Never Been Kissed: A Never Been Novel (31 page)

Just know that these past few months with you have been the best in my life. I don’t remember laughing this much, or smiling this much in a long time. I know Jules would have loved you.

Thank you. For everything. For making me see what I needed to see with Matty. Again, it doesn’t feel like enough, but it’s all I can say – thank you and I’m sorry I hurt you.

That fuc
ker.

He rips my heart out and now this? It’s a textual grovel is what it is, and I won’t be played. Then why am I crying and having a hard time getting a breath? Bastard, asshole, mother
ducker!

“That bad, huh?” Katie says.Jesus, I forgot she was there. I hand her the phone and get up to go to the bathroom. I wash my face with cool water, wincing at the dark circles under my red-rimmed eyes, blow my nose, get a three-pointer, and make my w
ay out back to the living room.

“Could it be any longer?!” Of course she would complain. Of course. “Oh, oh wow. Does he have a brother
? I need a clone of him, stat.”

I almost smile, and chuckle despite
not wanting to. “Keep reading.”

“I can see it on your face, buddy. You think he’s playing you again. What is the use of living your life if you can’t make any mistakes? You’re not living, you’re just existing. Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me these past few months with Hunter haven’t changed you, h
aven’t made you happier? Fucking shit, you fell in love with the guy! That changes a person – for the better. Go ahead, tell me I’m wrong. I want to see you lie your way out of this one.”

I can’t, and she knows it, too.

“Five points to Slytherin!” Figures she likes Slytherin, the evil of all Hogwarts Houses before Severus Snape turned that shit upside down. All hail Queen Rowling, we are not worthy. “Lemme finish.”

Kati
e makes noises as she reads, and I wonder again, how she’s single. Guys would flock to that shit, probably wondering in their dirty minds if she would make those kinda noises in bed. I even heard the boys take bets on it one time, when we were having dinner together.

“I can’t. My heart. If you don’t want the job, I’ll
be his love slave foreverrrr.”

I snort, ignoring the flash of jealousy that scores my stomach, and boils my blood. “He just.
.. I don’t know what to think.”

“Stop using your brain for this stuff. It won’t let you try anything in situations like this. Trust me. Sweetie, you’ve been hurt, but guess what? You bounce back. You get better, and
chocolate makes everything good again. Do what you feel like, but that’s my two-cents. I say go for it. He’s too hot not to.”

“He’s not just hot, K.”

“Yeah, you’re in love. My girl’s in love!” She squeals, throwing her arms around me.

“You read the end, just like I did. It’s over.
”

The look in her eyes is all
we’ll see about that.
“Whatever you say, hotshot.”

“I’m serious. I didn’t fake that last bit of the text. He wrote it. And Jesus, he’s not Matty’s Dad. Remember that first night he asked for a movie? He said it was for his nephew. I just thought he was lying this whole time ‘cause he wanted a chance at me.”

Katie shakes her head. “Yep. So Matty’s his nephew. For all intents and purposes, the kid is his kid. Hunter is the only Dad Matty’s ever known. Poor thing doesn’t even remember his Mom. You know, this means the way is clear for you to
be
his Mom.”

“The t
hought hadn’t crossed my mind.”

“Liar, liar, pants on fire!”

I clear my throat, blush, and stutter, “Nothing’s changed. We’re done. Let’s talk about something else.”

Katie stares at me, clearly wanting to say something else for Team Hunter. I’m the only m
ember on Team Sera, apparently.

Then she lets it go, her whole body deflates and she finally settles on a channel, giving me back my phone. I cradle the thing in both my hands, holding it close to my chest, keeping the words close. How pathetic can I be? I decide to leave it on the armrest and vow not to look at it again for the rest of
the night. I fail. Repeatedly.

“Alex and Teresa’s
engagement’s in two weeks,” she sighs, like this is a hardship when we both know she loves parties and the chance to show off her killer wardrobe. “We’re going to have to go shopping now that you have no more ass and all,” Katie says, settling in and crossing her legs. She put it on a UFC fight with two hulking dudes that I’m guessing must be heavy-weights.

“My as
s is still the size of Texas, K. That hasn’t changed.”

“And your boobs are gone, too,” she goes on like I haven’t said anything.
Rude
.

“Are not.” I look down at my chest. I’m wearing the same bra I wore two week
s ago. No way they got smaller.

“Psych! No, they’re fine, but everywhere else got smaller. Lu
cky! What have you been doing?”

I tell her about the spinning and
she
ooh’s
and
aah’s
in all the right places. I can’t help but grin, ignoring the hole in my chest where Hunter and Matty used to be. My first ever kiss, my first ever relationship, gone like the cars in
Gone in Sixty Seconds
. Here one minute and gone the next.

Katie makes me buy a little black dress. I’ve never had one before. Mostly because I never felt comfortable enough to wear one, the material clinging to my body like neon signs pointing to my protruding belly, back fat, and non-existent muscles in my arms, and the largeness of my behind. No, thank you.

The spinning and no-eating has made me skinnier.
Oh, my ass is still out there, almost a perfect C from the back of my thighs to my lower back, but the rest of me is less, and my ass, well, it doesn’t stick out
as
much.

My dress is beautiful, absolutely gorgeous and to top it all off, it didn’t break the bank in buying it. Win-win. It goes to the knee, but is skin tight except for some glorious ruches going from underneath my boobs to fall asymmetrically dow
n to my opposite knee. Topping the whole look off with curly hair that cascades down my shoulders better than Kim Kardashian (not really, but close), and I splurged on some ridiculously sparkly stilettos that are six inches high.

My eyes are rimmed in dark brown which somehow makes the green
in them stand out more. Three coats of mascara. Lips with tinted gloss, and some blush on my cheeks. Waving at my reflection, I get ready to lock up just as my phone buzzes. Tommy is waiting for me in his car right in front of the lobby.

Grabbing my clutch, I lock up and walk to the elevator. The height of
my heels has me exaggerating my hip movements - in my head I’m doing a Beyonce walk, in reality I could look like I’m a zombie with a major kink in her step.

I wait for the elevator, that fraking elevator that has caused all sorts o
f problems. I squish down the memory of seeing Hunter and Aly entwined in the far corner of the elevator when it finally opens.

When I walk out into the lobby, Tommy is waiting for me on the other side of the inner door, looking dapper in a suit. Men should wear suits more often. What lingerie is to men are what suits are to women. Guaranteed sexy times. He smiles when he sees me, and makes a big show of sticking his folded arm
out when I step out to meet him. I put my hand in the crook of his elbow and we walk to his car which is double-parked outside.

“Wow,” he says, glancing at me as he pushes the door open for me and the bright sunlight hits us smack in the face.

I fumble for my sunglasses and toss him a smile.

“Wow yourself.”

“Your chariot awaits, kitten,” he says, waving an arm out to his sleek ride. A black BMW, any other details are lost on me, except that it looks like the Batmobile.

I mumble
a thanks when he opens the passenger door for me and I take my time trying to figure out how to settle in without ripping my dress. Ah, there we go, butt first, then. Have to remember that for the ride home.

“You know, with those sunglasses, you give off a Linda Hamilton vibe in Terminator two.” No question, Sara Connor is a bad
ass
, and Tommy basically just told me I am one. Well, only took a broken heart, right?

“I’m starting to get suspicious with all the compliments y
ou’re throwing my way, Russia.”

He snickers and his hands tighten on the wheel as he maneuvers us through traffic and towards Alex’s
parents’ restaurant.

“Can’t a guy be nice without yo
u questioning it all the time?”

I look at him, get a little thrill that he can’t see my eyes through the mirrored l
enses. “I start questioning when it comes to you, Tommy. You’re like a spy, working for the other side, trying to fish for information. Just come out and ask me. No need to butter me up.”

“What if the butter is true? You look amazing.
”

I snort.
“I’m just skinnier now. Not my fault you didn’t notice before,” I shrug, and pull down the visor to check on my makeup. I feel like this is what a badass would do, not pay attention to an important answer.

“How’s your hand
doing?” Nice deflection, Tommy.

“Good. I won’t be punching anyone’s face
in anytime soon thanks to you.”

“Glad I could keep you from expressing v
iolence on innocent passersby.”

My eyebrows pop high on my forehead
as I turn to him. “Innocent?
Innocent?!
”

Tommy grins at me; it’s not as sexy as the Asshole’s. Damn it all to hell. I was kinda hoping for a flare of attraction between Tommy and I. Anything to forget
him
. “As always, it’s so much more fun when you’re riled up from something I said.”

“B
ecause you say idiotic things.”

“Sometimes.”

I roll my eyes, but he can’t see it as he drives. “
All
the time
.
”

“Depends on who you talk to.”

I snort. “How about you keep that mouth of yours shut and I promise you’ll end up in one piece to our destination, huh?”

We’re quiet the rest of the way, and I mentally countdown until Tommy finds the balls to ask me
the
question. I know they all are going to ask me; I know Katie’s told them by now. They all know what happened between Hunter and I, that we’re no longer
together
and that’s going to be embarrassing. But I figure I can just deflect, deflect, and hey, deflect some more because tonight is all about Alex and Teresa getting
engaged.
Engaged!

I let out a breath I’d been ho
lding and stare out the window.

“I’m sorry.”

My heart squelches in my chest, caught in an invisible grip. I bite down on my back molars to concentrate on something else other than the ache in my chest.

“About what?” My voice is hoarse and said through clenched teeth. If Tommy was smart, he’d drop the whole bloo
dy thing. Tommy isn’t so smart.

“You know, you and the thug. I mean,
Hunter.”

Did he hav
e to say his name? “Thanks,” I say, having to clear my throat.

More quiet driving punctured by the beats of country music. Russia
loves
country music. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“’Cause we could, we have some time until we get there-”

I t
urn to him, hair whipping about. “Is this why you picked me up, to be an asshole? Rub it in? I don’t want to bloody talk about it, alright? I want to go to the restaurant, eat, get drunk, dance and do it all over again until it’s time for you to drive me home. Can you do that for me?”

Tommy’s quiet
a long time, looking sheepish and he won’t make eye contact with me, no matter how many stop signs or lights we pass. “Yeah, I can do that.”

I nod in thanks and mentally go over what I’m going to say to everybody once I see them. They’re all going to comment on my weight and probably ask me how I came to lose so much of it.

Rehearsed answer: spinning bike.

The stark truth: I fell in love, got my heart broken, and stopped eating for three weeks while doing int
ense workouts everyday for up to three hours. Weight loss ensues. Shit happens.

Nobody
wants to hear that story. I won’t be able to handle the pity, the
look
in everyone’s eyes, expecting me to be broken and grovelling, and feeling bad that we’re all celebrating Alex and Teresa’s happy day. I plan on drinking so much wine, my pee could be distilled and used as some other alcoholic beverage for the next week.

Tommy gets out of the car once he parks and comes over to my side to open the door for me. I let him, and take his elbow once he locks up with a
beep, beep
. He slows his steps as he notices the extreme height of my stilettos, and keeps looking me up and down.

He opens the restaurant door for me and ushers me in with a hand at my lower back, a movement that takes me back to another time and place when Hunter did the very same thing. I move a little faster, losing that point of contact with Tommy. It doesn’t feel right, him having his hand on me, and I hate mysel
f for even having that thought.

Feels like Hunter’s still controlling my thoughts and emotions even after he’s left my life.
Resigning myself, I square my shoulders and walk, well I sashay (never thought I would sashay anywhere in my entire life) into the restaurant’s parlour.

Tripoli
isn’t your common Greek restaurant. While the scent of oregano, olive oil and basil waft from the kitchen, and the smell of grilled chicken and octopus makes my mouth water for a taste; the carpet is brand new and not shiny from old footprints in the fibers. The decor is bright and cheerful, and the curtains are a darker shade of grey, rather than the heavy maroon of old-school Greek restaurants in the city. Neither is it cramped for space, using every available inch of table real-estate trying to squeeze customers in.
Tripoli
is welcoming and spacious, the tables are big and beautiful, inviting its customers to kick back and have a chat after a wonderful meal. There’s even a dance floor, and a sectioned area for a live band on Friday and Saturday nights. I wonder if they got anyone booked for tonight; I wouldn’t mind doing some traditional Greek dancing later on, especially
zebeikiko
, a dance that involves lots of spinning to sad Greek music and shots.I don’t think Alex could’ve picked a better place.

We’ve got a whole section of the restaurant to ourselves. A massive table that seats fifteen is stuffed with our gang and empty chairs hold bags filled with bottles of wine. It’s gonna be one
hell
of a night, and I can’t wait to get started.

Everyone’s already here, and my stomach does a nervous fluttery thing like I’ve gone and swallowed a sting-ray. I pull in a breath through my nose, and grin at everyone when they turn to see who just came in from the banging of the
closing door behind Tommy and I.

Catcalls, whistles and wolf-howls. I could trade places with a tomato, I’m so red, my blood rushing to my cheeks in a heated wave. Tommy’s hand goes to my waist and I hear him chuckling next to my ear as we walk
closer and closer to the table.

I try and muster as much enthusiasm as possible. I’m not gonna be a Debbie Downer at a
bloody
engagement
party. I can fake a smile, so I do. I say all the appropriate things, that I’m so happy for Alex and Teresa both, and I just
know
that they’re going to have a wonderful life together.

It feels like I’m lying to them.
I want them to hurt as much as I do. That wouldn’t be badass, that would be an asshole move, and I refuse to be an asshole.

So I keep the smile on my face, and make my rounds around the table, kissing both of everybody’s cheeks, hugging closer friends and laughing when everybody comments on how
good
I look. I even do a few poses with my hands on my waist, cocking out a hip to the right, then to the left and pulling an almost-duck face. Those losers from Jersey Shore would’ve been proud.

Finally, I come to Katie who grins at me and tilts her head to the side, silently asking if I’m okay. I nod, and hold my a
rms out for a rib-cracking hug.

“You look like a Greek goddess,” she says in my ear, still holding ont
o my ribs.

I squeeze her back, and say, “It’s the dress. Great call,
by the way. I look good.”

“You look
hot
,” Katie says, letting me go and swatting me on the ass. I can’t help it, I yelp and everyone stops talking to look at me. I give a dorky wave to my audience. Laughter ensues and I realize how much I missed my friends. Tonight is going to be more than okay. I’m going to make sure of it.

I get seated between Josh and Tommy, Katie opposite me with Eli and Alex on either side of her. Obviously, Teresa is sitting next to her man, uh, fiancé, smiling and showing off her rock. The
man did
good
.

Josh puts an arm over the back of my chair and leans close to make a joke. I laugh so hard, my abs get a workout.