Spiralling Skywards: Falling (Contradictions #1) (27 page)

How had my brother survived all of that and grown up to be the amazing person that he was, how?

I watched on the news almost daily, stories about kids from broken homes going out and getting into trouble, using the fact that they’d never known their dad as an excuse. Luke had never brought the police to my grandparent’s door, never. Yeah, he and his mates had a reputation for being able to handle themselves in a fight, but they never got into trouble for it.

“That week, I fell asleep twice in class. My teacher, Mrs Benson kept me in one playtime and asked me if everything was okay. I lied and just told her that the new baby was noisy and was keeping me awake. Luckily, I had nice clean clothes on and didn’t look in any way neglected, so she believed me. I decided then, though, that I couldn’t do it all.

“I would look after you the best I could. I used to make up your bottles for the day and leave them next to mum’s bed so all she had to do was feed you when you cried. I left her with your changing bag filled with nappies and wipes and cream and powder, everything that she could possibly need. One afternoon I got home and you were screaming the place down. We were so lucky that nobody had called the police.

“When I got up to the bedroom, she had an empty bottle of vodka in the bed with her and her Valium were tipped out over the bedside table. I didn’t care if she was dead, I hoped she was. What I did care about was the fact that she hadn’t fed or changed you the entire day. You were eight weeks old, and you’d skipped two bottles and was lying in a nappy soaked through with your own shit and piss.”

I felt his chest and belly move as he took in more deep breaths.

“I shoved a bottle in your mouth while sitting in the bath with you. Once you were clean, dressed, and fed, I put you in my bed and you slept right through till your next feed. In the meantime, she’d come to, and I told her that I’d come home from school and you were dead. She was hysterical, running around the house and looking for you. When she found you in my bed and realised I was lying, she smacked me around the face, I smacked her back and told her what a bad mum she was.”

I felt like I should say something, but what? I didn’t know if he had ever confided in anyone with all of this. He’d never told me before, and I had no clue if my nan and grandad knew.

“She got a little better after that, staying coherent enough during the day to feed and change you at least. Then she’d just clear off all night. Sometimes she’d come home with a bloke, sometimes on her own.”

He was quiet for a few moments, so I braved a look up at him just as he looked down at me.

“I need a drink. Want one?”

I nodded.

We moved over to the kitchen table, where Luke opened another bottle of red and poured us both a glass.

The only illumination in the room was coming from the glow of the fire and the lights on the Christmas tree. It set a mood of calmness and serenity, which was a stark contrast to the story that Luke was retelling.

“When she died and we moved in with Nan and Grandad, I finally felt like I could breathe. It was still hard. We both had nightmares, obviously at just three years old it was so much harder for you to vocalise everything that you’d experienced in that car accident. We both saw counsellors, and it helped me massively, not just to deal with the accident but to also deal with everything that went on before it. You used to wake up screaming and refusing to sleep on your own.”

I reached across the table and covered his hand with mine, he slid it out and covered mine with both of his. Always the protective big brother.

“Anyway, you grew out of that, and I think that despite everything, we both ended up pretty decent adults.”

We clinked our glasses together.

“Here’s to us,” he said.

“Here’s to amazing big brothers that let me paint their nails, sleep in their bed, and sing and dance along to NKOTB with me when no one else is around.”

“Yeah, no need to go public with that last one.”

“Why, you made a great Joey McIntyre.”

He shook his head.

“Anyway, all of that is the reason that I wanted to travel. You turned eighteen and were going off to college, so I thought a bit of separation would be good for both of us. I figured that if I were ever going to travel, that would be the best time. To be honest, I was already over Mel before I found out she was fucking her boss. When I
did
find out what she’d been up to, it freed me a little bit more.”

We both sipped on our wine, the house was so quiet that I jumped when the fire crackled and spat.

“I had people keeping an eye on you, so I knew you were doing okay. Nan and Grandad weren’t getting any younger, and I knew that at some stage, we would have to look after them in their old age, so I just stayed away.”

“Do you think you’ll ever go back? Would you prefer to live there, not here?”

“You know what, I think I would, but I’d just miss you too much.”

“You can’t live your life for me, Luke. I’d make the effort to get out and see you if you did ever go back. We could have one Christmas here, the next over there. Take it in turns.”

He gave me a one-shouldered shrug.

“We’ll see. There might just be some English girl about to sweep me off my feet, then I wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else but here.”

I smiled. My brother had never really spoken to me about what he wanted with regard to love, settling down, and marriage. I didn’t even know if he wanted children.

“Is that what you’d like?”

“After watching what you and Del have put each other through this past month, I’m not exactly sure. And once you throw that bitch of an ex of his into the equation, no. I think I’m probably better off single. That woman’s priceless, what she tried to do to Del, you couldn’t make that shit up.”

It was my turn to let out a deep breath. I was a little confused by what he’d said about Liam’s wife. What did he mean by “what she tried to do”? I assumed they would be spending Christmas together, and I’d wondered why they weren’t since Luke told me Liam would be joining us.

I had a moment of panic, at the prospect of Liam bringing her along for dinner.

“How come he’s here for Christmas? Why didn’t he go home to his wife?”

“Why the fuck would he go home to his wife? He hopes the new offer he put forward will be enough for her to sign the divorce papers and fuck her off out of it for good.”

My stomach wasn’t sure what way it wanted to go and decided to simply churn inside me.

“They’re still getting a divorce, what about the baby?”

“Not his problem, Sarah.”

I was shocked. After reliving everything we’d gone through during our childhoods spent with a single mum, I thought he’d have a little more empathy for Olivia.

“Wow, that’s a little harsh. Does he feel no responsibility?”

“Why should he? She was lying, the manipulative bitch. After everything she’s put him through, I think he’s being more than generous, but she reckons she has evidence that Liam’s been seeing someone since he moved over here, so she’s threatening to counterclaim the adultery.”

Something wasn’t adding up. I had a bad feeling in my belly. I chugged my wine and the bad feeling got worse.

“On the Monday after everything kicked off at my house Sunday night, Olivia came to see me.”

Luke leaned back in his chair.

“She came to see you? What the fuck for? How’d she know where you live?”

Now it was my turn to do the head scratching thing.

“She said she still has access to company records, I’m listed as your next of kin.”

“No, she does not. Fuck me that woman’s a liar.”

“But you worked for her in Sydney.”

“No I never. D and R holdings is the company she shares with Del, I never worked for them. I worked for DRR, which is Del’s company alone. Where’s my mobile, I’m gonna call him. There’s no way she should be able to access that information.”

He pushed up from his chair and started looking around for his phone.

“Call it for me, Sunshine, I’ve no fucking clue where I left it.”

I pulled my mobile from the pocket of my hoodie and called his number, a moment later, Tupac’s “Changes” started to play from the kitchen worktop. I ended the call as he reached for it.

“What did she want then, when she came to see you? What else did she say?”

He looked at his screen as he spoke to me, tapped a button, and then held the phone to his ear.

He looked back in my direction and raised his chin, as if to tell me to go on, but before I could speak, he held his hand up to silence me. Any other time his telling me to shut it would have pissed me off, but I was feeling a little sick anyway, which had nothing to do with the wine, and I pressed my lips together.

“I’ll give you limp dick, you cheeky bastard. Listen, how long till you get to my place?”

Then without another word, he hung up and walked out to the hallway. I couldn’t see from where I sat at the table, but I assumed he’d gone to open the front door. I topped up my wine and went and sat on the sofa so I could pull a furry throw over my legs.

The room smelt delicious, the burning wood and coal mixed with the fresh pine scent from the tree was like every happy Christmas at once, but none of it did anything to settle the unease I felt in my belly.

My heart knew he was in the room before I even laid eyes on him. She always was a traitorous little whore where he was concerned.

He was stopped in the doorway when I turned my head, his arms laden with presents as he simply stood and stared at me.

“Sarah. You look fucking beautiful sitting there in the firelight. Those flames match the colour of your hair.”

“Get in the fucking door, Shakespeare, before I drop something,” Luke called from behind him. They both placed the armfuls of beautifully wrapped presents they were carrying under the tree.

“You got anything else in the car?” Luke asked.

“Yeah, the turkey you told me to get. My overnight bag and a slab of beer. Oh, there are a couple of bottles of whiskey the Germans had delivered on Friday,” Liam told him, not taking his eyes from me.

“Nice! The good stuff?”

“A Sazerac Rye and an Ardberg Uigeadail.”

“Excellent. I’ll give you a hand.”

Luke headed back out the door, but Liam continued to stand and stare at me.

My heart felt battered and bruised after my brother’s earlier confessions and beat an erratic staccato in my chest as I watched him watching me.

I knew as soon as his hand twitched that it would reach for the back of his neck. The familiarity both bathed me in contentment and slayed me at the same time. He looked tired standing in the glow of the light from the Christmas tree but still oh so fucking gorgeous.

“I’ve missed you, pretty girl, so fucking much.”

I swear, my heart paused and didn’t beat again until he left the room a few seconds later.

***

“She came to your house? Why the fuck didn’t you tell me this?” Liam came back through the door a few moments later and strode to where I was still sitting. “What did she want? What the fuck did she say to you? How does she even know where you live?”

Once again, I opened my mouth to speak, but Luke followed Liam into the room and answered before I could.

“She reckons she accessed company records and got them from my file.”

Liam sat down on the sofa next to me. Luke paced.

“What company records? There’s no records she’s got access to that hold your details. She’s talking shit. The woman’s a compulsive liar.”

He turned and looked at me. Eyebrows drawn together. I wasn’t sure if his expression was one of confusion or concern.

“You wanna drink?” Luke asked him.

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna need one now,” he replied, still without taking his eyes from me.

“What did she say to you, Sarah? Is this why you wouldn’t have a bar of me when I came round that night? Did she say shit about me?”

Luke passed him a glass of the red wine we’d been drinking. Liam looked at it but didn’t take it from him.

“What the fuck is that?” he asked him.

“Wine.”

“Do I look like I’ve grown a vagina?” He turned to me, adding, “No offence, bub.” And winked.

I hadn’t had sex in four whole weeks. The last sex I’d had was multiple-orgasm, mind-blowing sex. With him. He’d just winked at me. Things may have clenched. Internal things. My knickers may have, for some inexplicable reason, become wet.

“Sarah?”

“That’s a thirty quid bottle of wine. You drink wine, I’ve seen you drink wine.”

“There are two bottles of hundred quid whiskey out there, go and open one of those. I don’t want your poxy wine.”

He glanced at the glass in my hand. “Although, I’m sure the wine is very nice.”

Luke huffed, took my half empty glass, poured the contents of Liam’s into it, and passed it back to me before turning and walking out of the room. My mouth hung open during all of this. My brain still stuck in multiple orgasms and Liam winking territory.