Layover (9 page)

“Hell yeh! After all the hurt Kenny has caused me, I don’t owe him anything! And what about you and your wife and baby? How do you think Lisa is going to feel when she finds out you traded her in for ‘Blowhair’?”

That was one of their local terms for someone with long hair that blows in the wind. Allen knew Lisa was always intimidated by that kind of woman because his last girlfriend, the one who broke his heart, looked just like me. Rumor had it that she moved back to their town after having moved away, married to a military man, divorced and having several children.

“I told you already, Lisa is the one who wants out. What does she care who I take up with?”

“A lot if it’s with me. You’ll find out when she tries to stop you from seeing Andy.”

“That won’t happen. I won’t let that happen.”

When Allen and I got back from the city, there was no one in the house, or so we thought. I went into the room to put Kenny’s present away. When I walked into the room, he was sitting on the bed.

“Where’s Allen?” He asked.

“He’s in the living room.”

Kenny stomped into the living room.

“You like Usher, nigga?” He asked Allen.

“Yeh, why?”

“You been fuckin’ my wife, nigga?”

“What are you talking about, crazy ass fool?”

“You and Nya been sneaking around here hiding jackets and listening to Usher CDs now I want to know why?”

“You’ve gone off the deep end, Kenny.”

“Nigga, I drove your Tahoe today because you and my wife took the Jeep. So I get in and the first thing I here is Usher. It’s the same song Nya has been running around here playing over and over again. I noticed that you had it set on repeat just like she does in her car. Is that y’all fuck song?”

“Kenny, you are going to accuse me of sleeping with your wife because we like the same song? You are going to have to do better than that.”

“Oh really. Well, what about the Great Jacket Caper? Do I still need more?”

“Nya, tell Kenny why we lied about seeing each other in Denver,” Allen instructed me.

“I’ll do better than that. I’ll show him.”

I handed him the box. He opened it to find a Black, size XL, Coach leather jacket and matching Coach gloves. He looked stunned.

“Allen was going to get you one from his company. He loaned me his coat to put somewhere for you to find it. I was supposed to gauge your reaction, to see if you liked it. Based on your reaction, I figured you didn’t like it, so we got you this one instead.”

“You know I don’t like anything that’s not made by a designer,” Kenny reminded us.

“The coats from my company are made by Sharper Image. They just put the individual company logos inside of them,” Allen explained.

“Sharper Image? On second thought, you’re coat isn’t so bad. You two did all of this to surprise me?”

“Yes,” we said in sync.

“I should have known. Every year around this time, everyone starts acting suspicious and crazy. Everyone tries too hard to surprise me for my birthday. I’m just not the kind of guy you can surprise. I’m too suspicious. By the time my birthday comes, I’ve accused everyone of everything. You know I don’t trust a motherfucker. You all should just stop.”

“Is that an apology?” Allen asked.

“Something like that,” Kenny admitted.

“It’s not necessary,” I told him, “But your mother is going to kill me for letting you open your present”.

“Just tell her I was about to shoot my brother because I thought he was trying to take you away from me. Tell her the only way you could stop me is by giving me my gift. She will understand. She knows this happens every year.”

“Why don’t you just put it back in the box and act surprised when you open it on your birthday?” Allen suggested.

“That’s cool. By the way, thanks guys.”

It seemed that everything was smoothed over. I knew our explanation had a lot of holes in it and if Kenny really pressed the issue, he could find them. I guess the biggest unexplanation was about the Usher CD. That was more than coincidental and Kenny really could have pressed us about that. But, I think Kenny wanted to believe us. I think he didn’t want to know if we were doing something behind his back. He couldn’t handle that, so he took the first explanation that was offered. This is just going to make things harder when we finally do tell him that we want to be together. In Kenny’s mind, his brother has it all - why should Allen have his wife too?

 I went back into the room where Kenny was putting his gift away. He sat down on the bed and pulled me down onto his lap. He placed his hand under my chin and turned my face towards his. He looked me in the eyes.

“Ny, tell me that you don’t want my brother.”

I was stunned. I knew we left a lot of questions unanswered, but I thought Kenny had let it go after he got his gift. After all, expensive clothing items always seemed to make him feel better.

“Kenny, I thought we already resolved this? I would never cheat on you!”

“Nya, I’m not talking about coats, CDs with love songs, or even trips to Denver. I’m talking about an uneasy feeling I have deep inside me. I don’t think you would ever cheat on me, especially with my brother. I’m talking about something deeper than sex. I’m talking about the way you look at him and the way he looks at you. I’m talking about love. I don’t need you to tell me that you are not sleeping with Allen because I know that you aren’t. I need you to tell me that you’re not in love with Allen. Can you do that? Can you honestly tell me that you don’t want to be with him?”

I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say. This was my chance to tell him how I felt. I didn’t want to lie. I didn’t want to lie to him now and then have to come back later and tell him the truth. I hated lying. I wanted to tell him everything right now. I just didn’t know if he could handle the truth. I didn’t want to ruin his holiday, or his life for that matter. Still, I had to be true to myself and this was my chance to say what I felt, while he was asking. I knew what had to do. I have always believed that God gives us more than enough chances to do the right thing. This was one of my chances, but I knew that I had let others pass. I didn’t know how many more I was going to get.

“Kenny,” I said with tears in my eyes, “I can’t tell you that I don’t have feelings for Allen. I can only say that I have not acted on them. One of the things I like most about Allen is that he reminds me of all of your good qualities. What I like in him, I used to love about you. Somewhere along the way, you and I lost each other. I still love you, but I have fallen out of love with you a long time ago. I can’t explain why I have feelings for Allen. That’s something that I can’t control. I can only control what I do about it.”

“You want to be with him? You want to leave me and be with him?”

I didn’t know how much of the truth he was ready for, but since he was asking, I was going to tell him as much as I could without killing him. The Qur’an says: ‘Ask not about the things, that, if made known to you, would give you trouble. If ye ask, it will be revealed to you’. I felt obligated to reveal what I could that would give him the least trouble.

“I have thought about what it would be like to be married to him”.

“Nya, do you know what you are saying? Allen is my brother.”

“Well, you asked,” I told him.

“And now I’m asking what we can do to get back where we started. What can we do to fall back in love again? I don’t want to lose you.”

“I can’t see us back where we started. That was a lifetime ago.”

Kenny turned cold. I don’t think that was the answer that he was looking for.

“My brother don’t want you! He has a wife. He has a wife and a baby and he don’t want your ass! So, if you leave me, you need to be looking for someone else!”     

I knew the real Kenny would surface. I got up from his lap and he pulled me back down.

“So you just gonna walk away. I guess that nigga must have told you he was going to take care of your ass! That’s all you’re looking for anyway, somebody to take care of you while you pretend to sell real estate.”

“And you wonder why I don’t want your Black ass anymore,” I told him.

I pulled away and went back down the hall into the living room. He followed behind me. He headed for the front door, but he stopped just long enough to tell Allen,

“You can have her ass, if you want her!”

He slammed the door behind himself and peeled off in my Jeep. Allen looked at me in confusion.

“What just happened?” He asked me.

“I told him how I felt about you,” I confessed.

“You did what? After all we just did to convince him that nothing is going on?”

“Allen, he knows nothing is going on. Kenny trusts me. But he knew we have feelings for each other. Hell, everyone knows that! I didn’t see the need to keep pretending that there is nothing there. I’m sorry, but I told you from the beginning, I don’t like lying to my husband. He asked me if I had feelings for you and I told him the truth. He couldn’t take it, so he left.”

“So now what?” Allen asked.

“I don’t know. This is not something I do every day.”

We sat there quiet for a few moments. Soon, Allen’s mom returned from across the street at the neighbors.

“What is wrong with that fool tearing out of here like that? He’s going to mess up my driveway.”

Allen and I did not answer. Soon, we heard the sound of a familiar engine return to the carport. It was my Jeep. Kenny opened the front door and stated matter-of-factly,

“No, nigga, if you want my wife, you’re going to have to take her. Nya, get in the car.”

My mother-in-law’s mouth dropped open. She must have felt that she was in The Twilight Zone. She looked as if she wondered what could have happened in the short time she was across the street.

I walked out of the house without incident and got into the Jeep with Kenny. I figured if he killed me, at least I wouldn’t have to make a decision between him and Allen.

“Fuck that nigga,” he mumbled to himself as he drove off, “I don’t know who the fuck he thinks I am.”

He turned on the stereo and pressed the CD button. Usher began to play. He pressed the eject button and took the CD out. He rolled down the window and threw the CD out. I knew my husband had gone off the deep end.

“That mother fucker is planting subliminal messages in your head with this music, trying to get you to leave me. Like he doesn’t have enough already. He better stay with his Black ass wife and leave mine alone.”

That was Kenny’s only claim to fame, having a pretty wife. I can understand why he was feeling like he was losing it - because he didn’t have much to begin with.

 “It’s not his fault,” I said softly.

“Oh, now you’re standing up for that nigga.”

“He’s not a nigga, he’s your brother. He loves you and he hasn’t done anything wrong. The time and energy you spend being jealous and pretending to be better than him could be better spent nurturing and cultivating your relationships. One day you might not resent him so much because you will feel adequate.”

“One day, but not today,” he said smartly.

I started laughing. That was Kenny. He was always good for a laugh. That was one of the first things that attracted me to him. He always made me laugh. He reveled in the fact that he could always entertain others with his humor. We rode a short distance and no words were spoken. I felt I owed it to myself to try to remember what it felt like to be in love with him.  Still, I couldn’t help but wonder what Allen was feeling back at the house. I knew he was worried about me. Neither he nor I knew what Kenny was going through and neither of us knew what he was going to do.

After several minutes, we pulled up to a place called The Myriad Casino and Resort. Kenny explained to me that the casino was owned and operated by a tribe of Indians. It was the town’s newest attraction and it afforded many new jobs for the locals.

“My cousin is the manager of the hotel and suites. He can get us the hook-up. Do you want to spend the night here?”

I didn’t really want to. I felt that ship had sailed and I wasn’t especially physically attracted to Kenny at that moment. Kenny could tell by my face that I didn’t want to.

“Well, let’s just get the room. We can go up and talk for a while. I need to get away from my momma’s house“.

I agreed. We walked into the lobby and Kenny checked us in. Our room was a beautiful, luxurious suite with a lovely view. Kenny ordered room service and we ate lunch at watched TV. I couldn’t help but wonder why we didn’t do this kind of thing at home. Soon Kenny began to try to kiss me on the neck.

“Nya, I used to make you feel good. Do you still want me that way?”

I wanted Kenny, in a way, but all I could think about was Allen. It’s very difficult to separate physical and emotional needs. My emotional needs were so strong for Allen that it was hard to think of Kenny in a physical way. Still, I knew I owed it to myself and to Kenny to give it a try. If we made love, and it was a disaster, then we would both know it was time to give it up.

“Possibly,” I told him as I began to kiss him back. He pulled the curtains closed and suddenly the room was pitch dark. We began to make love. I closed my eyes and imagined that I was still in love with the man who was giving me great sex. Kenny and I made love for several hours and soon I began to wonder if great love making couldn’t solve all of our problems. My intelligent mind knew it couldn’t, but it was worth the thought. My mind started alluding to the fact that Kenny had no faith in my ability to do anything, and soon I was out of the mood. Besides, we had done everything we could possibly sexually, so it was time to stop anyway. I wanted to get up as soon as it was over, but I didn’t want him to feel like this was business. I laid there for several minutes, without saying a word. The silence was deafening and before long, he spoke: