Love Me Like That (24 page)

I also remind myself I need to go to the store to grab a newspaper so I can start to look for a job, knowing it would never work out with me working for Kadin, the time outside of the bedroom with him is too stressful here at the condo. I can’t imagine what it would be like if he were in a position of authority as my boss.

“You didn’t have to make me coffee,” he says as I hand him the lidded travel mug.

“I made me some,” I tell him turning back to the coffee pot to pour myself a cup. “It’s the least I could do.”

Sensing my somber mood he closes the distance between us and I watch as he sets his cup of coffee on the counter near my arm and rests his body gently against my back. He leans his face down and nuzzles my neck, and I let him, even though I know I should confront him on the whiplash he’s giving me.

“Please bear with me, London.” He kisses my neck softly. “I’m struggling more than I thought I would with you here.”

“If you want me to go,” I begin.

Suddenly he turns me in his arms. “That is
not
what I want.” He cups my cheeks in his hand and closes his eyes briefly. Swallowing roughly he says, “I never thought I’d come around the corner into the kitchen and be happy to see a woman other than Savannah standing at this counter.”

Whoa!

I never for a second thought about how he was dealing with me being in the same space that had been previously occupied by his late wife. Now, I feel like a total bitch for thinking he’s only toying with me. This once again goes so much deeper than I realized.

“Tell me what you want; what you need me to do to make things easier for you.” I close my eyes and nuzzle my cheek in his hand.

“You’re already doing it,” he whispers before he kisses my lips.

Well, it wasn’t a declaration of love but sure wasn’t walking papers either.

I had mentioned to Kadin before he left for work that I’d planned on going grocery shopping today. He shut me down immediately and said he will call a list in and to expect them to deliver later in the day. I told him I wanted to get out of the house, and he showed me on a map where the gym in the building was. The storm was blowing in later today, and he didn’t want to have to worry about me being out in it. I promised to stay inside the building.

Another surprising request he made was to box up all the liquor in the dining room as well as the living room. An easy task I was certain of until I began and realized just how extensive his supply was. Currently, three rather large boxes sit on the dining room table, waiting for him to do with them what he wishes. They’re too heavy for me to lift on my own.

I let my mind wander back to the way Kadin looked when he left for work this morning. His three piece suit is a stark contrast to the jeans and t-shirts he’s worn every day since I met him. I wanted to rip them off of him more than once before he finally left me in the apartment alone. The dark gray suit fit him like it was tailor made for his amazingly fit body. I know I’m going to fantasize about the turquoise colored tie for weeks to come.

I’m sitting on the couch, unable to concentrate on the book I pulled up more than twenty minutes ago on my tablet with the doorbell chimes through the condo.

I get up off the couch and make my way to the door, opening it for the food service delivery people. I gasp when a leggy blond saunters inside instead of a delivery boy with bags of groceries.

I notice her perfection the second my eyes land on her. Bone straight blond hair, super thin body, and a huge bottle of Jack Daniels in her hands. She mustn’t have gotten the memo on his drinking.

“Can I help you?” I ask. My hand is still on the open door.

She turns suddenly as if she’s just now noticing me for the first time. Her eyes skate up and down my body dismissively. Suddenly I wish I had opted for less comfortable clothes; my leggings and t-shirt are obviously not meeting her approval.

Although she’s sneering at me, there is something familiar about her I can’t place.

“Who the fuck are you?” She spits out like I just walked into her residence unannounced.

I smile at her sweetly, knowing just how to handle women like her.

“That’s not how this works. Who are you?” I stand with one hand on my hip and the other still on the doorknob.

She places the heavy bottle of liquor on the entry way table and focuses her attention on me.

“Where’s Kadin?” She asks making her way further into the condo.

“Not here. You’re more than welcome to leave a message with me. But I’m not entertaining today, so I’m going to ask you to leave.” I walk a few steps ahead of her and get in her path, praying she doesn’t attack me or anything.

“You’ve got to be kidding me, right?” She says, her voice rising several octaves.

“Afraid not,” I answer. “I will let him know you stopped by…” I wait for her to give me her name, but she doesn’t. She huffs a few more times and makes her way to the door.

“Show him that,” she points to the bottle of Jack. “He’ll know who it’s from.”

Just as I’m reaching the door, she holds her hand up like she just realized I’m in Kadin’s home.

“What are you doing here anyways?”

“I live here,” I say and close the door in her face.

It isn’t until I cross over into the threshold of the living room and look around when I realize exactly who she looks like.

I could say I have an unexplainable skip in my step as I make my way to the office, but I know exactly why it’s there. Even if seeing her standing in my kitchen like she owned the place almost stopped my heart this morning; I’m glad that she’s there.

“Good morning, Lisa,” I say as I pass the front reception desk.

“Sir,” she says with a disbelieving nod, unaccustomed to seeing me in anything but a shitty mood.

I push open my office door and find Kegan already inside leaning on my desk; a planned attack apparently.

“Hey, man,” he says and goes in for the manly hug, back pat move.

“Whew! You smell like sex,” he says backing away quickly waving the air in front of him with his hand.

I reach down and smell my shirt. “I took a shower,” I say before I realize the setup.

“I fucking knew it!” He’s bouncing up and down like an idiot, looking more like a toddler than a grown man.

Busted.

“Would you settle down? There’s no sense in spreading your joy all over the office first thing in the morning.” I advise him before sitting down in my office chair.

He’s grinning from ear to ear like he’s just won the damn lottery at my slip up. I may know most of his tricks but every once in a while even I’m outsmarted, and he catches me slipping.

“What?” I ask when he sits down in the chair across from me and doesn’t say a thing.

“Are you going to spill it about London?” He looks hopeful; he shouldn’t.

“Do I look like the type of man that would sit here and give you details about anything that happened between a woman and me?” I raise an eyebrow at him. He doesn’t respond, but his smile falls just a bit. “Just because you want to tell the world every time you dip your stick in someone doesn’t mean I’m up for sharing.”

“But you do admit that you dipped your stick, right?” I glare at him and don’t respond.

Is this normal brother conversation? Kegan was so young when Savannah and I got together, so we never had sex conversations with each other. Well, he’s shared every detail anyone was willing to listen to since he became sexually active, but he knew better than to ask me questions about my wife. Why he feels like I’d share now is beyond me.

The thought strikes me that Kegan has never been serious about a woman before, and maybe my lack of detail sharing is due to the fact that I know I see London as more than a piece of ass which is all Kegan ever sees a woman as. Maybe it’s easier to guy talk about one night stands and quick fucks; my limited experience doesn’t allow for it.

“In no way shape or form am I going to discuss London with you; so you can stop trying to dig for information.” I reach over and hit the power button on my computer and wait for it to boot up.

“You seem happier,” he observes with a more serious tone.

He was the last one to see me before I left for the cabin with no plans to return. Even with our age difference we’ve always been close and leaving my parents a note was an incredibly horrible thing to do, but I couldn’t leave without seeing him. We had spent the day before I left working out in the gym at his apartment complex and the evening was spent in the bar of the hotel next door. He called me an idiot when I hugged him too long before he went home for the night.

That’s another reason I’m glad my plans have been diverted. I know he’d feel guilty and blame himself for not realizing what was going on with me if I’d followed through. It would be misplaced, but it wouldn’t make things any easier. I knew my suicide would hurt people I love and it’s one of the reasons I took so long actually to come to the decision to follow through, but I was more focused on ending my own suffering than being concerned for everyone else. I hoped that eventually they’d understand my actions even if they could never comprehend the level of suffering that comes with losing a spouse; I pray they never did. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

“I’ve gained,” I pause doing my best to think of the best way to put this, “some perspective.”

“Have anything to do with that hot brunette at your condo?” He’s taken a seat in the chair directly across from my desk. He hooks his ankle over the other knee looking like he’s getting comfortable and planning to stay awhile.

“I’m not talking to you about her, Kegan. You might as well leave it alone.”

I turn my attention away from him and enter my password to access my computer. It doesn’t work which isn’t surprising, much of the last year and a half has been spent in a drunken haze. Looks like I’ll have to have IT back up here to sort it out.

I look back at my brother and notice the look of patience on his face, a trait that doesn’t show up often. Just what I need is a nosey brother with time on his hands.

“Don’t you have a job to get to as well, brother?” I lean back in my chair; without access to my computer there’s little else I can do until the issue is corrected.

He looks at his watch and back to me. I can see him evaluating my level of seriousness about sharing the goods on London. I raise my eyebrows in challenge. He folds. “I guess you’re right.” He stands from his seated position and grins at me deviously. “Wanna watch the game tonight?”

I feel like he’s trying to test me once again and I don’t know which way to go with my answer. Deciding just to tell him the truth, “I have plans this evening.” I don’t expound, but I watch his smile grown in understanding.

“London.” It’s not a question; it’s a statement.

He’s right; my plans do include London this evening. I know after spending all day away from her after being with her almost every minute for a week and a half is going to be an adjustment to my system. It is because of this I know I’m going to want to be inside of her the very minute I get back to the condo.

“Have a good one, bro. Talk to you later.” I watch him leave the office and hear him say something flirty to Lisa on his way out, knowing he’s joking. He may be a manwhore, but he’d never cross the line with a woman who is taken.

After speaking to Lisa about getting the IT guy up here to get things set straight with my computer, I call the condo, inexplicably needing to hear her voice. She’s never given me her cell phone number so I can’t reach her that way or I’d text her. I smile as I listen to the phone ringing, wondering if she’d give me her cell phone number so I can text her dirty things throughout the day. The phone call goes unanswered, and I’m sure it’s because she’d feel weird about answering the phone in a place that doesn’t belong to her.