Read Operation Soulmate Online
Authors: Diane Hall
“Wow!” Ben picked up the file and walked slowly into the living room, reading as he went. He sat down at the coffee-table and carefully re-read it three times. Geraldine had surprised him, once again. Okay, it was a bit formulaic for her, and had obviously been written with careful consideration of
his
usual approach, but what
really
astounded him was that she completely understood his relationship dynamics, she totally got it. She knew, absolutely, why women saw him the way they did, treated him the way they did, responded to him in the strange ways they did. How did she
know
all this and how on
earth
did she know
him
so well? It was as if she’d reached into his brain, no ...into his
soul,
and found the very essence of what was troubling him, only to serve it back up to him in a few perfect pattern-interrupting assertions that could change his life almost overnight! Suddenly the mystery of his troubled love-life, the puzzle he had wrestled to unscramble for years, was now revealed to him in minutes. Ben had an epiphany, right there and then, and sat, for the rest of the morning re-reading and trying to memorise some of the finer points of his intuitive coaching plan, like a script. But there was something else he was searching for, some undefined thing that, for a while, remained stubbornly unconscious...a secret code, a clue...It was on the tip of his mind..
Purely on animal instinct, he found himself reading and rereading Geraldine’s insights, again and again...certain that what he was looking for was
sure
to eventually emerge from her incisive analysis, if he just put himself into an alpha state and kept allowing the words to gently wash over him. Then a thought suddenly struck him. How horribly ironic that she knew, in principle, absolutely just what to say to get him out of pain, in every other way but the way he really wanted her to. That pain would never end, until
she
finally began to see him as a man. Even last night, when she’d, at long last, uttered those three exquisite words, she’d said them in
completely
the wrong way. It was as if there was a peculiar veil hanging somewhere between her and everything she ever said to him...or felt for him.
Ben finally admitted to himself that he was hopelessly in love with Geraldine, and that ‘hopelessly’ was absolutely the operative word. And even though her terrifyingly astute work had completely solved his problem and shown him where he was going wrong with all of the other women in his life, it had also shown him, quite blatantly, exactly why
she
would only ever see him as a friend. The list might as well have been called:
Ben, this is why I will never love you in the way you want me to.
It was time to move on, but to
really
move on now, not just to pretend anymore. Ben closed the file and carefully removed the photo of Geraldine from his wallet with a sigh, walking purposefully over to the waste-paper basket. Then quickly had a change of heart, carefully replaced it, and went to put the kettle on instead... After all, she
was
still his best friend...
Who
didn’t
have a best-friend photo in their wallet?
Saturday came around mercifully quickly and found Geraldine feeling distinctly jittery. Why was dating so little fun when it really came down to it?
Yes,
she was still excited about seeing Toby again, but there was just too much general jumpiness in the air for her to really enjoy the process of getting ready.
What could she wear that would not send the wrong message or be too tight to be comfy or too comfy to be sexy ...in flattering colours ....but not reveal sweaty arm-pits.... feminine and mature without being
too
serious or too
aging...
or reactionary? Then there was the make-up. How much was too much to be in good taste and non-scary ....and too little to be pretty. How little was so little as to be slightly off-hand and how much was too much to be appropriate? Then there were the shoes. How high was too high to allow her to feel genuinely at ease, how low was too low to be hot, how flat was too flat to be date-like and how high was so high it made her too nervous or too tall? Ugh. It was all just too much to ask. She imagined Toby casually throwing on a shirt and jacket, probably with the shoes he wore every day for work, and having plenty of stress-free time on his hands to really enjoy the whole dating experience. She suddenly felt slightly annoyed with him.
At least he’d be coming to pick her up, and that would at least remove
some
of the general shoe anxiety, in the sense that she could wear a pair that was reasonably high without having to negotiate the late-night underground in them at the end of the evening. Toby was a gentleman and well worth making every bit of the extra effort for. He was taking her to dinner at one of his favourite restaurants, in town, and then on to see a critically acclaimed production of Othello, which was enjoying a short run at the Trafalgar Studios. He arrived at 6.00 pm precisely, as promised, and Ben answered the door.
Ben had been behaving very strangely since he’d received part one of his coaching plan. At first he’d seemed really impressed and excited about the change it was certain to bring into his unhappy romantic life, and then slowly, in the days that followed, he’d become uncharacteristically morose and slightly withdrawn. Nothing anyone else would notice, of course, but
she
knew there was something wrong. However, when he answered the door to Toby, he was back to his old self as he welcomed him into the hallway.
“Hi,” he said, amiably. “Toby, isn’t it?”
“Yes, Hi...” said Toby, looking more than a little confused. Geraldine, rushed into the hallway, wearing a dark blue, heavy silk, just above the knee, A-line skirt and a turquoise and peach silk camisole, with a thin, black cardigan and moderately high, navy suede court-shoes with block heels and an ankle strap. Ben blushed uncontrollably when he saw her, and tried to focus on the delicate turquoise pendant around her neck, rather than make eye-contact with her.
“Wow,” he said, “You look nice.” Geraldine thought Toby flinched slightly and wondered whether she’d imagined it or whether she’d, briefly, noticed one of those guy-moments passing between. She dismissed it from her mind immediately.
“Geraldine,” said Toby, regaining his composure “Lovely to see you again. You look beautiful.” He reached out and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. Geraldine felt herself go hot and cold all over, and her hands were shaking slightly again. This really did seem to be becoming a bit of a thing with her just recently. It was definitely the effect Toby had on her. She was sure there were probably swathes of perspiration already beginning to invade the treacherous little turquoise top, and did she imagine it or were those spaghetti straps beginning to feel a little bit fragile as they perched delicately on her shoulders. She was longing for her jeans, a cup of hot chocolate and a good book. She changed the thought quickly. New behaviours, new results.
“You too, Toby,” was all she could manage, then decided to act quickly to eliminate the slight awkwardness that was definitely in danger becoming a ‘situation’.
“Oh...! Toby, this is Ben, my
flat mate
,” She said pointedly.
“Okay...Nice to meet you.. Ben,” said a completely unsatisfied Toby, offering his hand to a slightly uneasy-looking Ben.”
“You too,” Said Ben, shaking the proffered hand in a way that almost visibly made the air freeze around them. Geraldine was in danger of having a panic attack. What was wrong with them both! Why were they being so...wooden!
“Right, well, shall we go?”
“Okay, I’ll leave you kids to it then.” said Ben, suddenly back in amiable, best friend mode.
“Goodnight Ben,” said Toby, eyeing his sock-clad feet and designer joggers with growing concern.
“Night, Toby, nice to meet you.” said Ben. He tried hard to pull himself together. He just
had
to get used to the idea of Geraldine dating. This was what he’d wanted for her, after all, or at least, what she’d wanted for herself and therefore, of
course
, what he wanted for her. This was what they’d been working towards. It just suddenly seemed so ...real with Toby actually standing there in their living-room all suave, sophisticated, much too good-looking for his own good and generally just too much ...man.
Ben wondered off in the general direction of the bathroom, to prepare for his own date. Tonight was going to be a big night, thanks to his new list of anti-friend-zone rules, and he intended to throw himself whole-heartedly into the new learning experience. Oh, yes. And he didn’t have to follow them strictly. It was up to
him
what he did with them. One thing was certain, there’d be no coaching tonight, but he sure as heck deserved to get laid.
“He seems like a nice guy,” said Toby without conviction, as he buckled up his seatbelt.
“Who...? Oh, Ben,” said Geraldine, as if she’d barely noticed his larger-than-life presence in the hallway. “Yeah, he’s okay.” She added, quickly deciding that phrases like
the best thing that’s ever happened to me
and
he’s my absolute Angel
, would not serve any useful purpose in the current and spiralling circumstances.
“So, how long have you two known each other,” Toby continued, innocuously, as they stopped at the first set of traffic lights.”
“A couple of years,” said Geraldine, trying to sound as off-hand as possible.
Why
hadn’t she told Toby about
Ben
? To her, having a male flat-mate was just not a big deal anymore, it had genuinely not even seemed worth mentioning, and she certainly didn’t want to spend the rest her first date with Toby talking about it. “So what sort of week have you had?” She said, literally trying to steer the conversation out of car-crash territory.
Toby seemed to loosen up slightly when they entered the restaurant but the conversation in the car had been strained to say the least. Over dinner their interaction, by comparison, was light, pleasant, playful and deeply compelling, and apart from the slightly possessive start to their evening, Toby was quickly turning out to be everything he’d promised to be on their first meeting. Rather than being confused or even slightly cynical as she might have expected, he’d actually seemed quite impressed when she told him what she did for a living and as the evening progressed Geraldine struggled to resist the temptation to start mentally ticking boxes, regarding his twin-flame candidacy.
“My mum’s very psychic,” he said reassuringly. “She loves all that stuff, Angels, Tarot cards, aromatherapy. Last year she dispatched my dad off to stay with me for a week and went on some workshop ...something to do with connecting with your guides or something. It was so funny. Dad and I just totally chilled. It was nice to spend some time with him, just man to man. I forgot how funny he could be.”
Geraldine sat and laughed as Toby told her stories about his parents and the amazing life they’d all had. He was an only child and had spent a great deal of his childhood in some of the best boarding schools in the USA and the Caribbean. His dad had worked as a computer engineer for a large multi-national and had travelled extensively with his job. His parents had had a great time seeing the world both together, and with him, during his school holidays. He’d been all over the world, and had the most fascinating stories to tell about Egypt, India, The United States and so many of the other places Geraldine had, so far, only ever dreamed of visiting. Toby had no resentment whatsoever towards his parents for all the time he’d had to spend away from them. He said it had toughened him up, made him a man and given him the best education and the most comprehensive view of the education system anyone could wish for. In fact, it was these earlier experiences that had taught him what children needed most, in order to learn well and to develop a thirst for knowledge and a hunger for achievement. Geraldine found herself getting caught up in Toby’s enthusiasm as she sat and listened to him. His attitude to just about everything was so infectiously positive and motivational. By the time they left to see the play, she knew she could have sat and listened to him all night.
Throughout the night he was a complete gentleman. He opened doors and pulled out chairs, for her, without hesitation and with affection rather than clumsy formality. To him it was just good manners and care. At the same time, he hung on her every word and listened with genuine interest as she talked about what moved her, what spoke to her in terms of music, art, people, her dreams and goals for the future, everything. In every way, Toby was the kind of man she’d been hoping to meet her entire life.
By the time he dropped her off at home, she was in heaven. He walked her to the door and said goodnight before there was even a chance for any awkwardness. As far as he was concerned, extra coffee was definitely not on the menu on a first date....at least not this one. Geraldine thanked him for a lovely evening and swooned, ever-so-slightly, when he planted a brief but firm kiss on her lips and leapt towards his car where he waited with the engine running, until she’d opened her front door. Once she was safely inside, she could hear him driving away quietly, into the night.
“Wow!” she whispered to herself, standing with her back against the door, her head swimming with Toby-isms.
There was no sign of Ben, anywhere, as she wandered dreamily down the hallway, and there were no mystery-woman sounds coming from the living room, so she collected herself and went straight through to the kitchen to make a cup of hot chocolate. She sat down and waited for the kettle to boil, sighing deeply and contentedly, then progressed into the living room with her drink. She switched on the TV, looking for some way of unwinding but found nothing of any real interest so she tried switching on her phone instead, to see if she’d missed out on any outside-world contact during her time in the Toby love-zone. As soon as it was switched on, her phone began to vibrate with a text-alert. The number wasn’t recorded in her phone’s contacts list and she didn’t recognise it at all. She quickly pressed the ‘read’ button to reveal the message.
Hope you’re having a cool
Saturday night.
Call you tomorrow.
Thinking of u ...Carl.
Oh, God, who was
Carl
? How had her life suddenly become so interesting and so... complicated? She glanced over at the coffee table and noticed a new, pale blue post-it note, attached to her coaching file.
“No! No Ben. It’s over!!”
Surely
it was over now!!!! “What are you trying to
do
to me?” She almost wanted to laugh out loud at the thought of anymore Operation Soulmate outings. She suddenly remembered who Carl was and smiled appreciatively. However, as nice as it was, having all these wonderful men suddenly appearing in her life... Operation Soulmate was over, over, over! Toby was her twin flame. She could just feel it. And whether or not her feelings turned out to be correct, she was prepared to take her chances with him and maybe, just maybe, in the worst possible case scenario, if he failed her in some way...then Carl....poor Carl, poor, sweet, lovely, sexy Carl. No! It would be wrong to lead him on in
any
way until she knew for sure. She decided that the only decent thing to do, now that she was convinced that Toby could be the one, was to let Carl down gently and tell persistent, love-Rottweiler, Ben that Operation Soulmate was over. Mission accomplished! There was just no
way
she could do this multiple-dating thing; she just wasn’t cut out for it. She’d be forever worrying about how all the other guys felt as they each waited for her to end her dates with the others. Worse still was the thought of
not
telling them about each other and carrying on behind their backs. She tried to imagine how
that
would go down with Toby. He’d already seemed thoroughly unimpressed with Ben and she wasn’t even dating him...He was just...well... He was just Ben!!!!
Geraldine eventually drifted off to sleep, replaying some of the evening’s top moments with Toby in her head. She looked at the clock, before nodding off completely. It was one 0’ clock in the morning and there was still no sign of Ben.
Good for him
, she thought;
good for him
.