Solace (10 page)

“Go,” Shell repeated, and Shane stopped himself from turning around to help send the guy off.

“Fine. But call me if anything happens.”

Fucking asshole.

After David left, Shane was finally able to concentrate on what Becca was telling him. Her room had changed so much. There were new posters up, new books on the shelf, a ton of new interests Shane hadn’t even known she’d had.

It was another punch to the gut; a reminder of everything he’d missed.

But he took it all in, trying to absorb some of her sunshine. He knew he’d need it in the future, when things got rough.

After about an hour of visiting, during which Becca managed to get over her shyness long enough to ask Aaron to be their fourth player for a Wii game, Shane knew he’d have to wrap things up soon.

Especially since David had already called once, and Shane wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep quiet.

Becca didn’t make it easy, though.

“Can Daddy and his friend stay for dinner?”

Shit.

“I don’t…” Shell began.

“Not this time, Bear,” Shane said quickly. “We’ve gotta get back.”

She looked at him with her big, sad eyes, and he almost caved.

“Maybe next time,” Shell said.

That “maybe next time” was an insidious thing. It created a spark of hope in Shane that he carried with him back to his truck.

It was still so, so hard to leave. Damn near impossible. But he held onto that shred of a chance with an iron grip.

“You did really good,” Aaron said once they were both in the cab.

And the smile he gave made Shane feel like he could hold onto that hope just a little bit longer.

“Still want to punch that asshole in the mouth, though.”

“Yeah, well. You aren’t the only one,” Aaron mumbled.

Shane laughed, and that hope burrowed deeper inside of him. It was dangerous there, so close to his heart. But right now, he didn’t care.

“You got some time still? I’ll buy you dinner.”

Aaron’s eyes widened. “You don’t have to do that.”

He shrugged. “You didn’t have to come with me today, but you did. Call it my way of saying thanks.”

And then—because he couldn’t help himself—he winked. And Aaron blushed.

All was right with the world.

“Sure. I’ve got some time.”

I
t was
silly to feel like Shane had invited him on a date. Aaron knew that.

And yet he couldn’t help thinking it, the entire time they drove to wherever it was they were going. The cab of Shane’s truck was so small—and Shane’s legs so long—that it was almost impossible for him not to be touching Aaron in some way, and he half wondered if it was on purpose.

Probably not.

Just because they’d shared one kiss, it didn’t mean Shane was still thinking about him in that way. It wasn’t like he lived Aaron’s life, where there was nothing to fixate on
except
his conflicted feelings about that kiss.

It had been wrong. In a way, Shane had used him. He wasn’t naive enough to think otherwise. Shane had wanted a distraction, and he’d gotten one.

But Aaron could still taste him on his lips. When he closed his eyes, he was still enveloped in his scent, still able to feel the contours of his hard body.

He shouldn’t have agreed to come with Shane today. Keeping his distance was the best possible idea for his own sanity, because if he didn’t, he knew he’d give in.

It was so hard to say no to Shane, especially with something like this.

And in the end, he was glad he’d come. Meeting Shane’s little girl felt special, in a way he couldn’t describe. He normally didn’t like kids—they tended to be quicker even than adults to point out flaws—but Becca could probably grow on him.

Not that he’d see her again. But he wouldn’t mind seeing Shane’s entire being light up again, the way it had when he saw his daughter. Watching them together, it stirred something deep inside Aaron that he couldn’t explain.

Shane became a different person; a person that completely defied Aaron’s first impression of him. A person whom Aaron found extremely intriguing.

And that was a problem. A big problem.

“Hope you’re okay with fast food. I’m not exactly rolling in cash right now,” Shane said, pulling into a drive-in style restaurant.

“Fast food’s fine, but you really don’t have to pay.”

“Pick up the next one and we’ll call it square,” Shane said with another wink, and God only knew what that meant.

Shane pulled up to one of the menu boards and ordered, then gestured for Aaron to put his in, too. The worker on the other side couldn’t hear him, though, and he was forced to lean over Shane just to get his order right.

It was an innocent brush, but he could practically feel every muscle in Shane’s torso, and he had the sudden urge to place his palms flat against the man’s well-defined pecs and explore.

Heat spread to his cheeks, and he sat as far away from Shane as he could without seeming suspicious. If Shane noticed, he didn’t show it. He just paid for their food when it came, closed the two sacks, and handed them off to Aaron.

He expected they’d drive back to Shane’s place and eat, but instead Shane pulled around the building and took a side road Aaron hadn’t even noticed before. It wound around a lake, and Shane pulled his truck up on the grass, turning it around so the back faced the water.

“Haven’t had a burger on this tailgate since I was a teenager,” he said with a grin.

Aaron didn’t dare protest the choice of venue. He was enjoying this side of Shane too much.

It took them a few minutes to get everything set up. Shane let Buttercup out, though he kept her lead close at hand just in case.

After sorting out their meals, Aaron finally took in the sight. The sun was just starting to set behind the trees, and it cast distorted shafts of light over the water.

“It’s beautiful here,” he said quietly.

“Yeah. I missed views like this.”

Aaron unwrapped his cheeseburger and took a bite. Greasier than he’d wanted, for sure, but it was pretty good.

“You grew up here, right?”

“Mmhmm. My dad used to take me out to get a burger whenever I brought home a good report card. Which wasn’t all that often,” he said with a grin. “We always parked back here to feed the ducks.”

Aaron shivered.

“What?”

“Ducks.”

Shane arched a brow at that, then nudged him gently with his elbow.

“Seriously?”

“They just creep me out,” he said defensively.

Shane laughed, shaking his head, and they both enjoyed their meals for a while, duck free. Eventually, though, Aaron felt an odd compulsion. He’d learned more about Shane in the past few days than he’d ever expected to know.

And he wanted more.

“What do soldiers eat?”

That… was not the question he would have expected himself to ask. Shane looked at him, and he gave a sheepish smile.

“I mean, what did you eat when you were in Afghanistan? Did you have rations?”

“Sometimes, yeah. Usually only when we didn’t have access to a hot meal otherwise. I spent most of my time working on the base, though, so I only ate a few MREs.”

Shane took another bite of his burger before continuing.

“Got to try some local stuff a few times. There was a vendor set up at one of the FOBs. Wasn’t too bad, but I was always a sucker for the fast-food trucks,” he said with a grin.

“Fast-food trucks?”

“Yeah, we’d have trucks drive in that sold shit from places back home. Our base usually only got one at a time, and you’d end up having to wait an hour for a burger since every asshole wanted one,” he said with a grin. “Our CO hated it.”

“I bet,” Aaron said with a smile.

They talked for a while longer, finishing their meals. Aaron was so engrossed in the conversation that he didn’t notice their secret spot had been discovered. He didn’t even realize they weren’t alone until Buttercup let out a high-pitched yip.

And then Aaron let out that same yip when he realized what had happened.

Three ducks were clustered on the side of the truck opposite Buttercup. Two of them were waddling closer, and the third shook out its feathers menacingly.

Aaron didn’t think. He just scooted closer to Shane. Or rather, that’s what he’d intended to do. Without realizing it, he practically ended up in Shane’s lap.

And Shane was just laughing.

“Don’t worry, me and Buttercup will protect you from the evil ducks.”

Shane put one arm behind Aaron, and while it was meant to “shield” him from the enemy, to Aaron it felt perilously close to an embrace. His whole body lit up as he became all too aware of Shane’s.

Blushing furiously, Aaron scrambled back to his spot on the tailgate. Shane laughed again, but didn’t tease him beyond that. He even helped distract the ducks while Aaron got back into the truck.

With everything packed up, they headed back to Shane’s place so Aaron could pick up his car. He could still feel that energy thrumming through his veins, and if he was completely honest with himself, it wasn’t a very comfortable ride. He’d had to adjust himself once, when Shane wasn’t looking.

It was crazy. He wasn’t a teenager anymore. He shouldn’t be sporting wood just because he’d barely touched an attractive guy. And it definitely shouldn’t last this long. But it did, and that flood of desire kept surging through him, fogging his brain.

“Thanks for coming out with me,” Shane said after throwing the truck into park.

“Sure,” Aaron said, trying to smile.

It was hard to smile when Shane looked at him like a man starved, though.

Aaron was caught in his gaze, those blue eyes burning into his. He wasn’t sure which of them moved first, only that the negligible distance between them was closed in an instant, and his lips met Shane’s.

He felt that tight coil of want explode within him, offering momentary relief, and yet building the tension even higher. As Shane’s tongue swept past his lips and into his mouth, an ache surfaced in him, and Aaron felt himself moving closer.

He had no idea what he was doing. He wasn’t this type of guy. He didn’t seek out random hookups for a quick fuck.

But Shane was… something else. Even now, he could feel it. There was passion in his kiss, a lust that burned hot enough to consume him, but there was something more, too. An edge of tenderness that surprised him.

Shane
was
something else.

And if they slept together…

If they slept together, Aaron was terrified he would want more.

So he drew back, slowly this time. His hand still rested at the back of Shane’s neck, and he felt Shane’s breath ghost against his lips.

“You can come in if you want,” Shane said roughly.

“I probably shouldn’t,” he said.

And then, somehow, he pulled himself away from Shane, got into his own car, and managed to leave before making a huge mistake.

Even if it was a mistake he desperately wanted to make.

S
hane sat on his couch
, his laptop propped up in front of him. Buttercup lay beside him, seemingly unaffected by the clacking of the keys as he filled out probably the tenth application of the day.

He didn’t have his heart set on any one of them. There were local and chain places included, and he really didn’t give a shit where he ended up right now, as long as it was stable enough that he could support his kid.

There was a cynical part of Shane that said he was going to get rejected before even getting to the interview. Once they saw his service record, it was all over. The circumstances didn’t matter. He
had
engaged in misconduct, so he
had
been thrown out on his ass.

And nobody wanted to hire a troublemaker.

But Shane felt oddly hopeful. If he bashed his head against the wall long enough, some of the bricks had to fall.

And right now, things were looking up. He’d gotten to spend some time with Becca, and things with Aaron were… Well, probably not quite where he wanted them yet. Shane had made quick friends with his hand after that first kiss, and the second only made him want the man more.

But he’d already pounced once. He wasn’t going to do it again. Not unless he knew Aaron wanted it.

So he kept himself busy, and for once didn’t spend the day playing Shield and Sanctuary with Aaron, just because it was too easy to drop not-so-subtle hints.

Maybe he’d play a bit tonight, though. They’d gotten stuck on a tough dungeon last time, and Aaron seemed like a completionist.

As Shane was busy mulling over strategy, his phone rang. He saw Shell’s name on the screen and answered immediately.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Daddy you have to come get me.”

His daughter’s words were said between big, choking sobs that broke Shane’s heart. And when she spoke again, her words were completely unintelligible.

“Whoa, hold on. Slow down, honey. What’s wrong?”

He was already standing, searching for his keys. If that asshole hurt her in any way…

“Mom wants to move to Arizona.”

Shane stopped, his fingers inches away from grabbing his keys. The sound of the TV in the background faded to a droning buzz, and the rest of the world came to an abrupt halt.

“What do you mean? Why would she go to Arizona?”

Maybe she’d heard wrong. Maybe Shell had been talking about a vacation.

“She said she wanted to work there. That she wanted to move as soon as school’s out.”

Shane all but collapsed into the nearest chair. Buttercup—who’d still been asleep last he’d seen—was quickly at his side, her head resting on his lap.

He couldn’t believe Michelle hadn’t told him anything. They weren’t married anymore, and maybe they weren’t even friends, but
this
? After things had gone so well during his visit?

“Let me talk to Mom,” he said, doing his best to keep the mounting anger out of his voice.

“She doesn’t know I heard. And… she doesn’t know I’m on the phone,” Becca admitted between sobs.

Shane’s jaw clenched. That meant Shell had probably been having this conversation with David. He’d bet every fucking penny he had on this being David’s idea.

That fucking asshole.

“It’s okay, sweetie.” The hand he was using to hold the phone shook. “We’ll figure it out.”

He’d fight them on this. He had to. He wasn’t going to let some stranger keep him from his kid.

But then… what if it hadn’t been David’s decision? What if Shell had made that call on her own?

What if the progress he was making wasn’t good enough? What if she didn’t trust him with Becca, and never would? He would lose her for good. There was no way he was going to convince Shell he was doing better if she was in Arizona.

Maybe that was the point.

A crushing weight fell upon him, like a mountain finally giving way under a landslide.

“Come get me, Daddy. I want to stay with you.”

He could go get her. He was still her dad. He still had a legal right to be near her. Shell hadn’t officially taken that away from him.

But if he took Becca—even to stay with him for the weekend—she would take that away from him.

And it would all be over.

“You know I can’t, Bear. It’ll be okay. I’ll work this out with your mom.”

“Don’t you want me to live with you?”

She might as well have ripped out his still-beating heart.

“Of course I want you to live with me.”

“You don’t,” she shot back. “I knew you wouldn’t want me.”

“Becca—”

But he didn’t get a chance to say anything else. The line went dead, silence on the other end until finally the dial tone signaled his crushing defeat.

Shane slowly lowered the phone from his ear, staring down at it in disbelief.

And in that instant, all of that carefully cultivated hope was snuffed out.