Authors: Karina Gioertz
“Hey, guys. Are you hiding from me or what?” I playfully pinched Jason in the arm.
“Nah, we are just doing our part to share you...” Jason said pointing out at the rest of the room. “We got to spend half the day with you already, remember?”
“You're saying that like you filled your Lucky quota for the day or something,” I replied, cocking my head to the side, daring him to engage with me.
“Never, I always have room in my day for you,” he grinned and leaned forward to kiss my cheek.
“Oh, ok then,” I said, amused by his efforts to appease me.
“That dress is amazing on you, by the way! I'm so glad you decided to get it!” Tara was giving me a dramatic wink and thumbs up. I stepped into a pose that pronounced the curves of my body, as the dress carefully hugged me and stretched around me as I moved. I grinned mischievously.
“Yeah, it does look
kinda amazing doesn't it?! Thanks for talking me into getting it.” I held out my glass to toast her.
“Anytime.” She nodded as our glasses clinked together.
Jason, who was beginning to get antsy, started shifting back and forth from foot to foot.
“Let's go sit down; maybe the others will follow our lead,” he said nodding at the table in front of us.
“What's the rush?” Tara asked, not sounding too pleased by his lack of patience.
“I am freaking starving!” he announced, completely unfazed by the look Tara had shot him. I grinned and patted him on the back patronizingly.
“Ok, ok let’s sit down.” My tone was the same as the one I reserved for dealing with my students on days they resembled preschoolers more so than teenagers. Jason glared at me momentarily, before deciding that it wasn’t important under what circumstances he got to the table, as long as he got there.
I walked around to the head of the table where I found a chair that had been adorned with balloons and various other decorations. Normally, I would have hated the draw of attention a chair in that state would pull, but tonight I was looking forward to it. I looked around the room once more before pulling out the chair and having a seat, causing a great deal of noise in the process as the balloons rubbed up against one another and the sound of ruffling paper filled the air.
What had been loud conversation for the most part, turned into a quiet murmur as the room took notice of the shift taking place. Jason and Tara had been right behind me and were now settling into seats beside me. Slowly people began to follow suit and approached the table to take their seats around us. D. and Lisa wound up sitting on my right, across from Jason and Tara, while Gabe and Janette ended up sitting somewhere near the middle. Noah and Amy settled down all the way at the other end and I couldn’t help but wonder how much Amy had had to do with that. Filling in the gaps between me and Noah were several teachers from school and their significant others, as well as some of my old friends from college and my days at the bar.
As I glanced around the table taking in the view, I couldn’t help but notice that I was the only one sitting at the table that didn’t have a date. As I sat there listening to everyone talking and realized that nobody was talking to me, I felt suddenly slapped in the face by the very thing that had been glaring at me all night without me taking notice, all of my guests had arrived in couples. As I felt my throat begin to close up, I took a big sip of my drink to push down the feelings that were now rising up within me. Feelings so cold and miserable began to soar within me, as I heard my own voice stating what had become so blatantly obvious, that I was alone. In a room full of people, I was alone. Everyone I had in my life had found someone to care for them, someone that was there to be with them and them alone. Why hadn’t I found that? How had it happened that the people I had considered my family had moved on to being couples, leaving me behind as the odd man out? And why hadn’t I ever seen it, before now?
Faced with the prospect of falling apart while perched on top of my ridiculous looking birthday throne, I forced myself to shut down the feelings and thoughts that were threatening to wreck what had begun as such a wonderful night. Sure that no one had noticed my sudden bout with anxiety; I turned to D. and Lisa and politely forced myself into their conversation. From then on, I bounced from topic to topic along the table as appetizers turned to entrees and they turned into coffee and after dinner drinks.
The dinner was winding down and I said a silent prayer that nobody had jumped out of a cake or serenaded me with a loud rendition of ‘happy birthday’. No sooner had I sent up said prayer, that I heard the servers belting the tune from the main dining area and then into our room and over to our table. As they sang, they placed a large cake in front of me, and while I didn’t dare count, I was quite certain by looking at them, that Tara had included a candle for every year I had been alive. As if the wait staff alone hadn’t been loud enough on their own, the entire table had begun to join in as they entered the room. When they finally finished, I whooped and applauded with great enthusiasm.
“Oh, God that was awful! You guys are the worst singers!” I laughed as everyone else was looking at me with anticipation, waiting to see me blow out the wave of fire that shone across my cake. Unwilling to disappoint, I drew in a deep breath and held it for a moment as I closed my eyes and made a wish, then I blew it out again, successfully managing to take out every single one of the candles. There was a small roar of applause as I pretended to take small bows while still seated in my throne.
Next thing I knew, one of the servers swooped in again and removed the cake, taking it over to a small serving table on the side of the wall where the cake was then cut and put on to dessert plates before finding its way back to the table.
“Ok, while they are doing that, let’s do presents!” Tara called out loudly, announcing it to everyone at the table.
“Presents?” I asked, not having expected any more than I had already received.
“Of course!” D. declared while handing me a large gift pack he had apparently been hiding under the table. And he hadn’t been the only one. Out of nowhere, gift bags and presents wrapped in decorative wrapping papers were piling onto the table and being handed down in my direction. I was speechless. I hadn’t received that many presents on my birthday, since I had been a child. Noticing that people were starting to look at me funny as I sat there staring at all of the presents, I began to unwrap them one at a time. The gifts were beautiful. Each time I opened something new, I was astounded at the effort that had been put forth in my interest and I was grateful as I understood that my friends had moved into new relationships, but nobody had left me behind.
At last, I was down to one last gift box. I glanced down at the tag and read it.
“Ok, let’s see...this one is from Noah. Should I be scared? Is it going to jump out at me or something?” I joked as I carefully shook the box.
“No, I'm pretty sure you're safe,” Noah replied quietly.
Slowly, I began to pull back the paper. Half way through, I stopped. In my hands, I was holding the most beautiful stationary I had ever seen. It was a gift set complete with envelopes and pen, in gorgeous shades of lavender and golden details. I knew nobody else would see the value in it, but this present meant the world to me.
“Oh my God, could you have gotten her anything more generic!?” Amy chortled and the sound of her high pitched laugh reminded me of where I was. I looked down to the end of the table and caught Noah’s eyes.
“Thank you Noah. It's really beautiful,” I said trying to convey to him just how much his gift had meant to me. As the noise at the table began to pick up again and people restarted their conversations, Noah maintained his gaze on me and I knew that he knew. Then the moment passed and he turned away, engaging in some meaningless conversation with Amy I couldn’t make out, nor care to, for that matter. I followed his lead and joined in with Tara and Lisa who were busy discussing the next thing on my birthday agenda, dancing.
The party had moved to D.'s Club, and while half of the guest list had dwindled away since most of them had to be back at school first thing in the morning, those who were left were talking loudly and laughing, eager to have a good time. As I looked around, I saw that most everyone that was left had split up into smaller groups of two or three people and were sporadically spread all throughout the bar, around the dance floor, and back by the pool tables.
Noah and Amy had paired off on their own and were sitting at a small table away from the crowd, presumably in an attempt to keep his focus directed on her and her alone. Something I wished her much luck with, since no woman had mastered it yet in all the years I had known him. Gabe and Janette had kept right on walking past the tables upon arriving and had marched straight to the dance floor. Not having seen them since, I could only conclude that they were still there, busy dancing the night away.
While D. had sworn up and down that he would refrain from working, in spite of being in his place of business, he had not managed to stay true to his word. Less than five minutes after walking through the front doors, a disgruntled customer had spotted him and before we knew it, D. was behind the bar mixing drinks and trying to appease his angry patron. Lisa who had given up the nightlife a few years back, had retreated to the office where I imagined her being curled up on the couch sleeping. It was what I would have done, had I not been obligated to keep up appearances as the Guest of Honor. So, since sleep was out of the question, I stood there leaning up against the bar counter with Tara and Jason who had been kind enough to pretend not to notice that I had become the third wheel. In the midst of our conversation about the current vampire trend that had captivated so many of our students the music changed. At the sound of the new song Tara’s eyes lit up.
“I love this song!” she exclaimed as she reached for Jason’s hand. “Come on Jason you have to come and dance with me!”
Jason gazed out at the crowded dance floor and then back at Tara who was already dancing in place. He took another swig from his beer, then placed the empty bottle on the beer top with a loud clang.
“Let's do it.”
He nodded, indicating for her to lead the way.
They had almost walked out of ear shot when Tara turned around to look for me.
“Aren't you coming?” she yelled over the music while motioning for me to join them.
“You go ahead, I'm fine,” I called back, pulling over a bar stool that had freed itself up and climbing up to have seat. When I looked up again, Tara and Jason had disappeared in the flood of people.
I continued to nurse my drink and pretend to be completely engrossed in a boxing match that was showing on the TV above the bar, just so that I could appear to be busy instead of looking like someone who had been completely forgotten and left behind, a feeling that was increasing by the minute. Two songs after Tara and Jason had left to dance; there still was no sign of them returning at any point in the near future. I took another sip from my drink, still maintaining my blank stare at the TV, but my glass was empty. All I accomplished was a loud sucking sound as the air was whirled up my straw followed by the jingle of ice cubes as I swirled my straw around the glass one last time just to be sure I hadn’t missed anything. As I put the empty glass down and faced the prospect of consuming another beverage sitting all alone in a bar full of people, I reached into my purse and pulled out my phone to check the time. It was 12:07. My birthday was officially over. It was time to go home.
Wisdom Of Experience
When I
opened the door I was greeted by nothing but darkness. As I began to feel my way around for the light switch, I silently scolded myself for not having the foresight to leave a light on before leaving the house before dinner. I finally felt the switch and flipped it on. It was just the hall lamp, but it would do. There wasn’t anything in the room I needed to get too close of a look at, I certainly wasn’t in the mood to catch a glimpse of my own reflection at any point, so the dimmer the lighting, the better.
I pathetically trudged my way into the living room, kicking off my shoes one step at a time, before I let my purse slide off my shoulder and down my arm where it fell to its final resting place with a thud as it hit the ground. My keys followed as they dropped out of my hand and landed with a rather loud, clanging noise on the tile floor. Without any concern for the trail I had left in my wake, I stood in front of the fireplace with my eyes fixed on the urn on top of the mantle. I stood there staring at it for a long while. I stood there for so long, that when I realized I was still there, I hadn’t been able to recall a single thought I had had while standing there. Tired of feeling alone, I reached for the urn and carefully cradled it in my arms, as I slowly turned around and walked over to the couch. The moment I sat down and allowed my body to sink into the cushions, a loud shrieking noise escaped the sofa and went freely into the darkness, adding a rather creepy effect to an already miserable ambiance.
For a moment I held onto the urn tightly, holding it close to my chest, hugging it really, but as the cold of the porcelain sunk into my skin, I was unable to fool myself any longer into believing that I was holding even the smallest piece of my grandmother in my arms. I leaned forward with the urn in my hands and gently placed it on the coffee table in front of me. Then I leaned back and sighed loudly.