“It’s not stupid to feel upset when people disappoint or hurt you,” Marienne said. As usual she’d cut right through to the heart of what was bothering him, validating and empathizing with him all at once. She never ceased to amaze him.
“It is, however, stupid to keep hoping that someone will give you more than you know they have to offer.”
They stood together in silence.
“Hey,” Daniel said. “You should be getting to bed, young lady. Don’t you have a wedding to look gorgeous at tomorrow?”
“Gorgeous was never my best event. But I should be awake and presentable.”
“You’re always gorgeous.” He smiled when she rolled her eyes. “And the fact that you have no idea how beautiful you are makes you all the more attractive. Trust me on that.”
Even in the darkness he could tell she was blushing. The urge to kiss her returned with such force he had to step away, afraid of what he would do if they stood any closer together.
“Get some sleep.” He backed up further and began to cross the yard.
Chapter Forty
Justine walked into the family room as Daniel hung up the phone. “Who was that?”
“Frank,” he said.
“What’d he want?”
“He needs to drive in tomorrow, but his car’s in the shop. He asked if he could borrow mine.”
“And of course you said yes.” She dropped a stack of mail onto the coffee table and picked up the top envelope.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”
“No reason at all. You always say yes. To Frank.”
Daniel could tell that Justine was trying to start an argument, and he wasn’t in the mood. He was tired and was already dreading getting up early.
His unwillingness to take the bait only encouraged Justine.
“What time are you picking him up?”
“Seven o’clock.” Daniel groaned.
“Why so early?”
“He’s got some special meeting.”
“Probably a special fuck.”
Daniel let out a disgusted grunt. “Why do you say things like that?”
“Because it’s what I think.”
“Going into work early doesn’t mean you’re screwing around.”
“No, it doesn’t, but being Frank means you probably are.” She flipped through the rest of the mail, sorting it into piles.
“Why do you think that?”
“Wake up, Daniel. Frank is a horn dog. Even you can’t think he’s being satisfied by Marienne. The guy’s on the prowl. He’s constantly leering at women, including me. Jesus, he’s even kissed me.”
“What?”
“Last New Year’s Eve. At their house. With you and Marienne right upstairs.” Justine’s eyes glinted.
He stared at her. “He kissed you?” Daniel was uncertain he was hearing correctly.
“Yes.”
“Well…where?”
“In the basement. By the stairs. Pressed up against the wall. With tongue.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“Yes, I heard you. I’m just having a hard time believing my ears. You’re telling me he kissed you, with tongue, and then you went about the rest of your evening as though nothing had happened.”
“Yes.”
“And why is this the first time I’m hearing of it? It didn’t occur to you to tell me that my good friend had kissed you?”
“Not really. I mean it was just Frank, for God’s sake.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“Jesus, Daniel. I’ve been telling you this for years. Frank is a womanizer. It’s that simple. Marienne is his little do-good, stay-at-home, take-care-of-the-kid wife. And all other women are fair game.”
Daniel continued to gape. She seemed to enjoy his shock. She always had liked knowing things he didn’t know.
Her brow furrowed. “Do you really think traders work that many overnight hours? I mean I know Marienne falls for it, but she’s got a reason to live in denial. What’s your excuse?”
“I don’t know.” He sat down on the ottoman, shaking his head, going over all the times that Frank had made excuses about where he was, or why he was late, or how he needed to be someplace at an odd hour. All the times Marienne had been home alone.
“Look.” She shifted on the couch so she was facing him. “If it makes you feel any better, the reason he stopped was because of you.”
Daniel narrowed his eyes.
“He said ‘Shit, I’m sorry, I can’t believe I did that. Daniel’s my friend.’ I think he’d forgotten I was your wife. I was just some woman he felt like kissing, so he did.”
“And what about you?” Daniel asked. “What did you do?”
“What do you mean?” Justine tensed.
“Did you push him away? Slap him? Kiss him back?”
Justine’s mouth opened then closed again.
“You fucking kissed him back, didn’t you?”
“Daniel, we were drunk. It was New Year’s Eve.”
“And you kissed him back.”
“Yeah, I guess I did. But it was just a kiss.”
He got up, hand firmly anchored in his hair. “Oh well, yeah, I guess that makes it fine. I guess I should be glad it’s not a custom to have New Year’s Eve fucks. Or is that something else I’m naïve about?”
“Don’t be a prick.”
“I’m being a prick? You tell me that my friend kissed you, months ago, neither of you told me about it, and oh, yeah, you kissed him back, and somehow I’m the prick in this scenario?”
“Fuck you.”
“Or whoever else is handy.” He glared, bracing his arm against the bookcase.
“Look, I didn’t fuck Frank. Though I’m sure I could have if I’d wanted to. I could fuck a lot of people if I wanted to. You seem to conveniently forget that. But I don’t do it, I stay loyal to you because I keep hoping one day you and I will be on the same page and you’ll stop being this idealistic dreamer and start being the guy I thought I was marrying.”
He turned away, fingers tapping furiously on the bookshelf.
Her voice grew angrier. “Don’t you dare insinuate I did something wrong here. My whole point of telling you this was so you’d get your head out of your ass and realize people aren’t always who you think they are. They’re all just people. And as much as you may disapprove of Frank’s womanizing ways, I’m sure he has his reasons.”
“Reasons?” Daniel turned toward her. “I don’t give a shit what his reasons are. He has a wife. He has a daughter for Christ’s sake.”
“Having a wife isn’t the bottom line on this issue. And clearly it doesn’t mean the same thing to Frank as it means to you.”
“And what about his daughter?”
“Frank may not be father of the year, but in my opinion he’s not a bad dad at all. Compared to my dad the guy’s an amazing father.”
“What about you?” Daniel asked. “Never mind your loyalty to me, God knows we’ve been having problems for long enough, but what about Marienne? She’s your friend.”
“You’re right. She is. And she’s damned lucky Frank picked me that night because I didn’t let it go further than a kiss. I can guarantee you plenty of women let him go as far as he wants.”
“You’re unbelievable.”
“Why? Because I see people for who they are?”
“No, because it doesn’t seem to bother you at all. How do you do that? How do you stay so unemotional about something like this? Like a fucking Ice Princess.”
“Well, I’m sorry we can’t all be such sensitive souls as you. It’s called realism. What was I supposed to do? Make a scene? Tell Marienne? Tell you? I’m sorry I even told you now.”
“I can’t believe he would do that.” Daniel couldn’t look at Justine.
“There’s your first problem. I can’t believe he waited as long as he did.”
“Jesus, Justine.”
“I’m serious.”
“So this makes sense to you? That he would risk his marriage, risk our friendship, risk his daughter’s future? That seems like a logical move to you?” Daniel sank down onto the chair across the room.
“You’re really over thinking this,” she said. “He was drunk. He was horny. I was there. I don’t think he was contemplating anything life altering, I think he wanted to stick his tongue down my throat. And I think he’d wanted to do that since the day he first met me.”
He knew she was waiting for him to respond, but he didn’t.
“That’s it?” she asked. “That’s all you have to say?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say. I don’t know what there really is to say. I do have a question though. Why, after all these months, did you decide to tell me this now?”
Justine paused. “I don’t know.”
“I think you do.”
“Oh, what are you now, a mind reader?”
“No.” He smiled ruefully. “But I do know you. I think you wanted to start an argument.”
“Why would I do that?” She shifted uncomfortably on the couch.
“To try to prove that we still have passion between us.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do,” he said. “We barely even fight anymore, let alone make up after. What we had, whatever we once had, is gone. You’re not happy. I’m not happy. We don’t even get mad at each other with the same intensity anymore. There’s nothing.”
“That’s not true.” Her temper flared. “If you tried, if you would just….”
“I do try. I have tried. It’s not working. We’re not working.”
“You’re wrong,” she said.
“I’m not wrong.” His voice was calm though his heart was pounding.
“I’m not discussing this anymore.” She walked swiftly toward the stairs.
He followed her. “Not discussing this is not going to make it go away.”
“I’m not the one trying to make things go away. I think this can work. If you’d just….”
“Just what?” he asked.
Say it.
“Change,” she yelled.
Daniel’s eyes closed and he took a deep breath. “And you don’t see the fact that all you want from me is for me to change as being an intrinsic problem?”
“That’s not what I meant,” Justine said, flustered.
“I think it’s exactly what you meant, and I think you know it. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not the person you need me to be. But I can’t change who I am. And I don’t think the person I am is the person you want to be with anymore.”
He could see the fear in her face. She knew he was right, but she wasn’t willing to admit it. “We’re not discussing this anymore.” She stomped up the stairs.
“Justine.”
“I said no.” She slammed the bedroom door behind her.
Daniel couldn’t argue anymore. His head was spinning.
Why am I so mad at Frank? Because he kissed Justine? Because he cheated on Marienne? Or because he was bold enough to make the kind of move I would never make?
The thought turned his stomach.
Am I really any better? Haven’t I thought about Marienne in the same ways Frank must have been thinking about Justine? Does not acting on your impulses really count for that much?
The one thing he was certain of was that he and Justine were at a complete impasse. Their passion was gone, and they wanted entirely different things. It made him sad to say it out loud, because it was difficult to admit, but he knew it was true.
He still hated when she walked out in the middle of a conversation. He considered following her, because he really wanted her to hear him this time, but he was too exhausted. Too drained.
Maybe, just maybe, she’ll think it over and come to the same realization on her own.
Chapter Forty-One
Daniel pulled into Frank’s driveway at seven in the morning. He had thought about reneging on the arrangement, but he knew Marienne needed her car to take Ella to dance class and a play date. Frank would have taken her car if Daniel had changed their plans.
He had no idea what to say to Frank. He wanted to confront him, but didn’t want to do anything that would make things worse for Marienne. He was too tired to think about it. Daniel never liked mornings, let alone mornings that started this early after a night of nearly no sleep.
Frank took one look at Daniel and said, “Get out. I’ll drive.”
Daniel considered refusing, to be contrary, but was relieved at the idea of not needing to stay awake and navigate traffic. He silently exited the car, yawning as he walked around to the passenger side, wondering if he was sleepy enough to nap on the ride.
They rode in silence. Daniel stared out the window, watching the cars zip by. Frank wove in and out of traffic, as though he was in a particular hurry.
“I’m dropping you at the PATH station,” Frank said.
“Are you fucking kidding? When you asked to borrow the car I assumed I’d at least get a ride to work.”
Wanker.
Frank glanced at him then shifted his eyes back to the road. “I’ve got someplace to be.”
Daniel caught the hint of evasiveness in his voice. “What kind of someplace? In Hoboken? At 7:30 in the morning?”
Frank answered with silence and pulled over next to a fire hydrant. The PATH station was one block down.
“Call me later, when you’re ready to ride home. I’ll come get you whenever you want.”