“Hey,” Thomas said to her.
He was wearing the same clothes he’d had on the night before and his eyes were bloodshot and watery.
“Can I come in?” he said to me.
My mouth opened, but nothing came out. Somehow he took that as an invitation.
Constance stepped mutely backward as he entered our room.
“You were just going to breakfast, right?” Thomas said to Constance, leaving no room for question.
“Oh. Uh . . .” Constance shot me a concerned look and I nodded at her to go. Whatever was about to happen, I didn’t need her seeing it and reporting it to the entire school. “Okay,” she said, snatching up her bag. “I’ll see you later,” she told me. She closed the door behind her as she fled, probably relieved to be out of the room so that she couldn’t be implicated if we were caught. I sank down onto my bed, feeling weak.
“What are you doing here?” I whispered.
I didn’t want to be alone with him. I felt trapped and cornered. I glanced at the door and wondered if he would try to stop me if I went to leave. I imagined him grabbing my wrist, holding me here, and stayed where I was.
“Reed, please. Just listen to me,” Thomas said, sitting at the end of my bed. I instantly curled into the corner. Thomas hung his head. He got up and sat down on Constance’s mattress. “Is this better?” he asked.
I let out a breath. “Slightly.”
He hung his head and sighed. “I guess I deserve that.”
You guess? You
guess
?!
He looked up at me, his brown eyes pleading. “I swear to God, Reed, I didn’t mean to yell at you like that. I didn’t know you were going to trip.”
I stared at him. What was I supposed to say to that?
Oh, no problem?
“I don’t know what came over me last night, Reed. I—” He stopped and pushed his hands over his face and up into his hair. As always, it fell right back into place. “Well, that’s a lie. I do know what came over me,” he said.
I was half rapt with attention, half planning my escape route.
“I . . . I have a problem,” Thomas said, clasping his hands together. “With alcohol.”
For some reason, this announcement uncoiled some of my muscles.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” he asked.
“What do you want me to say?” I shot back. “Duh?”
Thomas blinked. Score one for Reed. I actually wished Noelle could have heard that one.
“I guess I deserve that, too,” he said with a smirk. And for some reason, I couldn’t help smirking in return. Slowly, I uncurled my legs and sat Indian style against the wall, watching him. It was amazing how different he was from last night. His body language entirely transformed. Not at all belligerent. He looked like Thomas. Regular Thomas.
My
Thomas.
But he was a drug dealer. A liar. A malicious drunk. I had to remember these things.
“It’s in my blood,” he continued. “Not that that’s an excuse. It’s not. I just . . . I know I have to get help. I know that. I mean, Christ, I’ve been wishing my parents would do it all these years, so what kind of hypocrite would I be if I didn’t do it myself?”
“So you’re . . . going to rehab?” I asked.
Thomas let out a wry laugh. “I would. I really would. But I can’t. Not without my parents finding out. I’m still a minor for another six months,” he said, looking me in the eye. “And I can’t tell them this. They’ll just laugh it off. They’ll just tell me to toughen up.” My heart went out to him in that moment. He looked so vulnerable. And scared. Like a little kid whose parents had just let him down for the ten millionth time. He wanted help, but he couldn’t even go to his parents for it. He must have seen the change in my expression because he moved back over to my bed. I didn’t flinch when he reached for my hands. For a moment he stared down at our fingers.
“I know you won’t forgive me,” he said. “But I need to figure this out and I don’t think I can do this without you, Reed,” he told me, looking me in the eye now. He swallowed hard. “I . . . I need your help. Please. If you’re not with me on this, I don’t . . . I don’t know what’ll happen to me.”
A tear spilled over and before I knew it, he was crying. Crying in earnest. He leaned toward me and I found myself reaching out to him. Holding him. Letting him sob against my shoulder. How could I have ever thought I could turn my back on him? He needed help.
“I’m so sorry, Reed. I swear I’d never hurt you,” Thomas said. “Please. You’ve got to believe me.”
He looked up at me, his gorgeous eyes rimmed in red. He seemed so helpless. So scared that I wouldn’t forgive him, that in that moment I was ashamed. Ashamed for being so disloyal. The way he’d acted toward me—it was an accident. A mistake. Everyone made mistakes. And besides, he loved me. I knew he did. I was all he had.
“Okay,” I said quietly, clinging to him. “I’ll help you. Whatever you need.”
“Thank you,” Thomas cried into my sweater.
As his sobs slowly quieted, I sat there and thought of Noelle. I knew what she would do in this situation. She would be strong. She would get up and tell him to go to hell. That she didn’t need this kind of crap in her life. But all I wanted was to keep holding him. I wanted both of us to feel that everything was going to be all right.
Eventually Thomas took a deep breath and sat up. He wiped under his eyes and shot me an embarrassed smile. But even with a red nose and a tear-streaked face, he was still beautiful. So incredibly, amazingly beautiful.
“Are you okay?” I asked, my heart heavy.
“I will be. Now.” He took another deep breath and blew it out. “Listen. There’s . . . one more thing. I know I have no right to ask this, but I’m hoping . . . I’m hoping you’ll still have brunch with us tomorrow,” he said. “My parents are expecting to meet you and I know they’ll love you.”
He was right. He didn’t have any right to be asking me this. But he was so sincere. So troubled and sad and penitent. He was laying his heart out on the line for me and I didn’t have it in me to crush him.
Not even with Noelle’s voice ringing in my ears. Telling me that if I ever spoke to him again . . .
“Okay,” I said, my throat dry. “I’ll be there.”
Thomas’s whole body relaxed. His grateful smile touched my heart and I knew right then that I would do anything for him. I did
love him. Nothing that had happened had changed that. I was in for whatever was coming. The thought both excited and petrified me.
“Thank you,” he said, leaning forward to kiss my forehead. I closed my eyes and fought the urge to cry. He kissed me again, on the lips this time, then slipped out.
When I stepped out the back door of Bradwell alone fifteen minutes later, I was both emotionally and physically exhausted as well as completely unprepared for the sight that met me. A huge crowd of students had formed around Billings and the throng grew with each passing second. What had happened now? My blood pressure raced as I joined the confusion. I quickly found Constance, Diana, and Missy in the crowd.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Hey, are you all right?” Constance asked me pointedly.
It took me a second to realize she was talking about Thomas’s visit. Two seconds of intrigue and I’d forgotten all about him.
“Yeah. I’m fine,” I said. “What’s up?”
“They’re throwing her out. That girl from Billings,” Constance told me, her eyes wide.
My insides overturned and for a split second my mind went blank. For some reason the only Billings girls I could picture were Ariana and Noelle. “Who?” I asked.
Missy rolled her eyes. “Leanne Shore. Try to keep up, Brennan.”
I ignored her dig as relief washed over me. Of course. Leanne. Why had my brain gone anywhere else? I scanned the crowd for Ariana and the others, wondering where they were—what they thought of all this. I saw no sign of them.
“So, what happened? Did she confess?” Diana asked, standing on her tiptoes in a futile attempt to see over the dozens of kids in front of us.
“No! They found her crib sheets,” Constance said sagely. “I heard from one of the girls at
The Chronicle
.”
“Idiot wasn’t even smart enough to burn the evidence,” Missy said with mock sympathy, staring at the front door. “No wonder she had to cheat.”
“Do you think Noelle and the others are okay?” Constance asked me. “Do you think they’re upset?”
“Why?” I replied.
“Because, they’re all dorm-mates,” Constance said. “They must be freaking out.”
Missy snorted a laugh and, for once, I was right there with her. The last thing any of those girls was doing at this moment was freaking out. Noelle was probably doing a happy little dance somewhere.
“I don’t know. I don’t think they were that close,” I said diplomatically.
A hushed silence fell over crowd as the front doors of the dorm swung open. Constance instantly climbed up on the arm of the
stone bench behind us, which was already packed with people, and hauled me up with her. I was appalled at her insatiability, but impressed by her tenacity. Together we balanced there with a perfect bird’s-eye view of the proceedings.
Leanne was the first to walk out, followed by two people I assumed to be her parents. Several members of the Easton staff trailed after them, toting bags and boxes. Leanne was as white as a ghost.
“Buh-bye, loser,” someone said. Someone who sounded a lot like Noelle. Quickly, I spotted her and the others front and center, and sure enough, Noelle was waving her fingers at Leanne.
A few people in the crowd snickered. Leanne’s gait changed ever so slightly and I knew she had heard. This was awful. As much as I couldn’t stand the girl myself, I would never have wished this on her or anyone. Why did they have to do this now, with everyone watching? Why wasn’t anyone out here dispersing the crowd, sending us off to breakfast?
“They want us to see this,” one of the girls on the bench said as if reading my thoughts. “They think that doing this will teach us a lesson or something.”
“Well, I know I’m never breaking the honor code,” her friend said. “So, well done, Dean Marcus.”
Just then there was a commotion at the front of the crowd. I saw Natasha weaving her way toward Noelle, pushing past a number of people along her way. Steam may as well have been shooting out of her ears. I jumped down from the bench and shoved through the throng to join my friends.
“Reed? Where’re you going?” Constance shouted.
“I’ll be right back,” I replied.
Natasha and I arrived at exactly the same time, me behind Taylor, Natasha right up in Noelle’s face.
“What the hell is going on, Noelle?” Natasha demanded, out of breath.
“Didn’t you hear? Your roommate is going home,” Noelle said innocently. “She broke the honor code.”
“Like hell she did,” Natasha said.
Noelle’s eyebrows went up. “I’m shocked at you, Miss Crenshaw! Are you suggesting that the Board of Directors has made a mistake?” she asked. “Because I would think twice about making that accusation if I were you.”
“I’m not accusing them. I’m accusing you,” Natasha spat.
I glanced at Taylor, but she hadn’t noticed me there. What the hell was this about?
“You might want to think twice about that, Natasha,” Kiran said, stepping up. Ariana touched her arm and shook her head as if confrontation was just too gauche.
For the first time, I saw uncertainty behind Natasha’s eyes. She glanced around at Kiran, Ariana, and Taylor. Then her eyes fell on me and she took me in as one with the others. As if I was part of whatever it was she was sizing up. Then she mustered a disgusted expression and finally—I thought, wisely—retreated.
When she was gone, my mind reeled with questions, but I kept my mouth shut. Soon Leanne was all packed into her car, on her way
back to wherever she had come from. Once the onlookers started to disperse, I rallied the courage to ask.
“What was she taking about?” I asked.
Noelle, Ariana, Kiran, and Taylor all turned around and looked at me, their expressions flat.
“Wouldn’t you like to know, glass-licker?” Noelle asked.
Kiran smirked. Ariana stared past me. Taylor quickly looked away.
“Wh . . . what?”
I had no idea what else to say. A cold finger of fear slid down my spine.
“I saw Thomas, Reed,” Ariana said. “I saw him leaving your dorm this morning.”
My heart squeezed down to the size of a rotten peach pit. “He was just—”
“I thought I told you never to talk to him again,” Noelle said. “Or was that just another thing you decided you were above doing?”
Oh, God. Oh God Oh God Oh God.
So they hadn’t forgiven me for the Barber thing. Or they had, but now I’d screwed it all up again.
“I didn’t ask him to come over,” I blurted. “He just showed up. Noelle, I swear. I didn’t even want to talk to him.”
“So pathetic,” Kiran said. “She can’t stay away from him. I told you.”
My face burned with the knowledge that they had been discussing me. Talking about me and picking me apart about last night.
“You guys don’t understand,” I said.
Noelle narrowed her eyes into a look of sheer distaste. I was begging for my life here and she knew it. And she didn’t like it.
“I’m bored,” Kiran said with a sigh.
“
So
bored,” Taylor echoed.
“Ladies?” Noelle said.
“Noelle,” I said, overcome with desperation. My entire world was shifting before me. “Ariana, you can’t—”
But they ignored me, looking through me like I wasn’t even there. Noelle turned, and Ariana, Kiran, and Taylor all fell into ranks around her, moving off toward their upper-level classes. Just like that. Without me.
That afternoon, each of my teachers started off with a lecture on not allowing the recent scandal to distract us, but the classrooms were still full of whispers. The instructors spent so much time reprimanding people for gossiping, they didn’t seem to notice me staring out the window, wondering where it had all gone wrong. Should I have thrown Thomas out of my room that morning? Probably. But then Ariana still might have seen him leaving and assumed I had spoken to him. Maybe if I could just get one of them—any one of them—alone, I could explain. If they just heard me out and realized that Thomas had cornered me, maybe I could still win them back.