Just F*ck Me! (13 page)

IT’S NOT FUN UNLESS BOTH OF YOU ARE MUTUALLY SATISFIED

Given everything we have discussed, this is probably a good time to talk about the communication between you. I’d like to reiterate some points I have already made, but more importantly, I want to tell you how reading each other’s cues can bring whole new levels of intensity to your alpha male lovemaking.

Verbal Communication

Here’s a quick review of what we have talked about so far in terms of communicating with your partner when it comes to assertive sexual experimentation.

• It is normal for a woman to want her partner to be more forceful in the bedroom. There is nothing bad, wrong or even extreme about this type of desire or fantasy, nor does it mean that there is something wrong with the male partner.
  

• It is normal for most men to not be as forceful in the bedroom naturally, as society has taught them to treat women with the utmost respect, and alpha male behavior might not lend itself to respectful behavior in their eyes.
  

• The woman needs to know exactly what her desires entail, and she needs to be able to express them in an open way. There are several ways she can go about this, from a sit-down conversation to after-sex pillow talk to being more forceful herself in bed to heat-of-the-moment requests.
  

• For any type of sex play involving a power dynamic, a safe word should be agreed upon. If it is spoken, the games should end and there should be a tender time followed by nonjudgmental conversation. (Then get back in the saddle and make some good memories!)
  

• Dirty talk is an important component of alpha male sex. Used by the man, it can supplement his actions and gauge her level of pleasure. Used by the woman, it can be a signal to him to go further, or to hold back.
  

Verbal communication does not have to be either a clinical discussion of the proceedings or raunchy talk that would make your mother blush. When the two of you are in the zone – meaning, when you’re having a total connection with each other during your lovemaking – even a little comment made by one of you can send you both over the edge and into ecstasy.

When it comes to alpha male sex, this usually means an acknowledgement of the roles each of you are playing.

For example, let’s say you’re having some seriously rough sex. Guys, you’re bending her six ways to Sunday. You have never seen her so turned on; you’ve never been more in love with her than at this moment.

Say it! With some extra hard thrusts, declare your love for her! “I’ve never been so in love with you than at this moment!” “I love being your man!” Whatever the spirit moves you to say is fair game – just keep it short.

And ladies, you can reinforce your appreciation for all that your man is doing by letting him know it! Tell him you’ll never love another man. Tell him he’s all the man you need. Tell him whatever you feel best expresses your love for him.

When this happens, often the vibe changes from one of “Hey, Honey, let’s experiment” to two equals joined together, body and soul. What was a power game now is a passionate lovemaking that binds you together in deep, abiding love.

To be less sappy, there are other ways you can kick it up a notch, but while staying in the alpha male moment. A back-and-forth type of dare that acknowledges the game you’re playing can allow you to connect on a relationship level as well as a sexual level.

“Can you take it?”

“Yeah, I can take it. Give me more.”

“Oh, you want more, you’re getting more. I’m going to give you something you’ll remember all day tomorrow during that conference.”

“I don’t think you’ve got it in you.”

“No?”

“No, come on, what are you waiting for, that conference is going to suck.”

“Oh, I’ll show you suck.”

It balances the two worlds, and can lead to prolonged play between the sex and the talking, texting or other modes of alpha male play.

Non-Verbal Communication

However, not all of us are so verbose. In fact, many of us are not! While verbal communication is important in many facets of assertive sexual activity, it’s not absolutely mandatory every single second. Sometimes, a simple glance, a wink or a nod can say what a thousand words never could.

It’s all about reading each other. When you’re in tune with one another, and you don’t retreat off into your fantasy mindset, you can feel every weight shift, hesitation and rhythm change. You can hear each other’s breathing, or the beginning of a gasp or a word that dies on the lips.

When there is that kind of connection, you don’t need to talk at all!

Let’s take a look at some examples.

- In Missionary position, and he is thrusting super hard into her. He’s being very rough. All of a sudden, he gets nervous that maybe she’s getting nervous about how rough it is. He slows down, holds back a little.

• She snaps to attention, locks into his eyes, and with a glance lets him know that she was loving it and he should keep going!
  
• She looks at him with a small “Thanks, this is better” look.
  

In a fraction of the time and with a minimum of embarrassment, they are on the same page again and all their worries are gone.

- How about the looks you give each other before you’re ready for an orgasm? There is a bit of permission; a bit of the go-ahead; a bit of “I am about to give you a mind blowing orgasm” in these looks, the meanings of which are apparent in the subtle raise of the eyebrow or a squinting of the eyes.

- There is the warning look – the eyes bright, hard and locked in, NO. There is the “I love you so much” look. There are a million looks you can read on each other’s faces, and you respond accordingly.

- Physical movements can give away so much, as well. The grasping hand going slack or holding on tight at the moment before an orgasm. The involuntary thrusting during orgasm, or the body-shaking shudder.

I’m sure you have experienced all of the above. If so, then this level of knowledge about your partner can only serve to intensify the alpha male sexual experience for both of you.

Whether it’s seeing the mischievous smile on his face while he’s ravishing her, or seeing a whole new level of ecstasy on her face because of what he is doing, being able to read each other is the best way to heighten the excitement when you’re together.

BRINGING THE ALPHA MALE ELEMENT INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP

I’ve gone on and on about how this kind of experimentation should not be allowed to bleed into your day-to-day relationship dynamic. But, there are a few things both of you can do to remind each other of your new, exciting sex life – while outside of the bedroom.

Guys, these are all up to you to initiate. Man up!

• If you’re at a party, restaurant, bar or club and you find yourselves alone for a moment – say, in line for the bathroom, or in the foyer on your way out or in – grab her and give her a quick, passionate kiss. Then, let her go and resume a normal stance and appearance.
  

• Elevators! Quick-and-dirty make-outs in elevators are hot, hot, hot.
  

• Before she gets out of the car, grab her toward you for a passionate kiss.
  

• Did she just come out from getting ready, and she’s looking hot? Tell her in no uncertain terms, and tell her what it makes you want to do to her – also in no uncertain terms.
  

Ladies, you can let him know he’s coming through with the goods, without launching into a lengthy discussion that is sure to take all the passion out of the game.

• Did he do something manly around the house? “Who da man?” followed by a saucy smack on the ass will make him feel like the king of the world.
  

• Make little comments about places you’ve had sex: “Well I don’t want to put the vase there in case you decide to take me again on the table.” Wink and smile, then move onto other things.
  

What Not To Do

Here are some ways that you really, really don’t want to emphasize the alpha male sex you’ve been having.

Ladies: If he fails at doing something – say, if he can’t make the DVD player work – don’t say things like, “Well, I guess you’re not an alpha male after all.”

Guys: If you’re not naturally playful with your lady, don’t do things like slap her ass or grab her outside of the bedroom.

Guys: The same goes for what you might think passes for witty repartee. Don’t joke about how you’re the man of the house, and she’ll do as you say. Those jokes are never, ever funny.

Ladies: Don’t ever throw in his face that this was your idea. Emasculating him won’t do him any good; it’s not an incentive.

CONCLUSION

Congratulations! You are now on your way to becoming closer than ever by exploring this aspect of your sexual relationship.

I want to say again that a woman wanting her man to be more sexually assertive is not a reflection on an otherwise healthy relationship. It is merely a desire borne out of her ideas about femininity, power and sexual excitement.

Guys, if you are still confused, or hurt, or unsure about what this all means, I recommend you really take the time to listen to what your ladylove is telling you. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, and get as clear as you can about exactly what she wants you to do, say or how she wants you to behave the next time you’re getting busy between the sheets.