More Than a Touch (Snowberry Creek #2) (26 page)

Leif felt guilty about that, especially since Nick’s response was less than enthusiastic, which came as no surprise. The last time Nick had encountered Austin, the kid had been trying to sneak off with Spence’s family silver. Leif had no doubt Nick would come around once he actually got to know the kid.

“I swear Austin is worth saving, Sarge, not to mention he’s a hard worker. For sure, he’s ready and willing to earn his keep. You’ll be glad you have him once you’re ready to really get started on remodeling this place.”

Nick nodded. “Fine, I’ll put his ass to work, but is that your way of telling me that you won’t be coming back here to help me?”

Leif had known they’d get around to his situation eventually. He’d asked Callie to let him be the one to fill Nick in on the details. “Not for a while at least. I’m headed back east on Wednesday for another round of surgery on my leg.”

Nick let loose with a string of curse words that pretty much summed up Leif’s feelings on the subject.

He finished off his beer before continuing. “The damn thing is getting worse, not better. I saw a couple of local specialists, and the news wasn’t good. I’ll have the surgery they’ve recommended and then rehab at one of the VA clinics.”

Nick reached over to pat Leif on the shoulder. “Son of a bitch. I’m sorry, Corporal. I figured something was going on when you suddenly got so quiet.”

“Yeah, well, I figured you had enough to deal with right now.”

They both rocked in silence for a couple of minutes. But there was no way Nick would stop until he learned every last detail. Sure enough, he got his second wind and started up again.

“So what’s your plan after the surgery and rehab?”

“It all depends.”

This time Nick punched Leif’s shoulder. “Quit dancing around and tell me what’s going on. And just so you know, after you explain about the surgery, we’ll be moving right on to what’s up with you and your friend Zoe.”

“Callie has a big mouth.” Leif held up his empty bottle. “But if we’re going to keep talking like this, I’m going to need another one of these or, hell, maybe a six-pack.”

Opening his second beer was really only a delaying tactic, and they both knew it. “Okay, the surgery first. If my leg comes back even close to full strength, I’ll have to decide whether or not I want to reenlist. I always figured I’d put in my twenty and then move on, but that may not be possible now.”

He stared out toward the towering firs that surrounded Spence’s house. “Having said that, I really like it here in Snowberry Creek. It already feels more like home to me than my hometown does. Besides, it would make it easier to keep an eye on you if we lived in the same zip code.”

In truth, the town did feel comfortable to him. The only drawback was that he wasn’t sure he could live here if he didn’t have more than a job as an excuse to return.

“Anyway, from what the doctors here said, it’s unlikely that I’ll get full mobility back in my ankle. We both know I’m a combat soldier. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to be.”

Nick nodded. “Yeah, I get that. Neither of us was ever cut out to sit at a desk all day.”

He reached down to scratch Mooch’s back. “I’m also guessing that you found something else you want right here in Snowberry Creek. Or actually, I should say someone. So, lay it all out there for me. What’s up between you and Zoe?”

She wouldn’t appreciate Leif sharing her secrets. But this was Nick, and he knew how to keep his mouth shut. Even so, Leif gave him only enough details to make the situation clear. When he was done, Nick pinned him with one of those looks that promised there would be no bullshitting his way out of answering his next question.

“So, have you told her that you love her?”

Leif spewed his mouthful of beer. “Where the hell did that come from?”

His friend let out a big sigh and shook his head. “It’s a damn good thing I got back here when I did if you haven’t even figured out that much for yourself.”

“Don’t be an asshole, Nick. Don’t forget it wasn’t that long ago that you were walking around all hangdog and pitiful because you couldn’t bring yourself to admit that you had some pretty strong feelings for Callie.”

“Which is why I know exactly what you’re going through. So, if you love her, what’s the hang-up?”

“I know how I feel about her, Nick, but she can’t handle being married to a soldier. After what she went through, I don’t blame her. It’s a lot to ask of any woman, but especially one who has her own nightmares from her time downrange.”

Nick stopped rocking long enough to stare Leif right in the eye. “So if that’s the case, I guess you need to decide which means more to you: another tour of duty or a life with Zoe.”

Did he really think Leif didn’t already know that? “Damn it, Nick, you know it’s not that simple.”

Nick pushed himself up out of the rocker. “Yeah, it is, Leif, if you want it to be. I’ll support whatever decision you make, but you’ve already given a lot to the army. Maybe it’s time for something different.”

His friend shouldered his duffel and took one step toward the door, but then stopped.

Without looking at Leif, Nick said, “Do what’s right for you, Leif. Maybe it’s selfish of me to want you back here. For sure I’d love to have you for my business partner, but that’s not the real reason. I lost Spence. I’m not sure I could survive losing you, too.”

Nick disappeared into the house, but his words remained behind, heavy and hard to hear. Granted, he hadn’t said anything that hadn’t already had Leif spinning in circles for days, but hearing someone else put it so succinctly brought it all into sharp focus.

Maybe Leif’s decision was that simple.

He and Zoe had spent Saturday night and most of Sunday together. If he had to describe how that felt, the clearest description he could come up with was that they fit. Yeah, they each had some serious shit to deal with that could very well drive a permanent wedge between them. But maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t.

And he would fight for that chance, no matter how tenuous it was. Tomorrow night after the barbecue, he’d talk to Zoe. Lay it all out there for her even if he couldn’t press for any answers because he didn’t have any himself.

He just wanted to make sure he wasn’t the only one thinking about a future with possibilities.

C
hapter 28

Z
oe was one stubborn woman. Leif had been trying to get her alone ever since she’d arrived at the barbecue. So far, she’d managed to make sure they’d had a chaperone all evening long.

It was starting to really piss him off, because they needed to have this big talk. At the rate things were going, he’d have to settle for texting her on his way to the East Coast. In another few seconds, he was going to pull a caveman act and drag her off into the woods.

“You’re looking pretty fierce there, buddy.”

Leif muttered a curse and gave his full attention to Mitch. He’d been meaning to talk to him, too.

“If I didn’t say so earlier, thanks for coming tonight. I really wanted you to meet Nick. Maybe the two of you can shoot some pool and have a couple of cold ones in my honor when I’m gone.”

Mitch frowned and shook his head. “While that would be fun, I’m not going to be here either. I’ve decided that I’m not ready to give up on my career yet. Not like this. My knee isn’t strong enough to play right now, but there’s always next year. I want to work with the team trainers to finish getting my knee back in shape. Isaac has done a great job, but hiding here in Snowberry Creek makes it too easy for the entire league to forget about me. I don’t want to give them that chance.”

Mitch dropped his voice. “And if my career really is over, I want it to be my decision to walk away.”

That was an attitude Leif could understand. “I wish you luck with that, Mitch. I’d love to see you back out there on the field. Hell, I might even draft you on my fantasy team again.”

“You do that, Corporal.” The quarterback’s smile faded as he stuck out his hand. “And for what it’s worth, it’s been a real honor getting to know you. I’d have you as my wingman anytime.”

Leif shook Mitch’s hand. “Same here, Mitch. It will be interesting to see where each of us ends up. For sure, though, if we’re ever in the same time zone again, the first round is on you.”

Mitch laughed. “Sounds good. Now quit wasting your time talking to me. You keep staring at that woman as if she’s the only oasis in the desert. Go get her.”

“I was on my way to do that exact thing. Wish me luck.”

“I’m guessing you’ll need it. In my experience, when a woman acts that skittish, she’s more afraid of herself than she is of the man who’s after her.”

Leif wasn’t so sure of that, but he was running out of time and options. He cut straight through the crowded backyard to where Zoe stood talking to Isaac. If she thought hiding behind the huge trainer would save her, she definitely had another think coming.

“Isaac, would you excuse us for a little while? I have something I want to show Zoe next door.”

The big man looked from Leif to Zoe before backing away, holding up his hands in surrender. “I, uh, I was just about to take a walk anyway. Go somewhere. Maybe talk to someone.”

He was gone before Zoe could get a word out. Leif immediately took her hand in his. “Please come with me.”

“All right.” She didn’t sound all that enthusiastic, but she let him lead her down the path through the woods that separated the yard from Spence’s.

Once they were out of sight, she dragged her feet long enough to ask, “Where are we going?”

“Someplace where we can talk without two dozen people jockeying around to listen in while pretending they aren’t.”

At least she didn’t argue. When they reached the other house, he led her around back to the gazebo. Once they were inside, he released her hand. As usual his eyes were immediately drawn to the dedication on the back wall. Every time he looked at it, his heart hurt.

“I’m glad we built this place in Spence’s memory.”

He wasn’t sure why it was important for her to know that, but it was all part of why he’d brought Zoe to this particular spot. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“I know.”

“I wish I could tell you how this is all going to play out, Zoe, but I can’t.”

Her voice was small, but her words were clear. “I know that, too.”

His leg was hurting again, so he sat down. Or maybe it was just his excuse to tug her down onto his lap. At least she didn’t resist.

“So here’s my thoughts on the subject. My leg might be better after the surgery, but it might not be. Either way, I’m finding I might not be quite so eager to reenlist as I thought. Maybe if I had a compelling reason, when it’s all said and done, I might prefer to come back here to Snowberry Creek.”

When she started to speak, he stopped her with a brief kiss. “I’m not asking you for anything you’re not ready to give me, Zoe. We both know I need time to get my own head straight, so I’m going to take the next few months and do exactly that. It will be the new year before I know anything definitive anyway.”

He kissed her again, hoping that would tell her everything he couldn’t find the words for right now. This time she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back.

She closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder. “So, Corporal, here’s my thinking on the subject. If you’re going to work on fixing you, it’s only fair that I work on fixing me. You were right. It needs to be done. Once you’ve found your answers, promise you’ll come find me. We’ll see where we go from there.”

“I promise, Zoe.”

And then, with the same hot surge of adrenaline he got riding out on patrol, he gave her one last truth. “I love you, Zoe. I just thought you should know.”

“I love you, too, Corporal Leif Brevik.” Her arms tightened around him like a vise. “No matter how this turns out, I really do love you.”

Ch
apter 29

Z
oe dug another hole and stuck in another primrose. After patting the dirt around the roots, she rocked back on her heels to survey her work. Yeah, the line of bright color snaking its way along the edge of the flower bed went a long way toward brightening her mood. It had been a long, gray winter, even for the Pacific Northwest. These hardy little flowers were a promise that spring was on its way.

Ever year about this time, the people in town turned out to clean up the park and other common areas. The empty planters that were scattered along the sidewalks in town would be filled with crocuses, daffodils, and tulips. The flower beds in the park would be raked, edged, and then planted with primroses.

Until the last few months, Zoe had been too caught up in her own problems to want to get involved. However, the veterans’ group always participated, so she’d agreed to pitch in. She was glad she had. It felt good being out in the sunshine with friends. As much as she loved her job, it was nice to spend time with people outside of work.

She looked up when a shadow fell across the freshly planted flowers. Callie Redding admired Zoe’s handiwork with a bright smile.

“It’s looking good, Zoe. Do you need another tray of plants or do you have enough to finish this area?”

She smiled up at her friend. “I have plenty. I thought I’d finish up here and then take a break.”

“Sounds good. Don’t wait too long, though. Those goodies Bridey just set out won’t last around this crowd. She and Seth also brought urns of hot coffee, tea, and hot chocolate. I’m embarrassed to say that Nick and Austin are already on seconds.”

She glanced toward the tables that had been set up for refreshments and frowned. “Okay, now they’re on thirds, the greedy idiots. I’m going to run them off so other people can get some.”

Zoe didn’t blame the two men for making sure they got their fair share. Heck, Bridey’s pastries were definite motivation to pick up speed getting the last few flowers planted. A muffin—or maybe two—with a tall hot chocolate sounded good right about now. She dug the last two holes and settled the plants into their new homes.

Another shadow let her know she was no longer alone. “Did you need something else, Callie?”

Except it wasn’t Callie. Her heart did a slow somersault in her chest when she recognized the man standing almost within touching distance. Considering they’d been on opposite coasts for months, she should have been thrilled to have Leif right there where she could see him.

She wasn’t. She struggled to find the words to say something—anything—as her hungry eyes drank in the sight of him. He was bigger than she’d remembered, his muscles more sharply defined. He’d definitely been spending a lot of time in the gym.

One thing was missing, though.

It took everything she had to push herself up from the ground to face him directly. Her knees were wobbly, but not from kneeling so long. She pointed at his left hand.

“No cane. Good for you.”

Okay, that wasn’t the best opening line. Blushing, she busied herself wiping some of the dirt off her knees and pulling off her gardening gloves. Just like a man to give a woman no warning. Here she was, dressed in her oldest jeans and a ratty sweatshirt.

Her attire was perfect for working in the dirt, but not for seeing him for the first time in months. It didn’t help that he looked as if he’d just stepped right off the army’s latest recruitment poster, his uniform crisp and clean.

Nevertheless, she tried again. “What I meant to say is that you look good, Leif. I was just talking to Callie, but she didn’t mention you were back in town.”

For which Callie would get an earful the first chance Zoe got. A heads-up would’ve been appreciated.

Leif grinned as if he read her mind. “She didn’t know. Neither did Nick. The last they knew I was still visiting my mom and her family.”

Okay, their friends could live another day. So why did he arrive with no warning? At first they’d kept up a steady correspondence after he left town, but for the past couple of weeks he’d been pretty much missing in action. After several of her e-mails had gone unanswered, she’d stopped sending them, hoping he’d get back in touch when he was ready.

Although he hadn’t said so, his rehab had to be winding down, which meant the man had some major decisions to make. Good news or bad, once the final tally was in on his progress, he needed time to think it all through on his own. If he’d been in contact with Nick or Callie, neither of them had said so.

“Look, I was just going to get a cup of hot chocolate and one of Bridey’s muffins before your buddies Nick and Austin eat them all. Want to join me?”

“I’d love to, especially after the glimpse I got of all the stuff on her table, not to mention they didn’t feed us on the plane. Let’s grab some and then head over to our usual table.”

As they made their way through the line, several people stopped to greet Leif, including Tim and Kevin from the veterans’ group. As much as she wanted to have Leif to herself, the interruptions gave her some much-needed time to pull herself together.

Muffins and hot chocolate in hand, they headed for the table and sat facing the creek, which at least allowed them the illusion of privacy. Poor Bridey’s muffins might as well have been made from sawdust for all Zoe could tell, and her best mocha hot chocolate tasted like sludge.

Zoe gave up and set everything aside. Leif hadn’t come all this distance just to sample the local baked goods. He’d done a more credible job of consuming his own muffin, but right now he was sitting with his hands wrapped around his drink as if more intent on absorbing its warmth than drinking it.

“Sorry I’ve been off-line and out of touch the past two weeks. There’s been a lot going on, although that’s no excuse.”

“It’s all right.” Although it really wasn’t. “I figured you had something going on.”

He took a deep breath and then another one, which only increased Zoe’s growing sense of dread. “The doctors released me. No more surgery. No more rehab. When it was all said and done, I got back about eighty percent of the mobility in my leg and ankle. If I continue the exercises on my own, I might even get back a little more, but they made no promises. The pain is gone, though. Mostly, anyway.”

She was happy for him. She really was, but did that mean he could get assigned to another combat unit, even if just in a support capacity? There was only one way to find out.

“So are you going to be deployed again?”

There. She’d given voice to the one question she’d never wanted to have to ask him. Despite all her claims that she couldn’t stand being involved with an active-duty soldier again, her heart knew that was no longer true. She would learn to live with the fear if that was the only way to keep Leif in her life.

He set his drink aside and reached for her hand. “That all depends. How are things going for you?”

One of the conclusions she’d come to through the long months of meetings and therapy was that she had no right to force the man she loved to choose between her and the life he wanted. If Leif’s sense of duty drove him to head back into danger, she would somehow find the strength to support his decision and live with the risks. He was that important to her.

She needed to tell him that.

“I haven’t had a nightmare in a couple of months. Joining the support group and talking things out with people who’ve been there, done that, has really helped. So has seeing the therapist Pastor Haliday recommended. I only have to see her once a month now.”

She offered him a teasing smile. “I figure I’ve got about eighty percent of my calmness back. If I keep working at it, I might get back a little more, but no promises.”

Leif’s laughter had her joining in. “Good for you! So I guess it was time well spent for both of us.”

His arm snaked around her shoulders to pull her closer. It felt so good, so sweetly familiar. She leaned against him, taking simple pleasure in the moment.

He drew a long breath. “Damn, I’ve missed you, Zoe. Missed this.”

His words were a gift. She’d hate to be the only one who’d had a gaping hole in her life the past five months. “Yeah, e-mails and phone calls are okay for a while, but they don’t come close to actually having you right here beside me.”

He looked around them and frowned. “I’d really hoped to have you more to myself when I got here.”

She jabbed his ribs with her elbow. “Well, if you had called to let me know you were coming, that could have been arranged.”

“Yeah, I know, but I wanted to surprise you. I’ve been on the run for the past two weeks taking care of a bunch of stuff so I don’t have to go back there for a while. I’d been staying with my father and his family during rehab, but I needed to spend a little time with my mom’s side, too.”

His expression grew more serious. “I wanted to let them know that I would be moving to the West Coast.”

“How did they take the news?”

“They weren’t thrilled that I won’t be living on the same side of the country as they are.”

Her pulse was picking up speed. Did that mean what she hoped it did? That he’d been transferred to the local army base?

And was he going to make her pry it out of him with a crowbar? Or better yet, his combat knife if he didn’t start talking a whole lot faster.

“You still haven’t answered my question, Leif. When are you being deployed?”

“That’s the thing. I’m not.” He looked down at her with a sad smile. “Going back, that is. Yeah, maybe they could have reassigned me, but it wouldn’t be to a combat unit. Things over there are dangerous enough without having someone who isn’t one hundred percent. What if something triggered the nerve pain again?”

She shuddered at the thought. “I’m sorry, Leif. I know that’s what you wanted.”

He stared out at the mountains in the distance. “You know, as it turned out, it wasn’t. That last night, at the barbecue before I left, Mitch told me that he wanted it to be his decision whether or not to walk away from his career. I think that’s what I really wanted all along.

“And when it came right down to it, I couldn’t picture me back over there, going through all of that again, especially without Nick and Spence. It wouldn’t be the same.”

She still owed him the truth. “I guess it’s a bit late to be telling you this, but I would’ve supported your decision to go if that’s what you wanted, Leif.”

“Thank you for that.”

He stood up and looked around. “Listen, can we walk for a little while? I’ve been cooped up in a plane most of the day, and I need to work out some of the kinks.”

They strolled along the river for quite some distance, until they’d left the rest of the work party behind.

Finally, Leif coasted to a stop to stare up at the sky. “So I have one more decision to make, but I needed to talk to you first. Nick still wants me to go into business with him. To be honest, I don’t know much about construction, but he says he’ll teach me. Seems if he had to choose, he’d rather have someone he trusts with his life over someone he can trust with a power saw. I think there’s a compliment in there somewhere, but with Nick you never know.”

“That sounds like him.”

“Yeah, it does, but he’s right. Besides, I still plan to finish my degree in business, so I can handle that part of things for our company.”

“It sounds like a perfect plan for both of you.”

“There’s still one piece missing.”

He gathered her into his arms. “When I left, I told you I loved you, and that hasn’t changed. I’m really hoping you still feel the same way about me, because Snowberry Creek is the perfect place for an ex-soldier like me to build a new life. I want to live here, but only if I can have it all: the house, the picket fence, the dog, a couple of kids, and a wife. I’m thinking the first boy should be named David. So, what do you think, Zoe? Any part of that sound good to you?”

It was a good thing Leif was strong. Right now, without his support, she would’ve been in a boneless heap on the ground. This wonderful man was offering her everything she’d ever wanted.

“Not just part of it, Leif. All of it.”

Through a sheen of tears, she glared up at him with an anger she didn’t feel. “But don’t think this is going to count as an official proposal, Corporal.”

“Why not?”

“Look at me and then look at you. I look like I’ve been playing in the dirt all morning, which I have, while you’re all spit-and-polished handsome. It’s so not fair. I want a romantic dinner, flowers, some of that special slow dancing you’re so good at, to be followed by an official proposal. Have I made myself clear?”

He released her long enough to snap to attention, salute and all.

“Yes, ma’am! Perfectly clear. May I have permission to kiss you, ma’am?”

Happier than she’d been in years, she stepped back into Leif’s waiting arms. “Permission granted, Corporal.”