Authors: Elena Matthews
“Hi,” I whisper as he stands in front of me, h
is eyes shadowing with worry.
“He
y,” Ashton replies delicately
“I’ll start your bath, Ava.” I hear Caleb say, giving
Ashton and me a moment alone.
“You’
re still here,” I say simply, still a million miles away.
He takes hold of my hand.
“Yes, of course I’m still here, you ran out on me. I was worried sick, I needed to make sure you were okay,” he says, gently stroking his thumb against the back of my hand. I nod gently, the feel of fresh warm tears building up.
“Sorry,” I mumble through my distressed state,
my vision blurring with tears.
“Hey, come here,” he says as he pulls my body into his, tears spill down my cheeks. I am unable to find the energy to lift my limp arms from my sides to return his hug, so I keep them drooped to my sides. I cry weakly into his chest, his strong arms keeping me from collapsing into a heap on the floor. He whispers calming words into my ear while his fingers run through my hair in a continuous motion, comforting me.
I feel unresponsive as the tears continue to flow, the image of my little sister flashing through my mind. My confident, happy, beautiful sister with such a bright future ahead of her; a future that has just been taken away from her and replaced with darkness, replaced with death.
“She’s dead, my baby sister is dead,” I mumble into Ashton’s warm chest, my heart breaking into a million pieces.
Slowly the tears subside but Ashton’s hold does not. I feel the softness of his lips brush on my hair. “I’m so sorry,” he murmurs gently against the top of my head, his crackling words cutting through the silence. “If she was anything like you, she must have been beautiful.”
This makes me smile into the warmth of his chest because it
’s true. She was beautiful, inside and out. “She was,” I agree as I finally find the energy to bring my arms up, my fingers crawling at his back, clutching against him as tight as possible. “So beautiful,” I whisper.
We continue to stand in silence, enveloped in each other’s arms, the feel of his beating heart pounding against my ear, settling
me into a comfortable stance.
“You’re so comfortable,” I sigh dreamily, my fingertips scratching delicately against the bottom of his bare back, my thumbs tracing the naked space between the waistband of his boxer shorts, somehow my hold slipping to the edge of his shorts sometime during my tight hold on him. I know it
’s pushing the boundaries, but at the moment I don’t care. It feels right. It feels perfect. It feels comforting.
“I’m glad you think so.”
“Hmm, like a cuddly squishy bear.”
To my dismay he pulls back slightly to look down at my face, a smile surrounding those plump lips of
his. “Are you saying I’m fat?”
I shake my head on a small smile. “Nope,” I say sleepily, my hands sweeping round to his front, my fingers taking a clump of his t-shirt in my hands, my thumbs stroking the front of his stomach, not ready to let go of him. H
e raises one hand to my face and he brushes a piece of hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear.
“When’s the funeral?” he as
ks gently, palming his hand against my cheek. I take a calming breath as I lean into his hand. “Sunday.”
“Is Caleb going with you?”
I give a gentle nod. “Hmm, he won’t let me go alone, but I really want him to stay with Lily. I don’t want to leave her on her own.”
“I’ll go with you.”
It takes me a moment to register what he said, but when I do, I pull my head away in confusion. “Why?”
He gives me a serious loo
k, closing the gap between us. “Because you’re important to me,” he states confidently as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.
“What about work?”
He gives me a comforting smile, his thumb working gentle patterns against my cheek. “I’ll sort it. Now go take that relaxing bath and get some rest. I’ll call you in a little while.” He places a kiss against the corner of my lips, causing my heart to skip a beat, before pulling away and leaving my apartment.
My eyelids immediately fall, heavy exhaustion taking over me. I tiredly drag my sleepy body towards my bedroom, lazily strip my clothes off and
make my way into the bathroom. I lower myself into the steaming hot bubble bath, closing my eyes as I lie back and allow the fruit aromas and heat to relax my muscles.
After a little while, I hear a light knock on the door. I mumble an incoherent response, squinting through my tiresome eyes. The vision of Caleb appears through the c
loud of bubbles in front of me. “How’s the bath?” He asks as he kneels beside me, his fingers tracing over the foamy white bubbles.
“Hmm,” I reply, too comfor
table to give a spoken answer.
“Ava?” I hear him question. I open both eyes, noticing a jug i
n his hands. “Sit up; let me wash your hair.”
I push my relaxed body into a sitting position, my arms wrapped around my knees, my eyes closed, unable to keep them open. He begins to wash my hair gently, softly massaging the shampoo into my scalp,
unrushed. It feels wonderful.
“I overheard you and Ashton,” he says as he dunks the jug into the bath water and gently pours the water over my hair, rinsing the soap out. He repeats the process. “Do you want
him to go to Miami with you?”
I just nod, unable to answer verbally as sleepiness continu
es to cover me like a blanket.
“Okay. I’ll stay here with Lily th
en, if that’s what you want.”
I just nod again, while he palms my hair with conditioner. There isn’t anybody in this world other than Caleb who I would trust to leave with my daughter. Except for
Sebastian, but he isn’t here.
“I know you’re tired, just one more rins
e, and then you can go to bed.”
Once he has rinsed my hair, I hear the gurgling sound of the plug bein
g pulled out from the bathtub. “Up you get.” I hear the distant sound of Caleb’s voice as he lifts me out of the bath, setting my feet down onto the fluffy bath mat, surrounding my drooping body with a soft towel. Once Caleb dries me off, I am carried until I feel the softness of my bed beneath me. With my eyes still closed, I can feel pajamas being pulled up my naked body, then the feel of bed sheets covering me.
“Sleep tight, princess.”
I moan a wordless goodnight before I feel the relaxing darkness envelope me.
The next sixteen hours are a blur to me, mostly because I slept through twelve of them. You wouldn’t have thought it though, considering how exhausted I felt when I woke up this morning. I felt so disorientated and lethargic that it confused me for a moment, why I felt as if I had been hit by a freight train, but then it all came back to me. My sister is dead.
Once I was fully awake, and yesterday’s heartbreak fully sank in, I was a little surprised when I had the pleasant image of Ashton walking through my bedroom door with a tray of breakfast. I didn’t question why he was here at seven-thirty in the morning, I was just grateful to be greeted by that beautiful smile of his. I didn’t eat much, just half a slice of toast. I didn’t have much of an appetite. I almost felt like I would never have an appetite again. The thought of my baby sister not existing in my world was more than enough to turn me off food, forever.
As I nibbled unenthusiastically at the slice of toast, Caleb gave me my travel itinerary. I have a flight booked for one-fifteen this afternoon, a direct flight from Seattle Tacoma to Miami international airport. I have a twin room booked at the Hilton Miami airport for a two-night stay, returning back to Seattle on Monday afternoon. I was a little taken back that Caleb managed to do all of this while I was asleep, at such short notice too. He even packed a bag for me, leaving me with only one task left; to get myself ready.
I showered, changed and headed over to the hospital. I only had a couple of hours to spend with Lily, until we had to head to the airport, so I
had to make the most of my time with her, considering I wouldn’t see her until Monday. The very thought broke my heart.
All too quickly I have to say a heart-breaking goodbye to Lily, hating having to leave her, but knowing I have to go in order to say goodbye to my sister. If it
weren’t for the fact that I had my best friend here by Lily-Mai’s side, then I probably wouldn’t have the courage to leave her. I kiss Caleb on the cheek and blow a kiss to Lily. Then I spend another couple of minutes gazing at Lily trying to commit every feature of her to memory. As I begin to walk away, I can’t stop myself from rushing back to her to tell her I love her, tears falling down my face. This continues for a solid five minutes until eventually Caleb has to push me out of the door, saying I’m going to miss my flight.
Before I know it, Ashton and I are boarding the plane and taking our allocated seats. Once I have buckled and secured my seat belt into place, I take a glance at my phone, smiling down at the picture message of Lily that Caleb just sent me.
Caleb:
Already missing you mommy. Xx
I type out a quick reply, smiling.
Ava
: Miss you too, both of you.
I’ve just boa
rded, will call you when I land
Love you x
I put my phone into flight mode, quickly putting it back inside my purse and placing the purse under the seat in front of me. I sit back, pulling at my seat belt, ensuring it is as tight as possible. I pull the inflight magazine out from the seat pocket in front of me and start flicking through it apprehensively, not really reading it, purely a d
iversionary tactic, something to try and take my mind away from taking off. Then I jolt out my skin, when I feel the plane jolt backwards, my hand clasping tightly to the armrest.
God, I forgot how much I hate flying.
“Are you okay?” Ashton asks.
I turn my attention to Ashton who is sat on my right next to the window, purs
ing my lips into a tight smile. “Yep. Fine.” I turn back to the front, returning the magazine back into the pocket, then sit back again, my hands automatically moving to the armrest, my fingers wrapping securely against them. I feel my breath hitch slightly, and the heavy pounding of my heart as the plane continues to move, taxiing towards the runway while the flight attendant goes through the safety procedures. Safety procedures I conveniently block out.
“Are you sure? You look white as a ghost.”
“Yep. No.” I feel my hands begin to clam up with sweat, panic beginning to set in.
“Yep. No, which one is it?” he asks with amusement in his voice.
I turn to look at him, my tight grip never loosening. I let out an exhaled breath. “I’m kind of afraid of flying,” I say honestly. Then I yelp out quietly as the plane goes over a bump, causing my heart to race even faster.
“Give me your hand.”
Without a second thought, I peel my clammy hand from the armrest and clasp it into his. The intimate contact of his hand in mine momentarily makes me forget the panic I am currently experiencing. After a few short minutes of the plane taxiing, my heart wallops even harder when it comes to a complete stop, an obvious indication that the plane is ready for takeoff.
Great. I slam my eyes shut, almost forgetting how to breathe.
“Ava, look at me.”
When I refuse to open my eyes, he places his other hand gently against my cheek.
“Ava, look at me.” This time I obey, opening my eyes, looking at his perfect face.
“Do you trust me?” he asks. I nod, then clench my eyes shut as I feel the plane suddenly pick up speed, then launches into what can only be described as rocket speed. My stomach lurches with the sudden change.
“I’m just going to try something, just don’t slap me,” he says with a light chuckle.
“Are you going to slip me a valium?” I joke through an inhaled breath, a lame ass nervous laugh escaping from my lips.
“No, something much better.”
I am about to question the sudden deep seductive change to his voice, when I feel his lips on mine. I can’t help the deep moan that escapes at the impact. Immediately he makes me forget my fear of flyi
ng. We stay unmoving for a good ten seconds before I feel the edge of his tongue sweep across my lower lip. I eagerly accept and open my mouth to his. He deepens the kiss, the softness of his tongue brushing against mine, and that’s the moment I forget my own name. The whole world disappears in front of me. My body is on high alert, and the only person who matters in this moment, is Ashton. His lips on mine feel incredible. My stomach flutters with a thousand tiny butterflies, my heart pounding furiously as he kisses me like I have never been kissed before. Breathlessly he pulls away from my lips, his eyes dark with sheer passion, leaving me panting heavily.
“You’re welcome,” he whispers inches away from my lips, before pulling away from me and sitting back against his seat facing forward, his hand tightening around
mine, leaving me feeling shell shocked. My lips tingle from the unbelievable aftermath of his kiss, the takeoff at the very back of my mind. In fact, I am on such a high that I barely register the increase in altitude as we continue to climb thousands of feet into the air. For the next six hours, the only thing that gets me through this flight is the replay of that kiss.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I’m staring at the reflection of myself in the mirror. The sad woman dressed in black, and I wonder where my life took such a drastic turn. I can’t remember when there was ever a time when darkness wasn’t a part of me. Darkness has always been a constant companion, even from an early age. With every happy moment I have ever experienced, tragedy was always close behind, always reminding me that I can never truly be happy. I am reminded of that darkness yet again, on the day that I have to say goodbye to my sister. I take an inhaled breath as I smooth down the front of my pencil dress with trembling hands, then exit the bathroom after a mental countdown. The first thing I notice is Ashton, looking ridiculously handsome in his black attire, sat at the foot of the bed closest to me
He rises from the bed when he sees me.
“I’m sorry if this is inappropriate on an incredibly sad day like this, but you look beautiful, Ava,” he compliments. I would have blushed at his words if I weren’t so pale from the nausea, but his words still make my heart flutter.
“Thank you.”
“Are you all set?” he asks as he approaches me.
I shake my head, my bo
ttom lip trembling with sorrow. “No.”
He gives me a sad smile, his hands clasping mine. “I know, Ava, I know. But I will be there with you, every step of the
way. I won’t leave your side.”
I take a nod of courage, while taking a deep breath as his words surprisingly give me enough strength to take my next step. He escorts me from the hotel, to a sleek blacked out Mercedes S class. I notice a chauffeur dressed in a smart black suit, black cap and white gloves, stood waiting patiently with his hands held in front of him, the rear passenger door already open. I say a polite thank you, then slowly slide in. Once the door has closed behind Ashton, he slides in as close as possible to me, his hand automatically taking hold of mine. When the car begins its journey to the church, I
lean my head against Ashton’s shoulder and watch the bright Miami sunshine passing by through the tinted window. This makes me smile
Fran loved the sunshine. She would spend hours on a weekend riding her bike, jumping in and out of the pool, running around a playground, anything that would keep her outside until sunset. She even had a sunshine themed bedroom. I remember that one side of her room had a beautiful image of a sunrise, and on the opposite side was of beautiful image of a sunset. I could only spend a few moments at a time in her room as the bright colors were a bit overwhelming, but what I loved the most when you walked into her room, was that it had Fran written all over it. She was just like sunshine, beautiful, bright, and colorful. The tears begin to spill from my swollen eyes, knowing that somewhere along the line s
he must have lost her sunshine. It seems fitting though, that on the day of her funeral, on a beautiful bright day like this, that she can finally have her sunshine back.
As I wipe at my tear-streaked face, I can’t help but relax my eyes as a glorious tingle shudders through my body at the feel of Ashton’s lingering lips pressed against the top of my head. I am so glad I have Ashton here with me. Even with all of the tragedy, the sorrow
, and the heartbreak, Ashton is the only person who gives me the belief that there might be light at the end of the tunnel.
My heart goes into overdrive when the car comes to a stop in front of a stunning renaissance Italian white church. It is truly a breath-taking building, with an elegantly smooth façade, arched doors within the three-quarter detached Roman ridged columns and fine detailed decorative keystones. Above the doors sits miniature medieval arched cloisters integrated within the façade, with simple cornice mouldings towards the roof eave and a beautiful rosette design circled window in the center of the church.
I notice mourners dressed in black, standing idly along the church steps and entrance, some look sad, a few are crying softly, while others smile as if reminiscing on the life of Fran. Then as I take another glance towards the entrance my heart stops violently when I see him, for the first time in ten years, his arms around the waist of a blonde haired woman, kissing the side of her face. He hasn’t changed much. He’s still the same handsome, tall, well-dressed man I knew ten years ago, with the same fucking smug sparkle in his eyes. I hate him. I hate that we’re related. I hate that he’s my brother.
“I don’t think I can do this.” I begin to shake hysterically, squeezing my eyes shut at the thought of having to confront my brother, not to mention the questioning
stares and whispers at the sudden reappearance of the sister who ran away.
“Listen to me,” Ashton
demands in a soft but authoritative tone, cupping his hands against my cheeks, my eyes opening at his forceful words. “You can do this. You’re here for one person and one person only. Just ignore everybody else. You can do this, I know you can.”
His enco
uraging words speak volumes, as his eyes stay locked onto mine. I still feel absolutely terrified at confronting my brother but knowing Ashton will be by my side, it comforts me greatly. I take hold of his hand and tighten my grip around his fingers. “Thank you for being here with me,” I whisper gently as I lean my forehead against his, the feel of his minty fresh breath doing crazy things to me.
“Of course,” he whispers back, then places one single kiss against
the top of my head. He pulls away, both of his palms covering mine.
“Ready?”
I take few deep breaths, with a nod of my head. “Okay, before I change my mind.”
The driver comes round to the rear passenger side and opens the door. I close my eyes and count to three, and then I slide out of the car. Moments later I feel Ashton come up from behind me, lacing his fingers through mine. I glance to him as apprehension fills me, waiting for some kind of reassurance. A squeeze of my hand and a smile is just enough reassurance to help me walk through the front door of that church.
As I walk up the steps to the church, I let out a breath of relief, noticing that he must have gone into the church already. At least it gives me a few more seconds before I have to be within distance of him. As I walk through the throng of people, I notice recognition in their eyes, but I continue walking, ignoring the stares as Ashton’s words repeat over in my head; that I’m here to see one person and one person only.