The Color Of Her Panties (24 page)

“That's what he said,” Mela confessed.  “But I threatened to show him my panty, and then he told us to talk with Nada Naga.  So we made a deal with Metria to get here.”

“Now it all comes clear.  He acted appropriately.  Nada, take five.”

The beautiful princess looked around.  “Take five what, professor?”

Grossclout's eyes rolled up until the smoldering pupils disappeared, then on around inside his head until they returned to the front.  “Five moments.  Talk to these querents.”

“But I don't understand-” Nada said, bewildered.

“Exactly.” The professor stalked away.

Nada looked at them, baffled.  “We don't understand any better than you do,” Mela said apologetically.  “We thought you would know what it was all about.”

“I hardly know what this is all about!” Nada said, gesturing in a full circle.

Ida, seeing Mela and Nada standing together, found it hard to judge which one was more beautiful.  Mela's body was fuller, but Nada's face was prettier.

“Then again Could it be related to our Questions?” Okra asked.

Nada frowned.  “A husband?  Jenny Elf's riddance? Destiny?  I somehow don't think so.”

“I really don't want much,” Mela said.  “Just the most handsome, virile, thoughtful, intelligent prince available.

Nada stared at her a moment.  Then she shook herself, as if not quite believing her own conclusion, and turned to the next woman.  “Okra, why do you want to be rid of Jenny Elf?  She's a nice girl, and surely never did any harm to anyone, especially you.”

“She was chosen to be a Main Character instead of me,” Okra explained.

“If she goes, then I can be it, and then nothing bad will happen to me, and maybe I'll live happily ever after.”

“How long have you been traveling with Mela and Ida?”

“Oh, days!  We helped get Mela panted, even.”

“Panted!  You mean the Good Magician's Question has been answered?

“Yes.  Her panty is-”

“Don't tell me.  Such things are not good to bruit about.

But I think I'm getting an inkling of the Good Magician's reasoning.“

Then she turned to Ida.  And stared again.

“Oh, my!  I think I do know your destiny.”

“You do?” Ida said, delighted.  “What is it?”

“But I don't know exactly why the Good Magician didn't tell you.  So I think I must not say what I think.  The Good Magician always has reasons, and I am afraid to interfere.

“But surely it can't hurt to-”

Nada shook her head.  “I don't mean to tease you, Ida, but I'm afraid I must, to this extent.  But I believe that my brother, Naldo, may be able to help all three of you and that the reason Humfrey sent you to talk to me was so that I would refer you to him.  Indeed, you would have more trouble finding him than you did me.  Here, let me see if I can arrange it.” She walked to rejoin Professor Grossclout, who was just standing up, aware of the end of her dialogue by some inherent professorish mechanism.  Evidently the five moments were up.

“Yes, I will arrange it,” the professor said.  “Promise them to secrecy, then tell them what you wish.” He vanished.

“Secrecy?” Mela asked.

“About this project.  Surely you are curious.”

“Oh, yes!” Mela agreed, echoed by the other two.

“This is the strangest business.”

“Then the three of you must agree not to tell any other person about what you have seen here.  If you do that, the professor will not use magic to bind you to secrecy, as he has Metria.”

The three exchanged a generous four glances.  “We agree,” Mela said.

“We are preparing for a marvelous game,” Nada said.

“It will be open to Mundanes, who will get to tour Xanth through it.

Each player will be helped by one of us, so that he doesn't get into trouble, such as being eaten by a dragon.  If he plays well enough, he can win a magic talent.  If he doesn't, he'll be out.”

“But what was all that business about swimming or kissing?” Ida asked.

“If I work with a male Mundane, he might get notions about seeing me in panties,” Nada explained.  “Of course we can't have that.  So if we have to cross a river, I won't swim it, unless I change to serpent form.

We're practicing how I can dissuade him, if he gets insistent.

Everything has to be prepared for, so we don't mess up in the game itself.  That's why the dragons are working on their accuracy; they aren't supposed to fry any players, just warn them.  But of course the Mundanes won't know that.”

“I don't envy you this duty,” Mela said.  “All because you tasted a bit of red whine!”

“Actually it is interesting,” Nada said.  “I wasn't doing anything much, after I stopped being betrothed to Prince Dolph.  And once it's done, I'll be free.  I'm learning alot, and Professor Grossclout isn't bad, once you get to know him.”

“What?”

Nada jumped.  There was the professor.  “I was only saying how terrible you are,” she said quickly.  “A real brute of a monster, with no consideration for personal frailty.”

“That's better.  Arrangements have been made.“ He faced the three visitors.  “Group yourselves together.”

“It has been nice meeting you,” Nada said.  “Remember, tell my brother what you have told me, but say nothing about what we are doing here.”

“We will,” Mela agreed.

Mela, Okra, and Ida drew together.  The professor gestured.  Abruptly the scene changed.

Jenny hoped that the worst was over.  Gobble was still a brat, and she still had to use mainly one eye, and they were deep under the callicantzari mountain, but they had cured Gobble of his adult vocabulary and Che knew the way back.

Gwenny dipped some more Lethe water and screwed the cap on the cup.  That elixir could be useful later.  Then, just to make sure Gobble didn't steal it and use it on them, she sprinkled one more drop on him.  “Forget about the Lethe water we have with us,” she said.

They moved on up the winding tunnels and caves and galleries until they reached the place they had nighted before.  They ate the last of their food, because they knew that the following day would see them either out of the nether region or in the fouled-up stomachs of the callicantzari.  They let Gobble keep the watch again, because it still would be no particular loss if he got eaten by a monster.  He was less obnoxious, now that he had lost his bad words, but they had to be careful not to say anything about the way the lenses let them see dreams.

Jenny was tired, and so fell immediately to sleep, not watching anyone else's dream.  She woke refreshed, and trusted that the others were too, except for Gobble, who didn't matter.

They trekked on until they reached the chasm.  There, unfortunately, was a phalanx of callicantzari, each one looking worse than all the others, as was their nature.

What were they going to do now?  Gwenny's wand could move only one monster out of the way at a time.  They had hoped that these denizens would have forgotten about the travelers in the course of the last two days.

Forgotten!  Obviously these creatures had better memories than bodies or natures.  But that gave Jenny an idea.

She drew Gwenny aside.  “We can use some of the water to make them forget us,” she whispered.  “Then they'll go away, and we'll have no trouble.”

“I knew I saved it for something,” Gwenny said, brightening.

But how could they do this without alerting Gobble?  Of course they could sprinkle him with another drop and make him forget again, but they weren't sure the Lethe water would be effective against the same memory twice.  It would be better to divert or deceive him in some way, so that he just didn't learn about the Lethe again.

“Why don't I take Gobble and look for another way around the monsters,” Jenny said.  “Meanwhile you two can check in the other direction.  Then we can meet back here and see who has the best route.”

“That's a wonderful idea, Jenny!” Gwenny agreed.

“So I cotta be with the four-eyed freak elf,” Gobble grumbled.  Then he did a double take, or at least a one and-a-half take.  “Say, point-ears, how come you can see without your specs?  I remember you lost 'em, and you're bat-blind without 'em, but now you're seeing okay.”

The brat was entirely too cunning!  Jenny thought faintly.

“Maybe I'm not as blind as you think I am, bratwurst.”

He shut up, which was his usual reaction when bested.

They walked down the tunnel away from the chasm, then turned right at the first intersection.  Jenny made careful note, because she knew how important it was not to get lost.

They proceeded through assorted chambers, but none seemed to lead near the chasm, let alone across it.  “There doesn't seem to be much here,”

Jenny remarked.  Of course she wasn't looking for much; the point was to give Che and Gwenny time to cross and sprinkle the callicantzari with Lethe water.

“Why don't you have your dumb cat look?” Gobble asked.

“Sammy isn't dumb; he can speak if he wants to.”

Because dumbness had nothing to do with intelligence, and everything to do with silence.

“Yeah?  Then let's hear him say something.”

Sammy growled at him.

“That's not talking!” the brat said.

“That's cat-talk.  But I won't repeat what he called you, junk-brain.“

Still, it was a notion.  “Sammy, find the safest way out.  “She held on to the cat, just in case.

The cat map appeared, as it had before.  It led straight back the way they had come.  That meant that the others had cleared the way.

“See, he doesn't know anything,” Gobble said.

“He's looking back,” Jenny said.  “That means we're going the wrong way. Maybe the others have found something.”

“Yeah, sure,” he said derisively.  “They're probably just smooching.”

That was all he knew about what adults did.  The Conspiracy was holding.

They made their way back.  Sure enough, Che was across the chasm and Gwenny was waiting for them.  “The monsters went away,” she called.

“They must have forgotten about us.”

Just so.  “How nice,” Jenny said.

“I never heard of the callicantzari forgetting about their prey,” Gobble said suspiciously.

“Why, my dear little brother,” Gwenny said sweetly, “could it possibly be that there is something about yuck-y monsters that you don't know?”

He shut up twice as solidly as before.

They tossed the rope, and Gwenny used it to cross.  This time Che had flicked her with his tail before he was lofted to the other side, so that she was light, and it was easy for her to hand herself along the rope.  Then from the other side she lofted Gobble and Jenny across.

They hurried on, because there could be other callicantzari who hadn't been sprinkled with Lethe water, or some who had but might hear them and come in again.  But they got through without event, to Jenny's relief.

It was wonderful to see the faint splotch of light at the end of the tunnel.

“Do you know, Jordan the Barbarian explored this very passage, centuries ago,” Che remarked.  “But he managed to find another way out.”

“Yes, he was the one who left the boulder blocking the entrance,” Gwenny said.  “I mean, they rolled it to shut him in, but he did get out.  But he wasn't looking for…” she stopped just in time, remembering not to speak of it.

They walked on out of the deep cave and into the afternoon sunlight.  It was a glorious feeling.

The goblin men came out to see them.  “Very well, Gobble,” Gwenny said.

“You may go now.  Thank you for a wonderful time.”

Gobble opened his mouth.  “-!” he yelled, frustrated.

They returned to Godiva's suite and made a full report while eating a full meal.  Then they retired to Gwenny's suite for a full night's rest.

This, too, was wonderful.  There was much to be said for fullness.

But there was no spare pair of spectacles in Goblin Mountain.  Jenny had had a pair in reserve, but probably Gobble had sought them out and destroyed them out of sheer brattishness.  So Gwenny insisted that she keep the one lens, until she could get regular spectacles.  But she would have to act as if she couldn't see as well as she could, so that the goblins did not catch on that there was other magic in operation.

That could make mischief for Gwenny.

Next day they walked around the passages of Goblin Mountain, talking with goblins.  That was interesting and disquieting.  “How do you feel about my becoming chief?”

Gwenny asked one.

“You can be chief if you want to,” the man replied.

But he seemed evasive, and Jenny saw a daydream of Gobble wearing the mantle of the chief.  This goblin actually supported Gobble, but didn't dare say so, in case Gobble didn't make it.

“How do you feel about me?” Gwenny asked another male.

“You're okay, I guess,” he responded.  But his mental picture showed her in a big pot of boiling water.

Jenny realized that not only were the goblins against Gwenny, they were lying to her about it, or trying to.  The night mare lenses were acting like lie detectors, because the spot daydreams showed the truth.  That made them very useful indeed!  Perhaps it had actually been a good break, having to fetch these special lenses instead of regular ones.

They talked to some goblin women, too.  Some said they liked Gwenny and hoped she would be chief-and their dreams showed they were telling the truth.  Others said they thought a male should be chief-but their daydreams showed that it was Gwenny they really wanted.  The men were pretty solidly against her, and the women similarly solidly for her, whatever either said openly.

Then they passed a chamber where goblins normally caroused.  They had never been there before, because Gwenny had normally remained confined in her chambers, so that no one would realize that she couldn't see well.  She never wore her spectacles here, of course; only Jenny did that.  Che had helped greatly with that, so that she had been able to go out when she'd needed to, but they had never pushed their luck.  How well Jenny under stood, with the way Gobble had always tormented her about her spectacles and supposed blindness.  But a chief would have to go about, so now Gwenny was doing it, demonstrating her ability.

But this chamber was a terror.  They didn't even try to enter it, because they could see the daydreams floating out from it.  They were of nymphlike goblin girls running around without clothing and flinging themselves on the men to perform Conspiracy acts galore.  Both they and the men seemed tireless.  It just went on and on, the variations parading through, but the underlying nature unchanging.

It was really true:  all those crude men wanted was one thing, and that thing was dreadfully dull.  What was the matter with them?

Jenny exchanged a glance with Gwenny, and because their lensed eyes were doing it, they saw each other's fancies too.  Both their spot daydreams were of a monstrous pot of boiling water, cooking all those dreaming males into mush.  Then they laughed, though somewhat hollowly.

Poor Che was perplexed, because he couldn't see the daydreams.

The following day it was time for the Challenge.  This was to determine a candidate's fitness to be chief..  “Two challenging tasks were written out on paper and sealed into capsules.  They would each draw one, and have to perform the task written.  If one succeeded within the time limit, and the other did not, then the failure would be disqualified.  If both succeeded, they would in due course move on to the next challenge.

Gobble marched up to draw first, without asking.  Jenny knew that Gwenny would have protested, but did not want to be impolite.  Gobble felt around for what seemed like a long time, trying to pick between the two.  Finally he pulled one out, opened it, and exclaimed with satisfaction.

“I have to get an old wives' tail, in two days,” he said.

“I can do it in one.” He ran off.  “Come on,” he called to two adult goblins.  “We gotta head for the harpy forest.“ He was allowed to have two helpers, because Gwenny had two.

One capsule remained.  Gwenny took it and opened it.  She stood there, appalled.

Jenny came and took it from her hand.  She read it.

FETCH WHAT IS BETWEEN THE ROC AND THE HARD PLACE.

“What is that?” Jenny asked.

“The most terrible challenge of all,” Gwenny said.  “I don't think I can do it at all, let alone within two days.”

Che took the paper.  “We must consult,” he said grimly.

They went to Gwenny's suite and consulted.  Che explained the meaning of the paper to Jenny.  “In the Nameless Castle there is a great stone nest, and on that nest sits a roc bird.  Between the two is the roc's egg.  That is what we must fetch.”

“But the egg must be huge!” Jenny said.

“It is.  But Gwenny's wand will lift it.  That is not the problem.”

“The roc-it won't give up its egg without protest,” Jenny said.

“True.  That is a problem.  But not the problem.”

“Where is this Nameless Castle, anyway?”

“That is the problem,” Che said soberly.  “No one knows where it is.  In fact the only reference to it we know of is in the Good Magician's notes; it seems the demons spoke of it.  Humfrey searched for it and ascertained that it was nowhere on the peninsula of Xanth, so he went on to other things.”

“Then how do you know about the roc and the hard place?“

“The Good Magician had a footnote about that.  Perhaps the great demon Professor Grossclout mentioned it. But that is all we know.”

“How could Gobble get such a simple task, while Gwenny gets an impossible one?” Jenny asked.

“I suspect that Gobble cheated,” Che said soberly.  “He must have switched the real capsule with this one.  Unfortunately we cannot prove that.  I am afraid that we are stuck with this task.”

“But we should go to the authorities and complain!”

Jenny said.

“The authorities are male goblins.”

Jenny sighed.  She had learned enough of goblin ways to know that protest was useless.  “So what do we do?”

Che made half a smile.  Unfortunately, it wasn't the nice half.  “We find the Nameless Castle.”

“When even the Good Magician couldn't find it?”

“He didn't find it.  That is not to say he couldn't.  He probably had other things to do.”

“So how do we find it, then?”

“We ask Sammy.”

Jenny smiled.  “Maybe that will work!”

So they replenished their packs and went out of the mountain.  When they were in an open region, Jenny addressed the cat.  “Sammy, find the first short stretch of the way to the Nameless Castle.” For she had no notion how far the cat might run, if not limited, and she was learning how to use his ability more effectively.

Sammy bounded to the east.  That was all right, since there was a path in that direction, leading to the river.

They had used it not long ago.  But they had not seen any castle on or near the river-and anyway, the castle was supposed to be not on peninsular Xanth.  That probably meant the sea, which was less all right.

They followed.  After a bit Sammy stopped and waited.

When they caught up, Jenny had him find the next segment of the route.

This was certainly a good way to use his talent.

But what would they do when they came to the sea to the east, and had to go beyond?  Build another raft?.  “That had worked for the river, but she wasn't eager to risk it on the sea.  If Fracto spied them when came to the river.  Sammy's mental map proceeded straight across.  So they pulled out their raft and found poles and shoved across.

But this was the haunting ground of dragons.  In a moment one or more of them would sniff them.  So Jenny started singing, making a dream, and any local dragons who weren't already paying attention joined the dream in stead.  Che, who was doing the poling, paid close attention, so that he did not get caught in the dream.