Love Will (35 page)

“And then you flew out here. It’s, what, two in the morning, your time? You shouldn’t have done that.”

“Oh, God, no, that’s not what I meant either. It was a really
hard
day. Seeing you was the best part of it. I promise.”

“Please don’t cry,” I plead with her. “I feel awful. I’ve never made a woman cry during sex.
Ever
.”

“This has nothing to do with sex, I promise… except that it strips you down to your most vulnerable and allows you to expose raw emotions to the person you’re with. The person you trust. Has that never happened to you?” she asks.

“No,” I tell her, shaking my head.

“Oh.” She swallows. “Sometimes, it feels so good, and I feel so
much
at one time, that it just floods me with emotions… and I can’t keep it in.”

“How often does this happen?”

“Not very… it’s normally when I’m really tired.”

I smile at her understandingly and push her hair behind her ears. “You poor thing.”

She fights with the dress that’s now awkwardly clinging to her body since I unzipped it and moved it where I wanted it. “Help me?” she asks.

“You want it off?” She nods, so I pull the dress over her head and set it at the foot of the bed. After getting up to get us both some water, I climb back into bed, pulling her head into my chest and laying her down next to me, covering us both with the sheets and comforter.

I reach to turn off the light, then return my hand to her arm and console her until she’s fast asleep. My mind still racing from the earlier meetings, I turn on the television with the volume as low as it will go, catching the final movie in a suspense trilogy that I’d promised to see with Damon in the theater. Since I can’t concentrate on it, it’ll be like I never saw it when I view it a second time.

These are the kind of dreams I never want to wake up from. I’m in the middle of the ocean, on a huge float, but I’m not stranded. I want to be there, and I have everything I need. It’s a warm day. Not hot. Just warm. And there’s this exotic woman crawling toward me. She’s got on a red skirt. I can’t see under it, but I know she’s not wearing anything else. There are other people floating around us, watching us. They’re far away, but they’re not. Close enough to hear us talk. We don’t speak the same language, though.

She doesn’t want to talk to me, anyway.

She pulls back layer after layer of my clothes. I’m not sure why I have on so many clothes. Once I’m naked, she takes a pitcher of warm water and pours it down the middle of my body.
Fuck, that feels good.
Then she touches me. She puts her hands on my ass and positions herself on her knees. Someone else is there and they take off her skirt. I only see his feet. It was a guy, though. He walks away. On my float… to where?

Oh, shit, she’s palming my balls with one hand. I try to thank her, but even I don’t understand my language. I jerk when I feel her lips close around me…

…waking myself up.

But I was kind of awake already.

And the lips are still there.

The woman is still there.
Or here
.

“Holy shit.” I’m up on my elbows, trying to get my bearings. No float. No ocean. No onlookers except for myself in a mirror.

“Good morning.”

“Oh, God.” I collapse back on the bed. At least, I think that’s what she said to me, because she didn’t fully release me when she spoke. “Holy shit.” I look up again, blink a few times, and finally realize where I am, who I am, and who this beautiful creature is between my legs. I reach down and run my fingers through her unruly, brown hair and massage her scalp until she finally looks up at me. “Fucking fantastic morning.” I say to her. “Please come kiss me.”

“Busy,” she says with a smile I’ve never seen before.

“Oh, fuck.” I fall back once more, wiping my eyes just to ensure one last time that I’m not dreaming. Never in my
life
has this happened to me. You have to spend a whole night with a woman for this to happen.

It’s fucking happening, Will
. Stop analyzing. Start enjoying.

The thoughts evoked by each and every one of her dirty, little kisses are coming to fruition, but the way it actually feels in real life isn’t something I’d imagined. It’s
so much better
. But she’s teasing me–over and over and over again. I sense what’s going on. She gets me close–so fucking close–varying her techniques and taking me to the edge–and then she moves on. It’s
maddening
.

I finally look up at her after the fourth time, panting, admittedly frustrated. “Shea?”

“Mmmm?” she hums without releasing me.

“Gaaaah… you’re killin’ me.”

She looks up, her tongue trailing up the length of me, then smiles. “Which did you like best?”

“I don’t fucking care,” I tell her urgently, just needing the release.

“Will…”

I push off the bed and onto my knees and pick her up to my height, kissing her fast and hard. It’s probably a good thing she’s got her underwear on, or I might have just taken her like this. When the lightheadedness sets in, I press my forehead to hers. “Every single way you were doing it felt like fucking heaven to me. I swear. But I can only take so much… I’m weak. I want this. I want
you
.”

“Heaven?” she asks.

“I was having conversations with gods… they were cheering me on.” She starts laughing as her hand slides down my body and around me. I inhale quickly.

“Lie back down. I know what I’m doing.”

“Nobody doubts that.” I shake my head and do as she says. She climbs up to me and kisses my lips first, then moves her way down again and returns to her third technique which–I may be wrong–but I don’t think any woman has ever performed this maneuver before. She adds a few more touches before I finally get my release. It’s massive, prolonged, and I’m
loud
, not giving a fuck who hears us.

I start shivering again like I did that night in her apartment. She’s quick to cover me with her body and blankets, wearing nothing more than her panties and a self-satisfied grin.

“What happens to you?” she asks, kissing my cheeks and forehead, being tender and… loving.

“You take everything. It literally feels like
life
is leaving my body for those few seconds. All the energy I have is depleted. It kind of goes back to our science experiment, really.”

“Are you saying I suck the life right out of you?” she asks.

I chuckle and shake my head. “I was not at all trying to say that. But if the shoe fits…”

I expect her to smack me in the chest or something, but she kisses me softly instead. “Did you like waking up like that?”

“What do you think?”

“Ummm… no? You just answered with a question, and you told me that was a negative response.”

“Oh, shit. Absolutely–no.”

“No?”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Stop.” I say, releasing her and waving my hands. “Back up. I savored every second of waking up like that, Shea. No woman has even woken me up like that. No woman has ever really, uh… performed like that when I was fully awake, either, to be quite honest with you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah…”

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

“…why?”

“Because you said you thought you’d experienced everything, and I was hell-bent on making sure you felt something new with me,” she explains.

“But I already have,” I tell her. “That’s why we had the conversation in the first place.”

She shakes her head. “I did a ton of research on obscure things to do… down there.”

“Did you really? Research?”

“I did.”

“That’s such a turn on. A girl who
researches
. Just tell me it wasn’t hands on,” I tease, “and I will profess my undying…” I stop myself and take a deep breath. We both let the awkwardness consume the air around us.

“It wasn’t hands on,” she finally says.

“Good.”

“We should probably get up. Check out’s at noon.”

“Yeah? What time is it?”

“Ten.”

“Oh, wow.” She starts to get out of the bed, but I hold on to her arm before she makes it out fully. “Shea?”

“Mm-hmm?”

“I love sleeping with you.” She looks a little disappointed when I tell her this, but she repeats the words back to me.

We shower separately. I let her go first, and when I’m dressed and coming out of the bedroom, I smell bacon.

“I ordered room service.”

“Perfect… go ahead and eat. I have something I want to do first.”

“I already ate,” she confesses sheepishly.

“Well, good,” I say, finding my guitar by the door to the suite and making sure it’s in tune on the way to the couch near the dining table.

“I hate cold eggs.”

“Don’t blame you.”

“What are you doing?” she asks, turning in her chair to face me.

“I want to play a song that I was writing for you while I was with you in Minneapolis. Peron and I just finished it this week.”

“Is it for me?”

“That’s the working title:
For Shea
.” There’s a noticeable sparkle in her eye that accompanies her smile. “Damon sings it much better.”

“I’m sure you’re lying.” I glance at her momentarily and feel myself blush. I still don’t know what I’ll sing for the last lines:

The pleasure is ours; the future is, too

And I can’t wait to spend my whole life with you.

It’s not that I don’t feel that way, but I can’t tell her that. The statement’s too committal for the early stages of whatever we are.

I guess I have a few verses and choruses to figure it out.

“Here goes.”

I clear my throat, and then begin:

Serving only myself, out of control,

Shackled by guilt with no chance of parole.

Every night a new face; next morning I’m done.

To forget my mistakes, I repeat, then I run.

I do it to silence; I do it to calm.

I do it to hinder the ticking time bomb.

I do it for pleasure; I do it for pain.

I do it to placate the voice in my brain.

I’ve been wild in my youth, sloughing the blame,

Thinking anyone like me would act just the same.

A little boy caught in a turbulent past;

The wayward man I’ve become knew this life wouldn’t last.

I do it to silence; I do it to calm.

I do it to hinder the ticking time bomb.

I do it for pleasure; I do it for pain.

I do it to placate the voice in my brain.

The diversions were brief; conversations were few.

The words all meant nothing until I met you.

And now at midnight, just as the fire burns low,

I study your face; only one I must know.

Shea, all I see is that settling down with you

Is the farthest thing from settling I could do.

I sleep soundly, in peace, and when morning breaks

I stand steadfast beside you. There are no more mistakes.

I have no want to run from this man anymore

‘Cause there’s now someone else for him to live for.

I did it to silence; I did it to calm.