Operation Soulmate (13 page)

It was great having two whole days off. It seemed like such an indulgence now. She’d forgotten how great a complete weekend could feel. It had definitely been a good move to swap her days around to get weekends free for a while, what with all the dating activity! There was no way she would have wanted to be going to work after a night like last night. She wanted to bask in the glow of Toby’s affections, uninterrupted, for as long as possible. She spent the afternoon pampering herself with a long, hot, bubble-bath, followed by a slathering of warmed aromatherapy oils all over, and a home pedicure. It was around 6pm when Ben, finally, arrived home to a veritable emporium of exotic fragrances, burning candles and incense and chilled out pamper music. She heard him pottering about in the kitchen, just as she was finishing up writing in her journal.

     “Hello stranger.” she said, playfully. “Where did you get to, last night?”

    “Oh, God,” said Ben, “Don’t ask. My date cancelled at the last minute so I went ‘round to Danny’s to watch some old Sci fi movies, had way too much to drink and couldn’t drive back so I slept on his couch.

     “Oh, Ben, that’s awful!” She said sympathetically.

Poor Ben. Obviously the mystery woman had already tossed him out into the
cancellable-at-short-notice
zone. From there, it was just a short, humiliating hop to the friend-zone. She could almost see the orange traffic cones of demarcation, lining up all around him in preparation ...and before he’d even had a chance to practice his new love-zone behaviours!

     “You look happy,” he said, expertly changing the subject. The last thing he needed was pity from the woman he was in love with. It was mortifying enough to have another failed love-affair under his belt. “Good date last night?”

     “Oh, Ben, it was amazing.
He
was amazing.”

     “Yeah, he seemed like a really nice guy,” said Ben, back up to speed with his new adjustment.

      “I’m really happy for you,” He added, remembering his promise to let go completely and to continue to do whatever he could to ensure her happiness. If it meant watching her drive off into the sunset with someone else, then so be it. That was a chance every guy had to take when he decided to have a woman as his best friend. Falling in love with her was, surely, always going to be a potentially hazardous by-product of the friendship and one you just had to learn to deal with until it either blew over in time, or you finally found someone else you could love that much.

    “Thanks Ben,” she said, once again putting the awkwardness of his meeting with Toby to the back of her mind. “And it really
is
all thanks to you! If it wasn’t for you, I’d still be single and moaning about becoming thirty.” Ben laughed awkwardly.

      “Oh, Ben,” She said, “What about you? What about your new rules?”

      “Oh,
those,
” he grunted somewhat huffily, “didn’t even get a chance to try them out. By the way,” he continued, “..as insightful as they are, they’re not nearly as straightforward as you make them out to be.

     “What do you mean?”

    “Well, for example, this thing about getting the first kiss, you make that sound so easy, when, in reality, it’s just not that simple. I mean, things are complicated nowadays Gerry...for us guys.... If you go in too strong, some women think you’re trying to take advantage, or that you’re not taking them seriously. Some women like to take things reeeeaaaaally slowly... You know... and, then. some women definitely don't! And it’s just not that easy getting that first kiss when you’re not even sure what kind of woman you’re dealing with. And then there’s all these weird ideas about what being a gentleman really means and ....all sorts of other, complicated stuff like that. Look, I know I’m a coach and yes, I know how to tell other people how to do all this stuff and you probably think it should all just come really easily to me in my own personal life. But it’s just not like that. I mean, I know
instinctively
how to help everyone else because... well I just do...It’s just so obvious when you’re the person on the outside... But the truth is, when it comes to my own life, I am
hugely
out of practice... ”

      Geraldine looked at his gorgeous and blameless face and tried to see his dilemma from a man’s point of view. Surely Ben was just being too hard on himself, as usual. He was making way too much of this. It was just a kiss, after all. Then again, how would
she
feel about initiating a first kiss with a virtual stranger? She shuddered silently at just the thought. She could see how a kiss might suddenly become incredibly complicated...  Then she remembered Toby, the night before, and how effortless
his
kiss had been. Okay, it hadn’t been particularly, passionate, but it certainly hadn’t felt just friendly either. And it had left her in no doubt, whatsoever, about the nature of his true intentions towards her, and yet, it had been sweet and respectful.  

      “Ben, you are working this
way
too hard.” She said, “This is something that
should
be simple and straightforward...” Geraldine had hoped to have had some good results happening for Ben by now, but he really could be his own worst enemy. And for someone who spent all his time helping other people to fearlessly navigate their way through this potentially murky terrain, he was alarmingly fearful! She needed to take drastic action.

     “Okay,” she said decisively, “Go and get yourself sorted out. Relax, have some you-time and then come back and we’ll talk it through. I’ll make some notes while you’re gone and I want you to come back in here with a positive attitude. Perhaps this will help,” she said, reaching over to the fridge and producing the bottle of champagne she’d bought for as a special thank you for Ben, and a celebration of her first, successful date in ages. “Now do you think you can do that?!!”

      Ben smiled, even though the thought of more alcohol was, at that point,
not
as inviting, as Geraldine seemed to think it should be. “Sure,” he said smiling gamely as he carefully popped the cork, poured two glasses, handed one to her and reluctantly took a polite sip from the other. This was just too humiliating for words, but at this point he was ready to do just about anything to move on, have a decent relationship with an available woman who didn’t treat him like her gay best friend and get Geraldine out of his system once and for all. “Yep, definitely,” he added, taking another sip. “I’m there. Give me one hour to catch up on some calls and get my head together.” He said with new determination and optimism.

       By the time he returned an hour later, showered, shaven, and shining from the news of a new T.V. spot, courtesy of his kindly answering machine, Geraldine had sipped her way through two glasses of his celebratory bubbly and was tapping her pen impatiently on her notepad.

     “Okay,” she said, pouring him another glass and helping herself to another at the same time. “Ask me anything you want to know about your list. If there’s anything at all you don’t understand, now’s the time to raise your objections.” She said raising her glass and spilling  some champagne without even noticing, but carefully refilling her glass and his when they began to look mysteriously empty again.

      Ben sat down and carefully picked the Love-zone list to pieces, raising one objection after another. What if he
wanted
to discuss his work because he couldn’t think of anything else to talk about? He
was
his work. If he didn’t talk about work, surely there’d be nothing to say. What if his date asked if he’d ever been married before or why he was divorced; how could anyone realistically avoid talking about exes? the questions seemed never ending, and Geraldine sat and answered each objection patiently, wisely and intuitively, until they finally returned to the sticky subject of that elusive first kiss. By now, she was beginning to feel tired and slightly less sympathetic. It was almost as if Ben didn’t actually
want
to be happy.... as if he feared it somehow. Ben seemed to have a
lot
of fear. He seriously needed to just man up!!

     “Ben, with all due respect, you have
got
to be kidding me about this. I can’t believe you don’t know how to kiss a woman. You’re joking, right?”

       Ben suddenly felt ridiculous. How could he explain it? “Okay,” he said, somewhat on the defensive, “First of all, yes, of course, I’ve kissed a
lot
of women in my time. Let’s just be quite clear about that.” Geraldine thought he’d overemphasised the point ever-so-slightly, but not to worry. “I’m just very,
very
out of practice when it comes to being with the kind of woman I really
want
to be with. I’m not even all that used to not being married yet. Gerry, I’ve been married for most of my adult life! And in the last two years, I’ve spent a lot more time being a coach than being  ...well, than being a guy I suppose. God, I feel like such a hypocrite sometimes.”

      Geraldine could see his dilemma and feel why it caused him so much pain. Ben ate, slept, lived and breathed his work. He was one of the very few people she knew who somehow managed to do that while still maintaining a healthy social life and remaining a wonderful and warm person and, at least, most of the time, an absolute joy to be around. She knew he’d managed to do this so effortlessly, simply because he
was
his work. In every other respect, he absolutely walked the talk. He prided himself on being one of the few coaches who not only coached with exercises, tasks, assignments and worksheets but who, also, actually taught by example, by living and being everything he helped others to become - a truly and holistically successful person. He didn’t just coach people in how to make millions or orchestrate subtly disguised hostile take-overs. He gave them hope; meaningful goals and guidance and showed them the truth of who they were, the kind of truth that would lead them to embrace a greater depth of vision and create real, satisfying and lasting happiness. And even though he specialised in relationships, he was a true all-rounder. She also knew that, being the kind of guy he was, he must find it so hard to live with the incongruity between the life he lived in public and the life he currently found himself living, personally, behind the scenes.

     She thought about Toby again and the confidence and ease he’d displayed at the end of their evening together. Yes, that was it, confidence!! Ben’s confidence had simply taken a huge knock since his divorce and now he obviously didn’t
dare
to risk another possible rejection.

     “Ben,” She said quietly, “this is
all
about confidence!!!
I’m a hundred per cent sure of it. Be honest with yourself. In all the time since your divorce, on all these dates you’ve been on, since the split, can you honestly say you’ve felt really and truly confident with a woman? Ben thought about what she’d said and looked as if he was really beginning to understand, for the first time, where he’d been going wrong. It was so obvious. Since the divorce, his career had flourished, probably because he had put all of his energy into making it work, making something,
anything
work. All his confidence was tied up in the one area in which he felt absolutely certain of achieving a satisfying result... for everyone else. And how convenient that where he’d consistently failed to bring happiness to the woman to whom he’d devoted so much of his adult life, he’d somehow managed to ensure that on a daily basis, he always found a way to make
someone
happy in love. In every way that he could possibly analyse both areas of his life, he could see quite clearly now that where he had failed in one, he had become an even more determined success in the other. Geraldine was a genius.

     “Wow,” he said, under his breath, watching her carefully as she walked across the room and turned around to stand commandingly in front of him.

    “Okay, stand up,” she said, “Now show me what usually happens on one of these dates.”

    “Oh, Gerry, this is ridic....”

    “Come on Ben; don’t you want to get better at this? Don’t you want to get over all this silliness and finally move on?” Ben jumped up to the sound of the strange siren call of almost the very same words he’d spoken to himself earlier. Yes, it was definitely time to move on. Absolutely it was. He stood facing her, looking everywhere but
at
her. “Closer, closer,” she coaxed, motioning with two slightly drunken hands. Ben took a step closer and suddenly found himself reaching out for her face with one hand and stroking her hair with the other. He tried to stop himself, but it was too late; he was kissing her. His warm, full lips landed on hers, unexpectedly, tenderly and still sweet from the champagne. She was surprised for only a second and then suddenly felt herself melting into that kiss.

      She exhaled loudly, as Ben’s gorgeous face explored hers for what seemed like an age. Some small part of her had briefly wanted to ask him what on earth he thought he was doing, but, instead, she felt herself responding, meeting each urgent kiss with another. Smiling, loving, breathing him in, curious about his familiar scent, his strong and giving hands, his wise and upbeat smile, his cherishing, wonderful gentleness. It was intoxicating. He held her face in his hands for a second and looked deep into her eyes, with a longing that seemed to stretch across time and almost begged her to dissolve into him. He kissed her all over her cheeks, neck and shoulders, crazy kisses, kisses filled with love and yearning, until she felt her knees begin to dissolve under her. Still, he continued mercilessly, holding her head in his hands with excruciating care, drawing every drop of passion out of her soul and into the open where she could at last
be
herself,
feel
herself... completely and without restraint. She felt her hands tingling with warmth as she tumbled in and out of consciousness, stunned into submission by the peace of his presence and the feeling that she had always known exactly how he would feel, taste, touch and kiss. And it was just like this, just this sweet perfection. By the time he began to reach for her buttons, she was lost, somewhere inside him, but it wasn’t the champagne that coursed through her like a cocktail of indescribable yearnings, making her want to scream out with urgency, it was a sacred fire, a flame that, once ignited, could never again be extinguished.