Second Chances (19 page)

I noticed a new addition. Robbie sitting on the floor surrounded by my nieces and nephews, playing some kind of game and laughing. His head was thrown back. He looked like a kid without a care in the world. Like a kid
should
look.

The fact that this picture was on the wall said more than all the words my dad could’ve ever told me about how this was working out.
The Wall
meant you were loved and cared for. And let me tell you, woe be unto the child that moved a single picture. He knew each and every one of them. One time Brenda tried to take down one of her soon-to-be-ex husband. He took her into the bedroom, and we could hear the yelling over the television. The picture was back up before the end of the day.

Dad sat there watching the pregame for whatever football game was coming on. He never liked to hang out in the kitchen, too much noise. He couldn’t keep it all straight. He was very hard of hearing and had hearing aids in both ears. They worked well one-on-one, but this family was a bundle of distraction.

I sat down next to him on the couch and slapped him on the thigh. “How’s it going, dirty old man?” I asked to make him smile. That’s what Mom always called him when he’d tell one of his corny jokes.

“Good. How’re you doing, son?” He patted my hand.

“Hangin’ in there, Dad, hangin’ in there,” I told him truthfully. “How’s Robbie been?”

His eyes lit up at that. “That boy’s doing fine. He’s been out in the shed with me messing around building a headboard he wanted.” He told me about how Robbie saw it on TV, and the two of them put their heads together, went to the hardware store and the lumber yard and got the stuff and started on it.

He looked at me and smiled his big shit-eating grin. “He’s better with the saw and level than you were.” My skills with tools were legendary in the family for being disasters. Epic.

“Had any problems out of him?” That was what I really wanted to know.

He shook his head. “He’s a good boy. I know he was taking some shit, but let me tell you, son, he mashed his finger with the hammer and I couldn’t get him to take anything but an aspirin. He’s doing good in school, and I met with his advisor. He’s a smart boy. Nobody’s ever told him that.”

Nothing made my dad madder than a kid who wouldn’t try. We didn’t have to get all As, and he would take a solid B over a half-assed A anytime. He always knew when we slacked off. He’d dropped out of school to work when his own dad got sick, and he made damn sure we all took our educations seriously.

When I graduated from college, he left the hospital bed the morning after hernia surgery to be there to cheer for me. That meant more to me than the diploma.

“I make him show me his homework every night. I don’t know half what that shit is, but I know if he’s done it. It’s his teacher’s job to make sure he understands it, but I can make sure he’s trying. And he is,” he bragged.

“Mark, I’m gonna tell you something and none of your brothers and sisters know it yet. I’ve made up my mind but I wanted you to know first. When the social worker clears everything and leaves us the fuck alone, I’m going to adopt him, legally. He doesn’t know it yet, and I don’t want to get his hopes up until I know for sure the county won’t screw this up.” He looked at me and asked, “What do you think?”

“I think that’s fucking excellent, Dad. Fuck, are you sure?” I said through a huge lump in my throat.

“Mark, I love that boy,” he told me, his eyes bright. “All he needs is to know somebody wants him for something besides, well, you know what I’m talking about. For his heart, not what he can do for them. I raised you to know being different is okay, and nothing you could do would make me love you any less. Robbie deserves that too.”

I reached over and pulled this fucking amazing man to my side and hugged him. Very quietly, he said, “I think Brian would like that.”

My own eyes got fuzzy then. “So do I, Daddy, so do I.”

A
T
LEAST
I could relax and enjoy my day with the family knowing Robbie was doing well. Now if I could just get a handle on this thing Patty said was there with Antonio. He sat with me at the second adult table. We had so damn many people there, we always split into the adult table, the second adult table or the cool table, and the kids table. I always managed to get a seat at the cool table.

Patty and Ray sat with us, and Robert and Jennifer, and we managed to fit in one more chair so Robbie could float back and forth between us and the kids. I think he wanted to sit with the kids but thought he’d lose guy points. So of course I led the ragging on him. But I winked and smiled so he knew it was all in fun. That’s what family did.

Antonio joked and talked with Ray and Robert. I could see the two wenches as they watched and recorded every word and look. I kicked them both under the table. The second time, Ray jumped and asked what he did wrong when I kicked him by mistake. I rolled my eyes and told him to control his woman. That earned me two sore shins when the “ladies” attacked me together.

I just didn’t see it. Antonio was his normal self. He laughed big and hearty, he ate like a dude, and he asked me if I wanted more tea or any dessert. Same stuff he always did. Being a good friend and trying to be nice to me didn’t mean he wanted me
that
way.

I made up my mind, though, that I’d be watchful, but all I saw was a great guy. I shrugged to myself and told him, yeah, to get me a piece of the pecan pie. Maybe a little of the banana pudding. While he was there, I
could
use some more tea.

And what the
fuck
was that look between Patty and Jennifer?

August 2006

I
T
WAS
Friday and I decided to take the day off to do some shopping. Part of it was to make it a long weekend, but there was a lot going on, a lot to celebrate and well, just because I wanted to.

It was my birthday, and while I knew I’d be getting a few things, I wanted to look for an iPod for Robbie and thought maybe I’d treat myself to one too. I’d seen more and more guys at the gym strapping one on their arms and listening to tunes when they worked out, and I looked a little retro with my Walkman.

As I walked through Best Buy and wondered which one Robbie’d like better, I thought about how happy he was lately. I planned to take him and Dad out to dinner the next day to celebrate the adoption being final. The judge signed off on it earlier in the week, and I don’t think Robbie’s feet touched the ground since. Dad was just as damn bad.

The social workers had reduced their visits to monthly beginning in January, and Dad finally sat him down and had
The Talk
with him. He asked me to be there, and poor Robbie was all in knots over what he was sure was going to be bad news. And then, when Dad explained to him what he was going to do and said, “I want you to be my son, like Mark is,” well, I’d heard of people melting. I never knew what they meant, but now I did.

The poor kid cried one second and then laughed and hugged Dad for all he was worth the next. “I take it the answer’s yes,” I said and he flung himself at me too, yelling “Yes!” at the top of his lungs. He bounced around the room and got Lucy and Ricky
way
too excited and wanted to know if he could tell his friends.

I eyed him and asked if there was anybody in particular he wanted to tell. Swear to God I didn’t think he could blush after everything he went through in his life, but he did. “Yeah, son, you can go call Jason,” Dad told him, and with a quick hug for Dad and a cut of his eyes at me he ran off to his bedroom.

“That went well,” I told Dad and he just grinned. “We just need to decide how and when to tell the rest of the family.”

The lawyers told him it would be final within six months if nothing went wrong. He didn’t really like my idea of waiting to tell them when we left the courthouse after the final paperwork was signed, so we grabbed the speakerphone and started making the calls.

Surprisingly there were no major complaints or bitching. Could be because they knew Dad was there hearing every word, but I liked to think they really liked Robbie. I knew some of them loved him. Having seen Dad and him together at the holidays and the pride the two had over their woodworking skills went a long way toward endearing him to them. We all loved the old man and wanted to see him happy.

We’d even called Robbie’s aunt and explained the plans to her. I’d developed a visceral dislike for that woman when I found out she’d refused to take him in the first place, and the conversation we had did nothing to make me like her any more. She was glad she didn’t have to do anything other than sign a release of rights as next of kin and started to hang up when I brought up the subject of Robbie having visits with his sister. Her initial flat-out no changed mighty damn quickly when I suggested she might have to answer some questions with the social workers about how she let Robbie end up with a guy who hooked him on drugs and sold him. The first visit took place within a month.

I hadn’t seen my dad this happy in a long time. He loved his kids, and being needed. Robbie needed him. They just fit together, and then with Robbie getting into the whole building shit, I gave thanks the whole thing worked out so well.

I paid for everything and headed back out to the mall. I needed to pick up some new clothes: a couple of sweaters and a new lightweight jacket.

After the past year and everything that’d happened I decided I needed—no,
deserved
—a vacation. I bought a ticket to San Francisco for the week of Labor Day, rented a hotel off Union Square, and planned on visiting friends who lived in Marin County for a couple of days. The trip was as spur-of-the-moment as I got and only took Chris and Bill five years of begging and pleading to get me there.

I was getting all my things in order though. When I looked through the closet, I had dressy work stuff, light business casual, and sweats.
When the hell had I become so boring?
I might pick up something nice to wear out to dinner that evening too.

Antonio was taking me out to dinner and wanted to try a new Brazilian steakhouse that opened on Peachtree Street. It was something different and I was looking forward to it. We usually hung out and went to the same old places—The Colonnade or Maria’s. When he called and invited me, he told me to dress pretty. And why should I be dressing any differently, I thought?

Ever since Patty’d brought up being careful and was all cryptic, I’d watched Antonio. He was the same guy I’d been hanging out with for years. We listened to music, ate dinner or lunch a couple of times a week, and talked every day on the phone, sometimes twice. Some days maybe three times. But I thought back to all my best friends over the years and that’s the same fucking thing we did too. Although, granted, Brian was my best friend and then that became love. But this was Antonio, not Brian.

But Antonio was straight and even though that
one
thing happened all those years ago, he never made a pass or touched my cock or made me think he was interested in me romantically or sexually at all. Well, other than that one kiss. But he was just… experimenting.

After Thanksgiving things were on a more even keel. I’d started hanging out at his place again on Thursdays, and we even started back up with the massages again.

He was very careful the first few times to make sure I was feeling all right, and I finally had to slap his ass when he had me on the table and kept asking, “Are you okay, I’m not making you uncomfortable, am I?” one too many times. He jumped and stuttered a little, which made me laugh. Finally the ice was broken. He acted more like himself and that, more than anything, made me feel right again.

This all changed up our routine some, but it probably was just because it was my birthday, I figured. I saw a great short-sleeved raw silk shirt that was this icy silvery-blue color that even I could see looked really great with my eyes. It fit really nicely too. I’d started a regular gym routine again, and the cardio and free weights had really knocked off the extra few pounds and softness that had crept on when I was feeling the worst about things.

I shopped around a little more, but frankly it bored the shit out of me. After crossing off every item on my list, I was ready to head home. I hit the Hallmark store to get a nice card and wrapping paper for Robbie’s gifts and headed home to shower and get ready to go out. I looked forward to it.

W
HEN
I got to Antonio’s I went in like I usually did. I didn’t see him. When I looked around, I heard the shower running. I yelled that I was there and went to sit in the den. There were computer parts everywhere, and the room was totally a fucking mess. He had half-assembled
somethings
in there that he had explained, when I was half listening, were workstations.

He was totally into the design work he started and created some really interesting shapes and curves that looked oddly graceful. I wished now that I’d paid more attention to what he told me about all of his ideas. Now that I’d the time to study them, I could see wanting one for my house.