Nothing Like the First Time (2 page)

***

“So are we going to talk about you bumping into Grey or are you going to keep pretending it never happened?” Jodie questioned over coffee the next morning.

“U
mm… let me see… forget about it!” I replied in a fake, breezy tone of voice.

“That wasn’t a question, let me rephrase it. Let’s tal
k about you bumping into Grey, tell me everything!”

“Well
, there’s nothing really to tell. He stopped into the old coffee shop and had his fiancée with him. We made small talk and then I made my excuses and left.”

“Does the fiancée have a name? Did he introduce you? Let me guess, she’s tall, blonde
, and supermodel looking.”

“Her name is Maggie and yes
, he introduced us. As for supermodel? Maybe. She has sleek dark hair, finely manicured nails, and couldn’t wait to pry him away from me.”

“Wow. So I should look out for a girl round town with nice hair and nails? Good description
, Carls,” she said as she bumped my hip with hers.

“Don’t call me that
,” I said sternly as I went to sit at the small island in my kitchen.

“What?”
She looked at me innocently.

“Don’t play the innocent. Do not call me Carls. You know only Grey got to call me that. I hate my name being shortened.”

“You didn’t seem to mind when Grey did it!” she claimed in mock indignation.

“Shut up and drink your coffee. You’ll be late for your shift
,” I said as I put my cup in the dishwasher. “Besides, I have errands to run, so you’re cutting into my day.” I playfully pulled on her pony tail as I walked by her to get dressed.

“Okay
, well, I’ll be off then,” Jodie said as she stood and straightened out her too short skirt. Goodness knew how she got away with not wearing a regulation skirt like the rest of us at the restaurant. Well, I did know—she was sleeping with the boss’s son, Xander. He was “alternative” about his clothing choices, too. He’s got piercings, including one I’d rather not think about. He also has lots of tattoos and works as the town mechanic. He’s his own boss, so there’s no one to moan about the way he looks.

Jodie
breezed out the door in her too high heels and too short skirt. She was so gorgeous and I was envious of her silken hair, great tan, long legs—everything about her, really. I’m rather plain to look at in my opinion—long brown hair and hazel eyes, average height, average build—though Grey always said I was the most beautiful girl in the world. Not that he’d met all the women in the world back then, but he’s probably met a fair few since, being a photographer and all. God, I was even envious of Grey. He’d managed to land his dream job and now had a gorgeous fiancée to parade around town. Funny how life works out. You think that you’ll be with the one forever, but in reality, forever is but a daydream. Call me a cynic, say what you like—I just don’t believe in the things I used to when I was a teenager. I’ve grown up and seen the world for what it really is.

I had some work to do
, so I turned my laptop on and put the coffee back on—I need caffeine when I write. Funny really, I’d always drunk tea before becoming a journalist, but ever since, I was exhausted all the time and needed to drink more coffee.

While I waited for the laptop to start and the coffee to be ready, I reminisced about Grey.
Seeing him recently had stirred up undesired feelings in me. I didn’t want to be the girl that has her heartstrings pulled by a man. If anything, it was very empowering to be an independent woman. I relied on no one and wasn’t dominated by the fact that I had a guy in my life. Sure, I missed the nights in with a DVD and some takeaway. I missed the snuggling with someone, and of course, I missed the sex, too. But a strong, single woman doesn’t let her heart rule her mind. Seeing him made me re-evaluate where I stood on the whole ‘single woman’ issue, though. Grey had been my first and only real love. Could I ever get over him fully? Not with him being back in town, that’s for sure.

My phone rang
, and without looking at the caller ID, I answered, assuming it was Jodie on her break. How wrong I was.

“Hey
, Carls,” came the unmistakable voice of the very ex I had been thinking about.

“Hi
, Grey. What can I do for you?”

“I was wondering if you had some free time and maybe wanted to meet up for lunch
.”

“Umm…”
Floored by his question, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to form a response.

“Oh… if you’d rather not…” he
trailed off.

“No, it’s not that, Grey. I was just wondering how Maggie would feel about it, that’s all.” There, I’d managed to come up with a reasonable argument for getting out of it.

“Maggie? Why would she mind?” If my mind wasn’t deceiving me, he sounded shocked that I had asked.

“Well
, I would if I was her.”

“T
rust me, Maggie won’t mind. So how about it? My treat, of course.”

I couldn’t get the thought of time alone with him out of my head and before my brain had a chance to wade in any further, I agreed.

“What time and where?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Oh, okay.” Curse my heart for speeding up at the thought. Grey had always been one to surprise me.

“Wrap up warm, it’s cold out today. I’ll pick you
up at 12:30, if that’s okay?”

“Sure
,” I agreed before realizing he’d never been to my house before. I’d bought it with an inheritance from a late aunt a few years after Grey had left town.

“Where do you live?”

“You know the old school house? I live a few minutes from there. I’ll text you directions, it’s easier.”

“Okay, great. See you then
.” He sounded pleased that he’d gotten me to agree.

“Bye Grey
,” I said a little excitedly.

I hung up the phone and
quickly sent him the directions. Then I went into my bedroom. My walk-in wardrobe had a vast array of clothes for me to choose from, so I’d have to hurry up. I quickly chose my favorite powder pink cashmere sweater and a pair of skinny jeans. I topped the look off with a pair of woollen Ugg boots. I sat at my vanity, tied my hair up and did my makeup. I don’t like to be too heavily made up, but I chose a pink eye shadow to match my sweater and applied some mascara. Once that was done, I let my hair down and used my flat irons to make it look sleek and straight.

At 12:30 on the dot, Grey rang my doorbell.  It was no surprise that he was on time, he’d always been punctual. I opened the door and had to look him up and down. He wore a pair of b
lack jeans and a charcoal sweater that hugged his muscular frame. Damn, he looked good. My heart thrashed around my rib cage as I tried to get my feelings under control.

“Hey
, Carls,” he said as he leaned in to kiss my cheek. My stomach was full of butterflies and I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks, making me blush just as I used to whenever he was around.

“Good afternoon
, Grey,” I replied and grabbed my purse from beside the door.

“Are we good to go?” he asked with a broad smile that lit up his handsome face.

“Yep,” I replied, and made to walk toward his car parked on my drive. He was using the car that he’d driven us around in as teenagers. I got in and was suddenly thrown back to the night we argued, the last night I’d seen Grey before he left.

“But you wanted me to have a career that I enjoyed, Carls. I love you, you know I do—but this is a huge thing for me and I need to go,” he said as he looked anywhere but at me. He wouldn’t catch my eye, he knew I was crying and he couldn’t face it like a man.

“I wanted you to have a career here
, Grey. Of course I want you to be happy and follow your heart, but I’m devastated that it has to be on the other side of the world,” I said as tears rolled down my face. I wiped them away with the backs of my hands and tried to pull myself together.

“I didn’t want to go so far away either, I wanted to stay here with you and be happy. But I’m doing what we said
—I found a career that I love. I hate having to go abroad because I’ll be away from you—but at the same time, I want to travel and see different things, experience things I couldn’t if I was here.”

“So your career comes before me?” I asked,
already knowing the answer. “At least look me in the eye and answer me, it’s the least you owe me, Grey.”

“I don’t want to have to choose
, Carls,” he said as he caught my eye. “I just don’t want to miss out on the experience of a lifetime. I get to see amazing things and capture them on film while I experience the different cultures.”

“Just answer the question
, Grey – you want your career more than you want me.” I started to cry again, I had wanted to get through this without crying but I was fooling myself when I thought that.

“I’m sorry
, Carls,” he said as he took my hand into his. “I love you, I always will. But this is the opportunity of a lifetime, it may never happen again. I need to do this. I’m not making a conscious choice to put you second, but if you weren’t so stubborn, you’d come with me like I asked.”

“I’m not upending my life because you want to go traveling
, Grey. Do what you have to, but don’t expect me to have waited around for you when you finally return,” I said as I opened the door to get out of the car.

“Carly, please…” I heard as I got out and slammed the door. He could cho
ose his career over me, but he wasn’t man enough to say the words.

“Carls?” Grey asked, pulling me back to the here and now. “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?”

“Sorry, I was just thinking
,” I replied and gave him a casual smile.

“Well
, I said we’re here. You were so quiet on the journey—you didn’t even answer my questions.”

“Questions?” I asked, puzzled.

“Yeah, I asked how you’ve been and what you’ve been up to.”

How did I explain I was lost in a memory of the fight that had left us two very different people
than the ones who had fallen in love? I couldn’t tell him that, it wasn’t fair, so I just babbled on about what I’d been up to. I told him about my journalism course and how I had become a freelance journalist.

We had arrived at a local restaurant
, but it was empty. We walked in and were greeted by the manager. He shook hands with Grey and a waiter seated us at a booth in a cosy little corner. He poured us each a glass of water and left the jug on the table. We looked at the menu and I decided on the lasagne. Once we ordered, Grey told me more about his job as a freelance photographer. He’d managed to see and do a lot of things and ten years apart was a lot to catch up on.

We ate and swapped stories
—for a little while I forgot he had a fiancée waiting somewhere for him. Oh well, there was plenty of time to feel guilty later. 

Grey paid our bill and we went for a walk. He took my hand in his as we walked
, and for a moment it felt like the good old days. I didn’t want anyone to see us holding hands and tell Maggie, but I didn’t want to let go because it felt too good.

As we walked and talked, it felt good to tell Grey about my life. I was proud of my achievements and he was happy for me, oohing
and aahing in all the right places. He told me about the places he had visited and the people he photographed, including some celebrities. I was jealous he had been to so many beautiful places but happy that he was finally doing something he loved so much.

***

Grey drove me home, and when he parked outside the house, he took my hand in his and looked at me with that amazing smile I loved so much.

“I missed you
, Carls. I know it was my own fault for leaving, but I missed you so damn much. I wanted to come home so badly.”

“You pursued your dream. You should be proud of how far you’ve come. I know I wasn’t very understanding when you left, but time has passed and I
’m so happy for you,” I replied. It was true, I had been furious and beyond upset when he left. I had thought we were forever and had held on until the very last minute.

“I never stopped loving you
, Carls, not for one second,” he said quietly. Then he took my face in the palm of his hand and brushed a soft kiss across my lips. My lips felt like they were on fire. I still loved Grey so much and for him to be here now felt amazing—the only thing was Maggie. He was engaged and shouldn’t be kissing me.

“I have to go
,” I said as I opened the door and bolted from the car.

“CARLS
—WAIT!” Grey shouted and rushed to get out of the car.

I put my key in the lock and managed to shut the
door before he made it to me.

“Carly
, please… I’m confused… open the door and talk to me… what’s wrong?” I sank to the floor behind the door and put my head in my hands.