Last Chance To Fight (13 page)

“All right,” she said, still somewhat reluctant. “I guess I trust you.”

“You guess?” I said, laughing. “All right, I’ll take what I can get.”

We headed out to the garage and I grabbed two helmets off the shelf, handing one to Anna. She strapped it on, and I had to admit she looked incredibly cute.

“It suits you,” I told her.

“Because you can’t see my face?” she asked.

“Haha, very funny,” I said, wrapping my arms around her and lifting the visor to give her a kiss on the nose. “You look tough. And, as you proved last night, you are tough. Therefore, it suits you.”

“Thanks,” she said, and I could see her eyes crinkle up from smiling. I strapped on my own helmet, uncovered my bike, and hopped on.

“Come on,” I said, patting the seat behind me. “You ready?”

“Oh, I guess so,” she said, climbing on and wrapping her arms around my waist. I started the engine and soon we were on our way to Mount Helix, where we could get a great view of San Diego, and hopefully a little privacy so we could talk.

All through the drive I went over in my head what I wanted to say to Anna about Jane. I thought I’d start by telling her again what a great mother I thought she’d be. I really did think she’d be an amazing mom, and I wanted her to understand how badly I wanted her to be a part of Jane’s life. Even though Jane already had a mother, and of course I couldn’t change that, I wanted Anna to be like a second mother to her. I wanted that more than anything, and I hoped she would understand.

I took the drive really easily, hoping Anna was having a good time. I figured if she wanted to stop she would have let me know, so she must have at least been OK. When we got to the top of Mount Helix though, I was in for a surprise.

Anna whipped off her helmet, shook out her hair and cried, “That was incredible! I can’t believe I’ve never done this before, it’s so exhilarating!”

She had a huge, happy grin on her face, and I couldn’t help but smile back at her.

“So you liked it then?” I asked.

“Liked it?” she said. “I loved it!”

“I’m so glad,” I told her.

“And what beautiful scenery!” she cried.

“If you think that was beautiful,” I said, taking her hand, “you’ve definitely got to check out the view.”

I walked her over to my favorite spot, where we could not only see pretty much all of San Diego, but also some really beautiful mountains off in the distance. We found an open bench to sit on, and amazingly there was no one else around. We must have gotten there pretty early, because usually there were at least a few tourists around, especially on a Sunday.

“This is so beautiful,” Anna said, looking out at the view. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

“You’re very welcome,” I said. “I love it up here. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten a chance to take the ride up, though.”

We sat silently for a moment, just taking in the scene. After a while, I decided it was time to start the conversation about Jane. I was nervous about what Anna’s reaction might be, but I was more than ready to get it off my chest.

“Anna,” I began, “there’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”

“Oh?” she said, turning towards me. “What is it?”

Just then, her phone rang. I sighed, starting to feel like fate was against me telling her about Jane. 

“You can get it,” I told her.

“Sorry,” she said. “Just one second, I’ll just turn the ringer off.”

She pulled the phone out of her bag and I saw her expression change suddenly.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Nothing,” she said, silencing the phone and putting it back in her bag.

“It’s Nathaniel, isn’t it?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said. “But I’m not answering it. Don’t let him get to you, please. Tell me what you were going to say.”

I looked into her eyes, and they were so trusting and full of love that I thought my heart would break.

“Well, remember when we went to the beach with Ted and Betsy and Avery?” I asked, hoping that would be a good way to start.

“Of course,” she answered. “I do believe you got a little fresh with me out there in the ocean.”

“Haha, yeah, I remember that,” I said. “And do you remember when I told you I thought you’d make a great mother?”

“Oh that,” Anna said, turning away from me. “Yes, I do remember that.” All of a sudden, everything about her demeanor changed. Her happy, trusting eyes clouded over with sadness.

“Anna,” I said, taking her hand. “What’s the matter?”

She took a deep, shaky breath, and it sounded as if she was about to start crying.

“It’s nothing,” she said. “But do you mind if we change the subject?”

“Sure we can,” I told her, taking her hand. “I don’t mean to upset you.”

“I know,” she said. “I just don’t want to talk about that. At least not right now.”

I didn’t know what was bothering Anna, but I knew I didn’t want to make her upset, and I certainly didn’t want to make her cry. Once again, it seemed like now just wasn’t the right time to tell her about Jane.

A
fter I asked Hunter if we could change the subject, things got a little quiet between us. Hunter was really sweet and supportive about it, of course, but I could tell that he was a bit put off. I didn’t want to shut him out, but every time he started talking about me being a great mom like that, it just hurt way too much. Even though we were having such a great time, it still made me start to doubt our relationship again. If having children was so important to Hunter, would he really want to be with me in the long run?

I knew I had to tell him about everything, but I didn’t want to think about what might happen to us when I did. I asked Hunter if he’d take me back to L.A. so I could stay in my apartment that night. I needed a little time to be alone and think about things, and besides, I had to work the next day.

“Sure,” he said, seeming a little disappointed. “Of course I’ll bring you back, if that’s what you want.”

“Thanks,” I said, taking his hand and squeezing it. I didn’t want to disappoint him, but I also couldn’t pretend that I wasn’t upset.

When he dropped me off at my place, Hunter got out to open the door for me as always. When I stood up he pulled me into his arms and gave me a big, reassuring hug. It felt so great to be in his arms that I thought I would burst into tears, so I did my best to gently pull away from him.

“Are you mad at me, Anna?” he asked, his voice quiet.

“No,” I told him, kissing his hand. “No, not at all. I’m just a little sad, and I need some time to think, OK?”

“All right,” he said. “Of course that’s OK. I’m just really sorry if I’ve done something to upset you.”

“You didn’t do anything, honey,” I told him. “I’ll explain everything soon, I promise.”

“All right,” Hunter said, still disappointed. “I’m staying at my apartment tonight. Can I see you tomorrow?”

“Sure,” I said. “I’d like that.”

“OK, good,” he said, brightening somewhat. “Should I meet you after work?”

“That would be perfect,” I said, and stood up on my tiptoes to kiss him goodbye. I went inside and closed the door behind me, feeling totally drained.

I remembered suddenly that Nate had called while Hunter and I were talking, and as much as I dreaded looking at my phone, I knew I had to eventually. To my surprise, it only showed one missed call. No texts. No voicemail. Nothing. For some reason, that was even creepier to me than if he had left some threatening message. Why was he calling me?

I thought I had enough to worry about without adding Nate into the mixture. Although he was creeping me out, it was probably nothing new. He probably wanted to taunt me, to punish me for hitting him and for trying to be happy when he wasn’t.

What I needed to think about was Hunter, how badly I wanted to tell him about my past, and how frightened I was to do it. I wasn’t sure what to do about the situation, but I wanted more than anything to talk to my friend Ben. He had helped me so much when I was going through cancer treatments, and then dealing with all of the consequences afterwards. I checked the time: it was eleven o’clock in the morning in Australia. I didn’t know if he’d be free, but it was worth a shot.

He picked up on the second ring. “Is this who I think it is?” he asked, and I was so happy to hear his voice that I almost burst into tears.

“Yes!” I cried in delight. “It’s me!”

“Well, well, well,” he said. “It’s awfully swell to hear from you, little lady. I was wondering what became of you.”

“Oh, I know, I’m sorry!” I said. “I know I should have called you weeks ago. I’ve just been crazy busy, that’s all.”

“Oh, it’s quite all right,” he said. “Everything in Sydney is exactly the same, except that you aren’t here. So, shoot. Tell me everything. How is your life?”

And then, as requested, I told him everything. I told him all about how Hunter and I reunited, how Nate had come by and threatened me, taken pictures of me and gave me that horrible sex tape. I told him how Nate was fooling me the entire time we’d dated, which thankfully wasn’t that long. Ben was pretty impressed when I told him about how I’d punched Nate in the face a few nights before.

“Punched him?” Ben said, nearly choking with incredulity. “I can’t believe it.”

“It’s true,” I told him. “Gave him a bloody nose and everything.”

“Wow,” he said. “I applaud you. Now, go on.”

“So, the thing is,” I started, “I haven’t told Hunter yet about anything. About cancer, about how I can’t have kids, all of that.”

“Oh wow,” Ben said. “Why haven’t you told him?”

“Well, mostly because I’m scared,” I admitted.

“But why are you scared, Anna?” he asked. “You’ve never been scared of anything, at least that I’ve seen. I mean, just a few nights ago you punched a professional fighter in the face.”

“Yeah,” I said, laughing. “That’s true. I’m scared, though, because he’s always wanted children, you know? And I’m scared he’ll be disappointed, and that eventually it will break us up.”

“Oh, sweetie,” he said. “You just have to tell him. You’ll feel so much better when you do.”

“I know,” I said. “But what if he’s disappointed?”

“He loves you, right?” Ben asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “I mean, I think so.”

“You know he does,” Ben assured me. “And I’ll tell you what I think, from the perspective of a guy who also wants to have children someday: it’s going to be fine.”

“You really think so?” I asked.

“Of course,” Ben said. “If the woman that I loved couldn’t have kids, then we’d adopt. Simple as that. And our adopted kids would be great, because we love each other and we’d love them too. Just because he wants kids doesn’t mean they have to be his, biologically speaking.”

“Wow,” I said. “I hadn’t even really thought of that. Thanks, Ben. You always know exactly how to make me feel better.”

“My pleasure,” he said. “So, anything else going on?”

“No,” I said. “But what, is that not enough? I mean, I got back together with my high school sweetheart, my ex-boyfriend is stalking us, and I punched a guy in the face. What more do you want?”

“Oh, it’s plenty,” Ben said, laughing. “Just checking. Anyway, it was great hearing from you. We sure do miss you over here.”

“I miss you too,” I told him. “Thanks for listening.”

“Anytime, sister,” he said. “Call again soon.”

“All right,” I said. “Bye, Ben. Take care.”

“You too. Bye, Anna.”

I hung up the phone, feeling at least a million times better than I did when I first dialed Ben’s number. Of course, I knew he was right. Hunter loved me, and he wasn’t going to stop loving me just because I couldn’t have kids. We would find a way to work it out. Later that night, I slept easily, determined to tell Hunter everything when I saw him the next day.

I
met Anna outside of her office, as promised, and I was happy to see that she seemed to be in much better spirits than when I had dropped her off the day before. She stood up to kiss me sweetly on the cheek, and then got into the car.

“How are you feeling today?” I asked her.

“I’m good,” she told me. “I had a good day at work. What about you?”

“I’m good too,” I said, taking her hand into my lap and holding it. “I’m glad to see you. I missed you.”

“Since yesterday?” she asked, laughing.

“Yeah, I know it hasn’t been that long,” I told her. “But I did miss you last night. And all day today.”

“I missed you too,” she said, leaning over and kissing me on the lips as she held my cheek with her hand.

“So, what do you want to do?” I asked.

“Let’s go back to my place,” she suggested. “I’ve got some food I could make you for dinner. And I’d like to have a private place to talk.”

“Oh?” I asked. “You want to talk?”

“Yes,” she told me. “There are a couple of things I really need to tell you.”

“Good,” I said. “I need to tell you some things too.”

It seemed like this would be the perfect opportunity to tell her about Jane. We both had things we needed to say to each other, and there would be nothing to prevent me from telling her what I needed to say.

We got back to Anna’s house and she immediately started getting out ingredients for dinner.

“I’m pretty hungry,” she explained. “Would pasta be all right with you?”

“Sure,” I said. “Who doesn’t like pasta?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she said. “People with a gluten intolerance, I guess.”

“Well, don’t worry,” I told her. “I am extremely tolerant of gluten in all its forms.”

“Perfect,” she responded. “I’m going to make a red sauce with spinach and mushrooms. How does that sound?”

“Amazing,” I said.

Anna smiled and started chopping up onions and garlic for the sauce. I stayed in the kitchen with her, helping to wash the vegetables and anything else she asked me to do. It was so comfortable, just hanging out with her at home and making dinner. I thought then, not for the first time, how happy I would be to spend the rest of my life with her. That was the key, I thought. To find someone who made the mundane, everyday aspects of life seem magical. For me, that was Anna. There was no doubt in my mind, and no other possibility. She was it.