Authors: Tim Tingle
“Why, thank you, Miss Bagley!”
“Please, call me Angel. All my friends do.”
“All right, Angel. And you can call me Travis. All my friends
and
enemies,
call me that.”
“Well, Travis, I certainly hope we will be the former!”
“Absolutely.”
“I want you to know that I am an avid reader, and I know good writing when I see it, and yours is not even close to being ‘good’. It is
great
! I can see ‘the Relic’ becoming a true classic in the gender of horror! I can envision your writing style being taught one day to aspiring creative writing students at major universities!”
“Thanks for the compliments, but I don’t think my writing is really
that
good!”
“Oh, but it is! The way you paint pictures of your characters is so graphic! Your words entice me to imagine the smell of sour perspiration on a man who has been out toiling in the fields! The rank flatulation of eating boiled eggs and garlic, washed down with warm beer in a smoke filled pub!”
“Pictures that are hardly
pleasant,
I can assure you!”
“But they are
real
pictures! Visual images of real life! Reading your work is like visiting an art exhibit, of real life photographic images that are both disturbing, yet intriguing! Images that you cannot take your eyes off of! And the interconnecting relationships, and twisted plots, are great for any gender of writing, but the way you combine it with real, heart-stopping horror is just, . . . well, it’s masterful!”
“I’m glad you like it.”
“Oh, I love it! But I’m not the only one! Just look at the sales figures for ‘the Relic’! They speak for themselves! I once tried to write, when I was in college, but the words just would not flow for me!”
“What kind of stories did you write?”
“What else? Romance! But it fell pretty flat. Have you ever tried your hand at romance?”
“Ha! Yes, but it quickly turned into a gory murder mystery. I also tried children’s books, but that turned into a horrific tale of cannibalism and ritualistic murder! I just don’t seem to be wired for romance, or children’s books.”
“Well, you are certainly wired for horror! That bespeaks of a dark side of your psyche! But that is good for a horror writer! If you continue turning out work like this, you will be a very rich man, Travis, because the world hungers for this kind of writing! Stephen King’s works have started to dry up.”
“The folks back home who have read it, seem to like it. But I don’t think I’ll be getting rich off ‘The Relic’, because I am getting no royalties from it.”
“Yes! That is so sad for you too. I couldn’t believe that you would sign such a contract! But then, some writers will do
anything
to get their first work in print. I have seen writers literally
beg
us to publish their work, but if it is not sellable we simply cannot do it. But yours is so obviously marketable, I could not see why you opted to go with such a small and ‘questionable’ publisher as Maple Leaf.”
“At the time, my efforts to find a publisher were half-hearted. I sent out a few manuscripts, but didn’t follow up on them. Then Maple Leaf, who I thought at the time, was a reputable publisher, contacted
me
, and offered to publish it free of charge. I had no other offers, so I went with them. Yes, I did read the clause in the contract where it said they
could
sell my work to another publisher, with no compensation to me, but that was only if they had to file for bankruptcy, and at the time, they were seemingly a growing, healthy company. I didn’t realize that I was just seeing the false face they were showing the world. But that was my fault. I’m glad that Jester now has it, if for no other reason than to get it out there, where readers can buy it! If I can help you promote it, and boost your sales figures, then perhaps I can profit from the sale of my second book.”
“I am sure you will, with the right publisher! And I am prepared to convince you that we are the
right
publisher! Of course you know also, that your present contract with Maple Leaf, which we bought out, will expire in 19 months, at which time, the publication rights revert back to you. And at its present height of popularity, it will almost certainly still be in the top ten, 19 months from now, which will be great leverage for you to re-sign with us, for a handsome royalty percentage. And, might I add, a few added bonuses and fringe benefits!”
“That will be something for me to consider, when the time comes.”
“Your writing just fascinates me! One of my favorite parts of ‘The Relic’ is the torrid love scene between Julio and Samantha! Your descriptions are simply mesmerizing! And you say that you cannot write romance! I beg to differ! I have to confess, that as I read that portion of your book, I felt a tremor of orgasm myself! Now, no writer has
ever
done
that
to me with mere words! I can only imagine what magic you could work with your more physical attributes!”
“Well, I’m glad I could be of service.”
Angel erupted with a laugh, which she quickly muffled with her hand. “I’m sorry, that just struck me in a funny way. You
do
have a straightforward way with words, Travis! Your wife must be thrilled with your many talents! There
is
a Mrs. Lee, is there not?”
“Yes, her name is Janice.”
“Too bad! I was hoping you were presently ‘unattached’. And I suppose she came to England with you as well! Of course she did! If you were my hubby, I wouldn’t let you out of my sight!”
“No, actually she stayed at home. I am traveling with a school group, which includes Drew, my oldest son, and my mother. They both wanted to see England.”
Her eyes lit up. “Oh, so your wife
did
not
come with you?”
“No, she is not crazy about flying, although she does on occasion. I took her to Greece last year.”
“That must have been nice!”
“It was, minus a few distractions. She stayed home this time with the rest of the kids. We have five, plus I have a teen age daughter from a previous relationship.”
“You have six children? Yet one more facet of this jewel of a man!”
“They are ages 19 through 11. They are a real handful at times.”
“I cannot even imagine!”
“So, what about you? Are you married? Do you have children?”
“The answers are ‘no’, and ‘no’, respectively!”
Their drinks arrived aboard the serving tray of the smiling waiter.
“Miss Bagley, your Martini, just the way you like it! And for you, Sir, straight scotch!”
“Thank you.”
“Would you like to order dinner now, or wait?”
“Let us enjoy our conversation over drinks for awhile.”
“Yes Ma’am. Ring when you are ready.” He left a small silver bell on the table.
Travis sipped his drink, then asked about the book-signing circuit. “So I am to be at Piccadilly Circus tomorrow at two, for my first book signing?”
“Why, yes! Where did you hear that?”
“I saw it in the London Times this morning, as well as the schedule for the rest of the week.”
She reached into her briefcase and brought out a schedule of dates and times. “Did it look like this?”
“Yes, that’s it, exactly.”
“You may keep that copy for reference. Look it over to be sure there are no conflicts with your tour itinerary, and get back to me if there is.” She took a sip of her martini and said, “I like to get to know our authors
personally,
if you know what I mean. I like to understand what makes them tick! What about you, Travis? What makes you tick? How do you make a living?”
“Back in Alabama I am a coal miner, and a farmer. Not exactly a glamorous occupation, I know, but it puts food on the table, and pays the bills.”
“Well, very soon, your writing will be putting food on the table, because you have the inside tract to success.”
“That’s why I brought a copy manuscript of my next novel, ‘Behind The Green Door’. I thought perhaps I could get a contract on it as well.”
“Ooh! A second novel! I wondered what that was you brought with you. May I see it?”
“Sure.”
“May I read it later?”
“Sure, if you like.”
“My father is the one who decides which manuscripts we publish, but if he asks me, just on the merits of your first book, I would say to go ahead and publish this one!”
“That’s very kind.”
“Behind The Green Door’, that sounds very intriguing! I can list quite a few things that go on behind closed doors! Can’t you?”
“The title refers to a green door that leads to a laboratory, where disturbing genetic experiments take place.”
“Is it horror as well?”
“It’s more of a suspense/thriller, but I guess it could be also considered horror.”
“I can’t wait to read it! To me, reading is like a sexual experience! There is the anticipation, the fore-play, and then the action! And if it’s really good, you want to read it again!”
Travis smiled and nodded.
“So you agree?”
“I can’t say that I have ever thought of it in that way before. To me, writing is more of a stimulation for my brain, as well as my senses. When I read something, I want to be entertained, and learn something as well. I write the kinds of stories I would also like to read.”
“Yes, I understand that. So, it just ‘flows’ from your brain? How would you explain it? The process of writing, I mean.”
“In my case, I just want to tell a good tale. Story-telling is an art. It is a talent that starts out small, and grows, the more you use it. If you do not use it, it withers away. I’m sure you could write romance novels, if you stayed with it long enough and kept trying. As a writer, I write about the things that I know. If you know about romance, or what it should be, then there is no reason why you can’t write it.”
“So you must know
something
about romance, if you can so accurately write about it in ‘The Relic!”
“Everyone knows a little about every subject.”
“So the fact that you seem to gravitate more toward horror, seems to indicate that you have a dark, devious side!”
“I have had some traumatic experiences in my life that have shaped my psyche, no doubt. I spent some dark days in Vietnam, back in the late 60’s. That is probably where my ‘dark side’ comes from.”
“That is very insightful. You are probably exactly right! I had a minor in psychology at Dartmouth University, and it comes in useful at times, in my evaluation of prospective clients.”
“So what did you major in? Something related to publishing?”
“No, I majored in sex! As research, I tried to screw every boy on campus, and were it not for graduation, I would have succeeded! I’m joking, of course! But I did make a dent in the male population. I was a bit wild in my younger days!”
“I bet you were, but weren’t we all? Life has a way of mellowing us out though, doesn’t it?”
“I can assure you, I am
far
from mellowed out, sexually! There is nothing I enjoy better than a good 45 minute aerobic work-out of a sexual nature! And you?”
“Well, 45 minutes is overdoing it a bit.”
“Why Travis! Are you blushing? Do I embarrass you by talking so openly about sex?”
“It’s not the usual topic of conversation I carry on with a woman.”
“So you like a woman to be more discrete, more lady-like?”
“I’m from the South, where women are more conservative, generally speaking.”
“So I suppose your wife is a more conservative lady?”
“Yes, you could say that.”
She set down her drink and clasped her hands beneath her chin, as she smiled at him. “Perhaps you would like to slip into something a little more ‘liberal’, during your stay here?”
“Exactly what
are
you saying, Miss Bagley?”
“Oh, so I’m ‘Miss Bagley’ now, am I? What happened to calling me Angel?”
“You don’t seem very ‘angelic’ at the moment.”
“I have a halo, but it’s held up by little horns! Oh, I see! I’m moving a little too fast for you, huh?”
“And in the wrong direction.”
“Ah, you’re a little shy! That’s okay. I like a man, any way I can get him!”
Good
Lord,
what
have
I
gotten
myself
into
here,
Travis thought. He reached across the table, and Angel probably thought he was going to take her hand, but instead, he picked up the silver bell and rang it. “I think we had better order dinner.”
“Yes, the sooner we eat dinner, the sooner we can get to the dessert!”
“Are you always this sexually charged?”
“Not always. Only when I see something I like!”
Fortunately, the waiter showed up immediately with his note pad in hand. “So we are ready to order, Ma’am?”
“Yes, I think I will have the pork tenderloin, smothered in apricot sauce. With asparagus and carrots.”
“And for you, sir?”
“Let me see. I don’t see hamburger on the menu. What is this?”
“That is a lean cut of beef, wrapped in bacon.”
“I’ll have that, cooked well done, and green beans, and potatoes. Are those potatoes mashed?”
“No sir, they are boiled.”
“Okay, I’ll mash them myself. Pour a little gravy over them.”
“Would you like wine with your dinner?”
“Of course!” Angel replied. “White wine for me!”
“And red wine for you, sir?”
“Yes, that will be fine.”
“And can we have our drinks freshened up while we wait?” Angel asked.
“Of course!” The waiter took their glasses and hurried away. Angel could hardly wait for him to get out of earshot, before leaning across the table toward Travis again. With a twinkle in her eyes, she said,
“I might as well tell you this up front, Travis. I intend to get you in bed with me, before you leave England, married or not! What do you say to that?”
“I think your martini must have been a lot stronger than my scotch! You are probably saying things that you will regret saying tomorrow.”