For Mac (29 page)

Liam thought about the best way to state what he felt and decided for a direct approach. “I’m all for taking out ads on the six o’clock news, maybe even ‘film at eleven,’ but I know this is all new for you, not only our relationship, but the whole gay issue in general. So I’ll let you drive. What do you want to tell everyone?”

Branson smiled at that. “I think I’ll pass on the news thing, especially the film part. I was thinking maybe just tell Amy and Andy… maybe Mama White, though she pretty much has it figured out already.” Branson paused. “And Mac.”

Liam smiled and kissed Branson’s hair. “Sounds good, Bran.”

Branson was silent for a while. “And I think Tom, my boss at work, sort of thinks we’ve been together for a long time, so I guess I’ll go ahead and confirm it for him.”

“Okay,” Liam agreed. “What about the nurses at Silver Linings?”

Branson chuckled. “I think they probably think we’ve been dating for a long while too.”

Liam chortled. “I think you’re probably right. There’s no rule against it or anything as long as the relationship doesn’t adversely affect patient care, and that’s the only reason anyone would have come out and said anything, but the way they assume I can help you out better than anyone else….”

“What? That’s not in your job description?” Branson laughed.

“Not really to this degree. No.” Liam chuckled as well.

Branson

T
HEY
SLEPT
in the next morning, and it felt good to wake up in Liam’s arms. Branson wasn’t sure why he had ever been fighting this. He still wasn’t sure how much he was ready for physically, but his body was apparently up for more than cuddling. He didn’t know how to ask for anything, or what, exactly, he wanted to ask for, or if he’d like whatever he asked for. He didn’t know much about anything, really. His thoughts chased each other around in his head.

“Stop thinking so loud,” Liam finally complained. “You woke me up, worrying.”

Branson was so enamored with Liam’s Irish brogue that he even liked listening to him complain, especially since he knew Liam wasn’t really angry about anything. That didn’t help him know what to say in response, though.

Liam finally asked him, “What are you thinking about?” But when Branson didn’t answer, Liam took pity on him. “You know there is absolutely no pressure for anything, right?” He kissed Branson’s hair again and then kissed his forehead.

Branson turned his face up to gaze at Liam, and their lips met, seemingly of their own volition. “What if I want there to be… something, though?” he said breathlessly.

“That’s okay too.” Liam smiled. “What… something… do you want?” Liam turned on his side so that he could face Branson.

“I don’t know,” Branson answered honestly.

Liam stroked Branson’s face. “How about that?”

Branson smiled. “Yeah, that’s nice.”

Liam continued to caress Branson’s cheek, then his forehead. Then he ghosted a finger across Branson’s eyelids, down his nose, to then trace his lips. Liam leaned forward and kissed the end of Branson’s nose.

“What about that?” Liam grinned.

Branson returned the smile, but before he could actually answer, Liam closed the remaining distance and kissed him. Branson couldn’t help but deepen the kiss. He knew he might be starting something he couldn’t ultimately follow through with, but he wanted much more of Liam than he was getting right then.

Liam followed his lead, deepening the kiss even more and rolled onto his back, bringing Branson with him until Branson lay spread out over Liam, like a blanket. Branson recognized the gesture for what it was: Liam’s attempt to give him full control. If Liam had pushed Branson onto his back, Branson would probably have felt intimidated. Then again, maybe not. He’d never wanted anything—anyone—this much in his whole life.

He started kissing more frantically, running his hands all over Liam’s chest and shoulders and arms. Anywhere he could reach. He was getting more and more turned on, and he could tell Liam was too. He didn’t know how much to push this, how much further to take it. But he finally decided to go with it and see where it led.

L
iam

L
IAM
WASN
’
T
sure how much to pursue this. He wanted Branson more than anything in the world, but he was still afraid that he’d go too far, too fast, and push him away. He was giving Branson as much control of the situation as he could, but he was quickly getting to a point where he was going to lose what little reserve he had left. He didn’t want to get so caught up in the moment that he missed a subtle sign that Branson might not be with him. At the moment, though, it looked and felt like Branson was in the same condition as he was.

“Bran,” Liam said breathlessly when Branson began rocking against him. He wasn’t sure himself whether he was urging Branson on or asking him to pull back.

“Don’t stop,” Branson whispered against his lips as he continued to rock and kiss and caress.

Liam wanted to argue, to question if Branson wanted this much so fast, but he was too far gone to want to stop if Branson didn’t want to. He finally decided he’d have to trust Bran to know what he wanted, and he started rocking back.

Their hands were everywhere at once, and their kiss became frantic.

“Bran.” Liam loved saying Branson’s name. He’d waited so long to be able to say it in a situation like this. He wrapped his arms around Bran and pulled them close together. He slid his hands down to Branson’s butt and pulled tight. Apparently that was all the encouragement Branson needed. He rocked harder and faster, and his breath began to come in pants. Liam knew Branson wasn’t going to last long like this. He thought about slowing them down, about asking if this was really how Branson wanted their first time to be. But he decided that this was just fine for a first time. Morning sex after holding each other all night… it felt great.

He could tell the moment that Branson reached his peak. He stiffened in Liam’s arms, and Liam was about half expecting him to cry out. But he didn’t. Instead Branson collapsed against Liam and buried his nose in Liam’s neck. Liam quickly followed him over the edge.

“Oh, Liam.” Branson breathed Liam’s name like a prayer. “God, I love you.”

It was the first time Branson had said that to Liam. Liam had told Bran he was in love with him, and Branson had even said he thought he might be in love back, but neither had actually said the words. Liam had almost said them, but he didn’t want to make Branson uncomfortable and had made up his mind not to ask for a declaration until, or unless, Branson felt like making it. Now that he had, Liam wasn’t sure quite how to take it. He’d had partners before who professed love after sex but didn’t really mean love. He couldn’t believe Branson would be like that, but then again, Branson himself probably didn’t know what he would be like after sex, especially after good sex. From what Branson had told him, Liam was only his second sexual partner ever. Was that all he meant? That he loved the feeling?

“Now
you’re
thinking too loud.” Branson chuckled, still nuzzling Liam’s neck. “I meant it. I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that right now, but I’m not only saying it because I think I should. And it’s not just afterglow. I really do love you. Have for quite some time now, I think. I didn’t know that that’s what I was feeling until more recently. But”—Branson raised himself on an elbow and looked at Liam—“I do love you.”

Liam exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I love you too.” He reached up and brushed away that beautiful, stubborn, little lock of hair.

Branson smiled and reburied his face in the crook of Liam’s neck again. Then he slid to one side, snuggled tightly against Liam, and fell back to sleep.

Liam had to go to the bathroom again but swore he wasn’t moving Branson this time. Not for the world.

Branson

W
HEN
THEY
finally got up about an hour later, Branson thought Liam was going to break the land speed record getting to the bathroom.
I really need to talk to that boy about his bladder
, Branson thought. This time, unlike yesterday morning, they were completely at ease with each other. They moved around the kitchen like they had lived there together for years. Conversation over breakfast was easy and light but with an air of familiarity that had been missing before. Branson discovered that he quite liked it, and he vowed he was going to keep Liam with him as many nights as possible. He still wasn’t sure how much actual sex he was ready for, but he enjoyed the closeness and this easy intimacy.

They had finished up breakfast, and Branson wasn’t sure if he should say what was on his mind.

“What’s up, Bran?” Liam negated Branson’s need to decide. “You have that ‘I want to say something but I don’t know if I should’ look.”

Branson smiled. “Yeah. Well, I’m enjoying this, and I don’t want it to end, but I think I should go visit Mac.”

Liam looked honestly puzzled. “Of course we’re going to see Mac.” Then he seemed to think he suddenly understood. “Oh, do you want to go by yourself, you mean?”

“Well, at some point, I’ll want to actually tell him on my own, but I do want you there for the most part.” Branson was hesitant to add, “Am I wasting my time? Visiting him so often? I mean, he doesn’t know I’m there. It’s not helping anything. Should I start spending more time away from Silver Linings? More time with you?” Branson was getting frantic. “Do you feel I’m neglecting you by visiting him? I mean, I can start, or rather stop, or slow down, or….” Branson took a breath and switched gears. “I just don’t want to leave him alone.”

Liam interrupted. “Bran. Of course you aren’t going to leave him alone. I’d never want you to do that.” He sat down beside Branson. “I can’t prove to you that your visits help or whether or not Mac is aware of them. But I’ve seen patients without involved families come to Silver Linings in better shape than Mac was when he came, and they just wasted away quickly. It was like… with no one to visit them, to tell them they cared about them, about whether or not they stayed or left, the patient just faded away. And I’ve seen others every bit as bad, thrive and improve beyond all expectation, or at least hang on to life much longer than doctors had expected, because they had constant visitors.” Liam backpedaled, “Well, I guess I can’t say ‘because,’ since I can’t really prove a causal relationship, but it seemed to me like the visitation was a big factor in their recovery.”

Branson wasn’t sure what to do with that information. “I’ve been there almost every day, or someone has, for the past year, but Mac isn’t getting any better.”

“True. But he’s hung on.” Liam scooted closer and took Branson’s hands in his. “I have no scientific reason to believe this, but I think Mac can sense that you’re there. He can’t tell you that, he may not actually hear you or understand you, but I have to believe that all that love goes somewhere. All the time you spend with him, all the talking you do to him, all the love you show for him. I truly believe that on some level, somewhere, Mac feels all that.”

“I’d like to believe that,” Branson finally agreed. “I’m not really sure I do, though. Nothing is making him any better.”

Liam seemed to think carefully before he spoke. “Maybe it’s not about making him better, though. Maybe it’s about making him feel loved for whatever time he has with you. How can that ever be something not worth doing?”

Branson smiled. He agreed with that, of course. Even if it wasn’t helping, he still felt he needed to be with Mac. That it was worth doing. He hadn’t been sure if Liam still thought that Branson should visit Mac, knowing it would probably do no good, when he could be spending the time with Liam.

“If you want me with you when you visit,” Liam stated, seemingly reading Branson’s mind, “I’ll be there. Every time. If you don’t, say the word, and I’ll find somewhere else to be so you can have time alone with your brother. You don’t have to worry about spending every spare minute with me or including me in everything. It was just you and Mac for a long, long time. I understand if you want to sit with him alone.”

“No,” Branson reiterated. “It’s not that. Not really. Well. Like I said, I might want a couple of minutes alone to tell him about us. I know he probably won’t understand, but I feel I should tell him, and”—Branson averted his eyes and blushed—“it would probably be easier to do that if you weren’t right in the room at the time. But I wouldn’t want you to be far away.”

“I can do that.” Liam closed the remaining distance and kissed Branson’s lips. “Anything you ever want. You tell me… and I’ll make it happen. Okay?”

Branson wasn’t sure what to say to that. No one had ever seemed interested in what he wanted, let alone wanted to make it happen for him. Branson didn’t doubt Liam’s sincerity for a minute; but he wasn’t sure how to respond. So with no verbal answer to offer, Branson deepened the kiss, and they spent the next half hour creating the need for another shower before they visited Mac.

B
RANSON
SAT
in Mac’s room and held his hand.

“Hey, brother,” Branson started, then had to clear his throat before he could continue. “I’ve done something that will really tick you off.” He paused, like he expected Mac to interact with him. “I’ve been attracted to men for a long time, Mac. I know you know that. That’s probably why you were so quick to yell at me about any imagined act in that direction. The thing is, Mac, I have never, ever, been attracted to a girl like that. Even poor Betsy down the street. I had sex with her because I thought you wanted me to, and that wasn’t at all fair to her. I almost feel like I should find her and apologize to her. Though, come to think of it, I think I did that night. But I’m sure she didn’t know how much I was apologizing for. I should never have acted on something because you told me to. Just like I should never have
not
acted on something because you told me not to.”