Nothing Like the First Time (5 page)

I wasn’t in the mood for the inevitable conversation so I put my iPhone back in my pocket and went about my day.

I decided it would be nice to visit Grey’s
Aunt Lizzie, but I didn’t want to chance an encounter with Grey, so I phoned his mother before going over.

“Lizzie would love to see you
,” Katrina said.

“Great. I won’t be treading on anyone’s toes
, will I? I don’t really want to bump into Grey,” I replied, trying to sound less guilty than I felt.

“Grey’s not here, he’s gone out with Maggie
,” Katrina responded, blind to the pain I felt in my chest as she spoke. It was like a hot knife stuck straight in my heart. I should’ve known that he’d be with her but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

“Great, see you in about fifteen minutes
,” I said, barely able to disguise the pain in my voice.

“See you then
, honey.”

I made my way to Grey’s childhood home. I was attacked by memories from all sides as I drove down the familiar roads. I couldn’t help but feel a pang in my chest as I saw the garage where Grey had done his work experience while we were in high school. I had once loved the smell of the oil and grease
on his skin. Then I passed the park where we had met for lunch throughout our summers. A stray tear escaped my eye and I wiped it with the back of my hand.

I pulled into the Sterlings
’ drive a short while later. Katrina answered the door with a smile on her face and greeted me with a kiss on the cheek.

“It’s so good to see you
, Carly, it’s been too long,” Katrina said as she closed the door behind me.

“It’s good to see you too
, Katrina,” I said with a small smile.

“Lizzie is in the lounge. I’ll go and make us some coffee
,” she said as she made her way toward the kitchen.

“Great, thanks
,” I said and made my way to the lounge.

“Carly, is that really you?” Lizzie’s face lit up as soon as she saw me.

“It’s really me, Lizzie,” I said as I took a seat next to her.

“Look at you, all grown up. You look sad though
, honey, what’s eating you?” That was Lizzie all over, perceptive and forthright.

“I’m good
, Lizzie, I’m just a bit hung-over,” I answered and tried not to look her in the eye—it was like the woman was a human lie-detector.

“Oh dear, were you out late last night?”

“I was. I went out with Jodie.” I saw no point in mentioning Grey because then the conversation would take a direction I didn’t want it to.

“
Oh, you two are still friends after all these years? That’s nice,” Lizzie said, smiling at me.

“Yeah
, we are. She’s my best friend.” I smiled back.

“You were always so close.”

Katrina brought the coffee in, and though the conversation veered towards Grey a couple of times, I managed to get it back on track—talking about anything and everything that came to mind except for my current internal struggle. I didn’t want to hear about Grey and Maggie and how ‘loved up’ they were and thankfully, neither one of them mentioned Maggie once.

After spending some time catching them up on my journalism career,
Jodie, and my waitressing and other day to day things, I bid the ladies goodbye. I kissed them both on the cheek and Katrina saw me to the door. Just when I thought I had got out unscathed, Katrina opened her mouth and the next words that came out were “You and Grey should do some catching up now he’s home for a while.”

“I’m sure we will, Katrina. It was great to see you, I won’t leave it so long next time.”

“Make sure you don’t, it was lovely seeing you, honey,” she said and waved me off as I got in the car.

I drove away
, and though I was glad to have seen them both, I was glad to be out of the line of questioning.

My phone beeped with a text a few minute
s later and as I parked the car on my drive, I picked it up and read:

Carls, I know you’re ignoring me but just so you know, I’m NOT giving up on you. G xx

I put my phone in my purse and went to the front door. There I saw a bouquet of red roses from Alfonso’s Florist, the most expensive florist in town. The card read:

Ti Amo Con Tutto Il Mio Cuore

Which is the Italian for
I love you with all my heart
. There was no signature on the card but I’d know the handwriting anywhere. Greyston. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, he was sending me flowers. Did he think I was willing to play ‘the other woman’ or to break up his relationship? If he did, he was damn wrong.

I went into the house, put the roses in a vase
, and shoved the card into a drawer in the kitchen. He’d always signed birthday, anniversary, Christmas and Valentine’s cards the same way. I decided to put some music on and do the household chores before I could stop and stew over the flowers and the way Grey made me feel.

I turned up my iPod in the dock and blasted Depeche Mode as I
put on my rubber gloves and set about cleaning.

The doorbell would’ve interrupted me, if only I’d heard it. Instead, when I went to take out the trash, I nearly tripped over Grey
as he sat on my porch.

“What the hell?” I muttered angrily as he stood and looked at me.

“Sorry, you weren’t answering the door. You probably didn’t even hear the doorbell over the music. I can’t believe you still listen to them,” he said with a small smile.

“I don’t stop listening to a band just because you left
, Grey,” I said angrily as I stepped around him to take out the trash bag I was holding.

“I didn’t mean it like that, I just know you’re very eclectic in your music tastes and th
is is ten years down the line—people don’t like the same music forever, tastes change,” he said as I side-stepped him.

“Yeah, well, I love them. I’ve seen them several times
,” I said as I put the bag in the trash can and made my way back to the house.

“I’ve been to some of their gigs over the years too
,” he said, as if this was a safe topic of conversation.

“What do you want
, Grey? I’m busy, in case you hadn’t noticed,” I pointed out as I stood in the porch, stopping him from walking any further into the house.

“You didn’t reply to my texts. Nor did you text or call me after you got the flowers. I know you know they were from me, the message was meant to make it obvious.”

“Well, I was busy and didn’t get a chance to answer you.”

“Too busy to send a text? You couldn’
t spare thirty seconds to type a reply?” he asked, the hurt obvious in his voice.

“It wouldn’t have been thirty seconds though
, Grey, you know that as well as I do. It wouldn’t have been as simple as one reply and I didn’t have time for a full blown conversation—just like I don’t now. So if you don’t mind, I need to get on with things,” I said and made a move to shut the door.

Grey put his foot in the way and stopped me from closing the door.

“I’ll be waiting, Carls. When you’re ready to have a conversation about things, I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere. I’m looking for a house.”

T
hat last comment shocked me.

“Fine
, but until then, Grey, stay away,” I said as he removed his foot and let me close the door.

Chapter Four

Life over the next couple of weeks was busy. Things were hectic with both jobs, I had deadlines to meet and tables to bus. I also went to Sinners another couple of times, though I didn’t drink any more cocktails. Jodie called me a party-pooper but I stuck to a couple of gin and tonics in case I needed a clear head for dealing with Grey. It turned out that I needn’t have worried though, as he didn’t turn up once. I didn’t get any more text messages or flowers at my door. I was both sad and glad. The former because much as I hated to admit it, Grey coming home had put a smile on my face and a song in my heart. The latter because it meant I didn’t have to fend him off or ignore any more messages.

One morning, I had a deadline for a piece for the paper and I was waiting for some information to come via courier. When the doorbell rang, it was a courier with a box and thinking it was what I had been waiting for, I sig
ned for it and thanked the messenger.

I went into the lounge and opened the box. What I saw was a complete surprise. One year when Grey and I had been together, I had gone into a shop and bought him a teddy for Valentine’s Day. I know it’s normally girls that get
teddy bears, but this one was bearing a message I wanted Grey to read and believe—it said:

You aren’t just my Valentine, you’re my always!

As I looked into the box on the table before me, I saw this teddy, and before I knew it I was on the floor and pulling him out to hold him tight. It smelled like Grey—perfect summers, a little oil and grease, and a splash of his favorite aftershave, Issey Miyake. Inside the box below him there was a letter. My hands trembled as I opened it and began to read.

My Dearest Carly,

I have been a fool for so long. When I went away, it wasn’t bec
ause I didn’t love you enough—it was because I was young and naïve, so much so, I believed that I should put my career before girls. I know you weren’t just any girl, but before my father died, he told me that there was nothing more important than getting myself on the career ladder and finding my place in life. He was right about finding a career. As for finding my place in life—that meant nothing without you beside me. There were so many emails that remained unsent, so many letters I tried and failed to send—far too many times I called your number, only to chicken out at the last moment and hang up.

But I want you to know I never forgot you for one
moment. I wished with all my heart that you could be there to share it with me. I wish I’d fought harder to convince you to come with me. I got on the plane that day and I broke down in floods of tears. Carls, I am nothing without you—I know I’m late to say it, but more than anything, I want you to be by my side for now and for always. I’ve done as you asked, I’ve stayed away, I haven’t called or texted but I needed you to know how I feel deep down in my soul.

You, Carly Summers
, are my soul-mate. The yin to my yang. From the moment I met you I knew you had to be mine and I wish I’d never lost sight of the fact you are the very best part of me. Every day we spent apart, I thought of you. Other women came and went, no-one else could compare to you. I wish I could go back in time and fight harder to get you to come with me. Look at the careers we’ve ended up in, Carls—I’m a freelance photographer and you’re a freelance journalist—we could both do those jobs anywhere in the world. We could stop wasting precious moments and get on with the rest of our lives, together.

I mean it when I say
‘Ti Amo Con Tutto Il Mio Cuore.’ I really do love you with all my heart. Every beat seems to echo your name. I am so broken and I miss you so much it is a physical ache in the pit of my stomach. I want to be your always, so if and when you are ready to let me show you these things instead of just saying the words, then you bring that teddy back to me. Until then, keep him safe and know that I am waiting.

Love you,

Grey xxxx

I couldn’t help the tears that fell and blurred the words a little in some places. I sat clutching the teddy and the letter to my chest as heaving sobs took me over.

My tears
dried and turned into anger. Anger that Grey could send me this letter and teddy and expect me to feel something, when all the while he had Maggie at home. She would be so hurt if she found out any of the things that had gone on. There are some things you can call me, but ‘home wrecker’ isn’t one of them. I made a vow to myself there and then to ignore Grey for however long he was at home. I wouldn’t serve his table if he came to the restaurant. I would ignore any texts, calls, emails, and letters—anything he did to try and contact me.

I got up and dec
ided to spring clean the house—again. I needed a distraction from his beautiful words and the way they chipped away at my resolve. My head was saying one thing, meanwhile, my heart was melting.

I found my rubber gloves and cleaning supplies, shoved the teddy to the back of my wardrobe
, and put the letter in the bottom drawer. I put my iPod in the dock and selected shuffle so that I could get on with the chores to music—I found it always helped.

As I cleaned the house from top to bottom, no nook or cranny missed, one
of my favorite songs came on—Aerosmith’s ‘I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.’ This song had been one of a few that Grey had decided was ‘our song’ over the years. We’d been to see Armageddon together and when this song played, Grey had whispered in my ear that the song was a perfect way of describing how he felt about me. A few stray tears made their way down my cheeks so I wiped them away with the back of my hand.

A shout from downstairs got my attention.

“CARLY!” came Jodie’s voice. I turned the music off and went down to greet her.

“Hey
,” I said as I walked into the hallway. I saw the look on her face was one of pure joy. This was either good news, gossip, or both.

“Hey yourself. Hope
you don’t mind me letting myself in, I tried knocking and ringing the doorbell but you obviously couldn’t hear me over your music.”

“It’s why I gave you a key, girl. So spill, what’s got you smiling from ear to ear?” I said with a smile.

“It’s about Matt and me. Can we grab a coffee?” The smile on her face gave me an inkling as to what was going on, they’d got to be an official ‘item.’

“Sure, I’ll put a fresh pot on
,” I said as we moved into the kitchen.

“So… Matt and me… it’s been more than five dates…” she said with a breath between each part of the sentence.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry, I’d completely forgotten about your five date rule. So… spill!” I squealed. I needed some happiness in my life and if I had to live vicariously through Jodie, well, what else were best friends for?

“We’ve been dating a few weeks now and he said he didn’t mind waiting until I was ready, which was SO sweet. But then last night we f
inally spent the night together.” She finally took a breath and I took that as my cue to probe further.

“You did? That’s great! Are you two officially an item?”

“Yes, I might be crazy, Carly, but I think I’m falling in love with him. He’s not only gorgeous on the outside, but the inside, too. We have a lot in common and a lot of the same tastes in things. We gel together really well. He’s like the yin to my yang.”

I felt a pang in my chest as she spoke the words she didn’t know Grey had written about us. But one look at her face and I
was smiling again.  Jodie had been with so many idiots in the past but Matt seemed perfect for her.

“That’s great
, Jodie. I’m really pleased for you. You deserve the best,” I said as I hugged my best friend, feeling a little jealous that I wanted what she had. Not Matt obviously, but I wanted the same happiness between Grey and I.

I moved to the coffee pot and poured us both a mug
, then shook some cinnamon on the top.

“So how are things with you?” she asked.

“Oh not bad, you know. I’m keeping busy—deadlines to meet and tables to bus, tips to work hard for.”

“What about Grey?”
she asked quietly.

“We aren’t together, I’m not going to ruin what he has with Maggie. We sl
ept together, it was a mistake—one I won’t be repeating any time soon. Can we leave it at that, I really don’t want to talk about him. Let’s talk about you.”

We spent the rest of the afternoon talking about her and Matt, work
, and a bunch of other safe topics. Evening fell and Jodie had to get to work. Thankfully, I had the night off.

I did some more house work before going to the den to chill out with a DVD and a takeaway. I picked
He’s Just Not That Into You
and rang for Chinese to be delivered. I made some coffee and sat waiting for the doorbell to ring. When my food came, I put the film on and lost myself in a world of other people’s problems rather than my own.

The next morning, I took a long hot shower and
got ready for the morning shift.

As I arrived at work,
Jodie greeted me with a smile. We sat and ate breakfast before my shift started. It was something we did regularly when we both had the time.

I worked hard bussing tables all morning until the lunchtime shift took over and I handed my tables over to Khelsey. She was new to the job and I had to stick around a while in case she ran into any problems. I hadn’t any articles to write,
so I had the time to spare.

The radio was on and Michael Bublé’s
“Haven’t Met You Yet” was playing. Without realizing, I started quietly singing along. My boss caught onto my singing and asked if I could sing at a talent competition going on locally. I said I sounded like a strangled cat but he wasn’t having any of it, so he asked me to meet him at the town hall after helping Khelsey.

It turned out
Jim was helping scout talent for the show that was on over Christmas. He wanted me to sing along to one of my favorite Christmas songs—“All I Want for Christmas Is You.”

“I never knew you could sing so beautifully, Carly
.” Jim beamed his big smile in my direction. I felt the blush creep cross my cheeks.

“Thanks
, Jim,” I said with a smile of my own. “I’m not going to be in the talent show if I have to dress in anything silly, though.”

“Don’t worry
, you can just wear something Christmassy, no costumes as such are planned—unless people want to dress up.”

I stayed and chatted with him for a while before heading home. I didn’t feel like doing much today
, so I changed into my Betty Boop onesie and lounged around in the den, listening to some Christmas tunes on my iPod and reading a book.