Authors: Gina Ranalli
As she listened, she was more and more astounded. Finally, she said, “How could we have lived together this long and not known such important things about each other?”
This time it was Wally who made a joke, but she was far more receptive to them than he was. She giggled and said, “You really think so? Come on! We were ‘too busy fucking to care,’ huh? What kind of excuse is that?”
The wall was prepared to show her what kind of excuse it was.
* * * * *
For both the woman and the wall, their last days together as a couple were bittersweet ones. They made love frequently, but they also fought frequently, always about the same old things. Sometimes, the woman lost control of her temper and threw things at the wall, or punched or kicked it.
She always felt terrible about her actions and made it up to him as best she could, usually in ways involving her tongue.
But they both knew the end was near, looming on the horizon like a silhouetted vulture, hungry and anxious to pick over the carcass of their love for any little pieces still moist and juicy.
Finally, when she could stand it no longer, she sat down across from the wall and just stared at it, her eyes teary and pleading. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “But you must know too that this just isn’t working between us. We’re too different.
Way
too different.”
She plucked a tissue from the box on her lap and blew her nose while listening to the wall’s protests.
“
We’ve been trying to work it out, sweetie,” she said. “How long do you expect us to try? It just never gets any better.”
For a long time, neither of them spoke, but they both wept freely and occasionally she would reach out a hand and touch the wall, doing her best to soothe it. She only wished there was something that would soothe her as well.
When the silence had grown too long, she whispered, “For the longest time I thought you would be the one I’d marry.”
To that, the wall made no response, which made her cry even harder.
That night, she packed up all the pillows and blankets that she had laid at the foot of the wall and brought them back upstairs to her bedroom where she would be sleeping from now on.
They discussed how they should remember the good times and definitely remain friends. After all, they were roommates and there was no indication that was going to change anytime soon. They would be strong and brave and lean on each other when it was needed, but gradually, they would learn to live together separately.
“
It won’t be so bad,” she said, trying to sound cheery. “We can still get drunk together and watch
Sleepless in Seattle.
” She cocked her head, listening to the wall with a sad smile. “Of course I know you always hated that movie, silly! And yes, I know you hate Tom Hanks, too. But it was still something special to me.”
That night was the last night they had sex together and much to the woman’s surprise and regret it was better than it had ever been. She remembered hearing that goodbye fucks were even better than make-up fucks and now she believed it was true.
Still, it wasn’t enough for her to change her mind and when it was over, she went to her bedroom alone. She stared up at the dark ceiling and wondered if the wall was thinking about her or if he was thinking about anything at all. She supposed even that much was a fantasy: that he would be running their last time together over and over through his mind, as she was. Most likely, his mind was a complete blank, which she thought was his most common state. He seemed content to just
exist,
while she wanted to
live.
She wanted someone who would take her places, introduce her to his family, try a different sex position now and then.
She wanted Mr. Right, not Mr. Stoic.
* * * * *
The following day, she had the urge to call home, even though she hadn’t done that in quite some time. But she had a bad feeling, so she called and, as was always the case, Wally didn’t pick up the phone. She listened to her outgoing message and then said, “I hope everything is okay over there, Wall. I just have a feeling…I don’t know. I’m worried about you.” She hung up and stared at the phone for a minute, hoping the wall wouldn’t do anything drastic. He
had
seemed incredibly distraught the night before when she’d gotten up to return to her room, more so than she’d expected.
She shook her head and reminded herself how she felt before she’d fallen asleep. That he probably wasn’t even thinking about the breakup. More than likely, he was just hanging out, relaxing, enjoying the sun from the front window and maybe, if he was lucky, the tramp across the street.
Chewing her lip, she continued to stare at the phone. She glanced around to see if anyone was watching her and, as usual, everyone was. She had no idea why they all found her so fascinating but it was rather annoying when she craved some privacy.
Putting all thoughts of the wall out of her head was the way to go. She was being silly. Ridiculous even. But tapping her keyboard a few times, trying to concentrate on work, did no good. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.
Five long minutes passed before she gave up and gave in. She told her boss she wasn’t feeling well and hurried home, certain that something tragic had happened to Wally.
Running red lights and narrowly avoiding two different car accidents got her home in just under twenty minutes, fifteen faster than usual.
She raced through the house, already certain that she could smell smoke, shouting the wall’s name.
Practically falling down the stairs into the living room, screaming, “Wally! Wally, are you okay?” she immediately saw that he was. He was fine. Just hanging out, like always, exactly as she thought he’d be when she was managing to have a rational thought in her head.
Her response to finding him intact and uninjured was to go over and kick him as hard as she could.
The wall didn’t seem particularly surprised. He showed no pain whatsoever. He just stood there, placid as ever, as if she were completely invisible to him.
Her eyes narrowed into hard little slits and then she simply turned and walked away.
PART III
They did their best to live together as roommates but things that had never seemed to bother Wally before suddenly irked him to no end.
“
Since when don’t you like the air-freshener I use?” she wanted to know. She folded her arms and tapped her foot. “Oh, give me a break. I think you’re just trying to find things to complain about.”
She tried to change the subject but the wall wouldn’t have it. “Listen, I’ve been using the same air-freshener for years. If it bothered you so much, why didn’t you mention it before?”
Exasperated, she flung herself down onto the sofa. “Yes, I’m sure you didn’t tell me every little thing in your life story, but to say you were just being polite is a crock of shit. You never had any trouble complaining about how I cook or the movies I like.”
When the wall disputed this statement, she grew tired of arguing and decided to tune him out by putting on the stereo. She jumped to her feet and danced in place for a few minutes. “No, I will not turn it down,” she snapped at the wall. “And the louder you shout about it, the higher this volume knob will go.”
Throwing the wall an occasional smug look, she danced until she’d exhausted herself before finally turning off the stereo. She rolled her eyes. “Oh, yes, that’s right. I was dancing to tease you.”
Pause.
“
Oh,
pardon me—seduce
you.” Her tone was one of icy sarcasm. “You’re absolutely right. I have nothing better to do with my time than to ensure your sexual frustration. Give me a break!”
With that, she stomped up the stairs and refused to listen to another word of his whining. She wondered if they would ever reach a common ground and be able to live together in peace.
* * * * *
Determined to make things friendlier between them, she brought out the card table that they used to share meals on and tried to teach the wall to play chess. She figured positive interaction between them would help mend any hard feeling either of them might be having.
“
That’s right. The knight moves in an L shape.” She studied the board, moving his knight for him, before moving her own rook into pouncing position. Glancing up at the wall, she said, “Are you sure you want to make that move? I really wouldn’t advise it.” She wanted him to learn, so did as he asked and then promptly put him in check. She sighed loudly. “Well, I
told
you not to move it there!” Sitting back in her chair, she said, “I most certainly did. It’s not my fault you always have to think you’re smarter than me.”
Pause.
“
Oh, great! Now I’m being accused of cheating! How dare you? And here I thought we could have a nice time together! Why do you always have to be such an asshole?”
Refusing to look at him, looking up at the ceiling instead, she counted to ten to before speaking to him again. “Okay, would you like to just forget that little outburst and start a new game? We’ll pretend you’re not a sore loser and just get on with our nice evening together?”
His response caused her to fling the chess board off the table. Knights, rooks and pawns all slammed into the wall and she spat, “Fine, then, you can teach yourself how to play and shove the queen up your ass while you’re at it!”
* * * * *
It was several days before they were on speaking terms again, but the woman still refused to let go of the idea that one of the things roommates did together to pass the time was play games. The wall stated flat-out that cards were out of the question, but finally agreed to give Monopoly a shot.
To the woman’s shock and amazement, the wall actually seemed to enjoy the new board game and she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt about the chess incident. Maybe he’d been in a bad mood, perhaps still stewing over the fact that he was angry about his lingering attraction for her and her own refusal to get back together with him. Not that the wall made any statements about getting back together, but it was clear to her that was what he wanted. He was just too proud to come out and say so. Why else would he have objected so strongly to her dancing in front of him, insisting she was teasing him, and letting it be known that he was sexually frustrated?
She had to admit that once in a while she missed the wall in
that
way, but she was wise enough to know that they’d done their best to make it work and it simply hadn’t. She was not stupid enough to try again and have to go through the agony of another breakup.
No way. The first time had been hard enough and she needed to move on with her life. What he did with his life, romance-wise at least, was of no consequence to her.
She forced herself to keep remembering they were better off remaining just friends, even though he was obviously having a harder time making the transition. She would just have to be firm with him, always showing him that she still cared about him, but being extremely careful about not sending any kind of message that he could misconstrue.
For the time being at least, the board game was helping quite a bit. It at least kept them from going for each other’s throats.
* * * * *
Things were going smoothly enough between them that the woman finally agreed to patch up the walls dings, dents and scratches from all their past brawls.
This time, she bought spackle and not one, but two gallons of paint from the hardware store. She’d wanted to paint Wally a nice soothing shade of blue but he preferred a bright green. They made a compromise and she enjoyed letting her creative spirit loose while painting him in cheery stripes from baseboard to ceiling. He was the only wall in the house that was not eggshell white and for that alone, she couldn’t help but feel fond of him. It was times like this that she remembered why she’d fallen in love with him back in the day.
When she was finished, she stood back and admired her handy work, speckles of green and blue freckling her face. She laughed. “Oh, stop it!” she said. “I seriously doubt that I look cute covered in paint and spackle!”
Pause.
She blushed and gave the wall a little curtsey. “Well, thank you, Wally. I must say your new colors make you look quite dashing yourself.”
Then she remembered the mental line she had drawn. Sensing that she was close to crossing it, she quickly announced that she needed to clean up the brushes and cans and go take a nice hot shower.
“
I had fun too,” she said over her shoulder as she jogged up the stairs, anxious to get away from the wall, but to do it with tact. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings, after all.