Authors: Tim Tingle
“Okay! Only one thing though,” Chris said, “Can I breathe inside this thing? Isn’t it supposed to be air-tight?”
“Yeah, I think so.” Cory replied. “But it doesn’t latch. You can push it open from the inside to get fresh air when you need it.”
“I just thought I would ask.”
“Just be cool and lay there, till we gather a crowd.”
They closed the lid, and the three boys climbed back into the cab, and they continued on into town. On Main Street, they pulled into McDonalds restaurant, and parked. Just as they anticipated, the place was packed with young people. “This is going to be great!” Calvin said.
“Joey, you stay out here and flag down people. Ask them if they want to see a dead body. I’ll go inside and get people. Calvin, you get in the back. When we get ready to raise the lid, you slowly raise the lid. But don’t let nobody peek before we get up a crowd.”
Cory went into McDonalds and announced, “Hey everybody! We’ve got a dead body out here in a casket, if anyone wants to see it!”
There was skepticism among the college kids. One asked, “Where did
you
get a dead body?”
“Hey, my dad is the undertaker in Laurel Grove. I borrowed his truck, but he forgot he left a casket in the back! If you don’t believe me, come out and check it out!”
“That is so creepy!” one girl said.
“Yeah, let’s go see,” her girlfriend said. Of the approximately 35 people in the restaurant, all but four or five crowded outside to see this corpse.
Meanwhile outside, Joey had caught the interest of a large group of black students who also were eager to see a corpse. So there was already a crowd of 50 people gathered to get a glimpse of the dead man. Cory instructed the crowd, “Okay, everybody get around where you can see. And let’s have quiet, out of reverence for the dead. Okay Calvin, raise the lid.”
Everyone was craning their necks, to get a good view of the casket, as Calvin slowly raised the lid. There were ‘oohs’ and ‘ahs’, and ‘look at that’, as the mummy came into view. With the lid fully raised, everyone squeezed in closer for a better look. Someone was asking, “What did this guy die from?” Cory answered, “The plague, I think.”
As they were talking, the mummy’s eyes suddenly popped open, and he began to rise up out of the casket. A girl screamed, followed by shrieks of terror, as everyone trampled over one another trying to get away. Chris raised up and said “BOO!” Cory and Joey were laughing, and gradually, the crowd, realizing that it was just a prank, began to laugh too. Some were laughing hysterically, and some were holding their chest, as though their heart had stopped. A black guy slapped Joey on the back. “Man, you got us good!”
“You liked to scared my girlfriend to death!”
“That was awesome!”
“Yeah, we fell for that!”
Chris, the mummy, was standing up in the casket, bowing to the crowd. One college kid said to them, “Hey, listen! We’ve got some friends on campus that we’d like to pull this prank on. Can you guys stay here a few minutes while I call them?”
“I don’t know,” Cory said. “We kind’a want to stay ahead of the cops.”
“The cops won’t bother you. You aren’t doing anything illegal.”
“Hey Dave, let’s call the sorority house and get some girls down here.”
“Hey, yeah, that’s a good idea.”
“How long can you guys stay?”
“I don’t know, we’ve got a curfew, and we want to make a few more stops too.”
“What about if we pay you? Hey guys, shell out some bills to keep these guys here till the sorority sisters get here!” Somebody started passing a baseball cap, and it was filling up with dollar bills.
“Okay, I guess we can stay a few minutes.”
Calls were made to the University, and they got results. “Hey man, we got a swarm of hot babes on the way! Play it cool, guys. Just like you did with us.”
Chris got back into the casket, and Calvin closed the lid. Cory and Joey didn’t have to hawk the suckers in like before, because the college kids were doing it for them. They were flagging down people passing by, mostly college students who had just arrived, and had not been in on the first performance. It didn’t take long to get a full crowd together, and some were clamoring to see the dead man.
“Want to go ahead?” Cory asked.
“Naw, the sorority girls aren’t here yet.”
“We can do another show for them.”
“Yeah okay, go ahead.”
“Okay, listen up,” one of the college boys said, “You want to see it, so here it is!” Calvin slowly opened the lid, like before, as the crowd crushed in to get a look.
“Look at him! He’s wrapped up!”
“Yeah, like a mummy!”
“Who is this guy?”
“What did he die from?”
“He’s a prisoner who was executed for murder!” one of the black guys said. “Look how swelled up his head be!”
Just as everyone was getting a good look at him, looking for tell-tale signs of his execution, Chris’s eyes popped open, and he started rising up.
“Get back!”
“He’s alive!”
“Oh my God!, Run!”
Again, there was a stampede to get away from the truck, in which some were knocked down and trampled, but it was soon followed by laughter, as the realization set in that this was just a hoax. One girl actually peed in her pants, she was so scared. The college guys who had been suckered in on the first performance, were giving high-fives all around, and were taking credit for this second show. But Cory and the Lees didn’t mind, because it was working so well.
Someone who was watching, called out, “Hey, I see some of the Sorority girls! Time to set it up again, guys.”
“The mummy needs to have blood on it, to look more authentic,” someone said.
“I’ll go get ketchup!” someone said, and he ran into McDonalds, and returned with a handful of ketchup packets. A half dozen kids helped open the packs, as Cory applied the ‘blood’ to the mummy’s head and face.
“Put some on his hands too!”
Joey was concerned. “Try not to get any on the casket liner. It might be hard to clean off!”
“Who cares?”
“I do! Dad will kill us, if we mess up his casket.”
“Don’t worry! He won’t see it till he’s dead!”
“Yeah, but for all eternity, he’ll be looking at ketchup stains.”
“Hurry up! Here they come! Close the lid!”
They set the stage for their third performance. As they waited, Cory nudged Joey and said, “This is
way
more cool than that Church play was!”
“Yeah, a lot better! And a lot more people in the audience too!”
The Sorority girls were ushered in for the third performance, which was the biggest crowd of the evening. It came off even better than the first two. Screaming girls were running everywhere. They were making preparations for the fourth performance, when suddenly the mood of the evening changed.
A Montevallo Police car was slowly passing by McDonald’s, and the policemen were curious as to the reason for the unusually large crowd. They almost stopped, but kept going.
“They’re going to circle the block, and come back,” one black student said, “And when they come back around, they’ll stop and see what’s goin’ on!”
“Yeah, if you guys don’t want a lot of questions, you’d better get the hell out of here now.”
That was all Joey needed to hear. “Yeah, let’s get out of here, Cory!”
He didn’t have to say it twice. “Chris, you stay in the casket with the lid shut, till we get out of town.” The other three of them got into the cab. The crowd parted, and let them out. They entered the street going the same direction the police car had gone, knowing he had probably circled the block. Outside town, they pulled over to plan their strategy. They let Chris out to stretch his legs. “Guys, that went better than expected!”
“Yeah, can you believe that crowd? It was awesome!”
“That was so cool!”
“I was kind’a hoping to get a Big Mac before we left, though.” Chris said.
“That’s okay, we’ll go eat at Dari-Delite over in Laurel Grove, and give another performance there!”
“How much money did we get back there?” Calvin asked.
“I don’t know. Let’s count it.”
“Looks like $27. That ought to buy some burgers and fries!”
“Yeah, let’s go! Chris, you just ride in the casket, so we’ll have more room.” They loaded up, and drove the four miles to Laurel Grove.
Laurel Grove was a smaller town, and not as much activity, but most of the younger generation would be hanging out at the Dari-Delite, so they went straight there. The crowd was disappointing, but they deemed it worthy of a performance, after all, this was their home town. Joey asked around and found that most of the young people that would usually be here were gone to the Presbyterian Retreat, where
they
were
supposed
to be. He and Cory began working the crowd, trying to get up interest in a dead body, but it was harder to do here. A retired teacher and her husband were there, and she wasn’t fooled.
“Joey Lee, what kind of prank are you kids up to now?”
“Prank, Mrs. Albright?”
“Yes, you heard me, I said
prank!
You are Travis Lee’s son, are you not?”
“Yes Ma-am.”
“Like father like son! Now what are you up to?”
“We have a corpse in this casket. Want to see it?”
“Now where in the world would you boys get a corpse?”
“Hey, where did we get the casket too? Let me introduce you to Cory Latham, Mrs. Albright. His dad is the undertaker here in town. You know Gregory Latham?”
“Yes, I know the undertaker. So you are his son, Cory?”
“Yes, Ma-am.”
“Why are you dressed like that?”
“Oh, well, we just had a church play, and I played the part of Jesus, since I was the only young guy with long hair.”
“I see. And so, ‘Jesus’ I suppose you are going to tell me that your dad let you have a corpse to ride around town after the play?” she said sarcastically.
“Well, actually, we asked to borrow a casket, along with his truck. But I don’t think my dad remembered that
this
casket was in the back of his truck when he told me I could borrow it. So I got the truck, and assumed that the casket in the back was the one he intended us to use. But apparently not. He probably still doesn’t realize the mix-up.”
“Oh my God! You boys
really
do
have a dead body in the back of that truck!”
“Yes Ma’am. Do you want to see it?”
“Why in the world . . . I mean, . . . who is it? It would have to be somebody from town, and I know everyone here! Who has died lately?”
The boys were stumped, until Calvin spoke up. “You knew Mr. Deason, that was killed in the fire?”
“Yes, I knew Bob Deason. But Mr. Deason was burned beyond recognition, from what I understand.”
“He’s pretty crisp,” Cory said, with a deep sense of reverence, while at the same time, doing a good job of concealing a smile. “In fact, Dad had to wrap him up pretty tight, I guess to kind of hold him together after the skin burned crisp and broke open. Kind of like a roasted pig.”
That conjured up not-so-pleasant images.
“So how about it? Want to see him?”
The moment of pause told them that she did, even though she really didn’t. Her husband spoke up for the first time. “Well, I’d like a quick look, if you don’t mind. I don’t want to gawk at him, but I am just a bit curious.”
His wife looked at him with disdain. “A
morbid
curiosity, wouldn’t you say, John?”
“Hey, what can I say? I like to go to freak shows at the State Fair too, so sue me!”
“Well, we won’t charge you for a peek.” Cory said. “But before we open him up, Joey, go into Dari-Delite and see if anyone else wants a peek, because I have to get him back to the funeral home before my Dad misses him.”
Cory engaged them in conversation until Joey returned with a half dozen people, making their total audience about 16. “Okay folks, one last viewing before we take him back to the mortuary. Calvin, open him up!”
The lid creaked open, and everyone gasped. Mrs. Albright was skeptical though. “I thought he was burned? I can see his face, and it doesn’t look . . . AAHHH!”
Chris’s eyes popped open, and he began rising up, as everyone screamed and backed off. Cory could contain his laughter no longer, and burst out, along with Joey, and Calvin, and even Chris. And then the crowd began laughing. John thought it was pretty funny, but Mrs. Albright was not amused.
“You
lied
to us! You deliberately
lied
to us, to get us to believe that you had a real body in there!”
“I
am
real!” Chris said.
“Hey, lighten up, dear, and admit it! They got us pretty good!” She finally smiled and shook her head. “Yes, you got us! But you ought not do that to old people like us! We could have had a heart attack!”
“But we didn’t, so good job, guys! That’s the best prank I’ve seen in years!”
“Well, stick around for our repeat performance.” Cory said.
Joey shook his head. “I don’t know, Cory, I think that was our only show in this town. That was about all the spectators we could scrape up.”
“Yeah, Montevallo was better. We did three showings, and could have done more, but the police were getting curious, so we moved on.”
“So this is a
traveling
show?” John asked.
“Yeah, we plan to hit West Blocton if we have time. An impromptu engagement at the Tiger Hut!”
“But let’s eat first,” Chris said. “I’m starving!”
“Okay, let’s eat here.”
As they got out to go in, John gave them a suggestion. “You ought to take your show down to the Presbyterian Retreat on the river. The kids would love this!”
“I don’t know about that,” Cory replied. “They kind of like to run their own itinerary down there. They would be pissed if someone came in and up-staged their ghost stories.”
“Yes, you are probably right. Well, good luck.”
The boys walked into Dari-Delite, Jesus leading the way, with Lazurus bringing up the rear, walking stiffly. They ordered burgers and fries, then looked at the time.
“We’re going to have to hurry, if we are going to hit the Tiger Hut, and get back in time to unload the casket at our house before the curfew.” Joey said.