Love... From Both Sides (A laugh-out-loud romantic comedy) (31 page)

Why
Cary
Grant?

Mum loved his movies. Wherever she may be in the afterlife, there’s a good chance she’s already asked him out on a date.

Let’s hope it’s not to see a Polish penis slapping movie.

Very funny.

I am, aren’t I?

Anyway, back to the point:

We were married the day after New Year’s at the local registry office.

We kept it a small affair.

Just my parents and sister, Laura’s best friends and a few others who’d got wind of our nuptials. I didn’t invite my middle class chums - they would have just spent the entire time arguing over who had the bigger wedding cake at their own ceremonies. Dave and Katherine were there, though.

The registry office staff were a bit bemused when we requested the room be decorated with rubber plants.

I also suggested fajitas for the wedding meal.

Laura didn’t think that was very funny for some reason…

You want to be careful, pal. One day I’ll get my own back. You won’t notice five day old beef if I cook it for long enough.

Gulp
.

I’ll take over here, thanks. You’re a man, so you’re not describing it properly.

…Tim gave me away.

He ended up crying more than anyone else, bless him. Both he and Dan wore the most beautiful frocks I’d ever seen.

Charlie and Tilly looked adorable as well. So much so that Jamie’s friend Ryan didn’t stop dribbling for the entire day, much to the disgust of his terrifying girlfriend Isobel.

It was a simple ceremony as Jamie says, but that suited us both down to the ground.

I’ve never been the type to crave a spectacular wedding, so was more than happy for something quick - and relatively painless.

…and I’ll be honest, without my mum there, it just wouldn’t have been right anyway, no matter how much money we threw at it.

Anyway, this is about the marriage for me, not the wedding. I love this idiot with all my heart – and I don’t need to spend thousands of pounds to prove it.

Aww
, that’s sweet. I love you too, baby.

You’d better!

I wore a very nice strapless white silk dress. Jamie managed to climb into a suit for the first time ever.

Second actually. I had a job interview once.

The service only took twenty minutes, and we were at his parent’s house for the reception by five o’clock, at which a lot of alcohol and buffet food was consumed.

All in all it wasn’t the most spectacular or original wedding in history, but we got the chance to spend the day with (almost) all the people we loved, which was all that mattered.

It also meant we had more money to spend on the honeymoon – hence my sunburn and her big straw hat.

That’s right. A three layered dress and a six layered cake sound like nice ideas, but give me a bikini and a Mai Tai anytime.

You’ll get no argument from me on that one, beautiful.

…particularly the bikini part.

The laptop came with us of course – despite my protestations – hence this entry on Jamie’s blog.

There is a point to it I assure you - and if Newman would stop interrupting for a minute I could get to it.

Sorry, oh bright shining light in my otherwise cloudy, miserable day.

Apology accepted.

…

…now I can’t think of what to say. The lure of the pool is breaking my concentration.

You’re the writer Jamie, you have a go.

I think what my gorgeous but absent-minded wife is trying to say is that we’ve been through a lot to get to this happy place.

I’ve read her diary and she’s seen my blog. They both appear to be a catalogue of mistakes, embarrassments and failures that make you wonder how we ever managed to get to this point: in love, married and sipping cocktails under the
Caribbean
sun.

There’s only one explanation really, and it’s as cheesy as it is true:

We love each other.

Love may not conquer all like the songs say, but it can keep you upright and on your feet when a cold wind is blowing hard, trying its best to knock you on your arse.

It can bring two people together, even when piles, sprinkler systems, food poisoning, porn movies and ex-boyfriends try to keep them apart.

When you fall in love, there’s nothing that can stop you, no matter how bad it might be.

Including her seeing you shit into a pedal bin.

And that’s why I married this idiot.

…not the shitting into a bin I hasten to add. There isn’t enough vodka in the world to blot out
that
memory.

The rest of it though?

Yeah… that about sums it up for me.

No relationship is ever perfect, but when you truly love each other…
it doesn’t have to be.

The End

Jamie and Laura’s story continues in the sequel ‘Love… And Sleepless Nights’ available now at
Amazon UK
and
Amazon USA

Titles by Nick Spalding available on Amazon Kindle:

Love… From Both Sides

Sometimes, the hardest part of finding love is keeping a straight face...

For Jamie Newman, being a single guy isn't proving to be much fun, especially when confronted with a sexually belligerent divorcee and a goddess so far out of his league she might as well be a different species.

Mind you, being a girl in search of love isn't a bowl of cherries either. Just ask Laura McIntyre, who's recently contended with a horny estate agent on a quest for light relief and a rabid mountain bike enthusiast with a penchant for displaying his genitals.

When Jamie and Laura bump into one another (quite literally) it looks like their luck may have changed - but sometimes finding the right person is only the start of your problems...

Based on real-life tales of dating disaster and relationship blunders, Love... From Both Sides is a warts-and-all romantic comedy for everyone who knows how tricky (and occasionally ridiculous) the quest for love can be.

Love… And Sleepless Nights

Sometimes, the hardest part of becoming a parent is keeping a straight face…

Just ask Jamie and Laura Newman, who (thanks to a rather relaxed attitude to contraception) find themselves about to have a baby. It’s obviously a terrifying prospect for a newly married couple, but as long as they stick together they’ll be fine, right?

They’d better, because the path between conception and those first few baby steps is littered with many obstacles - such as public sickness, rabid insomnia, violent mood swings, complicated sex, and copious amounts of swearing.

Featuring a cast that includes an overbearing mother-in-law, a terrifying midwife, and at least one chorus of mating humpbacks, Love… And Sleepless Nights is the hilarious sequel all about what happens next.

Falling in love with another person is easy. Making a new one with them is where things get complicated.

Life… With No Breaks