The Loss (Heartache series #1) (20 page)

“We didn’t know you, I didn’t even get a chance to feel you inside me. But know, we love you and always will. You were made from love. Our love. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to hold you in my arms, or help you take your first step or be spoiled rotten. Even though we didn’t get to know you, know that you will never be forgotten. We love you, Vivian.”

People are crying. The breeze blows my hair away from my face. The limbs on the trees rustle. I turn and look up at Jase. He smiles and pulls me along. We leave quietly, and I hear the others follow. I just want to go home. That’s exactly what we do.

The next couple of days no one comes over although Mom called several times, worried we would need some home cooked meals but I told her I was cooking now and feeling much better. We lazied around, watching movies, and making love in various parts of the house. You know, kind of christening that we live together now. Well, that’s the excuse we used and then laughed about it. I worked on the finishing touches to the redesign of the entire downstairs of Battle Ground while Jase drove me crazy trying to peek. Finally, I sent the plans over to Chet and shortly after, I got a reply of how much he loved it and they’d be ready to ‘hit it’ in the morning. We decided to celebrate by going over to Danny’s tonight. We haven’t really been out since everything happened. When we walked in, so many people started cheering and clapping. I wasn’t embarrassed. I was touched.

I follow Jase to the back booth, the one we always used. He releases my hand as I slide into the booth, sitting down as close as he can to me. He’s never very far away now, always in my space, and I’m okay with that, for now. We’ve shared so much grief, so much horrific experiences that I don’t want him too far from me but at some point, we’ll end up smothering each other if we don’t get back to normal. With the construction starting tomorrow, he’ll be over there a lot while I’ll be designing in my office. I have several other projects in the works, so I’ll be busy. With the gym being behind our house, it’s not like we’ll be very far away. I hope he realizes that. He’s already tried to talk me into bringing my laptop and working in his office while he’s there. Not happening.

“Jase! Alena!” Danny’s voice booms as he walks towards us. His smile is just how I remember it and I laugh when I notice he hasn’t changed. “It’s so good to see you!” He looks over at Mara, our waitress and a friend from high school. “Whatever they want is on the house.”

“Oh, no, Danny! We’ll pay,” Jase speaks up. Danny crosses his big arms over his chest and gives Jase a look. “Okay, but you come to the gym anytime and it’s on the house.”

Danny smirks at Jase as he pats his oversized belly. “Do I look like I workout? You eat, drink on me. That’s final.” He winks and leaves us, and Jase starts laughing.

I look around the room, seeing familiar faces. The sounds of laughter, glasses clanging, the jukebox playing and all the chatter. I look at Jase and smile. This is where I’ve always belonged. He’s where I belong.

Chapter 20

The renovation is going great! Three weeks and it’s almost done and the doors can be reopened. People have stopped by throughout the weeks, trying to peek inside until I finally had to cover the front windows with cardboard so they couldn’t see. Danny has been sending over lunches for the crew and me, his kindness never ending. Jolie has been helping, as much as she can, but she’s been spending a ton of time at my house with Alena and Hailey. I’ve been a little concerned about that only because I know how Alena and Hailey can be together. I’m glad that Jolie is getting closer to them, as she’s been my friend through college and moved here because of me. The other thing that has me worried is this Tanner guy. He hasn’t been around since he saved my life. I even tried to go to his apartment, but he doesn’t ever seem to be there. This town isn’t that big unless he went out of town on vacation or something. Strange. I’ve been really wanting to thank him.

I pull into the driveway, turning my truck off and pulling my leg out. At least get to take the brace off when I’m home relaxing. However, Dr. Shafer said to keep it on during the day when I’m busy and using it a lot. Thank, God I don’t have that fucking crutch anymore. Once I’m in the door, locking it behind me, I look in the living room and no Alena. Kitchen, nope and not in her office. So, I head upstairs. When I walk into our room, my breath catches. Candles everywhere. The nightstands, the dresser and even several on her hope chest that’s in front of our bed. I hear a noise coming from the bathroom and immediately walk there, stopping at the door, and pushing it open slowly. My eyes scan the counter of candles and the shelf above the toilet until they land at the tub. There she is, covered in bubbles, sitting in the tub, drinking wine and looking all kinds of sexy.

“Bout time you got home,” she says. “Why don’t you join me?”

She doesn’t have to ask me twice. I pull off my clothes, my shoes hindering me getting my pants off, so I chuck them quickly, push my pants down and remove my brace. I step into the nice hot water. It sloshes as she moves up and I sit down behind her. She hands me a glass of wine. I’m pretty much a beer drinker, but I can drink this shit too. I take a few gulps and start to take another when she takes my glass from my hand and leans across me, setting both our glasses on the floor. I’d be upset except hell her bubbled breasts are setting on my leg. She turns around, putting her leg over my waist until she’s straddling me. When she grabs my hard cock, it twitches in her small hand, and I look into her mischievous eyes and know something’s up. Well, besides my cock. She pumps it with ease, and my hips begin to follow her motion. She stops and looks up with those sparkling green eyes under her long lashes, and I feel like I could lose it already. So much for stamina. She rises up on her knees and holds my cock, aiming for the promise land. She glides down until she’s full of me. So deep. She starts to rock, and I grab her hair. Her mouth latches onto mine as her fingers do amazing things to my head. I feel relaxed yet frenzied. I let go of her hair slowly moving my fingers down her arms, her back and then grab ahold of her tight bottom, squeezing with her movements. She starts purring like a kitten. My kitten.

“Jase. Ah….” We look into each other’s eyes, her lips part as her climax is reached. Her brows lower, her eyes close halfway and her skin turns the most beautiful color.

My balls tighten as her muscles grip my cock and my head tilts back, hitting the cool tile behind me. “Alena!” I moan and pump a few more times into her.

She collapses on my body. Her head buries into my neck, and I’m in heaven. She sighs and groans when I lift her, pulling out and then resting her by my side. Our legs are tangled, the water getting cool, but I don’t want us to move. She begins to shake, and I know we need to get out. I rustle us around until I can let the water out, step out of the tub and grab a towel for her. I help her out, covering her in the towel and dry her. She turns around, facing the mirror and just watches me as I dry off. Before I can move, she leans back against me, so I put my arms around her and smile. We just stare at each other in the mirror. There’s something different about her, but I can’t put my finger on it.

I lean down and put my chin on her shoulder. “That was amazing, kitten.”

She smiles. “Yes. I’m thinking we need to do that a lot more. In fact, I think since we’re gonna have a baby, we should get in as much of that in as possible.”

My brows lift and confusion is written on my face, ‘cos I sure am feeling it. “Are you pregnant?” She shakes her head slowly. “Okay, then I don’t understand.”

She turns in my arms, putting her hands on my face. “I bought an ovulation kit today and I’m ovulating now. The more we make love during this time, the better chance I’ll get pregnant.”

Oh. Oh! “You’re ready to be a mommy, huh?” I kiss her lips and smile against them. “Don’t you think we should be married first? I mean, it is the respectable thing to do.”

Her arms move around my neck, her fingers thread into my hair. “Oh, we have plenty of time to get married. Nine months. I say we get our family started now.” She tilts her head and gives me a smirk. “Look at all the practice we’ll get in.”

“I’m down for that, kitten. Think of all the purring you’ll do.” I kiss her again and then step back, grabbing her hand, and start pulling her into our bedroom.

“Wait! Don’t you want dinner?” She yelps as I tug her along.

“Nope. I want dessert first. Come on, woman. Times a wastin’.” She giggles and follows me, squealing when I rip her towel from her, lift her in my arms and toss her on our bed.

Best dessert I’ve ever had, followed by her amazing roast beef for dinner.

The next two days have dragged only because I’m so anxious for Battle Ground to reopen. Okay, anxious might be a little light of a word for what I’ve been feeling. I know I’ve been driving Alena crazy as well as the crew and Chet. This morning, I made love to Alena, then was showered and dressed by five a.m. The doors of the gym are opening at six, and I want to be there early. Luckily, no one is there waiting when I get there, the place dark, except for the security lights. I walk straight into my office and stop cold. There sitting in front of my desk is Tanner.

“Morning! Brought you a cup of java.” He points to a cup on my desk and smiles.

I walk behind him and sit down in my chair, eyeing him the entire time. He just sits there with this cocky smile. Strange. “You, uh, haven’t been around since the accident happened here. Been wanting to thank you.”

He looks down, his smile fading, and then back at me. “Yeah, had to go out of town unexpectedly. You look like you’ve healed well. Everything good?”

“Yeah, good.” Awkward.

He starts to look as uncomfortable as I feel and stands. “Well, I guess I better get ready. I have a client as soon as the doors open.” He starts to walk to the door, hand on the frame, and stops, turning his head to me. “Alena did a great job with the remodel design. It looks great.”

“Thanks. Uh, Tanner?” He turns around to face me, releasing the door. “Thanks, man. I owe you. Big time.”

His smile returns and he winks. “Nah. You’d do the same for me. It’s all good. All in a day’s work. See ya.” He turns and walks out the door but I hear an Ompfh’.

“Watch where you’re going. Dammit!”

Jolie’s voice erupts and I get up from my chair, quickly, and walk to the doorway. She’s looking all flustered and angry, definitely not her normal self. She rubs her nose and steps back, like he’s made of fire. Interesting. If I didn’t know any better….

“Sorry. My fault,” Tanner replies stepping back as well.

She turns abruptly, walking towards the counter, and his head bows then turns and starts walking towards the men’s locker room. Very interesting. I shake my head and walk back to my desk but barely sit down when my door opens. I look up to see my girl, standing there in her workout clothes looking all hot and sexy. “Morning, again.” She closes the door and walks over until she sits down on my lap, throwing her arms around me. I follow suit and wrap my arms around her as she kisses me.

“What are you doing here?” I look down at her outfit and back up into her eyes. “Didn’t you already have a hell of a workout this morning?” She laughs, throwing her head back.

“Yes, but I figure, if I’m gonna end up getting all fat when I get pregnant, I better start getting in shape now.” My smile couldn’t be any bigger. The thought of her pregnant, her tummy large carrying our child, makes me want to take her back home and make love to her again. Right now. “Besides. I wanted to be here for your big day.” Fuck, I love her.

I tighten my hold around her, pulling her closer. “Well, I for one, love that you’re here and I think you will look like the sexiest pregnant mommy in the world.” I kiss her but don’t pull away. God, I love her taste. Finally, I move back and stare at her. “I’m also glad you’re here for the opening as well. You’re design is fantastic and I’m so proud of you.” She smiles, leaning in and kisses me back. I look over at the clock on the wall but hesitate leaving our comfy spot. “But now. It’s time to open the doors. I wish we could just stay here. Think anyone would miss us?”

She giggles and slides off my lap, her arms struggling to release my neck so I stand with her, taking one of her hands and threading my fingers through hers. “Come on, babe. Let’s go let all the people in.”

“All the people?” She starts to pull me to the door and when we turn the corner, there’s a mob of people waiting to get in. “Wow!” I stop, my eyes welling with tears and feeling all emotional. Fucking pussy. She moves behind me, pulls her hand from mine, and gives me a small push. I turn my head, giving her a smile, and she wipes away a fallen tear.

“Go get ‘em.”

I turn my head back, rolling my shoulders, and proudly walk to the doors. People start cheering as they walk in and I hear some letting out ‘Ohhhh’s’ and ‘Wow’s’. I couldn’t be more proud of how it all turned out.

The day was fantastic. I swear the whole town came, and we sold a bunch of new memberships. I’m exhausted by the time I head home but Alena took care of me, running a bath and making sweet love to me. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I can’t believe after growing up together, separating and then all the horrific things that have happened to us, that’s she finally mine. Forever.

♥    ♥    ♥    ♥

A month later, Battle Ground is packed most days, my graphic designs are over the top but I love that they keep me busy when Jase is at the gym. I have a special surprise for him tonight when he gets home and can’t wait. I’ve been shopping this morning and by evening I’ll have everything ready. We decided that we’re gonna go ahead and get married in a week, everyone will be there. As unconventional as we are, we decided to have the ceremony at Battle Ground. Seems fitting. With all the bad memories, we’ve decided not to go to the cabin for our honeymoon, instead we are going to a luxurious hotel about an hour from here. Spas, indoor and outdoor pools, fine dining, not that we’ll ever leave our suite.

Everything’s in place, candles lit, cold iced beer in the bucket, lights off and the surprise sitting on the couch. Perfect! An hour after he was supposed to be home, I start texting him and pacing the floor. No word. I’m about ready to go over to the gym when I hear the front door unlocking. I bolt for the door, it about hits me when it opens, and I throw myself into his arms.

“Jase! I was so worried. I was about to come over there to see if you were okay. Oh, my God!” My tears roll down my face, onto his shirt, as I about choke him with my arms around his neck. My face is buried in his chest and I know my words are muffled.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay, baby. I’m sorry. I stopped off somewhere and ran into Danny. We got to talking.” He rubs my back. I nod into his chest and look up at him. Concern is written all over his beautiful face. I take a step back, releasing my death grip and try to smile. “I’m so sorry to worry you.”

I look down and see a bag in his hand and wipe the tears from my eyes. “What’s that,” I ask then sniff.

“Oh, just a little of your favorite Chinese takeout. I hope you didn’t cook. I wanted to surprise you.” He smiles, holding up the bag. The delicious aroma suddenly turns my stomach and I race down the entryway until I’ve made it to the bathroom, just in time to expel everything from my stomach. I hear his fast footsteps as I lay my forehead against the cool porcelain and feel him rubbing my back. “Dang. Are you okay?” The gentle touch of his palm lays on the side of my face and comfort envelopes me. “You don’t feel warm.”

He helps me stand and I grab the mouthwash from under the counter, squishing it around in my mouth, and then splash some cool water on my face. I turn around, placing my hands on the counter behind me, and plaster on a smile. This isn’t going at all like I’d planned. I notice one of his hands is behind his back and can smell a different aroma that wasn’t there before. “I’m fine. What’s behind your back?”

His look shows his confusion. “You sure are all over the place.” He brings his hand from around his back, holding out a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Various types, in different colors. He holds them out towards me, and I take them, bringing them up to my nose and taking a huge whiff. My stomach turns and I lay them on the counter, kneeling quickly at the toilet and pay homage to the porcelain God again. “Damn, baby! What’s going on with you? Should I call Dr. Shafer?” I shake my head against the toilet and sigh. So not how I wanted this to go. Shit! I stand, wash my mouth out again, and splash water on my face. At this rate, I’ll be too exhausted and emotional for my big surprise.

Once again I plaster on my smile and without saying anything, I take his hand and lead my confused man out of the bathroom, down the hall and into the living room. “Surprise!” I yell, holding my other hand out into the room.

I watch his face light up. His lips form into a grin, and I’m equally surprised when he turns and lifts me up into his arms. “Fuck! We’re pregnant?” I nod as I giggle, looking down from my high altitude. He starts spinning us around, and I swear I’m gonna hurl….Again!

“Babe.” He keeps turning us, laughing and smiling. “Babe.” He doesn’t stop, doesn’t hear me with his laughter, and I cover my mouth with my hand quickly. “BABE!” He stops immediately, sets me down on none moving land, and I take off for the bathroom. So not what I had in mind.

This time when I look up from my perch in front of the toilet, I see him set down a glass of ginger ale on the counter, walking over to me with a sad look on his face. “I’m such a dumb shit to spin you around like that. Especially in your condition.” He helps me up from the floor, handing me a cup of the mouth wash and frowns. “Forgive me?”

I look in the mirror at him, nodding while swooshing the mouthwash around in my mouth. I set the cup down and we head out to the living room again and walk over to the couch. I stand, watching him sit down by the huge teddy bear, and picking it up, hugging it against his broad chest. “Best news ever!” He looks up at me, around the bears head and his smile turns sad. “Sorry I ruined your surprise.”

I sit down beside him, laying my head on his shoulder and put my arm around the bear. “It’s okay, darling. I think the surprised worked by the look on your face earlier. But nothing we seem to do goes exactly as planned.” I look up and smile and watch his face change into a smile too. “Besides, the main thing is that now you know. Surprise, Daddy.”

“Soooo. Is it for sure? I mean you’ve had a test and stuff?” His grin is beautiful, and I feel so much love, so much comfort from him.

I nod. “Yes, babe. I went to see Dr. Shafer today and he recommended an OB/GYN for me to go see.” His brows lower and I know he’s wondering what in the hell that is. “It’s a baby doctor, for the pregnancy. They will be the one also delivering the baby, when the time comes.” I sit up quickly, making him startle, and laugh. “Speaking of that. He thinks my due date will be in the middle of May. I’ll know for sure when I go see the other doctor.”

He smiles, grabbing my arm and bringing it back around him and the bear. My head lays back on his comfortable shoulder. “Hmmmm. Maybe he’ll be born on my birthday.”

I move my eyes up and tilt my head. “He?”

He shrugs. “Well, we were to have Vivian, a girl, and I’m a macho kind of guy so it only seems like now we’d have a boy. Grow up strong, like his daddy, play sports, maybe even run track and I’ll teach him everything he needs to know about girls. Of course, he’ll look like you.”

My giggles escape me. “Oh, really? First of all, a girl can do all that too, and second, just because you’re all ‘macho’ and we were to have a girl first, doesn’t mean we’ll have a boy this time. And really,” I sigh. “Whether our baby is a he or a she, I hope they look just like their daddy.”

I move up so his arm can move around me, squeezing me as close as I can get to him. He kisses the top of my head and I smile. “The baby be a little bit of each of us. I can’t wait. I love you.” I couldn’t be more in love with him, feel more safe and protected as I do right now. “Can we go have sex now or will that hurt the baby?” I look up as he looks down and burst out laughing.