“I don’t know. I
feel bad. I did this to him. Look at what I did! He wouldn’t be here if I had
stayed with him.”
His hands are on
my shoulders and I see him about to break. “Baby, what are you talking about?
He is the one that hurt
you
! You don’t owe him
anything
. Are you
trying to destroy us?”
“Adam,
no!”
I don’t want
this to happen. Can’t he see my view? “Adam, please listen to me.” I grab his
hands on my shoulder and give him a reassuring squeeze. He has to know that I
am only trying to be nice. I don’t want him to give up on us when things get
hard or I do something stupid. I’m learning just like him. “I was just trying
to be nice and make sure he is ok. Kyle does
not
mean anything to me.
But I feel like I owe him.”
Adam backs away
and lets me go. “I don’t know what else to do Sophia. I’m trying here but when
I got the call that you’re here with Kyle I don’t know, I freaked out.” He
comes toward me again. “Why baby? Why did you come visit him? Do you still want
to be with him?”
I quickly shake
my head. “No! Adam, I want
you.”
Adam looks at me and I can see how I’m
hurting him. “I’m sorry I came to see him but he doesn’t have anyone.”
Adam throws his
hands up in the air. “So? He doesn’t deserve your kindness, Sophia.” Adam turns
around and hits the wall with his fist. My body tenses and I still don’t get
why he is so upset. Kyle is in restraints and can’t get to me. It is not like I
was going there to be with him or anything. I slowly go up to him and put my
hand on his shoulder. I feel how worried and anxious he is feeling. “Adam,” I
whisper, “Please,
stop
this.” I rest my head on his
back.
Adam turns
around to look at me but all he can do is shake his head and walk away. I’m
frozen and can’t move. How is this happening? I try and call out for him but
something stops me. How can I let the best thing that has ever happened to me
walk out of my life?
“You did what?”
Erin
gets up from my bed and gives me a
menacing look. “You are an idiot. You know I love you but you are a true idiot.
If I could slap you, I would.”
It is been a few
days since Adam walked away. I am staying at my dad’s house for the time being.
Adam has not tried talking to me and has ignored all of my text messages and
calls. I feel so little and empty. I can’t sleep at night because he is not
here with me. The nightmares are getting worse. Whenever I close my eyes, I see
Kyle standing over me. Each dream is filled with hate and rage. The look in his
eyes haunts me and I can’t shake him away. This isn’t what I want. I just want
someone to understand
me!
Why is that so hard? Why the hell can’t I just
be happy or have some peace. The hospital has been calling me nonstop and
telling me Kyle has been asking for me. I won’t go back there to visit him. I
don’t have anyone to talk to.
Erin
doesn’t get it and Connor has been
avoiding me. He says this is my fault and I need to fix it.
Dr. Taylor has
been away to care for her mom. I’ve tried talking to my dad and Sarah, but
they’re still mad at me. I can’t
fucking
do anything
right!
I throw my
pillow across the room and cover my eyes. “
Erin
, what was I supposed to do? I mean he
wasn’t even listening to me!”
Erin
takes my hands away from my eyes and
looks at me. “Oh, I don’t know, ignore your ex, who fucking beat the crap out
of you. Ugh… Sophia I’m so mad at you.”
“You and
everyone else,” I replied.
“Hey! Enough
with this pity crap. You did this Sophia.” She pulls me up from the bed and
shakes me a little. I feel like a fucking child. “You listen to me Sophia
Burns. Do
not
try and play the ‘pity me’ card.
You
knew how much
Adam hates Kyle. He quit the basketball team for
you!
Why are you trying
to mess this up?”
Erin
’s right. I’ve never known her to be
harsh with me, but I deserve it. I push everyone out of my life and make up
excuses. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what is going on. I just don’t want to get
hurt again.”
“And what has he
done to make you think that?”
I think about
that and lay back down. Adam hasn’t done anything to make me think he is going
to leave me again. He has been nothing but perfect. I let out a heavy sigh, “I
don’t know, but I’m sorry.” My voice is low and I feel miserable.
“Well I’m not
the one you should be apologizing to honey. I love you and I’m always going to
be here for you. But I need you to take your head out of your ass and look at
me.” I look at her and listen to what she says next. “Adam is crazy about you.
You’ve let him go twice already. I saw him last night and he is miserable. He
doesn’t do anything. Connor has to make him go to the office for work. You
should see him
Soph
. He has that loss in his eyes and
is so distant from everyone. Connor said that he is not sleeping at night
either.”
I think about
how broken he must feel. I’m doing this to him again. “I don’t want to keep
hurting him, but he won’t talk to me.”
Erin
quickly gets up and grabs my arm. “Well
then let’s go to him!”
We get to her
car and drive back to the apartment. I’m feeling scared and nervous because I
don’t want him to ignore me anymore. I try and come up with something to
say.
When we get to
the apartment, fear races through. I’m embarrassed with what happened and how I
treated Adam. I let him walk away and I don’t want him to think I’m done
because I’ll never be done with him. My love only grows and I want to be able
to show him that. No more running.
I open the door
using my key that he gave me. It is quiet inside. I see Connor laying on the
couch reading. He looks at me as I walk in and smiles. “Go talk to him,
Soph
.”
I nod and walk
to
our
room. When I walk in, I see him lying on our bed sleeping. He is
holding onto my pillow and I touch my heart. I look at what I’ve done to him.
I’ve broken him again. I want us to make it through the storm and enjoy the
sunshine. I realize that I’m nothing without Adam and I can see his love for
me. I look down and see a framed picture of us from
Florida
. It is on his side of the bed. I pick up
the frame and see a piece of paper flutter down. I pick it up and gasp.
You’re my best friend forever.
Just you & me Adam.
I remember when
I wrote this for him. It was for his 16
th
birthday and I found a
picture of us on the beach. He had his arm around me and we were both smiling.
Those were happier times. I sit on the bed next to him and place my hand on his
arm while gently shaking him. “Adam, I’m here.”
He slowly turns
around with tears in his eyes. “Sophia?”
“Oh
Adam.”
Before either
of us can say anything else I slide onto the bed next to him and let his strong
arms hold me tight. I miss him. I miss everything. I have to stop taking him
for granted and focus on us. I want things to work out with him and I want to
be able to have a future with my best friend. “I’m sorry I let you walk away. I
promise I’ll try harder. Please forgive me.” The words are like a whisper
because I am scared with what he will say next.
“I miss you,
Soph
.”
“You don’t hate
me?”
“I’ll never hate
you.” His soothing words shock me. I don’t know why it is hard for me to
believe him. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold on tight. “I miss you
too.” I look at him and lean in to kiss him. Our lips touch with such
gentleness at first but then Adam flips me on my back and deepens our kiss with
such urgency and want. I need his lips on me. I need to feel him. His hands
cradle my face as his tongue explores my mouth. The heat between my legs grows
and I want more-so much more. The teasing of our tongues makes me moan and I
can feel his harden length against me. Suddenly he pulls away. “What is wrong?”
I breathlessly say.
“I don’t want to
push you,
Soph
.”
“I want this.” I
try and pull him back down.
Adam starts
laughing. “Baby, I want it too, but I want to make it special because you’re
special to me. You aren’t some random hook up. You’re my forever.”
There is a knock
on the door and Connor cautiously comes in. “So, we’re hungry.”
Adam and I start
laughing. “Alright let’s grab dinner.”
Erin and I change
into something a little nicer while the guys are in the kitchen drinking beers.
It is amazing how little time guys need to get ready.
“So things are
good now?”
Erin
asks.
“I think we’re
going to be ok. He wants me to learn how to trust him and I’m trying.” I give
my best friend a hug and hold her tight. “Thank you for opening my eyes. I owe
you.”
“Good
Soph
. You deserve to be happy. Just be happy and that’s how
you’ll repay me.” I’m lucky to have someone like
Erin
in my life. Without her, I’d be lost.
I decide to wear
a simple strapless black dress. I look at myself in the mirror and am pleased.
I have lost weight and the dress isn’t as form fitting but it still shows my
body. I know Adam is going to love this dress. I put on some makeup and lip-gloss
and we head out to our sexy men. Adam sees us coming to the kitchen, “Well…
well don’t you ladies look nice.”
“You don’t look
too bad yourself.” Adam had on a dark blue button down shirt with jeans. I put
my arms around his waist, “I’m glad you took me back.”
“I’m glad you
came back.” He kisses me on my head.
“Alright can we
go? I’m starving.” Connor pushes us out the door.
We head over to
Donovan’s for dinner. The atmosphere is relaxing and it feels good to be out.
It is busy tonight but we are able to get a table immediately. It is strange
how people act around Adam, but I don’t ask him about it. Once we are seated, I
look around and notice we are in a secluded area. “Adam, wow, how’d you get a
table?”
Adam was about
to answer when Connor chipped in. “He is that good.”
We all start
laughing as our server comes to the table to welcome us. Adam orders a bottle
of champagne and oysters to start the night. The conversation is light and
casual as we catch up with one another.
“
Soph
, how’s
Optimax
coming
along?”
Erin
asks.
“Well it is good
but I’m doing it by myself because freaking Steven dropped or whatever. I don’t
know. Dr. Henry’s been emailing me and telling me about these new products. I
send him my ideas and proposals and he seems to like it, but something’s not
right. Everything seems too easy. My thoughts aren’t that good.” I see Adam and
Connor looking at each other. “What?”
“Nothing… baby.
Stop doubting yourself.”
Once we put in
our orders I look over at Connor and Erin as they talk softly amongst
themselves. “So when are you two going to be official?”
“I don’t know.
Connor what do you think?”
“
Soph
, we’re going to do what you and Adam did and wait
twenty-one years before becoming a couple.”
We start to
laugh as Adam takes my hand. “Well worth it.” He leans in and kisses my cheek.
Our food comes
out as we start to eat. We talk about upcoming events and our vacation to
Florida
. I’m excited to spend some time with
Adam and get away from all the drama. I think about lying on the beach with
Adam and watching the sun set with him like we used to do when we were younger.
I smile to myself as I think about all the times we spent together.
I grab
Erin
’s hand and tug on it. She looks at me
with a weird expression and I give her a look to let her know I need to talk.
“We will be back. Bathroom break,” I announce. I pull
Erin
through the restaurant and when we get
to the bathroom, I walk to the sink and place my hands on the counter.