of having no reason to rush home. Colton openly acknowledged his loneliness; Laurel spent most of her time trying to deny any dissatisfaction with hers.
Was her weak method of defense a cover-up for the truth? Why was it so difficult to admit she missed Colton?
The arrival of the waiter to collect their plates and offer dessert interrupted these musings.

“The House special is bread pudding,” the young man said with a lop-sided grin in Amber’s direction.