Legacy: Letters from eminent parents to their daughters (10 page)

I learnt many lessons from the way my parents conducted their life and I think these lessons and values are applicable to future generations too.

My parents believed that you can never choose the hand that fate deals you but insisted that how you play the game determines whether you win or lose in the larger game of life. Shouldering responsibility cheerfully without regret or remorse is one of the abilities that separate true winners from the also-rans, they said. As a young man who had to look after the needs of ten siblings and his parents, he never complained about his fate or blamed destiny for it. He just worked hard and dispensed his duties with good cheer.

Appa always said: ‘Don’t let transient troubles come in the way of long-term goals. If there is something worth achieving in life, whether at work or beyond it, it is worth burning the midnight oil and pursuing relentlessly.’ I second that completely, Karuna, and know that you are already living that life.

Never inflict your passions or priorities on others, my father said. If there is something that you like to do, something you feel adds great value to the world, others will gravitate to the cause voluntarily without any need for cajoling or coercion. This creates, long term converts rather than reluctant followers.

During your own growing up years in Mumbai, you would have seen many other examples of selfless endeavours that were worthy of emulating and you would no doubt have your own role models at various stages of your childhood and youth. Your mother’s centenarian grandmother, who at that time was over seventy when you spend your first year with the family at Pondicherry, has always been a role model for all of us. The young widow courageously raised two generations of family, her own four children including your grandfather SV Iyer, and finally, her great grandchildren starting with you! That is an indication of the abundance of love and giving that reigns supreme in a large heart.

I wonder what it was when you were in your early teens in school that gave you the sense of purpose to start on your interesting academic journey. Was it your love of reading, through which you experienced many worlds vicariously, or your realization that it was scientific accomplishment and contribution to humanity that was more important to chase than monetary goals? Whatever be the trigger, the transformation of our child into a focused young woman intent on succeeding in her Bharatnatyam dancing, her literary accomplishments, and becoming the Head Girl of the school in addition to finishing among the top graduates in the all-India ICSE exams has been nothing short of extraordinary. I must confess, that it was with a feeling of trepidation that we let you choose your path and fly off alone when you were still shy of sixteen years to High School in the US. But we had then, as we have now, the confidence that your own intelligence, common sense, and strong sense of values and purpose would keep you secure and focused on the vision you had set for yourself.

Dear Karuna, values are themselves a transient phenomenon in a world where social mores, acceptable forms of behaviour, and the expectations of one’s peers keep changing. Our family itself has moved from extreme orthodoxy and somewhat dogmatic beliefs to a fairly liberal view of the world and we have let you choose your own road and follow your heart and mind without fear of reprobation or disapproval. The width and depth of knowledge you have acquired, not just in your chosen scientific discipline but in a variety of areas, have enabled you to build strong convictions that have, in many cases, rubbed off on our own beliefs. I grew up as a spiritual, God-fearing man but your company and our various debates during cherished family vacations around the world, have finally made me an agnostic!

Karuna, both your mother and I have worked hard over the last few decades, setting up new companies and pursuing with a passion many new projects. This has also made me feel that maybe some of that time we spent was borrowed from time that we could actually have been with you. But then again, your mother and I think too that we showed you by example, what it is to follow your heart and take your dream to fruition. If our relentless involvement in our work—one that is very essential to our well-being—has played a role in forming the intelligent and independent young woman that you are today, I am happy. Seeing your own devotion to your calling and your work ethic makes us extremely proud today. Medicine is a calling that can change so many lives, Karuna, and we are proud you have made that call to change people’s lives for the better on your own.

Karuna, if the measure of success is the ability to bring about a betterment in the lives of people, then you are already on the way to becoming a very successful person. Your mother and I have always tried to help people in our own individual ways because we are aware that life is a transient journey and the productive time at one’s disposal to contribute to other people’s lives is really short. We all have the opportunity to make a difference and yet, so few of us actually go on to do something for others without expecting something in return.

Achieving success in life is certainly not easy, Karuna, but then, nobody promised you a shortcut to success either. Part of being a successful person is also the ability to relate to people, build enduring relationships, and help other people achieve their goals. Your mother and I personally know and take an interest in the people who work for the organizations that we built in the last decades.

You yourself have spent more years away from your country and your family and have been the recipient of the kindness of countless people that you have come in touch with along the way, so you know how important it is for each of us to reach out to those around us and lend a helping hand. Be good to people, my dear. If the only way to success is by trampling on other people, there is no point in it. Competition will always be part of our lives but our success should not and need not be at the cost of other people’s happiness. I am convinced that money, success, recognition are by-products of your life goals and life missions.

Karuna, your mother and I have worked hard to ingrain in you a sense of how important a family is in the larger picture of our lives and we are hoping that when you start your own family someday, you will remember to keep them at the centre of your priorities too.

So what are my hopes and dreams for you, dear Karuna, as you embark on the next stage in your career which will see you emerge as a mature member of an elite physician-scientist cadre? You should and will be successful in your own pursuits and I hope you will retain the love for humanity and the bonding with your colleagues that are always as important as individual career success. I am sure that in your own life partnerships and family matters, you will choose well and build a nest that will nurture and keep you happy in the midst of all the pressures that your global career will surely entail. But most importantly, I am sure that three generations of family who have been successful in their own right but still remained good human beings will give you the power to be a wonderful inhabitant of this planet in your own right.

I wish you all the best and the power to be the best you can be and realize all your dreams.

With all my love,
Appa

Jatin Das

atin Das is one of India’s foremost contemporary artists. Born in pre-independence India in 1941 in the village of Mayurbhanj, Orissa, the acclaimed painter grew up in a joint family amid a large bunch of siblings. As a young boy, Das developed a keen eye and a passion for art and would spend hours in the fields and woods around his ancestral home, keeping himself immersed in drawing and painting. Often, he would wander around the village craft fairs, returning home with prized possessions—handcrafted, lacquered toys fashioned by impoverished artisans in the colours of the rainbow.

When he ultimately told his family about his intention of pursuing his passion for art, they were disappointed, partly because in those days, art was not an accepted profession to follow for sons from respectable families. A career as an artist was also seen as a low-paying job, not remunerative enough to support a family. Regardless of the opposition he faced, Das decided to leave home and study art at Mumbai’s prestigious JJ School of Arts. Those were tough days and money was scarce, but the young man revelled in his passion and got other treasures along the way—artist friends from around the world and friendships that have endured to this day and have changed the way he looks at the world.

With an illustrious career spanning over half a century, Jatin Das is revered for the honesty and boldness of his work. He is credited with 55 one-man exhibitions in different parts of the world. Das is also a keen teacher who has lectured at art and architectural colleges and museums like the National School of Drama and the Jamia Millia Islamia University, among others. A humanitarian sensitive to the human condition, he has often expressed his strong views on incidents of social injustice in the community on public platforms.

His fascination for traditional Indian handicrafts continues to this day. He is currently consumed with his grand passion, the JD Centre of Art at Bhubhaneshwar, Orissa, a private, non-commercial institution which celebrates tribal, traditional, and contemporary Indian art. The Centre will eventually house his large personal collection of handcrafted pottery, terracotta, old utensils, folk and tribal crafts, toys, tools, and jewels.

Over a quarter of a century ago, Das was presented with an antique, handcrafted fan (pankha) in Rajasthan.The beauty and the ingenuity of the pankha fascinated him enough to set him off on a quest to collect pankhas from all over the world. Das is today the proud owner of over six-thousand five-hundred fans and is on the way to setting up a dedicated fan museum in New Delhi. Along the way, his fan collections have been exhibited at the Fan Museum, London, the National Art Gallery, Kuala Lumpur, the Reitberg Museum, Zurich, and the National Museum, Manila.

In 2012, he was conferred with the prestigious Padma Bhushan award for his contribution to the field of art. But he believes that his journey as a student of art and life is a work in progress.

Getting hold of the elusive artist was in no way an easy task and took many months of first tracking him and then persuading him to write the letter.

At over seventy years of age, Das is a delightful man, fired with a passion about art and life in general, that people half his age would find hard to muster.

When I first mooted the idea of writing a letter to his daughter, he categorically refused, delivering a stinging lecture to me on the media and its intrusive ways. He castigated the folks who actively seek out the media and let their life hang out with all its warts and moles in public space, just so that they can get their names featured in newspapers.

The relationship between a parent and a child is a very private thing and not something he would want to share with the rest of the world, he explained. Not wanting to give up easily, I cajoled, trying to explain to him that this was an inspirational letter not just for his dear daughter, but for all the women in this country who could take life lessons from his experiences. I think that did the trick, along with the fact that I urged his actor daughter, Nandita, to contribute to the book as well. He would, I think, have smarted and bristled if the pressure had come from someone else but coming from his daughter, it was a request he simply couldn’t say no to. When he did write the charming letter, he insisted that I call it a ‘note to her’ and not a letter, which is more of a personal exchange between a father and a daughter.

I am delighted to present the note that he wrote—full of nostalgia, memories of his own childhood, of the years that he spent raising his children, and of his growing concern about the direction in which our world is headed.

In a world where balance sheets and bottom lines have taken control of our daily lives, this letter reminds us all that there is a world beyond the call of money, one where honesty, decency, and concern for the people around you still matters.