Naomi couldn’t believe what she was hearing. A foundation? Something outside of her father’s company and her mother’s law profession? Something completely unselfish?
She had always seen her parents as selfish beings, like two gluttonous creatures reveling in their work as she suffered in the background. Now that melted away.
“Have you continued the search for you daughter?” the host asked.
“Oh, yes.”
“With any luck?”
Jason’s expression crumpled and he fought to put it back to a smile. “No luck yet, but we won’t stop trying.”
The host nodded. “If you could tell your daughter anything right this moment, what would you say?”
Karen glanced at Jason, silent words passing between them. She smiled. “I would tell her how much I—”
The TV turned black. Naomi glanced at Eric now standing behind the loveseat with the remote clenched in one hand and a sugar spoon in the other.
“You don’t need to see that,” he growled. “Your breakfast is ready.”
Her chest heaved as she struggled for breaths and fought to hold back the nausea rushing through her. “I’m not hungry,” she stuttered as she scrambled off the loveseat. Her iPod slipped from her panicked fingers and fell to the floor.
“Naomi, calm down. We can talk through this. I didn’t see what you were watching until it was too late. I didn’t hear it all the way in the kitchen. If I had known—”
“Why didn’t you tell me about them!” she screamed, surprised at her outburst and even more surprised at her accusation. “You knew they were doing this, didn’t you? You knew they were still looking for me—that they
care.
”
His face turned bright red, but he remained calm. That was good, because she knew her outburst was cause for severe punishment. “I only knew a few weeks ago,” he said stiffly. “None of this changes anything.” He raised the sugar spoon. It trembled in his fingers. “They’re only saying those things for the public. It doesn’t change why you’re here.”
“Th-that’s not true.” The room spun around her so fast she thought she might fall down. Eric came closer and started to wrap his arms around her, but she yanked away.
“Don’t touch me.” She looked up at him through her tears, hoping to find a shred of peace in the world crumbling around her. He looked like he might be trying to sympathize, but mostly it seemed he was trying to contain his anger. His jaw was clenched, his eyes dark. He reached for her again, but she backed away as panic swirled her vision.
“Let me help you,” he said, still moving toward her. “
We
care about you. Doesn’t that matter?” His face softened in true pity, but it didn’t help her.
“Turn it back on. I want to see them again.”
She had gone too far. The pity in Eric’s face melted into rage. “What have I told you before?” he growled, stepping closer. He threw the sugar spoon and remote onto the floor so hard that they bounced. “Don’t ever yell at me again and don’t ever tell me what to do or I’ll hit you so hard you’ll bleed for a damn week. Your parents are nothing.
Nothing.
” He moved closer, every muscle in his body ready to hit her.
She backed away, trembling. “No,” she whispered.
In a burst of energy, she raced past him to the stairs and up to her room. She slammed the door and ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. Her entire body shook. He couldn’t get to her in here. He couldn’t tell her what to do. She had to be strong now that she knew the truth—and that truth was bitter. It came up her throat as she dropped to her knees in front of the toilet and fell apart at the seams.
XXIV
EVELYN POUNDED ON THE DOOR FOR thirty minutes. Naomi didn’t answer. She tried to plug her ears, but the words still got through.
“Honey, please come out! We have to go to work, but we need to know if you’re alright. Eric said you saw your parents on the TV. Sweetie, we can talk about this. You’re very hurt. You know you can talk to me about anything.”
Naomi curled herself into a ball on the cold bathroom floor and squeezed her eyes closed so tightly that no tears could escape them. She didn’t want to cry anymore. It was stupid to cry.
“Naomi! Open the door!” Evelyn pounded harder. “Honey, please.”
She curled tighter. Her body trembled. All she could see was a red starfish and her mother’s eyes, twinkling with what had to be love. They loved her. They had started a foundation in
her
name. They had changed. It was all over their faces, and no matter how much she didn’t want to believe it, she couldn’t get it out of her head. She wanted to throw up again, but nothing was left.
“I’m leaving,” Evelyn said with a heavy sigh. “If you don’t open the door when I get back I’ll have Steve force the lock open. You can’t stay in there forever.”
Naomi repeated those words in her head all day long as she stayed on the floor, trying not to cry. After several hours, she took off her clothes and stepped into the shower where she finally let the tears come.
Then Steve got home from work and forced open the lock to let Evelyn inside.
Only, it wasn’t Evelyn.
“Jesse, you can’t go in there!” Evelyn’s voice yelled out. “She’s in the shower. She might not want—”
“I’ll handle this,” Jesse growled and slammed the door. When he pulled open the shower curtain she backed into the farthest corner, covering herself the best she could. He kept his eyes on her face and held out a towel. He looked sad.
“You can’t stay in here forever.”
“That’s what Evelyn said.” The water was turning cold. She shut it off and snatched the towel, hurriedly wrapping it around her naked body. She was sure Jesse had caught glimpses of everything. Part of her didn’t care.
“She’s right. How long have you been standing here under the cold water?” He folded his arms.
Her teeth chattering, she whispered, “I don’t know.” Then she knotted her brow. “When did you get back?”
“Thirty minutes ago. Eric called me from his office and told me I had to get here to calm you down.”
She looked at her towel and considered the heavy emotions in her heart. “I don’t need to calm down,” she muttered. “Look at me—I’m not screaming or anything. I’m perfectly fine.”
“I don’t believe that.” He narrowed his eyes and stepped closer. “Evelyn said you saw your parents on TV. What happened?”
Her teeth were still chattering. She wrapped the towel closer just as Jesse gave her his hand. At least he wanted to help her and he was being calm about it. She had to admit she was happy to see him, even past all the drama in her head.
She took his hand and stepped out, allowing him to pull her into his arms. He held her tightly. It was only natural to rest against him, a sigh of relief escaping her mouth. He was safe to her. Through all of the crap she was feeling, he was the only one she wanted to help her.
“Tell me, Naomi. I’m here.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” She was surprised at the monotone sound of her voice, as if something inside of her had died. She felt weak from hunger and crying.
“Try,” he said, and put a finger beneath her chin to lift her face up to his. When she looked into his eyes she saw no impatience, no frustration. He wasn’t going to make her answer his questions this time. Something inside of her opened, and any doubt she had felt for his affection melted away. She took a deep breath. She could tell him.
“They were on the
Today Show
talking about a foundation they’ve started. They’re still looking for me. They’re different. They’ve ... changed.” Fresh tears welled in her eyes. She tried to keep them back, but it was impossible. Jesse pulled her close again, stroking her bare shoulder blades, but not in an erotic way. Every movement he made was filled with concern.
“I had no idea about any of this,” he said. “We haven’t been keeping an eye on any recent news reports about you. We got lazy.”
“Would you have told me even if you had?”
Silence. She knew the answer. They would never have risked telling her about the foundation or her parents’ altered feelings. She closed her eyes and held her breath. Maybe their feelings weren’t altered. Maybe they had loved her all along. That thought hurt most of all.
“Come on,” Jesse said, releasing her. “Let’s get you in some clothes so you can rest.”
Nodding, she watched as he turned and opened the door. She had expected Evelyn to be waiting, but the room was empty. She followed him to her dresser where he opened a few drawers.
“You don’t have to do everything for me,” she said as he searched through the drawers. “My pants are the third one down.”
He pulled it open and looked over his shoulder. “Just let me help you, alright? You’re a wreck. Go sit down.”
“Are you going to search through my underwear drawer, too?” She walked to her bed and sat on the edge, wrapping her arms around herself.
He turned around and waved a pair of panties at her. “Already did. Does that bother you?”
“No.” She took the clothes he handed her. He had picked one of her favorite outfits, and she realized how much attention he paid to things like that. At any other time she might have stood and hugged him, but right now all she wanted to do was curl up under the covers and cry herself to sleep. She couldn’t get her parents out of her head. They buried everything else.
“I’m staying here until I know you’re okay,” he said as she stood to put the clothes on. His eyes met hers before he turned around. “Get dressed.”
Staring at his back, she dropped the towel. She knew he wouldn’t turn around. He had already seen her naked anyway, so what did it matter? Her heart beat fast at the trust she felt for him, at how he had never forced her to do anything and she knew he never would.
“I’m finished,” she said softly.
He turned and nudged her to the bed. “Lie down.”
She didn’t fight him. She knew he wanted to hold her again like he had so many months ago. It was exactly what she needed. When she was on the bed she turned her back to him and waited for him to crawl beside her. He pulled her close.
“Now tell me why seeing your parents on TV was so upsetting.”
She closed her eyes and took a shuddering breath. She would not cry. She wouldn’t. “Don’t you understand?” she whispered. “I haven’t seen them for a year. You and the others made me believe they didn’t care, and now it’s obvious they do.”
With his other hand he smoothed her wet hair away from her face. “I don’t think we made you believe anything,” he said. “We only built on the truth—on what you told us yourself that night Eric slapped you. Don’t you remember?”
“Yes, I do.” She clenched her jaw.
“I don’t know what’s happened with your parents,” he said, still stroking her hair. She was sure his shirt was soaked by now. “All I know is that I’ve seen you happy here—happier than you’ve probably been anywhere else. Isn’t that right?”
She concentrated on his warmth and inched closer to him, if it was possible to get any closer. He spoke the truth, but she still ached inside. Now that she knew her parents loved her, something felt unresolved. A door had opened, and she didn’t know if she could ever close it and walk away.
Jesse was quiet for a long time. He didn’t urge her to answer his question. She relaxed against him and her eyes began to droop.
“Naomi,” he finally said, a slight tremble in his voice.
“Yes?”
“I have to leave again for a few days. There’s something I have to do.”
Her eyes popped open. “Leave again? You just got back. When are you finally going to stay?” Twisting, she looked him in the face. He appeared defeated somehow, as if he had been punched in the gut. That made her hurt too. “I don’t think I can handle you leaving again,” she said. “Seriously, I really, really don’t. Please, Jesse ....”
“Don’t worry,” he said, and nudged her back onto her side. “Get some rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
HE LEFT the next day, promising her he would be back soon. From her bedroom window she watched him drive away in Steve’s car just as Evelyn came in with her cleaning supplies.
“Bathroom-cleaning day,” she said in a happy voice. “You want to do yoga when I’m finished?”
Naomi turned around, her shoulders drooping. “I guess so.”
“Oh, honey, he’ll be back soon.”
“I know.”
She raised her bucket of supplies. “Want to help? Get your mind off things?”
“Sure.”
As she sprayed the tiles down with a cleaner that smelled like mint, Naomi thought about how much time she had spent in the shower during her first few days in the house. She ran a cloth over the grout where she had etched the thirty-five marks and wondered what Evelyn had thought when she first saw them. She must have noticed.
“Thanks for helping,” Evelyn said as she climbed onto the counter to reach the top of the mirror.
“I don’t mind. It’s my mess, after all.”
“Not much of a mess.” She laughed. “You used to be messier.”
“Really?”
“Yes, but it was never bad, I promise.” Evelyn winked.
Then Naomi remembered how she had never cleaned a bathroom before she had come here. She often helped Evelyn, and it made her appreciate Mindy’s job back home. She was forgetting what Mindy looked like, but she could remember her mother, especially now. Seeing her face on the TV made it seem like only yesterday that she had last seen her.