Chapter Four
J
ohn turned the key and shut the engine off. Sitting in the silence, he watched the full moon reflect over the river below. Rachel had fallen asleep on the way home, her leg now in a black stabilizer from ankle to the top of her thigh. In a few days when the swelling went down, he’d have to take her back for the cast. Her apologies had run nonstop. Several times, he reassured her it would be fine, but his preteen seemed to pick up his doubts.
All the problems bounced around his brain. With his eyes closed, he pressed his forehead against the cracked steering wheel.
“God, I know worry is a sin. Please show me how I can be the pastor people need and the father my girls deserve.”
The to-do list started clicking off in his head. The youth building still needed funds, his house sat gutted and Dub needed help with the ranch. The big annual Christmas pageant loomed around the corner, with no one to direct it. He sighed. Now Rachel required extra help, and his babysitter, Amy, was out while she recovered.
Deep in thought, he jumped when a hand pounded on his window. He opened the door, but before he could move, Celeste had climbed into his lap. Her small hands framed his face.
“Hello, Daddy.”
He smiled and covered her precious fingers with his hands. “Hey, monkey. How are you?” He turned to Lorrie Ann, Celeste’s late-night escort, and grinned. Was it only this morning they’d first met? “Did she cause you any problems?”
She shook her head. “No, we had fun.”
“Daddy, I was good, and Miss Lorrie Ann let me use a knife.”
He shot a heated glare to the woman who had kept creeping into his mind all day. “You let a five-year-old use a
knife?
”
“No, no, it was a plastic knife. You know, the small picnic ones.”
“Daddy, I’m six now. I turned six at the football game. I could cut my own grapes.” She rested her head on his shoulder, facing her sister. “What’s wrong with her leg?”
“It’s broken. I need to get her into the house.”
“Come here, rug rat. Let your dad out of the truck, and we can get you all settled in the cabin.”
His daughter giggled as she reached for Lorrie Ann’s hand.
“She calls me rug rat, Daddy, because they’re cute, real smart and are always moving around.” She swung her arm back and forth. “Right, Miss Lorrie Ann?”
“Yes, ma’am.” Lorrie Ann brought her face back to his. “Aunt Maggie sent some dinner over.” With her free hand, she lifted a foil-covered plate.
Celeste led Lorrie Ann toward the porch. The security light automatically flooded the area as they reached the steps.
“It’s unlocked.” They went inside as he made his way around the truck feeling much older than his thirty-one years.
He opened the passenger door and slipped his arms under Rachel. Careful of her leg, he pulled her to him. She was eleven now. For a moment, he pulled her closer and closed his eyes. When was the last time he had carried her from the car? So many moments in life just slipped past without thought or fanfare.
Headlights came up the driveway and parked behind his truck. His head slumped for a minute as he hoped it was not some concerned member of his congregation, but then he prayed for forgiveness and patience.
“Are our girls all right?”
Relief relaxed his shoulders as his father-in-law’s baritone voice came from the dark. He should have known a phone call wouldn’t be enough.
“Hey, Dub. Celeste doesn’t have a scratch on her. Rachel has a broken leg. Amy has the most injuries, with a broken collarbone and concussion. They kept her overnight.”
“Daddy?” Rachel’s head lifted.
“Hey, sweetheart, we’re home. And look, Grandpa’s here.”
“Hi, Grandpa.” Her head went back to his chest.
Dub followed, carrying the silver crutches and closing all the doors behind them.
John scanned the open living room and kitchen area. He grimaced at the shoes, books and crayons scattered on the area rug. The kitchen had a stack of dirty dishes in the sink, and it looked as if the girls had been making sandwiches before they left for town.
“Grandpa!” Celeste flew down the wrought-iron spiral staircase.
“Celeste Rebecca Levi, slow down.” She froze midstride, and he noticed Lorrie Ann’s eyes go wide. He must have managed to use his best angry-dad voice. Somewhere in the past couple hours, he’d switched to autopilot. He felt empty. He eased Rachel to one side of the large L-shaped sofa and moved a cushion under her leg.
“Sorry, Daddy. I wanted to show Miss Lorrie Ann my room.” With a hand on the railing, she took one slow step down. Dub went to the stairs and picked her up, swinging her above his head.
“Higher, Grandpa, higher!” Her laughter filled the cabin.
“Dub, you’re not helping.” John went to the kitchen to retrieve a bag of frozen peas.
“Humph.” He pulled his granddaughter close and tickled her before he looked up at Lorrie Ann. “Hello, I’m Dub Childress.” Celeste wrapped herself around his barrel chest and pushed his gray felt hat back, kissing his cheek.
“Grandpa, this is Miss Lorrie Ann. She’s my new friend. She let me cut my own grapes.”
“Maggie and Billy’s girl? I remember you. Weren’t you a few grades behind Carol?”
“Yes, sir. Carol Childress? Oh, she... I’m sorry.”
John watched as awareness then pity filled her gray eyes. He knew what would come next. On cue, she became awkward as she looked around the room, moving to the double glass doors.
“This is not what I expected when I heard they had added cabins to the farm. It’s beautiful and comfortable.” She ran her fingers along the rock edge of the fireplace, stopping in front of the family picture he had on the mantel. She quickly turned.
“I thought they were summer rentals. I didn’t know they had them rented for living.”
“Maggie was nice enough to take us in when we had nowhere to go.” John adjusted the frozen bag on Rachel’s leg. “Dub gave us the old homestead to live in, but it needed to be gutted and made livable, so we are here until I can get that finished.”
Lorrie Ann hurried past him. “Oh, Maggie said to make sure you ate dinner.”
In the kitchen, she started making beeping noises with the microwave.
He’d grown accustomed to women trying to feed him, but it was a first for one to take over his kitchen.
“You don’t need to heat that up for me.”
“Have you eaten?”
“No.”
“Well, then, you’re getting a warm meal. I promised Aunt Maggie.”
Dub chuckled and John shot him a glare. Dub’s bushy gray brows shot up but he remained silent.
Celeste’s head jerked and her eyes popped open.
“Thank you for taking care of Celeste.” John watched his baby girl fight sleep and smiled.
Dub stood. “She can be a handful. That’s for sure.” With those words, he laid Celeste in the wingback chair. “Well, I just wanted to see the little bits and make sure they were okay.” He moved to the entryway and paused. “If you need anything, John, call me. I’m heading to Houston tomorrow, but I can cancel.”
“Dub, go on to Houston. We’re fine.” He pushed Rachel’s hair back from her face.
“Nice seeing you again, Mr. Childress.” Lorrie Ann had moved to the sink and started running water.
“Please call me Dub. And welcome back. I know your aunt must sure be happy.”
“Lorrie Ann, you’re not washing the dishes.” John tried to make his voice sound firm.
“Um...yes, I am.”
Dub chuckled again and headed out the door.
“Really, Lorrie Ann, you don’t have to do the dishes.”
The microwave went off, and she turned to get the food out. Setting the plate on the counter, she dug around for some silverware.
“The girls are asleep. Come eat or Aunt Maggie will get mad at both of us.”
He sat and attempted to give her a smile, but it felt more like a halfhearted contortion.
“Anything else I can do for you tonight?” She looked around the small kitchen.
“No, we’re good, and you can report back that I ate.” He saluted her with his fork before taking a bite.
After a few more mouthfuls, he set the fork down and made sure he had solid eye contact with Lorrie Ann before saying anything else. “Again, I want to thank you for keeping Celeste. She can be a bit high-strung, and some people find her energy level overwhelming.”
“I deal with musicians and agents on a daily basis. Handling high energy and mood swings is my specialty.”
Her sweet smile was at odds with the image he had of a music-industry insider from California. As she walked out of the cabin, John followed her. “You must be exhausted driving in from California today. Have you spoken to your mother yet?”
She stopped at the steps with her hand on the railing, turning back to him. “My mother? How do you know Sonia? I haven’t heard from her in over three years.”
“Oh.” He didn’t know what to say. Sonia had wanted to be sure of her sobriety before talking to Lorrie Ann. She should have contacted her by now. If she hadn’t, he had just opened a nasty can of night crawlers. “She visits Maggie.”
Lorrie Ann’s eyes went wide. “Really? Do you know where she’s living?”
“Have you asked Maggie?” He needed to talk to Maggie and find out what was going on. He had promised Sonia to keep their talks private. Did that include her daughter? He knew she struggled with guilt over her past with Lorrie Ann, and guilt did weird things to people, led to bad decisions. Was she still avoiding Lorrie Ann?
“I’ll do that.” She paused for a minute, her lips tight. Glancing down, she broke eye contact.
John waited, and when she brought her gaze back to his, she smiled and whispered, “Good night, Pastor Levi.”
“Please, call me John.”
He watched as she made her way back to the ranch house. An unfamiliar loss at her departure settled softly in his chest.
He wanted to spend more time with her, hear her laughter and watch her smile. He shook his head and turned back to the cabin.
It had been thirteen years since he had asked someone out on a date, and he had ended up married to her.
He stopped. Where had that thought come from? Unwanted memories surfaced, and John closed and locked the door, both physically and mentally. Even contemplating a relationship with Lorrie Ann needed to stop.
He felt confident in his work for God and tried hard to be a good father, but he had made a lousy husband. He wished he could close the door on the hurt in Carol’s eyes as he locked the door behind Lorrie Ann.
His wife had deserved a better husband, but by the time he’d realized that, it had been too late.
Chapter Five
T
uesday slipped by quietly into Wednesday morning. The sun slid through Lorrie Ann’s window, and she just lay there. A slow smile eased across her face when she realized she had nowhere to be, no appointment to make and no people to mollify or manipulate. She could lie in bed all day if she wanted.
Her forehead creased. She did have one thing she needed to do. Quick thumbs and the text to Melissa, the lead singer of the band, was sent. With a satisfying thump, she closed the drawer with the cell phone inside. She had a few weeks to hide.
Shoving the guilt aside, Lorrie Ann reminded herself that everyone deserved a holiday, and hers would be in the Lone Star State this year.
She sighed. What she really needed was a new job. There was no way she and Brent could work together. If her boss, Melissa, had to pick between the talented but troubled drummer and the band’s manager, Lorrie Ann figured she would be the one to go.
Once dressed, she headed outside. Bible in hand, her other hand trailed over the smooth worn cedar railing of the zigzag stairs leading to the river below the cabins. The cool October breeze ruffled her hair as she made her way to the edge of the Frio. The flow of the river had changed since she’d left.
With her hand on one of the large cypress trees, she slipped off her shoes and stepped into cold, clear water. In California, she’d been so focused on being successful she’d misplaced her love for the outdoors.
“Miss Lorrie Ann, Miss Lorrie Ann. Hello!” Celeste’s excited voice drifted down from the top of the cliff.
Lorrie Ann cupped her hand over her eyes to block the sun as she turned to find the six-year-old hanging over the edge of their balcony. “Hi to you, Celeste. Hear you’re coming over today for a visit.”
“Daddy has to take Rachel in to get casted. Can we cut some more grapes?”
“Sure. Thought we could make some cookies, too.”
The little girl started to jump up and down. “Yeah! We can take some to Amy.” Celeste leaned over the railing, suspended over the cliff.
“Celeste Rebecca Levi, put your feet on the floor right now!” John’s stern voice came from the cabin door behind Celeste.
She looked back to the cabin and pointed down to the river. “Sorry, Daddy. Miss Lorrie Ann’s in the river.”
A few seconds later he appeared next to his daughter, one arm wrapped around the precocious six-year-old. “Hey there, Lorrie Ann. Hope you’re well rested.” His mussed hair fell across his forehead as he looked down at her. “Isn’t the river cold?” The sun emphasized the highlights streaked in his dark blond hair. She knew men who paid hundreds of dollars to get coloring like his. Without a doubt, nature created his color.
“Maybe, but it feels good.” She shrugged and smiled up at them, placing her hand over her heart. “I believe I should be reciting from
Romeo and Juliet.
”
His laughter soothed her as much as the clear water running over the rocks.
Nose wrinkled, Celeste leaned over and asked, “What’s Romeo and Julie?”
“Juliet,” John corrected.
Lorrie Ann threw her arms wide. “A love story with a tragic ending. Poor Romeo stood under Juliet’s balcony and professed his undying love.”
“Then Daddy should be Romeo and you, the beautiful princess. Is Juliet a princess?”
“Monkey, I think Lorrie Ann wanted quiet time, not a literary discussion.” He picked her up and swung her onto his hip.
“Quiet time? But that’s boring.” One small arm wrapped around her father’s neck, Celeste slanted over the edge with a puzzled look on her face. “Miss Lorrie Ann, were you really wanting quiet time?”
“Well, I was thinking about finding a place to pray and think.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Daddy likes quiet time, too. But he does it at the church. Maybe you can go to the church with Daddy.”
Even from the river, she could see the lines around John’s eyes deepen with his smile. “Come on, monkey. Let’s leave her to her solitude.” He patted her back. “Sorry about the interruption, Lorrie Ann.”
“Oh, please, don’t apologize. I’ll see you in a little bit, rug rat.”
“Bye, Miss Lorrie Ann. Tell God hi for me.” She waved as John turned them toward the door. “Daddy, what does
literinary
mean?”
Lorrie Ann couldn’t stop the smile as she looked down at her toes beneath the water. Curious little minnows started checking out her feet.
In a few hours, the family would be eating dinner together before heading to Prayer Night at the church. The smile slipped away. Thinking of her cousin, Yolanda, caused old hurts to boil up from the deep places she thought buried.
Back then she had been afraid Aunt Maggie would side with her real daughter. Lorrie Ann remembered living for the day she would leave this small town, proving to everyone she mattered. Truth be told, she was still a little afraid what would happen if Aunt Maggie had to choose between them.
With a deep breath she closed her eyes, focusing on the sounds around her: the water, the wind dancing through the trees and the leaves floating to the ground.
“God, I’ve come back to find You. I know it’s been a long time, and I’m not sure what to do. I’ve messed up so much I need You to show me the way to go.” She stepped farther into the river. “I don’t want Aunt Maggie to be hurt. Please show me what to say to my cousin, Yolanda.”
She waded down the riverbank to a little platform. On the other side a ladder dropped down to a swimming hole with a long flat rock creating a natural edge. Above it hung a thick corded rope.
Climbing to the platform, she sat and dangled her legs in the water. Running her fingers along the pages, she opened her Bible to the prayer in Ephesians and read how much God loved her.
A noise on the steps alerted her to someone’s presence. Turning, she raised her eyebrows at the sight of Celeste hopping down the stairs with one hand on the railing.
When the little girl spotted Lorrie Ann looking at her, she crouched on the step and whispered, “Are you finished with your quiet time?”
Lorrie Ann closed the Bible and grinned. Who knew a child could be so entertaining? “Yes, rug rat. Does your father know you’re down here?” She glanced up to the cabins.
“He sent me over to Aunt Maggie’s house.” She skipped the rest of the way to Lorrie Ann and sat down, crisscrossing her legs. With her elbows on her knees, she rested her chin on her intertwined fingers. “Are we still talking to God or the fish?” She intently stared into the water.
“Um...well, I kind of ran out of things to say to God, and I’ve never talked to fish before. You talk to fish?”
Celeste rolled her legs around and flopped onto her tummy. With one hand under her chin, she dipped the other in the water.
“Yes.” She looked up at Lorrie Ann with a big smile. “It tickles when they nibble on you. They’re my pets.” She moved her gaze back to the water. “Shh...there’s Rainbow—he’s the biggest.” They both sat still staring at the fish underwater as he stared back at them. They waited in silence. Lorrie Ann smiled when she realized she was in a staring contest with a fish.
“Celeste Rebecca Levi!” They both jumped at the sound of John’s voice. “I told you to go to Aunt Maggie’s house. You are not allowed down by the river.” His long strides had him by their side in seconds. “You can’t be interrupting Lorrie Ann’s prayer time.”
He stood over them, hands on his hips. Lorrie Ann arched her neck back to look up at him. It just seemed wrong that a man of God would look so good. Wasn’t there some rule about pastors being old grandfatherly types?
His cotton polo shirt fit just right over his broad shoulders and tucked neatly into his jeans. In silence, he stared down at them. Celeste jumped to her feet, her small body mirroring her father’s stance as she fisted both hands on her hips.
Lorrie Ann squirmed, feeling like a kid caught skipping school. “Oh, it’s all right. I saw her and called her down. I...um...finished—” she waved her hand in circles “—you know...praying.”
He raised one eyebrow and grinned at her, probably amused about her stumbling over words he used all the time.
“Daddy, Rainbow almost came to me. You scared him away.” She looked back into the river, searching the clear deep water for the fish.
He crouched down, balancing on his heels. He rested one hand on Celeste’s shoulder and brought his gaze to rest on Lorrie Ann’s face. “Are you sure she’s not bothering you?”
For a minute she couldn’t breathe, feeling lost in his eyes, but she managed to shake her head.
“Well, then I’m heading out. Are y’all good for the day? Need anything before I leave?”
Lorrie Ann gave a quick nod, still unable to speak.
“Give me a hug, monkey.” He held his arms open.
Celeste leaped at him, kissing his cheek. “Love you, Daddy. Hurry back.”
“We’ll be back for dinner. See you then, Lorrie Ann.” He flashed another heart-stopping smile and then headed up the stairs. Her gaze stayed locked on him as he bounded up the steps, two at a time.
“Do you like Daddy?” Celeste had flopped back on her belly, hanging her chin over the edge of the platform.
Lorrie Ann shot a startled frown at the back of the little girl’s head. “What do you mean?”
Celeste twisted back around and wrinkled her nose. “A lot of ladies at the church look funny at Daddy, the way you just did.” She threw a small rock into the water. “Some of them said I need a mom.” She threw another rock. “Rachel says they’re just busybodies wanting to marry Daddy and we don’t like them.” Jumping to her feet, she started gathering some more small rocks. “You’re fun. If you wanted to be my mommy I wouldn’t be mad. Rachel might be, though.”
The bottom of her stomach fell. The thought of being anyone’s mother horrified her.
Celeste started tossing the rocks sideways. “Rachel knows how to skip rocks. Daddy told me to keep practicing and I’d get it.” She wrapped her fingers around another rock, her tongue sticking out between her teeth.
Lorrie Ann held her breath as she watched the rock fly. With a slight skip, it bounced back up once before dropping under the water. A huge smile filled her face.
Screaming, Celeste turned to Lorrie Ann, jumping up and down. “I did it! I did it! Did you see?”
Lorrie Ann laughed and clapped her hands. “Yeah! That was awesome, Celeste!”
As she twirled in circles, the little girl’s ponytail swung out. “I skipped a rock!”
Out of breath, Maggie appeared at the top of the stairs. “Lorrie Ann? Celeste? Is everyone all right? What happened?”
Lorrie Ann laughed aloud, her smile feeling too large for her face. “Celeste skipped a rock!”
“I did! I did, Aunt Maggie! It skipped right over the water just like Rachel’s and Daddy’s.” She squeezed her hands together in front of her, her body trembling.
“Celeste, you scared me half to death. If you two are going to make cookies for tonight, you had better get up here. No more lollygagging.” With those words, she turned and disappeared.
“What do you say? Ready to go up and make those cookies?” Lorrie Ann dusted off a bit of gravel and leaves from her black cropped pants.
“Please don’t tell Daddy. I want to surprise him.”
“No problem, rug rat. Um...and you won’t mention anything about the funny way I looked at him, right? I don’t want him or Rachel to worry.” She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the thought of her, married to a small-town pastor.
Celeste pulled her out of the altered universe when she grabbed her hand, looking at her as if she’d gone crazy. She snorted.
Crazy
was a good word for her life.
“It’s okay, Miss Lorrie Ann. Daddy says gossiping about people is hurtful. I won’t tell your secret.”
With that, the rug rat skipped up the stairs.
Great—the only thing between her and complete humiliation was a precocious six-year-old.